Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

A large number of individuals argue that young generations who take on the role of leaders or directors bring more benefits to the organisation than the old workers. The author of this essay disagrees with this statement due to old employees' adequate experience and their suitable personality traits.

It mus be acknowledged that old individuals who have experienced a lot of situations during their careers will be more proficient when it
comes to surprising problems. When old workers could learn different lessons from their mistakes in the past, they will be able to gain more knowledge and show a superior understanding of various fields. Moreover, old leaders with wide experience can share them to other colleagues, so the organisation may avoid some risks or traps made by numerous competitors. Therefore, exepending a long time of lifespan to obtain experience and skills, old directors will deeply understand many aspects of their works and help their staffs

Another point to take into consideration is that old generations may acquire better personalities and awarenesses. For example, they can stay calm and solve different problems carefully after dealing with many difficult issues in their works. Although old leaders may provide a serve work condition, many staffs who can get used to it will improve their jobs to higher quality. As a result, employees with many years in corporations will not only complete demanding issues thoughtfully but also enhace others'abilities.

In conclusion, old individuals will have a possitive impact on the corporation because of their huge amount of knowledge and their thoughtful cognition, THis essay has shown that old people can better undertake leadership roles.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A large number of individuals argue" -> "Many scholars argue"
Explanation: Replacing "A large number of individuals" with "Many scholars" specifies the type of individuals involved in the argument, enhancing the academic tone and precision.
"young generations" -> "younger generations"
Explanation: "Younger" is more precise and commonly used in academic contexts to refer to generations in relation to age.
"take on the role of leaders or directors" -> "assume leadership roles"
Explanation: "Assume leadership roles" is a more formal and concise way to express the idea of taking on positions of authority.
"bring more benefits to the organisation" -> "contribute more value to the organization"
Explanation: "Contribute more value" is a more formal and precise term that better fits the academic style, emphasizing the positive impact on the organization.
"old workers" -> "older employees"
Explanation: "Older employees" is a more respectful and formal term than "old workers," which can be seen as derogatory.
"It mus be acknowledged" -> "It must be acknowledged"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "mus" to "must" for grammatical accuracy.
"old individuals who have experienced a lot of situations" -> "older individuals who have encountered numerous situations"
Explanation: "Encountered numerous situations" is more precise and formal, improving the academic tone.
"surprising problems" -> "unforeseen challenges"
Explanation: "Unforeseen challenges" is a more precise and formal term that better fits the context of unexpected difficulties.
"could learn different lessons" -> "can learn various lessons"
Explanation: "Can learn various lessons" is more assertive and academically appropriate than "could learn different lessons."
"show a superior understanding" -> "demonstrate a superior understanding"
Explanation: "Demonstrate" is a more formal verb that enhances the academic tone.
"exepending a long time of lifespan" -> "spending a long period of their lifespan"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "exepending" to "spending" and uses "period" for a more formal expression.
"help their staffs" -> "assist their staff"
Explanation: "Assist their staff" is grammatically correct and more formal than "help their staffs."
"Another point to take into consideration" -> "Another consideration"
Explanation: Simplifying to "Another consideration" streamlines the sentence and maintains a formal tone.
"may acquire better personalities and awarenesses" -> "may develop better personalities and awareness"
Explanation: "Develop" is more precise and appropriate in this context than "acquire," which can imply a more passive process.
"serve work condition" -> "favorable work environment"
Explanation: "Favorable work environment" is a more specific and formal term than "serve work condition."
"many staffs" -> "many staff members"
Explanation: Corrects the plural form "staffs" to "staff members" for grammatical accuracy.
"enhace others’abilities" -> "enhance others’ abilities"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "enhace" to "enhance" and adds the necessary space before the apostrophe in "others’."
"old individuals will have a possitive impact" -> "older individuals will have a positive impact"
Explanation: Corrects the spelling error "possitive" to "positive" and uses "older" for consistency in referring to age.
"huge amount of knowledge" -> "substantial amount of knowledge"
Explanation: "Substantial" is a more precise and formal adjective than "huge," which can be seen as colloquial.
"thoughtful cognition" -> "thoughtful consideration"
Explanation: "Thoughtful consideration" is a more appropriate phrase in this context, suggesting careful and deliberate thought rather than cognition, which is typically used in a more abstract sense.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that younger leaders would be better. The author effectively outlines reasons for supporting older leaders, focusing on their experience and personality traits. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint regarding younger leaders, which would provide a more balanced response to the prompt.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the author should briefly mention the potential advantages of younger leaders before refuting them. This would demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic and allow for a more nuanced argument.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position against the idea that younger leaders are preferable. The author consistently supports this stance with arguments about the experience and personality traits of older leaders. However, the clarity of the position could be improved by explicitly stating the thesis in the introduction and reiterating it in the conclusion.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the author should refine the thesis statement to clearly articulate their disagreement with the prompt. Additionally, restating this position in the conclusion would reinforce the argument and provide a stronger closure.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the benefits of older leaders, such as their experience and calm demeanor in problem-solving. However, some points lack sufficient elaboration and specific examples. For instance, while the essay mentions that older leaders can share their knowledge, it does not provide concrete examples of how this sharing occurs or its impact on the organization.
- How to improve: The author should aim to provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate the points made. This could involve citing real-world scenarios where older leaders have successfully navigated challenges or contributed to their organizations’ success. Additionally, expanding on how older leaders can mentor younger employees would add depth to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the advantages of older leaders. However, there are moments where the language becomes slightly convoluted, which may distract from the main argument. For example, phrases like "serve work condition" and "enhace others’ abilities" could lead to confusion about the intended meaning.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and clarity, the author should ensure that all language used is precise and directly related to the argument. Simplifying complex phrases and avoiding jargon will help keep the reader engaged and focused on the main points. Additionally, proofreading for grammatical errors and typos will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in addressing all parts of the question, enhancing clarity, providing specific examples, and maintaining focus. By implementing these suggestions, the author can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance against the idea that younger leaders would be better, which is evident in the introduction. The arguments are structured in a logical manner, with each paragraph addressing a specific point supporting the main argument. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the experience of older leaders, while the second focuses on their personality traits. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother, as some points feel slightly disjointed. For example, the connection between the experience of older leaders and their ability to mentor younger colleagues could be more explicitly stated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely," can help guide the reader through the argument more fluidly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct argument, making it easier for the reader to follow the writer’s line of reasoning. However, the paragraphs could benefit from more uniformity in length and depth. The first paragraph is relatively longer and more detailed compared to the second, which feels somewhat rushed and less developed.
- How to improve: Aim for a more balanced approach in paragraph length by expanding on the second point about personality traits. Providing additional examples or elaborating on how these traits specifically benefit the organization would create a more cohesive argument. Furthermore, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Moreover" and "For example," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "As a result" is used, but it would be more effective if it were followed by a clearer explanation of the cause-and-effect relationship.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "In contrast," "Consequently," and "Additionally." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also demonstrate a more sophisticated command of language. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device is used appropriately to maintain clarity in the argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments. By focusing on improving logical flow, balancing paragraph development, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, with terms such as "proficient," "experience," "knowledge," and "understanding." However, there are instances where the vocabulary used is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For example, the word "old" is used frequently, which could be replaced with synonyms like "elderly," "mature," or "experienced" to enhance lexical diversity. Additionally, phrases like "old workers" and "old generations" could be varied to avoid redundancy.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, the writer should actively seek synonyms and alternative phrases. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help expand their lexical repertoire. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also contribute to a more diverse vocabulary usage.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay includes some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "surprising problems" seems to be a miscommunication of the intended meaning, which might be better expressed as "unexpected problems." Additionally, the term "serve work condition" is unclear and could be more effectively articulated as "supportive work environment."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on understanding the nuances of vocabulary. Reading extensively and paying attention to context can help in selecting the most appropriate words. Furthermore, revising sentences to clarify meaning and ensure that the chosen words accurately convey the intended message will improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that impact the overall quality of the writing. Notable examples include "mus" instead of "must," "exepending" instead of "expending," "possitive" instead of "positive," and "enhace" instead of "enhance." These errors can distract the reader and undermine the writer’s credibility.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and maintaining a personal list of frequently encountered spelling errors can help reinforce correct spelling over time. Engaging in regular writing practice will also contribute to improved spelling skills.

