It is reckoned that making mistakes is inevitable and can be a valuable growth experience for teenagers. To what extent do you agree with this idea?

In the discourse surrounding teenagers’ development, there is a prevalent assertion that errors are unavoidable and can function as rewarding growth experiences for development. This essay firmly aligns with this position owing to the benefits of making mistakes concerning the acquisition of experience and personal growth.
Primarily, adolescents can gain beneficial experience through previous mistakes, thereby becoming more mature individuals. To explain, mistakes can afford them the opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of their limitations and areas of improvement. Furthermore, encountering setbacks can help them understand their actions’ consequences and develop a growth mindset. For example, Rosé, who is a popular singer, encountered multiple difficulties as a teenage trainee. However, through great effort, she was able to improve her choreography skill, which was previously her weakness, and made her debut as one of Blackpink’s members.
Conversely, the absence of mistakes prevents teenagers from discovering their strengths together with weaknesses and developing resilience in the face of adversity. Failures provide them with valuable insights into their abilities and help shape their personal growth journey. Additionally, it can enhance teenagers’ resilience as well as problem-solving skills, which increase their willingness to step outside their comfort zone. This is exemplified in the case of my father, who encountered a debt burden on leaving his steady job to work as a freelance engineer but succeeded by trial and error.
In summary, faults are an inevitable part of growth due to the acquired experience and increased maturity. Consequently, the youth should be willing to think outside the box and dare to make errors as well as develop a mentality to learn from mistakes in the interests of their holistic development.

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Errors and Improvements:

"there is a prevalent assertion that errors are unavoidable" -> "there exists a widespread assertion that errors are inevitable"
Explanation: Replacing "prevalent" with "widespread" and "unavoidable" with "inevitable" maintains formality and clarity while using more precise and academic language.
"This essay firmly aligns with this position" -> "This essay staunchly adheres to this stance"
Explanation: "Firmly aligns" is slightly informal; "staunchly adheres" is more formal and emphasizes strong commitment to the position presented.
"Primarily, adolescents can gain beneficial experience" -> "Primarily, adolescents can accrue valuable experience"
Explanation: "Beneficial" is somewhat informal; "valuable" is more formal and better aligns with academic language.
"To explain, mistakes can afford them the opportunity" -> "To elucidate, errors can provide them with the opportunity"
Explanation: "To explain" is more informal; "To elucidate" is a formal alternative. "Afford" is less formal; "provide" is a suitable replacement.
"Furthermore, encountering setbacks can help them understand their actions’ consequences" -> "Moreover, facing setbacks can aid in their comprehension of the ramifications of their actions"
Explanation: "Encountering setbacks" is slightly informal; "facing setbacks" is more formal. "Actions’ consequences" could be rephrased to "the ramifications of their actions" for clarity and formality.
"Conversely, the absence of mistakes prevents teenagers" -> "Conversely, the lack of errors hinders teenagers"
Explanation: "Absence of mistakes" is informal; "lack of errors" is a formal alternative. "Prevents" can be replaced with "hinders" to maintain formality.
"Failures provide them with valuable insights into their abilities" -> "Failures furnish them with valuable insights into their capabilities"
Explanation: "Provide" is informal; "furnish" is a more formal synonym. "Abilities" can be replaced with "capabilities" for a more precise and formal term.
"This is exemplified in the case of my father" -> "An illustration of this is evident in the experience of my father"
Explanation: "This is exemplified" is slightly informal; "An illustration of this is evident" is a more formal alternative.
"In summary, faults are an inevitable part of growth" -> "In conclusion, errors are an inevitable facet of development"
Explanation: "Faults" is informal; "errors" is a more formal term. "Part of growth" could be replaced with "facet of development" for clarity and formality.
"Consequently, the youth should be willing to think outside the box" -> "Therefore, young individuals should be willing to think innovatively"
Explanation: "Think outside the box" is an informal idiom; "think innovatively" is a more formal alternative.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by expressing agreement with the idea that making mistakes is a valuable growth experience for teenagers. It discusses the benefits of mistakes in terms of gaining experience, understanding consequences, and developing resilience.
- How to improve: While the essay does address the prompt comprehensively, it could improve by providing more nuanced discussion. For instance, exploring potential limitations or counterarguments to the idea could strengthen the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout by consistently arguing that making mistakes is beneficial for teenagers’ growth. It uses examples such as Rosé from Blackpink and the author’s father to support this stance.
- How to improve: To further enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph and example explicitly connects back to the main argument, emphasizing how each supports the thesis.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas with specific examples (Rosé, the author’s father) that illustrate how mistakes contribute to growth. These examples are elaborated upon with details about the individuals’ experiences.
- How to improve: To improve, consider adding more variety in the types of examples used, possibly from different fields or scenarios, to strengthen the argument’s breadth.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear focus on the topic of whether making mistakes is valuable for teenagers’ growth. However, there is a brief mention of ‘thinking outside the box’ that could be tied back more explicitly to the topic.
- How to improve: Ensure that all ideas, including the encouragement to think creatively and learn from mistakes, directly connect back to the central theme of the prompt.

