Leaders and directors in an organization are normally older people. Some people think that younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

There is a claim that old people normally direct members of organization while there is an opposite notion that young generations would take on the role of leader position better than old workers. I personally agree that youngster work better than old leaders, as young generations are consistently proficient in new knowledge nowadays.
Initially, the young have a plenty of massive knowledge, which they acquired from innovated curriculums during their academic years. It means that they have much more beneficial knowledge than the old people, who merely have ancient insights that are not used for nowadays generations. Furthermore, from these old knowledge, the ways the old people think to solve many problems are completely different from young generations' ways. In particular, If old individuals often utilize strict methods in completing their works with organisms, young people in one organization will not want to work with old leader. Otherwise, young directors would have better solutions that can give a comfort to the others.
Moreover, young workers nowadays tend to acquire much wisdom and show superior standing of leading skill, which they partly gained from their academic extracurricular activities. This social skill supports them in getting a leader position easily. Young individuals also utilize social networking sites to build good connection and have ability in fitting with members.
In conclusion, except for old individuals who get a huge amount of knowledge and experiments, young generations nowadays also work extremely flexibly even better and are enjoyed by more people.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"old people" -> "older individuals"
Explanation: "Old people" can be perceived as informal and somewhat derogatory. "Older individuals" is more respectful and appropriate for academic writing.
"youngsters" -> "younger individuals"
Explanation: "Youngsters" is informal and somewhat colloquial. "Younger individuals" maintains a formal tone suitable for academic discourse.
"work better than old leaders" -> "are more effective leaders than their older counterparts"
Explanation: The phrase "work better than old leaders" is vague and informal. The suggested revision clarifies the comparison and maintains a formal tone.
"a plenty of massive knowledge" -> "a significant amount of extensive knowledge"
Explanation: "A plenty of massive knowledge" is awkward and incorrect. "A significant amount of extensive knowledge" is grammatically correct and more precise.
"innovated curriculums" -> "innovative curricula"
Explanation: "Innovated curriculums" is incorrect. "Innovative curricula" is the correct term, referring to educational programs that incorporate new methods or approaches.
"old people, who merely have ancient insights" -> "older individuals, who primarily possess outdated knowledge"
Explanation: "Ancient insights" is an overly dramatic and informal expression. "Outdated knowledge" is more precise and formal.
"not used for nowadays generations" -> "not relevant to contemporary generations"
Explanation: "Not used for nowadays generations" is awkward and informal. "Not relevant to contemporary generations" is clearer and more formal.
"If old individuals often utilize strict methods" -> "Older individuals frequently employ rigid methods"
Explanation: "Old individuals" is less formal than "older individuals." "Employ" is more formal than "utilize," and "rigid" is more precise than "strict."
"young directors would have better solutions that can give a comfort to the others" -> "younger leaders would offer more effective solutions that provide comfort to others"
Explanation: "Give a comfort" is grammatically incorrect. "Provide comfort" is the correct phrase. Also, "younger leaders" is more formal than "young directors."
"young workers nowadays tend to acquire much wisdom" -> "younger workers today tend to gain significant wisdom"
Explanation: "Acquire much wisdom" is informal and vague. "Gain significant wisdom" is more precise and formal.
"show superior standing of leading skill" -> "demonstrate superior leadership skills"
Explanation: "Show superior standing of leading skill" is awkward and unclear. "Demonstrate superior leadership skills" is clearer and more formal.
"getting a leader position easily" -> "easily securing leadership positions"
Explanation: "Getting a leader position" is informal and imprecise. "Easily securing leadership positions" is more formal and specific.
"young individuals also utilize social networking sites" -> "younger individuals also leverage social media platforms"
Explanation: "Utilize social networking sites" is somewhat informal and outdated. "Leverage social media platforms" is more contemporary and formal.
"have ability in fitting with members" -> "possess the ability to connect with members"
Explanation: "Have ability in fitting with members" is awkward and unclear. "Possess the ability to connect with members" is clearer and more formal.
"are enjoyed by more people" -> "are preferred by more individuals"
Explanation: "Are enjoyed by more people" is informal and vague. "Are preferred by more individuals" is more precise and formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing the advantages of younger leaders over older ones. However, it does not fully explore the opposing viewpoint or acknowledge the potential strengths of older leaders, which is essential for a balanced response. The phrase "I personally agree that youngster work better than old leaders" indicates a clear stance, but the essay fails to provide a comprehensive analysis of both perspectives.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly mention the merits of older leaders, such as experience and wisdom, before contrasting them with the benefits of younger leaders. This would provide a more balanced view and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring younger leaders, as seen in the opening statement and throughout the body paragraphs. However, the position could be more strongly reinforced with consistent arguments and examples. The conclusion somewhat reiterates the main idea but lacks a strong summarization of the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly supports the main argument. Additionally, reinforcing the thesis in the conclusion by summarizing key points would strengthen the overall clarity of the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the notion that younger individuals have more relevant knowledge and better social skills. However, these ideas are not sufficiently developed or supported with specific examples or evidence. For instance, the claim about "massive knowledge" from "innovated curriculums" lacks concrete examples or data to substantiate it.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples, statistics, or real-world scenarios that illustrate the advantages of younger leaders. This could include references to successful young leaders in various fields or studies showing the effectiveness of younger leadership styles.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the comparison between younger and older leaders. However, some sentences are convoluted and may confuse the reader, such as "the ways the old people think to solve many problems are completely different from young generations’ ways." This could lead to a lack of clarity and coherence in the argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each sentence contributes directly to the argument. Simplifying complex sentences and avoiding vague language will help keep the essay clear and on topic. Additionally, using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can guide the reader through the argument more effectively.

