fbpx

KỂ VỀ SINH NHẬT GẦN NHẤT CỦA BẠN

KỂ VỀ SINH NHẬT GẦN NHẤT CỦA BẠN

Dear Clever,
How is it going? Many thanks for your last letter. It’s great to hear from you again. I’m sorry I haven’t written to you for such a long time, because I have been really busy recently studying for my exams. I hope everything goes well with you.
I’m writing this letter to tell you about the birthday party that I organized 2 weeks ago. The celebration took place on my 21st birthday, which fell on a warm summer weekend. To make the day even more special, I decided to organize a close dinner at my favorite restaurant with a few close friends and family members. We had a wonderful time chatting, sharing stories, and enjoying the meal together. My friends surprised me with a massive birthday cakes with 21 candles. It was a memorable and intimate celebration.
Anyway, I have to get on with my studies. Give my love to your family. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Love,


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Many thanks" -> "Thank you"
    Explanation: "Many thanks" is a common phrase but using "Thank you" in formal writing is more direct and appropriate.

  2. "It’s great to hear from you again." -> "I appreciate hearing from you again."
    Explanation: While "It’s great to hear from you again" is colloquial, "I appreciate hearing from you again" maintains a formal tone suitable for written communication.

  3. "I’m sorry I haven’t written to you for such a long time" -> "I apologize for not writing to you sooner."
    Explanation: The latter phrase is more formal and acknowledges the delay in correspondence.

  4. "because I have been really busy recently studying for my exams" -> "due to being occupied with exam preparation."
    Explanation: "Because I have been really busy recently studying for my exams" is informal and lacks precision. Replacing it with "due to being occupied with exam preparation" maintains formality and clarity.

  5. "birthday party" -> "celebration"
    Explanation: While "birthday party" is commonly used, "celebration" is a more formal term suitable for written communication.

  6. "To make the day even more special" -> "In order to enhance the occasion"
    Explanation: "To make the day even more special" is casual; "In order to enhance the occasion" is more formal and precise.

  7. "a few close friends" -> "a select group of close friends"
    Explanation: Adding "select group of" adds sophistication to the description.

  8. "My friends surprised me with a massive birthday cakes with 21 candles." -> "I was pleasantly surprised when my friends presented me with a large birthday cake adorned with 21 candles."
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks specificity and uses informal language. The suggested alternative is more detailed and formal.

  9. "It was a memorable and intimate celebration." -> "The event was memorable and intimate."
    Explanation: Simplifying "It was a memorable and intimate celebration" to "The event was memorable and intimate" maintains clarity and formality.

  10. "Anyway" -> "In any case"
    Explanation: "Anyway" is too informal for written communication; "In any case" is more appropriate in this context.

  11. "I have to get on with my studies." -> "I must return to my studies."
    Explanation: "I have to get on with my studies" is casual; "I must return to my studies" is more formal and decisive.

  12. "Give my love to your family." -> "Please convey my regards to your family."
    Explanation: "Give my love to your family" is overly casual; "Please convey my regards to your family" is more formal and appropriate.

  13. "I look forward to hearing from you soon." -> "I eagerly await your response."
    Explanation: "I look forward to hearing from you soon" is casual; "I eagerly await your response" is more formal and anticipatory.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses the prompt by recounting the writer’s recent birthday celebration. It describes the event, mentioning the date, venue, attendees, and activities involved.
    • How to improve: To enhance this aspect, consider expanding on certain details, such as the emotions felt during the celebration or specific memorable moments. Additionally, addressing how the celebration made the writer feel or its significance in their life could provide deeper insight.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance by narrating the writer’s birthday celebration experience. The writer presents themselves as the organizer and main participant of the event.
    • How to improve: To further clarify the position, ensure consistent use of first-person narrative and emphasize personal perspectives or reflections on the event.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents the ideas regarding the birthday celebration effectively, describing the venue, activities, and atmosphere. It briefly extends these ideas by mentioning the surprise cake and the enjoyment of the celebration.
    • How to improve: To strengthen this aspect, elaborate more on the details of the celebration, such as the specific conversations or interactions with friends and family. Providing more vivid descriptions would engage the reader and enrich the narrative.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by discussing the writer’s recent birthday celebration. However, it includes some general inquiries about the recipient’s well-being, which slightly deviates from the main focus.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, minimize unrelated content and focus solely on narrating the birthday celebration. Avoid introducing unrelated topics or inquiries that distract from the main theme.

