Levels of youth crimes are increasing rapidly in most cities around the world. What are the reasons and solutions for this?

Nowadays, it is reported that there is a rapid increase in the crime rate which is committed by young individuals, especially in metropolitan areas around the world. Some factors have been indicated as reasons for this social problem which this essay may discuss, and several potential resolutions involve reducing the number of young criminals in the society.
Early exposure to advanced technologies such as mobile phones and the Internet is considered as the biggest cause leading to the crimes at the young ages. Films and video clips with violent factors are now widespread on the Internet, which drives young people’s curiosity and demand to imitate crime scenes such as murders or robbers. Additionally, working parents in the cities seem to spend less time with their children, leading to the thoughts of doing bad things to draw attention from parents.
Properly controlling and limiting the violent content around young individuals are effective ways to violent-drone behaviours. Spending more time with children is also a good means for parents to connect with and understand their children, especially when they are at the young ages. For instance, many studies show that children living in happy families with careful parents have less likelihood of committing a crime than the ones lacking parents’ care.
In conclusion, frequently interacting with violent content and a shortage of care from parents are the two main causes that drive levels of youth crimes worldwide. However, we may prevail by having the control over the content on the Internet and spending more time with children to understand and connect with them closely.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"Nowadays" -> "Currently" or "Presently"
Explanation: "Nowadays" is somewhat informal for academic writing. Replacing it with "Currently" or "Presently" maintains the temporal context while adhering to a more formal tone.
"it is reported that" -> "reports indicate that"
Explanation: "It is reported that" is a passive construction that can be replaced with a more active and concise phrase like "reports indicate that," which is more suitable for academic writing.
"rapid increase" -> "sharp rise"
Explanation: "Rapid increase" is a common phrase, but "sharp rise" is more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the essay.
"committed by young individuals" -> "perpetrated by juveniles"
Explanation: "Committed by young individuals" can be replaced with "perpetrated by juveniles," which is a more formal and precise term.
"especially in metropolitan areas around the world" -> "particularly in global urban centers"
Explanation: "Metropolitan areas around the world" can be replaced with "global urban centers" for a more concise and formal expression.
"Some factors have been indicated as reasons for this social problem" -> "Several factors have been implicated in causing this social issue"
Explanation: "Some factors have been indicated as reasons for this social problem" can be refined to "Several factors have been implicated in causing this social issue," offering a more formal and precise phrasing.
"which this essay may discuss" -> "which will be discussed in this essay"
Explanation: "Which this essay may discuss" is a bit uncertain in tone. "Which will be discussed in this essay" is a more assertive and formal expression.
"several potential resolutions involve reducing" -> "various potential solutions entail diminishing"
Explanation: "Several potential resolutions involve reducing" can be replaced with "various potential solutions entail diminishing" for a more sophisticated and formal tone.
"at the young ages" -> "during youth"
Explanation: "At the young ages" is informal. "During youth" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"violent-drone behaviours" -> "violent behavior patterns"
Explanation: "Violent-drone behaviours" is unclear and informal. "Violent behavior patterns" is a clearer and more formal alternative.
"a shortage of care from parents" -> "a lack of parental care"
Explanation: "Shortage of care from parents" can be replaced with "a lack of parental care" for a more formal and precise expression.
"However, we may prevail by having the control over the content on the Internet" -> "However, control over Internet content offers a potential solution"
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, "However, we may prevail by having the control over the content on the Internet" becomes "However, control over Internet content offers a potential solution." This change maintains the meaning while enhancing the formality of the expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the reasons behind the increasing youth crime rates and potential solutions. It identifies early exposure to technology and lack of parental involvement as primary reasons for youth crime, and suggests controlling violent content and increasing parental engagement as solutions.
- How to improve: To further enhance the response, the essay could provide more specific examples or statistics to support the argument. Additionally, a deeper exploration of the complexities involved in each factor and solution would strengthen the analysis.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that exposure to technology and parental neglect are the main causes of youth crime, and advocating for controlling violent content and increasing parental involvement as solutions.
- How to improve: While the position is clear, ensuring that every paragraph consistently supports this stance would bolster coherence. Additionally, reinforcing the position with stronger language or emphatic statements could enhance persuasiveness.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately, discussing the reasons for youth crime and potential solutions. However, it lacks depth in elaborating on these ideas, relying on general statements rather than providing nuanced analysis.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay could delve deeper into each reason and solution, providing specific examples, case studies, or expert opinions to support its claims. Additionally, expanding on the potential drawbacks or challenges associated with each solution would enrich the discussion.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for increasing youth crime rates and proposing solutions. However, there are instances where the connection between the discussion and the prompt could be stronger.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the essay should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt. Avoiding tangents and unnecessary elaboration on peripheral topics would help streamline the argument and keep it tightly aligned with the task at hand.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt and presents a coherent argument, there is room for improvement in providing more specific evidence, strengthening the analysis, and maintaining tighter relevance to the topic throughout.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with an introduction that presents the problem and outlines potential causes and solutions. The body paragraphs delve into each cause and solution in a clear manner, providing examples and explanations. Finally, the conclusion summarizes the main points and offers a solution. However, there could be a smoother transition between paragraphs to enhance the overall coherence.
