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It is sometimes said that governments should dedicate a fixed proportion of their country’s income to foreign aid each year, and this fixed proportion should always be donated to other countries. Opponents of this idea, however, say that aid should have no fixed proportion, and help should only be sent to other countries at times when it is really needed. What are the arguments on both sides of this debate? What is your own view on the matter?

It is sometimes said that governments should dedicate a fixed proportion of their country’s income to foreign aid each year, and this fixed proportion should always be donated to other countries. Opponents of this idea, however, say that aid should have no fixed proportion, and help should only be sent to other countries at times when it is really needed. What are the arguments on both sides of this debate? What is your own view on the matter?

Some people argued that the governments should donate an amount of their country’s revenue to foreign aid, while others believed that the governments should only donate when it is necessary. This essay will discuss both view before I share my opinions.
On the one hand, fixed proportion should be donated to international aid annually. To begin with, many global problems like poverty, health issues and climate change are ongoing and require a lot of money to be effectively tackled. By dedicating a specific amount each year, richer nations give poorer countries a source of support, so they can plan projects that improve health and education. This not only help improving poor countries but also strengthening relationships between nations.
On the other hand, it is said that help should only be received by foreign aid if it is necessary because economic conditions of a country can change unexpectedly due to events like natural disasters or disease outbreak. Moreover, dedicating a fixed amount to international aid could put pressure on a government’s budget, taking funds away from essential domestic needs, such as healthcare, education, or public services.
To sum up, some people said that governments should give a certain amount of their country's income to foreign help, while others said that governments should only give when they have to. While there are some drawbacks, I believe that governments ought to donate a fixed proportion of their nation's revenue to international aid.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Some people argued" -> "Some individuals argued"
    Explanation: Replacing "people" with "individuals" enhances the formality of the language, which is more suitable for academic writing.

  2. "donate an amount of their country’s revenue" -> "allocate a portion of their national revenue"
    Explanation: "Allocate" is more precise and formal than "donate" in this context, and "national revenue" is a more specific term than "country’s revenue."

  3. "believed that the governments should only donate when it is necessary" -> "maintain that governments should only provide aid when it is necessary"
    Explanation: "Maintain" is a more formal verb than "believed," and "provide aid" is a more specific term than "donate."

  4. "This essay will discuss both view" -> "This essay will discuss both perspectives"
    Explanation: "Perspectives" is a more formal and academically appropriate term than "view."

  5. "fixed proportion should be donated" -> "a fixed proportion should be allocated"
    Explanation: "Allocated" is more precise and formal than "donated" in this context, referring to the distribution of funds.

  6. "many global problems like poverty, health issues and climate change" -> "numerous global challenges such as poverty, health issues, and climate change"
    Explanation: "Numerous" is more precise than "many," and "challenges" is a more formal term than "problems." Also, using "such as" instead of "like" is more formal.

  7. "require a lot of money to be effectively tackled" -> "require significant financial resources to be effectively addressed"
    Explanation: "Significant financial resources" is more precise and formal than "a lot of money," and "addressed" is a more formal synonym for "tackled."

  8. "This not only help improving" -> "This not only helps improving"
    Explanation: "Helps" should be singular to agree with "This," and "helping" should be "helps" to maintain grammatical consistency.

  9. "strengthening relationships between nations" -> "strengthening international relationships"
    Explanation: "International" is a more precise adjective than "between nations," which is redundant.

  10. "it is said that help should only be received by foreign aid if it is necessary" -> "it is argued that aid should only be received through foreign assistance when necessary"
    Explanation: "Argued" is more formal than "said," and "through foreign assistance" is more precise than "by foreign aid."

  11. "economic conditions of a country can change unexpectedly" -> "economic conditions of a country can unexpectedly change"
    Explanation: Rearranging the phrase improves the flow and clarity of the sentence.

  12. "taking funds away from essential domestic needs" -> "diverting funds from essential domestic needs"
    Explanation: "Diverting" is a more precise term than "taking away," which is somewhat informal and vague.

  13. "some people said that governments should give a certain amount of their country’s income to foreign help" -> "some individuals contend that governments should allocate a specific portion of their national income to foreign aid"
    Explanation: "Contend" is more formal than "said," and "allocate" and "specific portion" are more precise and formal than "give" and "certain amount."

  14. "governments should only give when they have to" -> "governments should only provide aid when necessary"
    Explanation: "Provide aid" is more formal and specific than "give," and "when necessary" is more concise and formal than "when they have to."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the debate regarding foreign aid, which is a positive aspect. However, it lacks depth in exploring the arguments. For instance, while the essay mentions the need for fixed donations due to ongoing global issues, it does not elaborate on specific examples or statistics that could strengthen this argument. Similarly, the counterargument about the necessity of aid is presented but not sufficiently developed. The essay also fails to clearly articulate the writer’s own view in a nuanced manner, which is essential for a comprehensive response.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should aim to provide more detailed arguments for both sides, including specific examples, data, or case studies that illustrate the points being made. Additionally, the writer should ensure that their own view is clearly stated and supported with reasoning.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay concludes with a personal opinion that governments should donate a fixed proportion of their income to foreign aid. However, this position is not consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The introduction suggests a balanced discussion, but the conclusion does not effectively tie back to the arguments presented. The transition from discussing both views to stating a personal opinion feels abrupt and lacks a clear rationale.
    • How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and refer back to it in the body paragraphs. This can be achieved by using phrases like "In my view" or "I believe" at strategic points to remind the reader of the writer’s stance. Additionally, the conclusion should summarize the key arguments and reinforce the writer’s position with a brief rationale.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas related to foreign aid but does so in a limited manner. The arguments are somewhat generic and lack depth. For example, while the essay mentions "global problems like poverty, health issues and climate change," it does not explore how fixed aid could specifically address these issues or provide examples of successful aid projects. The support for ideas is minimal, with few details or examples that could enhance the reader’s understanding.
    • How to improve: To improve this area, the writer should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations and examples. This could include citing specific instances where foreign aid has made a significant impact or discussing potential consequences of not providing aid. Using relevant statistics or studies can also strengthen the arguments presented.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the prompt about foreign aid. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the discussion of domestic needs. While it is relevant to mention the potential impact on a government’s budget, the discussion could be more focused on how this relates specifically to the debate about fixed versus flexible aid.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing the essay to ensure that all arguments are relevant and contribute to the overall discussion. Additionally, the writer should avoid introducing new ideas or tangents that do not directly support the main argument.

