It is widely believed that people should choose a job based on their interests rather than other factors. To what extent, do you agree or disagree with this statement?
It is widely believed that people should choose a job based on their interests rather than other factors.
To what extent, do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Owing to the rapid advancement of society, people can access more career prospects than ever, which makes them indecisive in making career choices. In the midst of the confusion, a host of individuals believe that jobs should be chosen based on personal preferences. From my perspective, I concur with this insight and will elaborate on the rationales behind my agreement.
In terms of why people oppose this idea, it may stem from their integral value system. Each individual has a different priority toward their job, some may prefer high salaries, while others long to have a stable job due to the fear of risks. To exemplify, in a 2023 newspaper, journalists found that only one-third of 2000 students from a university said they liked their majors, whilst the counterpart made their career decisions based on the potential of the jobs or the quality of them. Hence, with that variety of purposes in choosing jobs, people’s outlooks on their career vary.
Conversely, while people’s priority is a valid concern, individuals who choose careers aligned with their interests often experience greater professional fulfillment. One quintessential benefit is the increased likelihood of long-term commitment to the job. As in, if workers spark an interest in their work, they tend to pursue it in the long term. According to a 2019 survey, researchers found that 89% of senior laborers had a deep fondness for their careers. Moreover, individuals can accelerate their professional growth. Manifestly, when working blithely, people are capable of completely dedicating themselves to their profession, which makes room for enhancement in their specialized ability.
To recapitulate, I agree with this statement because of the aforementioned reasons regarding the lifespan of their career and their professional acceleration. Therefore, I believe that it is essential for people to choose their jobs based on their preferences.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Owing to the rapid advancement of society" -> "Due to the rapid societal advancements"
Explanation: "Owing to" is somewhat archaic and less common in modern academic writing. "Due to" is more straightforward and commonly used in formal texts. Additionally, "societal advancements" is a more precise term than "the advancement of society." -
"people can access more career prospects than ever" -> "individuals now have access to a wider range of career opportunities"
Explanation: "Individuals now have access to a wider range of career opportunities" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "than ever." -
"in making career choices" -> "in selecting their careers"
Explanation: "Selecting their careers" is more specific and formal than "making career choices," which is somewhat vague. -
"a host of individuals believe" -> "many individuals believe"
Explanation: "A host of" is somewhat informal and vague; "many" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing. -
"integral value system" -> "core values"
Explanation: "Core values" is a more precise and commonly used term in academic contexts than "integral value system." -
"integral" -> "core"
Explanation: As mentioned earlier, "core" is more specific and commonly used in academic writing than "integral" in this context. -
"To exemplify" -> "For example"
Explanation: "To exemplify" is a bit formal and less commonly used in academic writing. "For example" is more natural and widely accepted. -
"the quality of them" -> "the quality of these jobs"
Explanation: Adding "these jobs" clarifies the reference, making the sentence more specific and clear. -
"people’s outlooks on their career vary" -> "individuals’ perspectives on their careers vary"
Explanation: "Individuals’ perspectives on their careers" is more formal and precise than "people’s outlooks on their career." -
"One quintessential benefit" -> "One fundamental benefit"
Explanation: "Fundamental" is more academically appropriate than "quintessential," which can be seen as overly dramatic or informal in this context. -
"As in, if workers spark an interest in their work" -> "For instance, if workers develop an interest in their work"
Explanation: "For instance" is more formal than "As in," and "develop an interest" is more precise than "spark an interest." -
"blithely" -> "enthusiastically"
Explanation: "Blithely" means carelessly or thoughtlessly, which is not the intended meaning here. "Enthusiastically" conveys the intended sense of dedication and passion. -
"which makes room for enhancement in their specialized ability" -> "which enables them to enhance their specialized skills"
Explanation: "Enables them to enhance their specialized skills" is more direct and formal, avoiding the awkward phrasing of "makes room for enhancement." -
"To recapitulate" -> "In summary"
Explanation: "In summary" is a more common and clear way to conclude an argument in academic writing, whereas "To recapitulate" can sound overly formal or archaic.