Overall, to improve the essay and potentially raise the band score, the writer should focus on providing a balanced view of the topic, developing and supporting ideas with concrete examples, reinforcing their position consistently, and maintaining clarity and coherence throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of younger leaders, and the ideas are generally organized in a logical sequence. The introduction outlines the topic and states the writer’s position effectively. Each paragraph addresses a specific point supporting the main argument, such as the knowledge and skills of younger individuals. However, there are instances where the logical flow could be improved; for example, the transition between the first and second paragraphs feels abrupt, as the connection between the points made is not clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that explicitly relate back to the thesis statement. Additionally, incorporating transitional phrases (e.g., "Furthermore," "In addition," "Conversely") can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly and clarify the relationships between ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, such as the knowledge of young leaders and their social skills. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. For instance, the first paragraph could be split into two: one focusing on the knowledge aspect and another on the differences in problem-solving approaches between young and old leaders. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point.
- How to improve: Aim for clearer paragraph divisions by ensuring each paragraph contains a single main idea supported by relevant examples. A good practice is to start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that summarizes the main point, followed by supporting details. This will help maintain clarity and focus throughout the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "furthermore" and "in conclusion," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be strengthened. For example, the phrase "old knowledge" is somewhat vague and could benefit from a more precise term or explanation to clarify the point being made.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases (e.g., "on the other hand," "as a result," "for instance") to clarify relationships between ideas. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help improve the flow of the essay and reduce repetition.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements can be made in the areas of logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices to achieve a higher band score. Focusing on these aspects will enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but it tends to rely on some repetitive phrases and lacks variety in word choice. For instance, the terms "young generations" and "old people" are used frequently without synonyms or variations, which can make the writing feel monotonous. Phrases like "leader position" and "old knowledge" could be expressed more creatively to enhance the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "young generations," alternatives like "younger leaders," "youth," or "millennials" could be employed. Additionally, varying the structure of sentences and using more sophisticated vocabulary, such as "experienced individuals" instead of "old people," would enhance the essay’s lexical range.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage that can lead to confusion. For example, the phrase "a plenty of massive knowledge" is awkward and could be more clearly expressed as "a wealth of knowledge." The term "ancient insights" is also misleading, as it implies a historical context that may not be relevant to the discussion of older individuals’ experiences.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. For instance, replacing "old knowledge" with "traditional knowledge" or "experience" would clarify the context. Additionally, reviewing collocations and common phrases can help ensure that word combinations are natural and appropriate.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "innovated" (should be "innovative"), "experiments" (should be "experience"), and "comfort" (should be "comfortably"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular practice, such as writing short essays or paragraphs and using spell-check tools. Additionally, creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can help reinforce correct spelling. Reading more extensively can also aid in familiarizing oneself with correct spelling in context.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance the clarity and effectiveness of their writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "I personally agree that youngster work better than old leaders, as young generations are consistently proficient in new knowledge nowadays" shows a compound structure. However, the overall range of structures is limited, and many sentences are either overly simplistic or awkwardly phrased. For example, "the young have a plenty of massive knowledge" is both awkward and incorrect in its use of "a plenty of," which should be "plenty of." Additionally, the sentence "If old individuals often utilize strict methods in completing their works with organisms" is confusing due to the term "organisms," which seems out of context.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences and varying sentence beginnings. Using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., "although," "because," "while") can help create more complex structures. Additionally, the writer should focus on clarity and coherence in their phrasing, ensuring that each sentence logically follows from the previous one.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For instance, "youngster work better" should be "youngsters work better," and "old knowledge" is awkward; "older knowledge" or "traditional knowledge" would be more appropriate. The phrase "which they acquired from innovated curriculums" should use "innovative" instead of "innovated." Punctuation errors, such as the missing comma in "In particular, If old individuals," also detract from the overall quality. The use of "the ways the old people think to solve many problems are completely different from young generations’ ways" is convoluted and could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules, particularly with plural forms (e.g., "youngsters" instead of "youngster"). Additionally, focusing on the correct use of adjectives and adverbs will enhance clarity. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially those targeting common errors, can be beneficial. For punctuation, the writer should familiarize themselves with the rules regarding commas, especially in complex sentences, to improve readability.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear opinion, the limited range of structures and grammatical inaccuracies significantly impact the effectiveness of the argument. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is a claim that older individuals typically direct members of an organization, while there is an opposing notion that younger individuals would perform better in leadership roles than their older counterparts. I personally agree that younger individuals are more effective leaders than older leaders, as they are consistently proficient in acquiring new knowledge today.

Initially, younger individuals possess a significant amount of extensive knowledge, which they have gained from innovative curricula during their academic years. This means that they have much more relevant knowledge than older individuals, who primarily possess outdated knowledge that is not applicable to contemporary generations. Furthermore, the problem-solving approaches of older individuals are often completely different from those of younger generations. In particular, if older individuals frequently employ rigid methods in completing their tasks within organizations, younger employees may be reluctant to work under older leaders. Conversely, younger leaders would offer more effective solutions that provide comfort to others.

Moreover, younger workers today tend to gain significant wisdom and demonstrate superior leadership skills, partly acquired through their academic extracurricular activities. These social skills support them in easily securing leadership positions. Younger individuals also leverage social media platforms to build strong connections and possess the ability to engage effectively with their team members.

In conclusion, aside from older individuals who may have a vast amount of knowledge and experience, younger generations today also work extremely flexibly and are preferred by more individuals.