"Junk food should be banned at schools to promote healthier eating habits among students." Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Your writing must be 180 and 200 words.

As children grow, they develop a special preference for junk food. For the idea of banning this in school, I agree with this notion.
To begin with, eating junk food too much will lead to sẻious health problems. Food that contain high calories rate and is the reason which causes dyslipidema. Additionally, consuming off limits amount of fast food will also cause heart diseases. Such deadly health problems will occured if one eats too much junk food.
Besides, consuming fast food for a long time could eventually makes studens in the habits of spending money for it. As students develop an addiction for junk food, they wil skip meals to save money to buy more and more junk food, which is very terrible for youngsters to have this habit – they continue on eating and cannot stop until it is too late for them.
In conclusion, junk food should be banned in schools so that student will develop a habit of staying healthy and prevent themselves from having health diseases and becoming an addict for fast food.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"As children grow, they develop a special preference for junk food." -> "As children mature, they often develop a preference for junk food."
Explanation: Replacing "grow" with "mature" provides a more precise term that is commonly used in academic contexts to describe the process of children becoming more developed and sophisticated. "Often" is used instead of "develop a special preference" to soften the statement and avoid the implication of uniqueness, which is less appropriate in academic writing.
"For the idea of banning this in school, I agree with this notion." -> "Regarding the proposal to ban junk food in schools, I concur with this notion."
Explanation: "Regarding the proposal" is more formal and specific than "For the idea of banning this," which is vague and informal. "Concur" is a more formal synonym for "agree," and "notion" is used correctly to refer to an idea or concept.
"eating junk food too much will lead to sẻious health problems." -> "excessive consumption of junk food can lead to serious health problems."
Explanation: "Excessive consumption" is a more precise and formal way to describe eating too much, and "can lead to" is a more academically appropriate conditional structure than "will lead to." "Serious" is corrected to "serious" to maintain the correct spelling.
"Food that contain high calories rate and is the reason which causes dyslipidema." -> "Food with high caloric content is a primary cause of dyslipidemia."
Explanation: "Food with high caloric content" is a more precise and formal way to describe the type of food, and "a primary cause of dyslipidemia" is a more accurate and formal expression than "the reason which causes."
"Such deadly health problems will occured if one eats too much junk food." -> "Such serious health problems may occur if one consumes excessive junk food."
Explanation: "May occur" is more accurate and less definitive than "will occur," which is too absolute for academic writing. "Consumes excessive" is more formal and precise than "eats too much."
"could eventually makes studens in the habits of spending money for it." -> "may eventually lead students to develop habits of spending money on it."
Explanation: "May lead" is a more tentative and academically appropriate expression than "could eventually makes," which is grammatically incorrect. "On it" is the correct preposition to use with "spending money," not "for it."
"wil" -> "will"
Explanation: "Will" is the correct spelling, not "wil."
"they wil skip meals to save money to buy more and more junk food" -> "they will skip meals to save money to purchase more junk food"
Explanation: "Will" is the correct spelling, and "purchase" is a more formal verb than "buy."
"which is very terrible for youngsters to have this habit" -> "which is detrimental to young people’s health if they develop this habit"
Explanation: "Detrimental" is a more precise and formal term than "very terrible," and "young people’s health" is a more appropriate and formal way to refer to the impact on youth.
"they continue on eating and cannot stop until it is too late for them." -> "they continue to consume it and may struggle to stop until it is too late for them."
Explanation: "Continue to consume" is more formal and precise than "continue on eating," and "may struggle to stop" is a more realistic and less absolute expression than "cannot stop."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by expressing agreement with the idea of banning junk food in schools. However, it lacks a comprehensive exploration of the reasons behind this stance. The reasons provided, such as health issues and the development of bad habits, are relevant but not sufficiently detailed or supported with examples. The essay does not fully explore the implications of banning junk food or consider counterarguments, which would provide a more balanced response.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. For instance, when discussing health problems, specific examples of diseases could be mentioned, and statistics or studies could be referenced to strengthen the argument. Additionally, considering potential counterarguments (e.g., the role of parental guidance in food choices) would demonstrate a deeper engagement with the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position in favor of banning junk food; however, the clarity is somewhat undermined by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. Phrases like "the idea of banning this in school" could be more directly stated as "I support banning junk food in schools." The position is stated but could be reinforced throughout the essay with clearer transitions and reiteration of the main argument.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using clear and direct language to express their position. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases can help guide the reader through the argument, reinforcing the stance taken. For example, using phrases like "Furthermore" or "Moreover" can help connect ideas more fluidly.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are relevant but lack depth and development. For example, the mention of "serious health problems" is a strong point, but it is not sufficiently extended with specific examples or explanations. The essay also fails to provide concrete examples from personal experience or knowledge, which would enhance the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples and explanations for each point made. For instance, when discussing health issues, citing specific studies or statistics about the impact of junk food on children’s health would add credibility. Additionally, personal anecdotes or examples from well-known cases could make the argument more relatable and compelling.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the ban of junk food in schools. However, there are moments where the argument could stray, such as when discussing students’ spending habits. This point, while related, could be more tightly connected to the primary argument about health and the benefits of a ban.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each point directly supports the main argument. It may be helpful to outline the main points before writing to ensure that all ideas are relevant and contribute to the overall argument. Additionally, revisiting the prompt after drafting can help identify any off-topic sections that need to be revised or removed.