Leaders and directors in oragnisations are normally older people. Some people think younger leader would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

Old individuals mostly take on the role of leadership in corporations although other believes that youngster will do more effectively. I firmly agree ass about older people are more suitable for leadership position.
One of the primary reason is about experience. An old employee can acquire much experience from their failure while young generations use their knowledge to control employers. Moreover, old directors show a superior understanding of their career and reliability for cooporators.
Additionally, personality traits also have a significant impact on leadership role. Being bitter or cross easily will bring consequences for their behavior. In that case, old generations can reduce the ratio having negative baehavior.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Old individuals mostly take on the role of leadership" -> "Elderly individuals often assume leadership roles"
Explanation: "Elderly individuals" is a more precise and formal term than "old individuals," and "assume leadership roles" is a more formal expression than "take on the role of leadership."
"other believes that youngster will do more effectively" -> "others believe that younger individuals will be more effective"
Explanation: "Others" is the correct form of "other," and "younger individuals" is more specific and formal than "youngster." Additionally, "be more effective" is a more natural and precise way to express the idea than "do more effectively."
"I firmly agree ass about older people are more suitable" -> "I strongly agree that older individuals are more suitable"
Explanation: "I strongly agree" is a more formal expression than "I firmly agree," and "older individuals" is more precise than "older people." Also, "that" is needed after "agree" to introduce the clause.
"One of the primary reason is about experience" -> "One primary reason is experience"
Explanation: "One primary reason" is grammatically correct and more concise, eliminating the unnecessary word "is about."
"An old employee can acquire much experience from their failure" -> "An experienced employee can gain valuable insights from their past failures"
Explanation: "An experienced employee" is more accurate as it describes the type of employee being discussed, and "gain valuable insights from their past failures" is more precise and formal than "acquire much experience from their failure."
"young generations use their knowledge to control employers" -> "younger generations utilize their knowledge to manage their employers"
Explanation: "Younger generations" is grammatically correct, and "utilize" and "manage" are more formal and precise than "use" and "control."
"old directors show a superior understanding of their career and reliability for cooporators" -> "older directors demonstrate a superior understanding of their profession and reliability among colleagues"
Explanation: "Demonstrate" is more formal than "show," and "profession" is more specific than "career." Also, "among colleagues" is more appropriate than "for cooporators," which is likely a typographical error.
"Being bitter or cross easily will bring consequences for their behavior" -> "Experiencing anger or irritability can lead to adverse consequences in their behavior"
Explanation: "Experiencing anger or irritability" is a more precise and formal way to describe emotional states, and "can lead to adverse consequences" is more academically appropriate than "will bring consequences."
"old generations can reduce the ratio having negative baehavior" -> "older generations can minimize the incidence of negative behavior"
Explanation: "Minimize the incidence of" is a more precise and formal expression than "reduce the ratio having," and "older generations" is grammatically correct.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by stating a clear position that older individuals are more suitable for leadership roles. However, it only partially engages with the opposing viewpoint regarding younger leaders. The argument is not fully developed, as it lacks a thorough exploration of why younger leaders might be beneficial, which is essential for a balanced discussion. The mention of "young generations use their knowledge to control employers" is vague and does not clearly articulate a counterpoint to the author’s position.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly address both sides of the argument. This could involve discussing the potential advantages of younger leaders, such as innovation, adaptability, or familiarity with modern technologies. A more balanced approach would strengthen the essay and demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position in favor of older leaders, but the clarity is undermined by grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as "I firmly agree ass about older people." This detracts from the overall coherence of the argument. Additionally, the position could be more consistently reinforced throughout the essay, as the lack of supporting examples makes it feel less persuasive.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should use straightforward language and ensure that their stance is reiterated in each paragraph. Including specific examples or evidence to support the claim about older leaders would also help solidify the position.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are underdeveloped. For instance, the point about experience is mentioned but not elaborated upon with specific examples or scenarios that illustrate how experience translates into effective leadership. The mention of personality traits is also vague and lacks depth, as it does not explain how these traits specifically benefit leadership roles.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide specific examples or case studies that illustrate their points. For instance, they could discuss a well-known leader who exemplifies the benefits of experience or cite studies that show the impact of personality traits on leadership effectiveness. This would provide a stronger foundation for the arguments made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the suitability of older leaders. However, the lack of clarity and depth in the arguments can lead to confusion about the main point. The phrase "young generations use their knowledge to control employers" seems to stray from the topic, as it does not clearly relate to the effectiveness of younger leaders.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every sentence contributes directly to the argument regarding leadership suitability. It may help to outline the main points before writing the essay, ensuring that all content is relevant and directly addresses the prompt.

