Large companies should pay much higher salaries to their chief executive (CEO )officers or company presidents than to other employees. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Large companies should pay much higher salaries to their chief executive (CEO )officers or company
presidents than to other employees. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the 21st century, there was a widespread expectation that technological advancements would lead to a substantial increase in people's leisure time. This essay delves into the impact of these advancements on daily life and offers my perspective on the matter.
Digital technologies have significantly transformed our lifestyles, simplifying tasks and seemingly creating more opportunities for leisure. Tools such as computers and smartphones have streamlined both work and household chores, reducing the time spent on mundane activities. Moreover, online education has revolutionized learning by offering flexible study options, thereby eliminating the need for traditional school commutes.
However, the reality is more complex than initially envisioned. While technology enhances efficiency and convenience, it also brings forth new responsibilities. For instance, smartphones and social media platforms blur the boundaries between work and leisure, making it challenging to disconnect and relax without interruptions. This constant connectivity can lead to increased stress levels, negating some of the anticipated benefits of technological progress.
In conclusion, while technology undeniably improves convenience and productivity, it has not brought about the significant increase in leisure time predicted for the 21st century. Finding a balance between utilizing technology for productivity and ensuring time for genuine relaxation is crucial. Going forward, mastering this balance will be essential for effective time management in our increasingly digital world.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In the 21st century" -> "In the twenty-first century"
Explanation: Using "twenty-first century" instead of "21st century" enhances the formality and precision of the academic tone, aligning better with formal writing standards. -
"there was a widespread expectation" -> "there existed a widespread expectation"
Explanation: "There existed" is more formal and precise than "there was," which is somewhat colloquial and less specific in this context. -
"substantial increase in people’s leisure time" -> "significant augmentation of leisure time"
Explanation: "Significant augmentation" is a more formal and precise term than "substantial increase," which is somewhat vague and less formal. -
"This essay delves into" -> "This essay explores"
Explanation: "Explores" is a more academically appropriate verb than "delves into," which can sound slightly informal and less precise in academic writing. -
"Tools such as computers and smartphones" -> "Devices such as computers and smartphones"
Explanation: "Devices" is a more specific term than "tools," which is somewhat vague and can encompass a broader range of objects, enhancing the precision of the description. -
"streamlined both work and household chores" -> "streamlined both professional and domestic tasks"
Explanation: "Professional and domestic tasks" is more specific and formal than "work and household chores," which is somewhat colloquial and less precise. -
"seemingly creating more opportunities for leisure" -> "apparently providing more opportunities for leisure"
Explanation: "Apparently" is more formal than "seemingly," which can imply a subjective impression rather than a factual observation, aligning better with the objective tone of academic writing. -
"eliminating the need for traditional school commutes" -> "eliminating the necessity of traditional school commutes"
Explanation: "Necessity" is more formal and precise than "need," which is somewhat informal and less specific in this context. -
"the reality is more complex than initially envisioned" -> "the reality is more complex than initially anticipated"
Explanation: "Anticipated" is more formal and academically appropriate than "envisioned," which can sound slightly less formal and less precise. -
"While technology enhances efficiency and convenience" -> "While technology enhances efficiency and convenience"
Explanation: This is a minor correction to maintain parallel structure and enhance the formal tone by avoiding the use of "and" twice in a row. -
"it also brings forth new responsibilities" -> "it also introduces new responsibilities"
Explanation: "Introduces" is more precise and formal than "brings forth," which can be seen as less formal and slightly vague. -
"blurs the boundaries between work and leisure" -> "obfuscates the distinction between work and leisure"
Explanation: "Obfuscates" is a more precise and formal term than "blurs," which is somewhat colloquial and less specific in this context. -
"increased stress levels" -> "enhanced stress levels"
Explanation: "Enhanced" is more precise and formal than "increased," which is somewhat generic and less specific in this context. -
"mastering this balance" -> "achieving this balance"
Explanation: "Achieving" is more formal and precise than "mastering," which can imply a level of expertise that may not be necessary in this context, aligning better with the academic tone. -
"Going forward" -> "In the future"
Explanation: "In the future" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "Going forward," which is somewhat colloquial and less precise.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 2
Band Score for Task Response: 2 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay fails to address the prompt regarding the salaries of CEOs compared to other employees. Instead, it discusses the impact of technological advancements on leisure time, which is entirely unrelated to the question posed. The lack of relevance to the topic means that the essay does not answer any part of the question.