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task but requires significant development in terms of depth, clarity, and support for ideas to achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance on the issue of banning junk food in schools, which is a strong point. The introduction effectively states the writer’s agreement with the notion, and the body paragraphs provide reasons supporting this view. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing health problems to the financial implications of junk food consumption feels abrupt. The ideas are related, but the connection between them could be more explicitly stated to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that outline the main idea. Additionally, linking phrases such as "Furthermore" or "In addition" could help to create smoother transitions between points, ensuring that each idea builds upon the previous one.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, which is essential for clarity. However, the structure could be refined. The first paragraph serves as an introduction, while the second and third paragraphs present arguments. Yet, the second paragraph could be split into two separate paragraphs: one focusing on health issues and the other on the financial implications of junk food. This would allow for a more focused discussion of each point.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant details. This can be achieved by starting a new paragraph when introducing a new argument or aspect of the topic. For example, after discussing health problems, a new paragraph could begin with a topic sentence about the financial habits of students.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "To begin with" and "Besides," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions are not effectively utilized. For example, the phrase "which is very terrible for youngsters to have this habit" could be more formally expressed and better linked to the preceding sentence.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "Consequently," and "As a result." Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help to avoid repetition and enhance the flow of the essay. For instance, instead of repeating "junk food," you could use "this type of food" or "such unhealthy options" in subsequent references.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an improved band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "junk food," "health problems," and "addiction" being appropriately used. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "junk food" appears multiple times without synonyms or alternative expressions, which could enhance the essay’s richness.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "junk food," you could use terms like "unhealthy snacks," "processed foods," or "fast food." Additionally, incorporating more academic or formal vocabulary can elevate the essay’s tone.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "high calories rate" is awkward and unclear; it would be more precise to say "high calorie content." Furthermore, "dyslipidema" is a technical term that may not be widely understood, and its use without explanation could confuse readers.
- How to improve: Focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys your ideas. Instead of "dyslipidema," consider simpler phrases like "abnormal cholesterol levels" or "unhealthy lipid profiles." Additionally, ensure that phrases are grammatically correct and clear, such as changing "will occurred" to "will occur."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "serious" (spelled as "sẻious"), "students" (spelled as "studens"), and "will" (spelled as "wil"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, practice writing and proofreading your work. Utilize spell-check tools and read your essay aloud to catch mistakes. Additionally, consider keeping a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them regularly to reinforce correct spelling.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. By expanding vocabulary range, ensuring precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the overall quality of the writing can be significantly improved.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that can enhance clarity and engagement. For example, sentences like "As children grow, they develop a special preference for junk food" and "To begin with, eating junk food too much will lead to serious health problems" are straightforward but do not utilize more complex structures such as relative clauses or conditional sentences. The use of varied structures is crucial for achieving a higher band score.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more complex sentences. For instance, instead of saying "Food that contain high calories rate and is the reason which causes dyslipidema," a more complex structure could be "Foods that contain a high caloric content are known to contribute to conditions such as dyslipidemia." Additionally, using conditional sentences (e.g., "If students continue to consume junk food, they may face serious health issues") can add depth to the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its overall clarity. For example, "Food that contain high calories rate" should be "Food that contains a high caloric content," demonstrating subject-verb agreement and proper phrasing. The phrase "will occured" is incorrect; the correct form is "will occur." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as missing commas, affect readability. For instance, "which is very terrible for youngsters to have this habit – they continue on eating and cannot stop until it is too late for them" could be improved with a semicolon or a period instead of a dash for better separation of ideas.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and verb tense consistency. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and reading it aloud can help identify awkward phrasing and improve overall clarity. Utilizing grammar-checking tools may also assist in catching errors before submission.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the overall quality of their essay, potentially leading to a higher band score in future assessments.

Bài sửa mẫu

As children mature, they often develop a preference for junk food. Regarding the proposal to ban junk food in schools, I concur with this notion.

To begin with, excessive consumption of junk food can lead to serious health problems. Food with high caloric content is a primary cause of dyslipidemia. Additionally, consuming an excessive amount of fast food can also result in heart diseases. Such serious health problems may occur if one consumes too much junk food.

Moreover, indulging in fast food for an extended period may eventually lead students to develop habits of spending money on it. As students become addicted to junk food, they will skip meals to save money to purchase more and more junk food, which is detrimental to young people’s health if they develop this habit. They continue to consume it and may struggle to stop until it is too late for them.

In conclusion, junk food should be banned in schools so that students will cultivate healthier eating habits and protect themselves from health issues and the risk of becoming addicted to fast food.