These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and tone of the essay to better align with academic standards, enhancing clarity and precision while maintaining natural language flow.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of choosing a job based on personal interests. The author acknowledges opposing views, which adds depth to the response. However, while the essay mentions that some individuals prioritize salary or job stability, it could benefit from a more explicit exploration of these opposing factors to fully answer the question regarding the extent of agreement or disagreement. The essay states, "I concur with this insight," but does not clearly delineate the extent of this agreement in relation to the opposing views presented.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state the extent of their agreement or disagreement with the statement. This could involve providing a more balanced discussion that weighs the importance of personal interests against other factors, perhaps suggesting that while interests are crucial, other factors should not be entirely disregarded.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of choosing jobs based on personal interests. The author states their agreement early on and reiterates this stance in the conclusion. However, the transition between discussing opposing views and supporting their own position could be smoother. The phrase "Conversely, while people’s priority is a valid concern…" introduces a counterargument but could lead to confusion about the author’s ultimate stance.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that transitions between opposing views and their own position are clearer. Using phrases like "Despite these valid concerns, I believe…" can help reinforce the author’s position and guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the notion that job satisfaction leads to professional fulfillment and long-term commitment. The use of statistics, such as the 89% of senior laborers who enjoy their careers, adds credibility. However, some ideas could be further developed. For instance, the mention of "accelerating professional growth" is a strong point, but it lacks specific examples or elaboration on how this occurs in practice.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples or anecdotes that illustrate how personal interest in a job can lead to professional growth. This could include specific career paths or success stories that demonstrate the benefits of aligning career choices with personal interests.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the importance of choosing jobs based on personal interests. However, the initial paragraph introduces the idea of indecisiveness due to the variety of career prospects, which could be seen as slightly tangential. While it sets the context, it does not directly contribute to the main argument about the importance of personal interests in job selection.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer could streamline the introduction by directly addressing the prompt without introducing potentially distracting elements. A more concise opening that clearly states the relevance of personal interests to job satisfaction would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task and presents a well-structured argument. By refining the clarity of position, expanding on supporting ideas, and maintaining a tighter focus on the topic, the writer could elevate their score even further.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The body paragraphs are well-organized, with the first paragraph addressing opposing views and the second paragraph supporting the writer’s agreement. For instance, the transition from discussing opposing views to presenting the benefits of choosing a job based on interests is smooth and coherent. The conclusion effectively summarizes the key points made in the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly state the main idea of that paragraph. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively. Additionally, integrating transitional phrases between ideas within paragraphs can further clarify relationships between points.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, while the body paragraphs delve into opposing views and supporting arguments. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer separation of ideas, as it currently combines multiple points about professional fulfillment and growth without distinct transitions.
- How to improve: Consider breaking down complex ideas into separate paragraphs. For example, the discussion on professional fulfillment and the benefits of interest-based careers could each be a separate paragraph, allowing for more detailed exploration of each point. This would enhance readability and ensure that each argument is fully developed.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "Conversely," "Moreover," and "To recapitulate," which help to link ideas and maintain coherence throughout the text. The use of cohesive devices is generally effective, contributing to the overall clarity of the argument. However, there are instances where the cohesive devices could be more varied to avoid repetition and enhance sophistication.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a broader range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Moreover," you could alternate with phrases such as "In addition," "Furthermore," or "Additionally." This variety will enhance the essay’s flow and keep the reader engaged. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used appropriately to maintain the logical connection between ideas.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, achieving a high band score. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their argument.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with phrases like "rapid advancement of society," "indecisive in making career choices," and "professional fulfillment." These expressions show a level of sophistication and variety. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied or nuanced. For example, the phrase "a host of individuals" could be replaced with "a multitude of individuals" or "a significant number of individuals" to enhance variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and varied expressions throughout the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "jobs" and "careers," they could use terms like "professions," "occupations," or "vocations" to enrich the text.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where precision could be improved. For example, the phrase "the counterpart made their career decisions based onthe potential of the jobs or the quality of them" is somewhat vague. The term "quality of them" lacks clarity and could be more specific.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should strive to clarify vague terms. Instead of "the quality of them," they could specify what aspects of quality they are referring to, such as "the job’s stability or growth potential." This will help convey their ideas more clearly and effectively.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The spelling in the essay is generally accurate, with no glaring errors that would impede understanding. Words like "indecisive," "fulfillment," and "accelerate" are spelled correctly, demonstrating a solid grasp of spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Additionally, they could practice spelling challenging words and familiarize themselves with common spelling rules and exceptions. Engaging in spelling exercises or using spelling apps can also be beneficial.