- How to improve: To effectively answer the prompt, the essay should focus on the issue of salary disparities between CEOs and other employees. The writer should clearly state their position on whether they agree or disagree with the notion that CEOs should earn significantly more than other employees. Including arguments and examples related to this specific topic would enhance the response.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does not present a clear position on the topic of CEO salaries. Instead, it offers a discussion on technology and leisure, which does not align with the requirement to maintain a consistent stance on the issue of salary disparities. As a result, the reader is left without a clear understanding of the writer’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: The writer should explicitly state their position in the introduction and reiterate it throughout the essay. Using phrases like "I strongly agree" or "I disagree" would help clarify their stance. Additionally, each paragraph should relate back to this position, ensuring that all arguments support the chosen viewpoint.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas related to technology and leisure but fails to extend or support them in the context of the prompt. There are no arguments or evidence presented about CEO salaries, which is the central focus of the task. The ideas discussed are irrelevant and do not contribute to a coherent argument regarding the salary issue.
- How to improve: To present and support ideas effectively, the writer should focus on the topic of CEO salaries. This could involve discussing the justification for high salaries, potential drawbacks, and societal implications. Each point should be supported with examples, statistics, or expert opinions to strengthen the argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay deviates significantly from the topic, discussing technology and leisure instead of the salary differences between CEOs and other employees. This lack of focus results in a failure to engage with the prompt and undermines the overall effectiveness of the essay.
- How to improve: To stay on topic, the writer should carefully read the prompt and outline their response before writing. Each paragraph should directly relate to the question, ensuring that all content is relevant. Regularly referring back to the prompt during the writing process can help maintain focus and coherence.
In summary, to improve the essay and achieve a higher band score, the writer must directly address the prompt regarding CEO salaries, present a clear position, support their ideas with relevant arguments and examples, and stay focused on the topic throughout the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that sets the context and outlines the topic. The body paragraphs logically follow, first discussing the positive impacts of technology on leisure time and then addressing the complexities and challenges that arise. This progression demonstrates a coherent flow of ideas. However, the connection between the paragraphs could be strengthened. For instance, while the transition from discussing the benefits of technology to its drawbacks is present, it could be more explicit to guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the ideas between paragraphs. For example, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence like "Despite these advantages, there are significant drawbacks that must be considered" could help clarify the shift in focus.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion are clearly delineated, which aids readability. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided to enhance clarity, especially where it transitions from discussing the negative impacts of technology to the conclusion.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider breaking the second body paragraph into two distinct sections: one focusing on the challenges posed by technology and another discussing the implications of these challenges on leisure time. This would provide a clearer structure and make it easier for the reader to follow the argument.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "however," "moreover," and "for instance," which help to connect ideas and provide examples. These devices contribute to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied linking words and phrases, which would enhance the sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate phrases such as "on the other hand," "in addition," and "consequently." For example, when transitioning from the benefits of technology to its drawbacks, using "on the contrary" could emphasize the contrast more effectively. Additionally, varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more engaging and cohesive narrative.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, there are opportunities for improvement in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices. By implementing these suggestions, the essay could achieve a higher level of clarity and sophistication, potentially leading to an improved band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, utilizing a variety of terms related to technology, leisure, and productivity. Phrases such as "technological advancements," "streamlined," and "revolutionized learning" showcase an ability to convey complex ideas effectively. The use of synonyms, like "enhances" and "improves," indicates a good range of vocabulary. However, there are moments where the vocabulary could be more varied; for instance, the repeated use of "technology" could be substituted with synonyms like "digital innovations" or "technological tools" to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To further improve, the writer should aim to incorporate a broader range of synonyms and expressions throughout the essay. This could involve brainstorming alternative terms before writing or utilizing a thesaurus to find varied vocabulary that fits the context.