Life was better when technology was simpler. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

It is argued that our lives were more fulfilling when technology was less complex. I completely disagree with this statement and believe that technological developments have made life much better in several ways.

The first argument given to support my position is that several household appliances that have been invented have made our daily lives much less laborious and have given us more free time. This is because jobs that require lots of energy and time can now be automatically performed by labor-saving devices. For example, washing machines have freed millions of people from the exhausting task of washing clothes on a daily basis while programmable microwave ovens have helped countless homecooks accelerate the process of preparing their daily meals. This is why I believe that these inventions have all together transformed our material existence, thereby increasing our quality of life.

Another point worth mentioning is that those who have Internet connections may gain access to different sources of knowledge regardless of geographical barriers. In the past, students had to heavily depend on their instructors and physical copies of essential materials for their education, but now learners, no matter where they live, can actively search for whatever takes their interests thanks to the Internet. The advent of various virtual learning platforms, for instance, has been allowing a lot of learners around the globe to participate in a variety of courses not available in their areas. For this reason, I think that communication technologies such as the Internet play a vital role in expanding our knowledge.

In conclusion, I believe that life has been greatly improved by technological advancements partly because of the inventions of labor-saving equipment and partly because of the information provided by the internet.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"It is argued that" -> "It is contended that"
Explanation: "Contended" is a more formal and precise term than "argued," which is often used in academic writing to introduce a proposition or opinion.
"I completely disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
Explanation: "Strongly disagree" is a more formal expression than "completely disagree," which is somewhat colloquial and less precise in an academic context.
"made life much better" -> "enhanced life significantly"
Explanation: "Enhanced" is a more formal and precise term than "made better," which is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing.
"jobs that require lots of energy and time" -> "tasks that demand considerable energy and time"
Explanation: "Tasks that demand considerable energy and time" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "lots of" and enhancing the academic tone.
"labor-saving devices" -> "labor-saving appliances"
Explanation: "Appliances" is more specific and appropriate in this context, referring directly to household devices, whereas "devices" is too general.
"have all together transformed" -> "have collectively transformed"
Explanation: "Collectively" is more precise and formal than "all together," which is a colloquial expression.
"transformed our material existence" -> "transformed our material lives"
Explanation: "Material lives" is a more natural and precise phrase than "material existence," which is less commonly used and may sound awkward in this context.
"heavily depend on" -> "heavily rely on"
Explanation: "Rely on" is the correct idiom in this context, whereas "depend on" is not incorrect but less commonly used in this specific meaning.
"whatever takes their interests" -> "whatever interests them"
Explanation: "Whatever interests them" is grammatically correct and more formal than "whatever takes their interests," which is awkward and informal.
"a lot of learners" -> "many learners"
Explanation: "Many" is more formal and precise than "a lot of," which is colloquial and vague in academic writing.
"partly because of the inventions of labor-saving equipment" -> "partly due to the invention of labor-saving equipment"
Explanation: "Due to" is more formal and appropriate than "because of" in academic writing, and "invention" should be singular to match the singular subject "equipment."
"partly because of the information provided by the internet" -> "partly due to the information provided by the Internet"
Explanation: "Due to" is preferred over "because of" in formal writing, and "Internet" should be capitalized as it refers to a proper noun.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating a disagreement with the notion that life was better when technology was simpler. The writer presents two main arguments: the benefits of household appliances and the advantages of the Internet in education. Both points are relevant to the question and demonstrate an understanding of the topic. However, the essay could benefit from a more nuanced exploration of the opposing viewpoint, as acknowledging counterarguments can strengthen the overall argument.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could briefly mention and refute the perspective that simpler technology leads to a more fulfilling life. This could involve discussing potential downsides of modern technology, such as increased stress or dependency, before reinforcing the argument for technological advancement.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The position of the writer is clear from the outset, with a strong statement of disagreement. Throughout the essay, the writer consistently supports this stance with relevant examples. The use of phrases like "I completely disagree" and "I believe" reinforces the clarity of the position. However, the conclusion could be more emphatic in reiterating the position, as it somewhat softens the argument by using "I believe" instead of a stronger assertion.
- How to improve: Strengthening the conclusion by restating the position more assertively would enhance clarity. For example, instead of saying "I believe that life has been greatly improved," the writer could say, "I firmly assert that life has been significantly enhanced by technological advancements."
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, with clear examples illustrating the benefits of technology. The discussion of household appliances and the Internet is well-developed, providing specific instances that enhance the argument. However, the essay could benefit from deeper exploration of each point, particularly in terms of elaborating on how these technologies have transformed lives beyond the immediate benefits mentioned.
- How to improve: To improve the depth of the argument, the writer could include additional examples or statistics that highlight the transformative effects of technology on society. For instance, discussing how the Internet facilitates global collaboration or access to information could further strengthen the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with all points directly related to the benefits of modern technology. There are no significant deviations from the main argument, which contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the lack of acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint could be seen as a slight deviation from a balanced discussion of the topic.
