It is sometimes said that social media friends are not real friends. Give your own opinion of this view, commenting on the best and worst aspects of online friendships and how face-to-face interactions are different. Xem thêm tại: https://loigiaihay.com/tieng-anh-12-unit-1-1h-writing-a156439.html
It is sometimes said that social media friends are not real friends. Give your own opinion of this view, commenting on the best and worst aspects of online friendships and how face-to-face interactions are different.
Xem thêm tại: https://loigiaihay.com/tieng-anh-12-unit-1-1h-writing-a156439.html
In this technological era, social media has become an indispensable part of human daily life, leading to a rise in online friendships. Some people argue that social friends are not built “real” friendships because they lack contact directly. In this essay, I will discuss both views, give my opinion and suggest how to deal with this perspective.
On the one hand, a significant benefit of having digital buddies is the flexibility and convenience of maintaining connections. Unlike in-person friendships, which often require scheduling around work, school, or distance, online friendships can thrive despite time zone differences or busy lifestyles. Moreover, people can chat at their own convenience, whether it is through messaging, video calls, or social media interactions. For example, college students studying abroad can keep in touch with their friends from home or even make new friends from different countries, offering emotional support and companionship when meet-ups are not feasible.In addition, this flexibility strengthens relationships in a fast-paced, modern world.
On the other hand, online friendships help everyone connect and support conveniently. However, it also comes with notable disadvantages. First, the lack of physical presence, which can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication. Furthermore, online interactions often lack body language, making it difficult to know their emotions accurately. For instance, social media users may be abused by the anonymity of the internet to show artificial personas then make dishonest behaviors.
To deal with this problem, it is necessary for social media users to raise awareness of buddy up with strangers. Beside that, we should continue to take advantage of digital relationships to get more opportunities to communicate.
To sum up, online friendships bring significant benefits such as convenience and global connectivity but it also has limitations, particularly in terms of emotional and reliability. Face-to-face friendships allow for richer interactions and a stronger sense of connection. Ultimately, the value of a friendship, whether online or in person, depends on those who put into nurturing their relationship. Both types of friendships can be meaningful and fulfilling in their own ways, as long as there is mutual trust and understanding.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In this technological era" -> "In the contemporary technological era"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "contemporary" provides a more precise and formal temporal reference, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence. -
"social friends" -> "social media friends"
Explanation: "Social friends" is an unclear and informal term. "Social media friends" is the correct and formal term that clearly indicates the context of online relationships. -
"not built “real” friendships" -> "not considered "real" friendships"
Explanation: The phrase "not built “real” friendships" is awkward and informal. "Not considered "real" friendships" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic language. -
"give my opinion" -> "express my opinion"
Explanation: "Give my opinion" is somewhat informal and vague. "Express my opinion" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"suggest how to deal with this perspective" -> "offer strategies for addressing this perspective"
Explanation: "Suggest how to deal with" is somewhat informal and vague. "Offer strategies for addressing" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic style better. -
"a significant benefit of having digital buddies" -> "a significant advantage of having digital friendships"
Explanation: "Buddies" is informal and colloquial. "Friendships" is the correct term for formal academic writing, and "advantage" is more precise than "benefit" in this context. -
"chat at their own convenience" -> "communicate at their convenience"
Explanation: "Chat" is informal and less precise than "communicate," which is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"keep in touch with their friends" -> "maintain contact with their friends"
Explanation: "Keep in touch" is a colloquial expression. "Maintain contact" is more formal and suitable for academic writing. -
"help everyone connect and support conveniently" -> "facilitate convenient connections and support"
Explanation: "Help everyone connect and support conveniently" is awkward and informal. "Facilitate convenient connections and support" is more formal and precise. -
"comes with notable disadvantages" -> "is accompanied by significant disadvantages"
Explanation: "Comes with" is somewhat informal and vague. "Is accompanied by" is more formal and precise, enhancing the academic tone. -
"make dishonest behaviors" -> "engage in dishonest behavior"
Explanation: "Make dishonest behaviors" is grammatically incorrect and awkward. "Engage in dishonest behavior" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"buddy up with strangers" -> "form connections with strangers"
Explanation: "Buddy up with" is informal and colloquial. "Form connections with" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing. -
"Beside that" -> "Additionally"
Explanation: "Beside that" is informal and less precise. "Additionally" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing. -
"get more opportunities to communicate" -> "capitalize on more opportunities for communication"
Explanation: "Get more opportunities to communicate" is informal and vague. "Capitalize on more opportunities for communication" is more formal and precise, fitting the academic style better. -
"online friendships bring significant benefits" -> "online friendships offer significant benefits"
Explanation: "Bring" is less formal than "offer," which is more commonly used in academic contexts to discuss the provision of advantages. -
"particular in terms of emotional and reliability" -> "particularly in terms of emotional reliability"
Explanation: "Particular in terms of emotional and reliability" is grammatically incorrect. "Particularly in terms of emotional reliability" corrects the grammatical error and enhances clarity. -
"Face-to-face friendships allow for richer interactions" -> "Face-to-face friendships facilitate richer interactions"
Explanation: "Allow for" is less formal and slightly vague. "Facilitate" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic writing.