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying the intended meaning. Terms like "mundane activities" and "constant connectivity" are used accurately to describe specific concepts. However, the phrase "the reality is more complex than initially envisioned" could be seen as slightly vague. While it captures the essence of the argument, it lacks specificity regarding what aspects of reality are complex.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should strive to provide more specific descriptors or examples. For instance, instead of saying "the reality is more complex," they could specify what complexities arise from technological advancements, such as "the reality is more complex due to the emergence of remote work, which blurs the lines between personal and professional time."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors throughout the text. Words such as "substantial," "responsibilities," and "essential" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong grasp of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: While spelling is already at a high standard, the writer can maintain this by continuing to proofread their work carefully. Engaging in regular spelling practice, such as using flashcards for commonly misspelled words or utilizing spelling apps, can also help reinforce this skill.
In summary, the essay demonstrates a strong command of lexical resource, earning a band score of 8. To achieve an even higher score, the writer should focus on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in language use, and maintaining their excellent spelling accuracy.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For example, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "While technology enhances efficiency and convenience, it also brings forth new responsibilities." This structure effectively contrasts two ideas, showcasing the writer’s ability to articulate nuanced thoughts. Additionally, the essay employs a mix of simple and compound sentences, such as "Digital technologies have significantly transformed our lifestyles, simplifying tasks and seemingly creating more opportunities for leisure." This variety contributes to the overall fluency and coherence of the writing.
- How to improve: To further enhance the range of structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and use more advanced grammatical forms, such as participial phrases or conditional sentences. For instance, starting sentences with adverbial clauses (e.g., "Given the rapid pace of technological change, many people find it difficult to manage their time effectively.") could add depth and complexity to the writing.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors that do not impede understanding. For instance, the phrase "the reality is more complex than initially envisioned" is grammatically correct and effectively conveys the intended meaning. Punctuation is also used correctly throughout, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and enhance readability. However, there is a slight inconsistency in the use of commas before conjunctions in compound sentences, which could be improved for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy further, the writer should pay attention to comma usage, particularly in compound sentences. For example, ensuring that a comma is placed before conjunctions like "and" or "but" when connecting two independent clauses will enhance clarity. Additionally, reviewing common grammatical pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and tense consistency, can help maintain a high standard of accuracy throughout the essay.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a Band Score of 8. By incorporating more varied sentence structures and refining punctuation practices, the writer can aim for an even higher level of proficiency.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the twenty-first century, there existed a widespread expectation that technological advancements would lead to a substantial increase in people’s leisure time. This essay explores the impact of these advancements on daily life and offers my perspective on the matter.
Digital technologies have significantly transformed our lifestyles, simplifying tasks and apparently providing more opportunities for leisure. Devices such as computers and smartphones have streamlined both professional and domestic tasks, reducing the time spent on mundane activities. Moreover, online education has revolutionized learning by offering flexible study options, thereby eliminating the necessity of traditional school commutes.
However, the reality is more complex than initially anticipated. While technology enhances efficiency and convenience, it also introduces new responsibilities. For instance, smartphones and social media platforms obfuscate the distinction between work and leisure, making it challenging to disconnect and relax without interruptions. This constant connectivity can lead to enhanced stress levels, negating some of the anticipated benefits of technological progress.
In conclusion, while technology undeniably improves convenience and productivity, it has not brought about the significant augmentation of leisure time predicted for the twenty-first century. Achieving this balance between utilizing technology for productivity and ensuring time for genuine relaxation is crucial. In the future, mastering this balance will be essential for effective time management in our increasingly digital world.