- How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, ensure that each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next. Consider using transition words and phrases to connect ideas and maintain coherence throughout the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes paragraphs effectively to structure the content. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the essay prompt, such as causes or solutions, contributing to clarity and organization. However, some paragraphs could be more focused on a single idea to avoid potential confusion.
- How to improve: Aim for each paragraph to focus on a single main idea or argument related to the topic. This will help maintain coherence and ensure that the reader can easily follow the progression of ideas.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "Additionally" and "For instance," which help link sentences and paragraphs. However, there is room to further diversify the use of cohesive devices to create a more cohesive and cohesive essay.
- How to improve: Consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices, such as pronouns, synonyms, and parallel structures, to strengthen connections between ideas and improve overall cohesion. Additionally, pay attention to the placement and usage of cohesive devices to ensure they effectively guide the reader through the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable effort to incorporate a variety of vocabulary throughout. For instance, phrases like "social problem," "violent content," "draw attention," and "prevail" exhibit a reasonable range of lexical choices. However, there is potential to diversify further, particularly in the use of more sophisticated vocabulary to enhance clarity and precision.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, strive for more nuanced and contextually precise vocabulary choices. Utilize synonyms and related terms to avoid repetition and convey ideas with greater clarity. Additionally, integrating specialized terminology related to criminology or sociology could enrich the discussion and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary effectively, but there are instances where more precise vocabulary could enhance the clarity and impact of the message. For example, the phrase "violent-drone behaviors" could be replaced with a more specific term like "aggressive tendencies" or "delinquent actions" for greater precision.
- How to improve: Aim to use vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning without ambiguity. Consider the subtleties of language and choose words that precisely articulate the concepts being discussed. Utilize tools such as a thesaurus to explore alternative terms and refine vocabulary choices for greater precision and impact.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy, with no glaring errors detracting from comprehension. However, there are a few instances of minor spelling errors, such as "violence-drone" instead of "violent-drone," and "likeliness" instead of "likelihood."
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing strategies such as proofreading carefully before submission, utilizing spell-checking tools, and practicing spelling through regular writing exercises. Paying close attention to commonly misspelled words and seeking feedback from peers or instructors can also aid in identifying and correcting errors effectively.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. There is effective use of complex sentences with dependent and independent clauses, for example: "Properly controlling and limiting the violent content around young individuals are effective ways to violent-prone behaviours."
- How to improve: To further enhance variety, consider using more advanced structures such as passive voice, conditional sentences, and inversion for emphasis. This can add sophistication and clarity to your arguments.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy. There are a few instances where articles (e.g., "a shortage of care from parents") or prepositions (e.g., "the ways to violent-drone behaviours") are used incorrectly. Punctuation is generally used correctly with commas, periods, and quotation marks appropriately placed.
- How to improve: Pay attention to correct article usage and prepositions. For instance, instead of "a shortage of care from parents," consider "a shortage of care from parents." Additionally, ensure that commas and semicolons are used effectively to avoid run-on sentences or comma splices.

Overall, the essay demonstrates strong grammatical range and accuracy, but there is room for improvement in the use of articles and prepositions. Keep practicing and reviewing these areas to strengthen your written English skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, reports indicate that there is a sharp rise in crimes perpetrated by juveniles, particularly in global urban centers. Several factors have been implicated in causing this social issue, which will be discussed in this essay, and various potential solutions entail diminishing the number of young criminals in society.

Early exposure to advanced technologies, such as mobile phones and the Internet, is considered the primary cause leading to crimes at young ages. Films and video clips featuring violence are widespread on the Internet, which piques young people’s curiosity and prompts them to imitate crime scenes, such as murders or robberies. Additionally, working parents in cities seem to spend less time with their children, leading them to resort to negative behaviors to gain attention.

Controlling and limiting violent content around young individuals are effective ways to curb violent behaviors. Spending more time with children is also crucial for parents to connect with and understand them, especially during their formative years. For instance, many studies show that children living in happy families with attentive parents are less likely to commit crimes than those lacking parental care.

In conclusion, frequent exposure to violent content and a lack of parental care are the main drivers of youth crimes worldwide. However, we can address these issues by exercising control over Internet content and dedicating more time to understanding and connecting with children.