These changes enhance the formality, precision, and clarity of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the best and worst aspects of online friendships, as well as contrasting them with face-to-face interactions. The introduction clearly states the intention to cover both views and provide a personal opinion. However, the essay could have more explicitly stated the author’s opinion in the introduction, which would help guide the reader. The discussion of online friendships is somewhat balanced, but the mention of face-to-face interactions is less developed.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should clearly articulate their opinion in the introduction and ensure that the discussion of face-to-face interactions is equally detailed. Adding specific examples or personal anecdotes regarding face-to-face friendships could strengthen this section.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position that acknowledges the benefits and drawbacks of online friendships while ultimately suggesting that both types of friendships can be meaningful. However, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay. The transition between discussing the benefits and drawbacks of online friendships could be smoother, and the conclusion could reiterate the author’s stance more emphatically.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the author should use transitional phrases to connect ideas more effectively and restate their opinion in the conclusion. This will help reinforce their viewpoint and provide a cohesive argument throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas about online friendships, such as convenience and emotional support, and provides examples to support these points. However, some ideas, particularly the disadvantages of online friendships, could be further developed. The mention of misunderstandings and the lack of body language is relevant but could benefit from more elaboration and specific examples.
- How to improve: The author should aim to extend their ideas by providing more detailed explanations and examples. For instance, they could elaborate on how misunderstandings occur in online communication and provide specific scenarios to illustrate their points. Additionally, supporting claims with research or statistics could enhance the credibility of the arguments.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on online friendships and their comparison to face-to-face interactions. However, there are moments where the focus shifts slightly, particularly in the discussion of "raising awareness of buddying up with strangers," which feels somewhat tangential to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that all points made directly relate to the core question of whether social media friends can be considered real friends. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument and remains relevant to the prompt.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a balanced view, there are areas for improvement in clarity, depth of analysis, and maintaining focus. By addressing these aspects, the author can enhance the overall effectiveness of their argument and potentially achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is logical, moving from the advantages of online friendships to their disadvantages, which effectively sets up the discussion. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of online friendships to the drawbacks is smooth, allowing the reader to follow the argument without confusion.
- How to improve: While the overall organization is strong, enhancing the clarity of the argument could be beneficial. Consider using more explicit topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly outline the main idea. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "In contrast" or "Conversely" at the beginning of the second body paragraph could further enhance the logical flow between contrasting ideas.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the argument, contributing to a coherent overall structure. The first body paragraph discusses the benefits of online friendships, while the second addresses the disadvantages, maintaining a clear distinction between the two perspectives.