In summary, the essay achieves a Band Score of 7 for Lexical Resource due to its effective use of a wide range of vocabulary, generally precise usage, and correct spelling. To enhance this score, the writer should focus on increasing vocabulary variety, improving precision in word choice, and maintaining high spelling accuracy through consistent practiceand proofreading.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional clauses. For instance, phrases like "Owing to the rapid advancement of society" and "individuals who choose careers aligned with their interests" showcase the use of introductory phrases and relative clauses effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence patterns, particularly in the second paragraph where several sentences begin with "some may" or "people’s." This can lead to a monotonous reading experience.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and lengths. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "some may" or "people," the writer could use introductory adverbial phrases or transition words such as "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "In contrast." This would not only diversify the sentence structures but also improve the overall flow of the essay.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the grammatical accuracy is quite strong, with only a few minor errors that do not significantly impede understanding. For example, the phrase "the counterpart made their career decisions based on the potential of the jobs or the quality of them" could be more clearly expressed as "the others made their career decisions based on job potential or quality." Additionally, there are some punctuation issues, such as the lack of a comma before "while" in "some may prefer high salaries, while others long to have a stable job," which could lead to confusion in complex sentences.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should carefully proofread the essay to catch minor errors and consider revising sentences for clarity. Paying attention to punctuation rules, especially with conjunctions and clauses, will enhance readability. It may also be beneficial to practice writing complex sentences with varied punctuation to ensure clarity and correctness.
In summary, while the essay achieves a solid Band 7 for grammatical range and accuracy, focusing on diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical precision will help elevate the score further.
Bài sửa mẫu
Owing to the rapid societal advancements, individuals now have access to a wider range of career opportunities than ever before, which can lead to indecision when selecting their careers. Amidst this confusion, many individuals believe that jobs should be chosen based on personal interests. From my perspective, I concur with this viewpoint and will elaborate on the rationales behind my agreement.
In terms of why some people oppose this idea, it may stem from their core values. Each individual has different priorities regarding their job; some may prefer high salaries, while others long for stability due to a fear of risks. For example, a 2023 newspaper article reported that only one-third of 2,000 university students expressed a genuine liking for their majors, while the remainder made their career decisions based on the potential of the jobs or the quality of these jobs. Hence, with such a variety of purposes in selecting their careers, individuals’ perspectives on their careers vary significantly.
Conversely, while people’s priorities are a valid concern, those who choose careers aligned with their interests often experience greater professional fulfillment. One fundamental benefit is the increased likelihood of long-term commitment to the job. For instance, if workers develop an interest in their work, they tend to pursue it enthusiastically over the long term. According to a 2019 survey, researchers found that 89% of senior laborers had a deep fondness for their careers. Moreover, individuals can accelerate their professional growth. Manifestly, when working happily, people are capable of fully dedicating themselves to their profession, which enables them to enhance their specialized skills.
In summary, I agree with this statement because of the aforementioned reasons regarding the longevity of their careers and their professional development. Therefore, I believe that it is essential for individuals to choose their jobs based on their interests.