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It is said that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life to what extent do you agree or disagree with that idea?

It is said that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life to what extent do you agree or disagree with that idea?

The “Nature or Nurture” has been a long-standing debate, with many people arguing that innate qualities have far greater impact on our characteristics and growth than environmental factors. From my standpoint, I completely disagree with this notion and will explain why I believe external factors like education and upbringing can significantly influence one’s growth, to a much greater extent than inborn qualities.
There are plausible arguments why people believe innate characteristics are the determining factor to our personality and growth. One pertinent reason is that people are born with their own set of genes that identify unique and ingrained characteristics, leading to the belief that one’s temperament is fixed and unchangeable, overshadowing any external factors. For example, a person inheriting genes from well-spoken parents has a tendency to be more extroverted and communicate their needs well, while others are almost permanently reserved and inward. However, this perspective has several loopholes, as the characteristics one is born with are scientifically proved to be prone to changes when he adapts to different settings in life. This can be shown through a person dramatically changing their mindset after an eye-opening experience or surviving a serious incident.
Furthermore, I wholeheartedly believe that external factors such as upbringing and education can drive major changes in one’s personality and growth. The way parents raise their children can heavily influence one’s characters and skills, since children view them as role models and imitate their manners and habits without differentiating between positive and detrimental ones. An addicted and violent parent can make an innately curious and active child become timid and withdrawn, who subconsciously develop similar traits to treat other people the same way. Also, many separated twins with exposure to different raising styles and educational levels eventually develops vast differences in their personalities, as well as social and academic outcomes, outweighing their similar genetic elements. These environmental factors act as major catalysts for our long-lasting personality and development in life.
In conclusion, I believe that environmental elements, including education and upbringing, are much more influential in one’s manners and growth. It is important that children receive proper external conditions so that they become well-mannered and literate citizens.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "The “Nature or Nurture”" -> "The debate of ‘Nature or Nurture’"
    Explanation: Adding "of" clarifies that "Nature or Nurture" is a topic of discussion, enhancing the formal tone and precision.

  2. "many people arguing" -> "many argue"
    Explanation: Removing "people" simplifies the phrase and aligns with academic style by using the present tense, which is more formal and direct.

  3. "completely disagree" -> "strongly disagree"
    Explanation: "Strongly" is more academically appropriate than "completely," which can sound overly emphatic and informal in academic writing.

  4. "will explain why" -> "will elaborate on why"
    Explanation: "Elaborate on" is a more formal and precise term than "explain," which is commonly used in academic discourse.

  5. "people believe" -> "it is believed"
    Explanation: Using "it is believed" shifts the focus from the general to the impersonal, which is more suitable for academic writing.

  6. "plausible arguments" -> "credible arguments"
    Explanation: "Credible" is more specific and academically precise than "plausible," which can imply a lower level of certainty.

  7. "One pertinent reason" -> "A significant reason"
    Explanation: "Significant" is more formal and academically appropriate than "pertinent," which can be seen as slightly informal.

  8. "people are born with their own set of genes" -> "individuals are endowed with their unique genetic profiles"
    Explanation: "Endowed with their unique genetic profiles" is more precise and formal, avoiding the colloquial tone of "born with their own set of genes."

  9. "has a tendency to be more extroverted" -> "tends to be more extroverted"
    Explanation: Removing "has a tendency" simplifies the phrase and aligns with the passive voice, which is often preferred in academic writing for objectivity.

  10. "almost permanently reserved and inward" -> "permanently reserved and introverted"
    Explanation: "Introverted" is a more precise and commonly accepted term in psychological and academic contexts than "inward."

  11. "scientifically proved" -> "scientifically demonstrated"
    Explanation: "Demonstrated" is a more precise term in scientific contexts, indicating evidence-based findings rather than "proved," which can imply absolute certainty.

  12. "wholeheartedly believe" -> "firmly believe"
    Explanation: "Firmly" is more academically appropriate than "wholeheartedly," which can sound overly emotional and informal.

  13. "can heavily influence" -> "can significantly influence"
    Explanation: "Significantly" is more precise and formal than "heavily," which is somewhat vague and informal.