- How to improve: To strengthen paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the disadvantages of online friendships. Additionally, consider breaking down longer paragraphs into smaller ones if they contain multiple ideas, which can help maintain focus and clarity.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting points. There are also instances of cohesive devices like "Moreover" and "For instance," which help in linking ideas within and between sentences. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to enhance the overall fluidity of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using "Additionally" or "Furthermore" to introduce new points can add variety. Additionally, employing phrases such as "This suggests that" or "Consequently" can help in drawing conclusions or implications from the points made. This will not only improve cohesion but also make the argument more persuasive.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and fluidity of their argument, potentially elevating their score in this criterion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary related to the topic of social media and friendships. Phrases such as "indispensable part of human daily life," "flexibility and convenience," and "emotional support" show an ability to use varied vocabulary effectively. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or sophisticated. For example, the term "digital buddies" is somewhat informal and could be replaced with "online friends" or "virtual acquaintances" for a more academic tone.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms and more nuanced terms. For instance, instead of repeating "friendships," consider using "relationships," "connections," or "bonds." Additionally, integrating idiomatic expressions or more advanced vocabulary related to technology and social interactions could elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary appropriately, but there are moments of imprecision. For instance, the phrase "social friends are not built ‘real’ friendships" is awkwardly constructed. A more precise way to express this could be "social media friends do not constitute ‘real’ friendships." Furthermore, the term "abused by the anonymity of the internet" is misleading; it would be clearer to say "some users exploit the anonymity of the internet."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and correctness in phrasing. Rewriting sentences for better structure and word choice can help convey ideas more effectively. For example, instead of "making it difficult to know their emotions accurately," consider "making it difficult to accurately gauge their emotions."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "beside" instead of "besides" and "honest behaviors" instead of "dishonest behaviors." These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial for long-term improvement.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in the range, precision, and spelling accuracy to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For example, it effectively uses complex sentences, such as "Unlike in-person friendships, which often require scheduling around work, school, or distance, online friendships can thrive despite time zone differences or busy lifestyles." This showcases the ability to combine clauses and convey nuanced ideas. However, the essay also contains several simple and compound sentences that could be further diversified. For instance, the sentence "To deal with this problem, it is necessary for social media users to raise awareness of buddy up with strangers" could be restructured for greater complexity.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases, subordinate clauses, and participial phrases. For example, instead of starting with "To deal with this problem," you might begin with "In addressing this issue, social media users should…"
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good command of grammar and punctuation, but there are notable errors that detract from clarity. For instance, the phrase "social friends are not built ‘real’ friendships" should be rephrased to "social media friends do not constitute ‘real’ friendships." Additionally, there are punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "which can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication," which affects the readability of the sentence. Furthermore, the phrase "abused by the anonymity of the internet to show artificial personas then make dishonest behaviors" is awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, ensure that plural nouns are correctly paired with plural verbs. Additionally, practice using commas to separate clauses and enhance sentence clarity. Reviewing common grammatical structures and practicing writing sentences that incorporate them correctly can also be beneficial.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid grasp of grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the contemporary technological era, social media has become an indispensable part of daily life, leading to a rise in online friendships. Some people argue that social media friends are not considered “real” friendships because they lack direct contact. In this essay, I will discuss both views, express my opinion, and offer strategies for addressing this perspective.
On the one hand, a significant advantage of having digital friendships is the flexibility and convenience of maintaining connections. Unlike face-to-face friendships, which often require scheduling around work, school, or distance, online friendships can thrive despite time zone differences or busy lifestyles. Moreover, individuals can communicate at their convenience, whether through messaging, video calls, or social media interactions. For example, college students studying abroad can keep in touch with their friends from home or even make new friends from different countries, offering emotional support and companionship when meet-ups are not feasible. Additionally, this flexibility strengthens relationships in our fast-paced, modern world.
On the other hand, while online friendships facilitate convenient connections and support, they are accompanied by significant disadvantages. First, the lack of physical presence can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunication. Furthermore, online interactions often lack body language, making it difficult to accurately gauge emotions. For instance, social media users may be tempted by the anonymity of the internet to present artificial personas and engage in dishonest behavior.
To address this problem, it is necessary for social media users to raise awareness about the risks of forming connections with strangers. Additionally, we should continue to capitalize on the opportunities that digital relationships offer for communication while being mindful of their limitations.
To sum up, online friendships provide significant benefits such as convenience and global connectivity, but they also have limitations, particularly in terms of emotional reliability. Face-to-face friendships facilitate richer interactions and a stronger sense of connection. Ultimately, the value of a friendship, whether online or in person, depends on the effort put into nurturing the relationship. Both types of friendships can be meaningful and fulfilling in their own ways, as long as there is mutual trust and understanding.