Overall, the essay effectively responds to the prompt with a clear argument supported by relevant examples. To improve further, it could benefit from deeper analysis and exploration of potential limitations to the idea. Additionally, maintaining a clear and direct connection of all ideas to the main argument will strengthen the essay’s coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong logical organization overall. Each paragraph follows a clear structure, with a topic sentence introducing the main idea followed by supporting details and examples. The progression of ideas is coherent, as the essay first establishes the concept of mistakes as valuable growth experiences, provides examples to support this claim, and concludes by reinforcing the importance of embracing mistakes for personal development.
- How to improve: While the logical flow is generally effective, there are a few instances where transitions between ideas could be smoother. For instance, transitioning between the discussion of acquiring experience through mistakes and the importance of discovering strengths and weaknesses could be further strengthened to enhance the coherence of the essay. Using transitional phrases or linking words can help create a seamless connection between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively utilizes paragraphs to organize its content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, starting with a clear topic sentence that sets the focus for the paragraph. The development of ideas within each paragraph is coherent, with relevant examples provided to support the main points.
- How to improve: While the essay maintains a structured approach to paragraphing, there is room for improvement in paragraph transitions. Ensuring that the last sentence of each paragraph serves as a bridge to the subsequent paragraph can enhance the overall cohesion of the essay. Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences within paragraphs can contribute to a more engaging and dynamic writing style.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and create coherence. Examples include cohesive devices such as "Primarily," "Conversely," and "In summary," which help guide the reader through the progression of arguments. Additionally, pronouns like "them" and "their" are effectively used to maintain coherence and avoid repetition.
- How to improve: While the essay already incorporates cohesive devices effectively, diversifying the range of devices used can further enhance coherence. Introducing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "Moreover," and "However," can provide additional clarity and structure to the essay’s organization. Moreover, ensuring consistent pronoun usage throughout the essay can prevent ambiguity and strengthen cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. By focusing on improving paragraph transitions, diversifying the range of cohesive devices used, and maintaining consistency in pronoun usage, the essay can further enhance its coherence and cohesion, thereby strengthening its overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout. For instance, it employs diverse terms such as "discourse," "prevalent assertion," "acquisition," "adversity," and "holistic development." These words contribute to the depth and sophistication of the essay’s expression.
- How to improve: To further enhance vocabulary usage, consider incorporating more specialized terminology or idiomatic expressions where appropriate. Additionally, be cautious not to overuse complex vocabulary to the extent that it obscures the clarity of your message.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage in the essay is generally precise, effectively conveying the intended meanings. For instance, phrases like "encountering setbacks," "growth mindset," and "resilience in the face of adversity" demonstrate precise vocabulary selection. However, there are a few instances where more precise vocabulary could be employed. For example, instead of using "experience" repeatedly, consider using synonyms like "knowledge," "insight," or "expertise" to add variety and depth.
- How to improve: Continuously expand your vocabulary by actively seeking out new words and phrases. Pay close attention to nuances in meaning to ensure the most appropriate word choice in each context. Utilize resources such as a thesaurus to discover synonyms that convey your intended message with greater precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no notable spelling errors observed. This contributes to the overall professionalism and readability of the essay.
- How to improve: Maintain this level of spelling accuracy by proofreading your writing carefully before submission. Consider using spelling and grammar checking tools available in word processing software to identify and correct any potential errors. Additionally, reading extensively can also reinforce your familiarity with correct spelling conventions.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of sentence structures. It incorporates simple, compound, and complex sentences effectively throughout the text. For instance, the essay starts with a complex sentence: "In the discourse surrounding teenagers’ development, there is a prevalent assertion that errors are unavoidable and can function as rewarding growth experiences for development." This complexity continues with sentences like, "Primarily, adolescents can gain beneficial experience through previous mistakes, thereby becoming more mature individuals." The variety in sentence structures enhances the readability and engagement of the essay.
- How to improve: While the essay already exhibits a good range of structures, incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as using conditional sentences or inversion, could further enrich the expression. Additionally, varying the lengths of sentences can add rhythm and flow to the essay. Practicing writing with diverse sentence structures will help in naturally incorporating them into the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as missing articles or slight awkwardness in phrasing. For example, in the sentence, "Furthermore, encountering setbacks can help them understand their actions’ consequences and develop a growth mindset," the possessive form "actions’" could be clearer with the addition of "the." Additionally, in the sentence, "Additionally, it can enhance teenagers’ resilience as well as problem-solving skills, which increase their willingness to step outside their comfort zone," the comma before "which" could be replaced with a semicolon for clearer punctuation.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, proofreading for missing articles, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation consistency would be beneficial. Also, focusing on sentence clarity and structure during the revision process can help refine the expression further. Engaging in grammar exercises or seeking feedback from peers can aid in identifying and correcting such errors effectively.

Overall, while the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, refining sentence structures and polishing minor grammatical errors can elevate the writing to an even higher level. Keep practicing diverse sentence constructions and pay attention to detail during the editing process to achieve even greater proficiency.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the realm of teenagers’ development, there exists a widespread assertion that errors are inevitable and can be a valuable growth experience. This essay staunchly adheres to this stance due to the benefits of mistakes in terms of gaining experience and fostering personal growth.

To elucidate, errors can provide them with the opportunity to accumulate valuable experience, thus aiding in their maturity. Moreover, facing setbacks can aid in their comprehension of the ramifications of their actions and foster a growth mindset. An illustration of this is evident in the experience of my father, who encountered financial difficulties when transitioning to freelance work but eventually succeeded through trial and error.

Primarily, adolescents can accrue valuable experience through previous mistakes, thereby becoming more mature individuals. For example, Rosé, a popular singer, encountered multiple difficulties as a teenage trainee but improved her choreography skills through perseverance.

Conversely, the lack of errors hinders teenagers from discovering their strengths and weaknesses and developing resilience. Failures furnish them with valuable insights into their capabilities and help shape their personal growth journey.

In conclusion, errors are an inevitable facet of development. Therefore, young individuals should be willing to think innovatively and embrace the learning opportunities presented by their mistakes.