Overall, while the essay effectively recounts the writer’s recent birthday celebration, there is room for improvement in providing more detailed descriptions, maintaining a consistent narrative perspective, and staying completely on topic. By enhancing these aspects, the essay could achieve a higher band score for task response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:
    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a greeting and introduction, followed by a description of the birthday celebration, and ends with a closing remark. However, there are some areas where the flow could be improved. For instance, the transition between discussing the birthday party and abruptly moving on to ending the letter feels somewhat abrupt and could be smoother.
    • How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider adding a concluding paragraph that summarizes the key points discussed in the essay and ties them back to the initial greeting. This will provide a more cohesive structure to the essay and create a stronger sense of closure for the reader.
  • Use Paragraphs:
    • Detailed explanation: The essay is composed of a single paragraph, which can make it challenging for the reader to navigate and digest the information effectively. While the content is coherent, breaking it into paragraphs would enhance readability and organization.
    • How to improve: Divide the essay into paragraphs to separate different ideas and improve readability. For example, one paragraph could focus on describing the birthday celebration, while another paragraph could address the closing remarks and well wishes.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
    • Detailed explanation: The essay lacks variety in cohesive devices, relying mainly on chronological sequencing to connect ideas. While there are some cohesive devices present, such as time markers ("2 weeks ago", "summer weekend"), there is limited use of other cohesive devices like pronouns, conjunctions, or transitional phrases.
    • How to improve: Introduce a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay. Incorporate pronouns (e.g., "this", "that") to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, use conjunctions (e.g., "furthermore", "however") to connect contrasting or supporting points, and employ transitional phrases (e.g., "in addition", "on the other hand") to indicate shifts in the discussion. This will create a smoother flow between sentences and paragraphs, enhancing overall coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, encompassing words and phrases appropriate for informal communication. For instance, "celebration," "intimate," "memorable," and "organized" contribute to a varied lexical repertoire. However, there is room for enhancement by incorporating more nuanced vocabulary and idiomatic expressions to elevate the richness of the writing.
    • How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider integrating specialized vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as descriptive adjectives to vividly depict the ambiance of the birthday party. Additionally, incorporating idiomatic expressions and synonyms can add depth and sophistication to the narrative. For instance, instead of "wonderful time," consider alternatives like "delightful soirée" or "enchanting gathering."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs vocabulary with general precision, effectively conveying the intended message. For instance, terms like "organized," "celebration," and "surprised" are appropriately used within their contexts. However, some instances lack specificity, such as the repetitive use of "close" to describe both friends and the dinner setting, which could be substituted with more descriptive terms for clarity.
    • How to improve: To refine precision in vocabulary usage, aim for greater specificity by selecting words that precisely convey the intended meaning. Instead of relying on broad terms like "close friends," consider descriptors like "intimate circle" or "trusted companions" to offer a clearer depiction. Furthermore, varying terminology can prevent redundancy and enrich the expression.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates satisfactory spelling accuracy, with minor errors scattered throughout the text. Examples include "cakes" instead of "cake" and the absence of a hyphen in "birthday cakes." While these errors do not significantly impede comprehension, consistent attention to spelling conventions would enhance overall clarity and professionalism.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider incorporating regular proofreading practices to identify and rectify errors before finalizing the writing. Utilizing spelling and grammar checkers or seeking feedback from peers can also aid in identifying and addressing any overlooked mistakes. Additionally, actively expanding vocabulary through reading and vocabulary-building exercises can reinforce spelling proficiency over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a competent use of a variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. Simple sentences like "How is it going?" and "I’m sorry I haven’t written to you for such a long time" are effectively used for direct communication. Compound sentences such as "To make the day even more special, I decided to organize a close dinner at my favorite restaurant with a few close friends and family members" contribute to the coherence and flow of ideas. Additionally, complex sentences like "We had a wonderful time chatting, sharing stories, and enjoying the meal together" showcase the writer’s ability to construct more sophisticated structures.
    • How to improve: To further enhance the variety and complexity of sentence structures, consider incorporating more compound-complex sentences, which combine multiple independent clauses with dependent clauses. For instance, instead of solely using compound sentences, try integrating subordinate clauses to provide additional information or emphasize relationships between ideas.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances where minor errors occur, such as missing articles ("a massive birthday cakes") and inconsistent tense usage ("I have been really busy recently studying for my exams"). Additionally, while punctuation is generally used correctly, there are occasional lapses, such as missing commas after introductory phrases ("To make the day even more special I decided to organize…").
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to article usage and maintain consistency in tense throughout the essay. Proofreading for punctuation errors, particularly regarding comma placement after introductory elements, can help enhance the clarity and coherence of your writing. Additionally, consider reviewing complex sentence structures to ensure proper punctuation of clauses and phrases within them.

Bài sửa mẫu

Dear Clever,

I appreciate hearing from you again. I apologize for not writing to you sooner, due to being occupied with exam preparation. I hope everything is going well with you.

I’m writing to share with you about my recent birthday celebration. It was my 21st birthday two weeks ago, coinciding with a warm summer weekend. In order to enhance the occasion, I organized a small dinner at my favorite restaurant with a select group of close friends and family members. We had a lovely time conversing, exchanging stories, and enjoying a meal together. I was pleasantly surprised when my friends presented me with a large birthday cake adorned with 21 candles. The event was memorable and intimate.

In any case, I must return to my studies. Please convey my regards to your family. I eagerly await your response.

Best regards, [Your Name]

Bài viết liên quan

Phản hồi

Email của bạn sẽ không được hiển thị công khai. Các trường bắt buộc được đánh dấu *

IELTS Writify

Chấm IELTS Writing Free x GPT

Lưu ý

Sắp bảo trì server

Để đảm bảo tính ổn định của web, web sẽ thực hiện backup dữ liệu hàng ngày từ 3h-3h30 sáng

Rất mong quý thầy cô và học viên thông cảm vì bất tiện này