By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and, consequently, their overall IELTS writing score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "When old workers could learn different lessons from their mistakes in the past, they will be able to gain more knowledge and show a superior understanding of various fields" indicates an attempt to incorporate complexity. However, the overall variety is somewhat limited, with many sentences following a similar structure. For example, the repeated use of "old individuals" and "old leaders" can make the writing feel monotonous.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should experiment with different forms, such as conditional sentences, passive voice, and varying sentence lengths. For example, instead of starting several sentences with "old leaders," they could begin with phrases like "With their extensive experience," or "Having faced numerous challenges," to create more dynamic openings. Additionally, incorporating more complex clauses and varying the sentence types (interrogative, exclamatory) could enhance the overall richness of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity and coherence. For instance, "mus be acknowledged" should be "must be acknowledged," indicating a spelling error. Additionally, the phrase "exepending a long time of lifespan" is awkward and unclear; it should be revised to "spending a long time gaining experience." There are also punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in complex sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. For example, "Therefore, exepending a long time of lifespan to obtain experience and skills, old directors will deeply understand many aspects of their works and help their staffs" could be clearer with better punctuation and structure.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for spelling and grammatical mistakes. Utilizing grammar-checking tools or seeking feedback from peers can help identify errors. Additionally, practicing the use of commas in complex sentences will improve clarity. For instance, breaking down longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones can help maintain the reader’s understanding. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly focusing on verb tenses and subject-verb agreement, would also be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument, improvements in sentence variety and grammatical accuracy are essential for achieving a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

A large number of individuals argue that younger generations who take on the role of leaders or directors bring more benefits to the organization than older workers. The author of this essay disagrees with this statement due to older employees’ adequate experience and their suitable personality traits.

It must be acknowledged that older individuals who have encountered numerous situations during their careers will be more proficient when it comes to unforeseen challenges. When older workers learn various lessons from their mistakes in the past, they will be able to gain more knowledge and demonstrate a superior understanding of various fields. Moreover, older leaders with wide experience can share their insights with other colleagues, so the organization may avoid some risks or traps made by numerous competitors. Therefore, spending a long period of their lifespan to obtain experience and skills, older directors will deeply understand many aspects of their work and assist their staff.

Another consideration is that older generations may develop better personalities and awareness. For example, they can stay calm and solve different problems carefully after dealing with many difficult issues in their work. Although older leaders may provide a favorable work environment, many staff members who can get used to it will improve their jobs to a higher quality. As a result, employees with many years in corporations will not only complete demanding tasks thoughtfully but also enhance others’ abilities.

In conclusion, older individuals will have a positive impact on the corporation because of their substantial amount of knowledge and their thoughtful consideration. This essay has shown that older people can better undertake leadership roles.