In summary, to improve the overall score for Task Response, the writer should aim to engage more thoroughly with both sides of the argument, present a clearer and more consistent position, develop ideas with specific examples, and maintain a tight focus on the topic throughout the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow is somewhat disrupted. For instance, the introduction states a clear opinion, but the subsequent points do not build upon this argument in a cohesive manner. The transition from discussing experience to personality traits lacks a clear connection, which can confuse the reader about how these ideas relate to the main argument regarding the suitability of older leaders.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the thesis statement. Using topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can help clarify the main idea. Additionally, providing clear transitions between points will guide the reader through the argument more effectively. For example, after discussing experience, the writer could introduce the next point with a phrase like, "In addition to experience, personality traits also play a crucial role in effective leadership."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs, but the division of ideas is not very effective. The first paragraph mixes the introduction with the main argument, and the body paragraphs do not clearly delineate separate ideas. The lack of clear paragraphing makes it difficult for the reader to follow the progression of the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. A well-structured essay typically includes an introduction, at least two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each body paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point, followed by supporting details. For instance, one paragraph could focus solely on the advantages of experience in leadership, while another could discuss personality traits, ensuring that each paragraph is distinct and contributes to the overall argument.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "moreover" and "additionally," but the overall range and effectiveness are limited. The use of cohesive devices is somewhat mechanical and does not always enhance the clarity of the argument. For example, the phrase "old individuals mostly take on the role of leadership" could be better connected to the subsequent points about experience and personality traits.
- How to improve: To improve the use of cohesive devices, the writer should aim to incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more fluidly. This includes using devices such as "for instance," "however," "on the other hand," and "therefore." Additionally, ensuring that cohesive devices are used in a way that clearly links ideas will improve the overall coherence. For example, when transitioning from discussing experience to personality traits, the writer could use a phrase like, "While experience is crucial, it is equally important to consider how personality traits influence leadership effectiveness."

By addressing these areas, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of the essay, potentially improving the overall band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "leadership," "experience," and "personality traits." However, the range is somewhat limited, and there are instances where more sophisticated or varied vocabulary could enhance the argument. For example, the phrase "old individuals" could be replaced with "older individuals" or "senior leaders" to sound more natural. Additionally, the term "youngster" is informal and could be substituted with "younger leaders" or "younger individuals" for a more academic tone.
- How to improve: To improve vocabulary range, the writer should explore synonyms and related terms that can add depth to their writing. Reading more academic articles or essays on leadership could expose them to a broader lexicon. Practicing paraphrasing sentences can also help in diversifying vocabulary usage.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are several instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, the phrase "young generations use their knowledge to control employers" is vague and could imply a negative connotation. The term "control" may not accurately represent the relationship between younger leaders and their teams. Additionally, "bitter or cross" lacks clarity and could be better articulated as "irritable" or "short-tempered." The phrase "reduce the ratio having negative behavior" is awkward and unclear.
- How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey their intended meaning more clearly. This can be achieved by using a thesaurus to find more appropriate words and by practicing writing sentences that require precise language. Additionally, reviewing feedback on word choice in previous essays can help identify patterns of imprecision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "oragnisations" (organizations), "other believes" (others believe), "ass" (as), "reason" (reasons), "cooporators" (cooperators), and "baehavior" (behavior). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should implement a proofreading strategy that includes reading the essay aloud and using spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing commonly misspelled words and keeping a personal list of frequently made errors can help reinforce correct spelling. Engaging in exercises that focus on spelling can also be beneficial.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a basic understanding of vocabulary relevant to the topic, there are significant areas for improvement in range, precision, and spelling. By expanding their vocabulary, focusing on precise word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy, the writer can aim for a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the majority of sentences are simple or compound, such as "Old individuals mostly take on the role of leadership in corporations" and "An old employee can acquire much experience from their failure." While these sentences are clear, they lack complexity and variation. The use of more complex structures, such as subordinate clauses or varied sentence beginnings, is minimal. For example, the phrase "although other believes that youngster will do more effectively" contains grammatical errors and does not utilize a more sophisticated structure that could enhance clarity and engagement.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating complex sentences that combine ideas. For example, instead of saying, "An old employee can acquire much experience from their failure," you could say, "While older employees can acquire valuable experience from their failures, younger leaders often bring fresh perspectives and innovative ideas." Additionally, practice using different sentence starters and varying the length of sentences to create a more dynamic flow.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "other believes that youngster will do more effectively" should be corrected to "others believe that younger leaders would be more effective." The phrase "I firmly agree ass about older people are more suitable for leadership position" is awkward and contains a typographical error ("ass" instead of "that"). Furthermore, punctuation is often missing or misused, such as in the phrase "old generations can reduce the ratio having negative baehavior," which lacks clarity and proper punctuation.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, it is crucial to proofread the essay for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect word forms. Practicing grammar exercises focused on these areas can also be beneficial. Additionally, using punctuation correctly, especially in complex sentences, will improve readability. For instance, ensure that commas are used to separate clauses appropriately, and consider revising sentences for clarity before finalizing the essay.

In summary, to improve the band score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy, focus on diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical and punctuation accuracy. Regular practice and revision will lead to clearer and more effective writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Old individuals mostly take on leadership roles in corporations, although others believe that younger leaders would be more effective. I firmly agree that older people are more suitable for leadership positions.

One primary reason is experience. An older employee can acquire much experience from their failures, while younger generations utilize their knowledge to manage their employers. Moreover, older directors demonstrate a superior understanding of their profession and reliability among colleagues.

Additionally, personality traits also have a significant impact on leadership roles. Experiencing anger or irritability can lead to adverse consequences in their behavior. In that case, older generations can minimize the incidence of negative behavior.