- How to improve: To maintain a more balanced focus, the writer should consider briefly addressing the opposing viewpoint. This could be done in a single sentence that acknowledges the perspective that simpler technology may lead to a more fulfilling life, followed by a rebuttal that reinforces the advantages of modern technology. This approach would demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of the topic and enhance the essay’s overall effectiveness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical progression of ideas. The introduction effectively sets up the argument against the statement, and each paragraph builds upon this central thesis. The first body paragraph discusses household appliances, providing specific examples that illustrate the point about reduced labor and increased leisure time. The second body paragraph shifts focus to the educational benefits of the Internet, maintaining a coherent structure that supports the overall argument. The use of transitional phrases like "Another point worth mentioning" helps guide the reader through the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more varied transition phrases to connect ideas between paragraphs. For instance, instead of starting the second paragraph with "Another point worth mentioning," you might use "In addition to household appliances, technological advancements in communication have also transformed our lives." This would create a smoother transition and reinforce the interconnectedness of your arguments.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses labor-saving devices, while the second addresses the impact of the Internet on education. Each paragraph is well-structured, beginning with a clear topic sentence that states the main idea, followed by supporting details and examples. This organization contributes to the overall clarity of the essay.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider adding a concluding sentence to each body paragraph that summarizes the main point and links it back to the thesis. For example, after discussing the Internet’s role in education, you could add a sentence like, "Thus, the Internet not only facilitates learning but also democratizes access to knowledge, further enhancing our quality of life." This would reinforce the argument and provide a stronger closure for each point.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good use of cohesive devices, such as "this is because," "for example," and "for this reason," which help to clarify relationships between ideas and maintain coherence. The use of specific examples, like washing machines and the Internet, effectively illustrates the points made. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to enhance the essay’s sophistication.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more complex connectors and phrases. For instance, you could use "Furthermore" or "Moreover" to introduce additional points, or "Consequently" to show cause and effect. Additionally, varying sentence structures can enhance cohesion; for example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "This is why" or "For this reason," you could rephrase some sentences to integrate these phrases more fluidly into the text. This will not only improve cohesion but also make the writing more engaging.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the essay can achieve an even higher level of clarity and sophistication.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms such as "labor-saving devices," "fulfilling," and "geographical barriers" effectively conveying the author’s arguments. The use of phrases like "material existence" and "quality of life" adds depth to the discussion. However, the vocabulary could be further diversified; for instance, the phrase "technological advancements" is used repetitively, which could limit the lexical variety.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer could incorporate synonyms or related terms. Instead of repeating "technological advancements," alternatives such as "innovations," "developments," or "progress" could be used. Additionally, employing more descriptive adjectives and adverbs would enrich the essay, such as "significantly" instead of "much" or "remarkable" instead of "greatly."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, with phrases like "labor-saving devices" and "virtual learning platforms" being appropriate for the context. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more precise. For example, the phrase "have helped countless homecooks" could be more effectively expressed as "have enabled countless home cooks," which conveys a clearer meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on the context in which words are used. For instance, instead of "accelerate the process," which is somewhat vague, a more precise phrase could be "streamline meal preparation." Additionally, ensuring that terms are used in their correct grammatical forms can enhance clarity, such as using "home cooks" as two words instead of one.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a strong command of spelling, with no noticeable errors present in the text. Words like "exhausting," "essential," and "knowledge" are spelled correctly, contributing to the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: While the spelling is accurate, the writer should continue to practice spelling through regular reading and writing exercises. Utilizing tools such as spell checkers and proofreading can help catch any potential errors in future essays. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in academic writing can further enhance spelling accuracy.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of lexical resources, achieving a Band Score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher score in future writing tasks.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "This is because jobs that require lots of energy and time can now be automatically performed by labor-saving devices" effectively conveys detailed information. Additionally, the use of introductory phrases like "Another point worth mentioning is that" adds variety and helps transition between ideas smoothly. However, there are instances where the sentence structure could be more varied to enhance the overall flow and engagement of the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied introductory clauses or phrases, such as "While it is true that…" or "In contrast to the past…". Additionally, using more rhetorical questions or conditional sentences could engage the reader more effectively and showcase a broader range of grammatical structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "have given us more free time" is grammatically correct and effectively conveys the intended meaning. However, there is a slight awkwardness in the phrase "the inventions of labor-saving equipment," which could be more smoothly expressed as "the invention of labor-saving equipment." Punctuation is generally well-handled, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses and enhance readability.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on refining awkward phrases for clarity and fluidity. Additionally, reviewing the use of articles (e.g., "the Internet" vs. "Internet") and ensuring consistency in their application can enhance precision. Regular practice with complex sentence constructions and careful proofreading can help identify and correct minor errors before finalizing the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, meriting a band score of 8. By continuing to diversify sentence structures and refining grammatical precision, the writer can further enhance the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is contended that our lives were more fulfilling when technology was less complex. I strongly disagree with this statement and believe that technological developments have enhanced life significantly in several ways.

The first argument given to support my position is that several household appliances that have been invented have made our daily lives much less laborious and have given us more free time. This is because tasks that demand considerable energy and time can now be automatically performed by labor-saving devices. For example, washing machines have freed millions of people from the exhausting task of washing clothes on a daily basis, while programmable microwave ovens have helped countless home cooks accelerate the process of preparing their daily meals. This is why I believe that these inventions have collectively transformed our material lives, thereby increasing our quality of life.

Another point worth mentioning is that those who have Internet connections may gain access to different sources of knowledge regardless of geographical barriers. In the past, students had to heavily rely on their instructors and physical copies of essential materials for their education, but now many learners, no matter where they live, can actively search for whatever interests them thanks to the Internet. The advent of various virtual learning platforms, for instance, has allowed many learners around the globe to participate in a variety of courses not available in their areas. For this reason, I think that communication technologies such as the Internet play a vital role in expanding our knowledge.

In conclusion, I believe that life has been greatly improved by technological advancements, partly due to the invention of labor-saving equipment and partly due to the information provided by the Internet.