Overall, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer should focus on providing more detailed arguments, maintaining a clear position throughout, and ensuring that all ideas are well-supported and relevant to the topic.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. The arguments are generally well-organized, with the first body paragraph focusing on the benefits of fixed aid and the second addressing the drawbacks of such a system. However, the transition between the two views could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "On the one hand" effectively introduces the first viewpoint, but the transition to the opposing view lacks a similar phrase, which could enhance the logical flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using transitional phrases such as "Conversely" or "In contrast" to clearly delineate the shift from one argument to the other. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea, which will help guide the reader through the essay’s arguments.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for coherence. Each paragraph contains a focused discussion, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the arguments presented. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more detailed development. For example, the first body paragraph mentions "global problems like poverty, health issues and climate change" but does not elaborate on how these issues specifically benefit from fixed aid.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph effectiveness, aim to include more specific examples and explanations within each paragraph. For instance, when discussing how fixed aid can help tackle poverty, consider providing a brief example of a successful aid project. This not only strengthens the argument but also makes the essay more engaging for the reader.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "To begin with," "On the one hand," and "To sum up," which help in linking ideas and maintaining coherence. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "This not only help improving poor countries but also strengthening relationships between nations" could be better connected to the previous sentence to clarify how these ideas relate.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "Additionally," "Consequently," and "For instance." This will help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, ensure grammatical accuracy in the use of these devices; for example, "help improving" should be corrected to "helps improve."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "foreign aid," "global problems," "health issues," and "economic conditions." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly with phrases like "donate" and "governments." The use of synonyms or varied expressions could enhance the richness of the essay. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "donate," alternatives like "allocate," "contribute," or "provide" could be employed to diversify the language.
    • How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should actively seek synonyms and practice incorporating them into their writing. Reading a variety of texts on similar topics can also expose the writer to different expressions and phrases that can be utilized in their essays.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its intended meaning, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "help should only be received by foreign aid" is awkwardly constructed and could be clearer. A more precise formulation might be "foreign aid should only be provided when necessary." Additionally, the phrase "help should only be received" implies a passive role for the countries receiving aid, which may not accurately reflect the active role they play in seeking assistance.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in phrasing. They can practice rephrasing sentences to ensure that the subject and action are clearly defined. Engaging with feedback from peers or instructors can also help identify vague or awkward expressions.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors that detract from its overall quality. For instance, "help improving" should be "help improve," and "strengthening" is incorrectly used in the context of "strengthening relationships." Such errors can disrupt the flow of reading and may lead to misunderstandings.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy before finalizing their essays. This could involve reading the essay aloud to catch errors or using spell-check tools. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments effectively, there is room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By actively working on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of phrases like "To begin with" and "On the one hand" effectively introduces different perspectives. However, some sentences are somewhat repetitive in structure, such as "This not only help improving poor countries but also strengthening relationships between nations," which lacks parallelism and clarity.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "help should only be received by foreign aid if it is necessary," the writer could say, "help should only be provided when it is deemed necessary, particularly in response to unforeseen circumstances." Additionally, using more varied transition phrases can help improve the flow and coherence of the essay.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and accuracy. For example, "This not only help improving" should be "This not only helps improve," as the subject-verb agreement is incorrect. Similarly, "some people said that governments should give a certain amount" could be more accurately stated as "some people argue that governments should give a certain amount." Punctuation is generally used correctly, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "while" in the concluding sentence.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb forms. Regular practice with grammar exercises and reviewing common errors can be beneficial. Furthermore, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used to separate clauses will enhance overall clarity. Engaging in peer review or using grammar-checking tools can also help identify and rectify mistakes before submission.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals argue that governments should allocate a portion of their country’s revenue to foreign aid, while others maintain that aid should only be provided when it is necessary. This essay will discuss both perspectives before I share my own view on the matter.

On the one hand, a fixed proportion should be allocated to international aid annually. To begin with, numerous global challenges such as poverty, health issues, and climate change are ongoing and require significant financial resources to be effectively addressed. By dedicating a specific amount each year, wealthier nations provide poorer countries with a reliable source of support, enabling them to plan projects that enhance health and education. This not only helps improve conditions in developing countries but also strengthens international relationships.

On the other hand, it is argued that aid should only be received through foreign assistance when it is necessary because the economic conditions of a country can unexpectedly change due to events like natural disasters or disease outbreaks. Moreover, diverting funds from essential domestic needs could place pressure on a government’s budget, taking away resources from critical areas such as healthcare, education, or public services.

To sum up, some individuals contend that governments should allocate a specific portion of their national income to foreign aid, while others believe that assistance should only be provided when absolutely necessary. While there are valid concerns regarding the allocation of funds, I believe that governments ought to donate a fixed proportion of their nation’s revenue to international aid.

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