  14. "characters and skills" -> "characteristics and skills"
    Explanation: "Characteristics" is the correct term for describing innate or acquired traits, whereas "characters" refers to written or printed marks.

  15. "subconsciously develop similar traits" -> "subconsciously adopt similar traits"
    Explanation: "Adopt" is more specific and appropriate in this context, indicating the process of taking on behaviors or characteristics.

  16. "develops vast differences" -> "develops significant differences"
    Explanation: "Significant" is more precise and academically appropriate than "vast," which can be overly broad and informal.

  17. "well-mannered and literate citizens" -> "well-mannered and educated citizens"
    Explanation: "Educated" is a more precise term than "literate," which primarily refers to reading and writing skills, but not necessarily broader educational backgrounds.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a disagreement with the notion that innate characteristics are more influential than environmental factors. The introduction outlines the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs provide arguments supporting this stance. The essay discusses both sides of the debate, acknowledging the belief in innate qualities while emphasizing the importance of external influences, thus covering all aspects of the question.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could explicitly outline the extent to which they disagree with the statement in the introduction. A more nuanced discussion on the interplay between nature and nurture could also be beneficial, perhaps by acknowledging that while innate characteristics play a role, they are not as significant as environmental factors.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that innate qualities dominate personality development. The writer consistently reinforces their viewpoint throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, which succinctly reiterates their stance. However, there are moments where the phrasing could be more assertive, particularly when discussing the limitations of innate characteristics.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use more definitive language when stating their arguments. Phrases like "I believe" could be replaced with stronger assertions such as "It is evident that" or "Research shows that," which would enhance the authority of the position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, particularly regarding the influence of upbringing and education on personality. The use of examples, such as the impact of parental behavior on children and the case of separated twins, effectively supports the arguments. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration or additional examples to deepen the analysis.
    • How to improve: The writer could improve by providing more concrete examples or studies that illustrate the impact of environmental factors on personality development. Additionally, integrating counterarguments with rebuttals would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and further strengthen the essay.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the influence of both innate characteristics and environmental factors. There are no significant deviations from the main argument, and the writer consistently ties back to the central theme of the debate.
    • How to improve: To ensure continued focus, the writer should be cautious of introducing overly complex sentences that may dilute the main argument. Simplifying some statements and ensuring that each paragraph clearly relates back to the thesis can help maintain clarity and relevance throughout the essay.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a compelling argument. With some refinements in clarity, depth of analysis, and the integration of examples, the writer could elevate their score even further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical organization of ideas. The introduction effectively outlines the writer’s position on the debate between nature and nurture, setting the stage for the subsequent arguments. Each paragraph develops a specific point related to the thesis, with the first paragraph addressing the opposing viewpoint and the second paragraph reinforcing the writer’s stance. For example, the transition from discussing innate characteristics to external influences is smooth and well-structured, allowing readers to follow the argument easily.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer could consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs, such as "On the other hand," or "Conversely," to signal shifts in perspective more clearly. Additionally, incorporating a brief summary sentence at the end of each paragraph could help reinforce the main point before transitioning to the next idea.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in clarity and readability. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, with the first discussing the nature argument and the second presenting the nurture perspective. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main argument without introducing new ideas, which is appropriate for the task.
    • How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, the writer could improve by ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the second paragraph could start with a sentence like, "In contrast to the belief in innate characteristics, external factors play a crucial role in shaping personality." This would provide a clearer roadmap for the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "furthermore," and "also," which help to connect ideas and maintain the flow of the argument. The use of examples, such as the reference to twins raised in different environments, effectively illustrates the points made and adds depth to the argument.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, the writer could incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, using "in addition," "consequently," or "for instance" could enhance the richness of the text. Additionally, varying sentence structures can also contribute to cohesion; for instance, combining shorter sentences into more complex ones can create a smoother reading experience.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a coherent argument, meriting a high band score for coherence and cohesion. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "innate qualities," "environmental factors," "temperament," and "role models" effectively used to convey complex ideas. The writer employs varied expressions such as "long-standing debate" and "eye-opening experience," which enrich the text. However, there are instances of repetition, particularly with the term "characteristics," which appears multiple times in close proximity.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer could substitute synonyms or related phrases for "characteristics," such as "traits," "attributes," or "qualities." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary or idiomatic expressions could elevate the essay further. For example, instead of saying "major changes," one could use "significant transformations" or "profound shifts."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For instance, the phrase "scientifically proved to be prone to changes" could be more precisely articulated as "scientifically shown to be subject to change." Additionally, the term "addicted and violent parent" could be rephrased to "parent struggling with addiction and exhibiting violent behavior" for clarity.
    • How to improve: Writers should focus on refining their word choices to ensure clarity and precision. This can be achieved by reviewing sentences for potential ambiguities and opting for more specific language. For example, instead of "timid and withdrawn," the writer could describe the child as "socially withdrawn and lacking confidence," which provides a clearer picture of the child’s behavior.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a strong command of spelling, with no significant errors noted. Words such as "extroverted," "subconsciously," and "detrimental" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall professionalism of the writing.
    • How to improve: To maintain high spelling accuracy, writers should consistently proofread their work. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch any overlooked errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further enhance spelling proficiency.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a Band Score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary variety, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for an even higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "The way parents raise their children can heavily influence one’s characters and skills, since children view them as role models and imitate their manners and habits without differentiating between positive and detrimental ones" effectively convey intricate ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, as seen in "an addicted and violent parent can make an innately curious and active child become timid and withdrawn," showcases the writer’s ability to express hypothetical situations. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the use of "can" and "are," which could be diversified further.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more passive voice constructions or inversion for emphasis. For example, instead of repeatedly using "can" to express potential outcomes, the writer might use phrases like "may lead to" or "is likely to result in." Additionally, varying the length and complexity of sentences could create a more engaging rhythm in the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits a strong command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is used appropriately to clarify meaning. However, there are a few minor errors that detract from the overall accuracy. For instance, the phrase "the characteristics one is born with are scientifically proved to be prone to changes" would be more accurately stated as "scientifically proven" instead of "scientifically proved." Additionally, the phrase "who subconsciously develop similar traits" should be "who subconsciously develops," as it refers back to "a child," which is singular.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch minor errors. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can also help identify and correct mistakes. Furthermore, practicing the correct forms of verbs and ensuring subject-verb agreement will enhance overall grammatical precision. Focusing on common areas of error, such as verb forms and agreement, will contribute to achieving a higher level of accuracy.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision. By implementing these suggestions, the writer can further enhance the effectiveness of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

The “Nature or Nurture” debate has been a long-standing discussion, with many people arguing that innate qualities have a far greater impact on our characteristics and growth than environmental factors. From my standpoint, I completely disagree with this notion and will elaborate on why I believe external factors like education and upbringing can significantly influence one’s growth, to a much greater extent than inborn qualities.

There are credible arguments for why people believe innate characteristics are the determining factor in our personality and growth. One significant reason is that individuals are endowed with their unique genetic profiles that identify ingrained characteristics, leading to the belief that one’s temperament is fixed and unchangeable, overshadowing any external factors. For example, a person inheriting genes from well-spoken parents tends to be more extroverted and communicate their needs well, while others may be almost permanently reserved and introverted. However, this perspective has several loopholes, as the characteristics one is born with are scientifically demonstrated to be prone to changes when one adapts to different settings in life. This can be shown through a person dramatically changing their mindset after an eye-opening experience or surviving a serious incident.

Furthermore, I firmly believe that external factors such as upbringing and education can drive major changes in one’s personality and growth. The way parents raise their children can heavily influence their characteristics and skills, since children view them as role models and subconsciously adopt similar traits, without differentiating between positive and detrimental ones. An addicted and violent parent can make an innately curious and active child become timid and withdrawn, who develops similar traits to treat other people the same way. Also, many separated twins exposed to different raising styles and educational levels eventually develop significant differences in their personalities, as well as social and academic outcomes, outweighing their similar genetic elements. These environmental factors act as major catalysts for our long-lasting personality and development in life.

In conclusion, I believe that environmental elements, including education and upbringing, are much more influential in one’s characteristics and growth. It is important that children receive proper external conditions so that they become well-mannered and educated citizens.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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