Living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, it is believed that living in metropolitan areas has some negative impact on human physical fitness. This essay will discuss some underlying reason why I am not partly convinced by this statement
On the one hand, living in mega city may provide certain minor advantages. Healthcare in big cities is more outstanding. For instance, the government invests in healthcares services and equipment . Inhabitants could find medical infrastructure sush as hospitals everywhere without going for long distances like in the countryside. Additionally, gyms and clean supermarkets are invested in for areas of dense population. A lot of succession of sport center appear to help physical health improve.
On the other hand , notwithstanding the aforementioned points, residing in city have some issues need to paid attention . Initially, The impact of pollution has a high risk of disease . Because emissions and trash emitted from vehicles and factories are deeply concerned about contracted the dangerous disease such as cancer for residents . Furthermore, wwith heavy work schedules, workers often prioritize fast food. That means labourers easily become obese.
In conclusion, living in modern regions will negatively affect people’s physical and mental condition, but in my view , we can’t deny the benefits. The important thing is that residents should better understand the issue of power to handle and develop

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In recent years, it is believed that" -> "It is widely acknowledged that"
Explanation: "It is widely acknowledged that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce a general consensus, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"has some negative impact" -> "has a negative impact"
Explanation: Removing "some" clarifies the statement, making it more direct and assertive, which is preferred in academic writing.
"This essay will discuss some underlying reason why I am not partly convinced by this statement" -> "This essay will explore the reasons why I am partially unconvinced by this assertion"
Explanation: "Explore" is more academically appropriate than "discuss," and "partially unconvinced" is a more precise expression than "not partly convinced." Additionally, "assertion" is more formal than "statement."
"living in mega city" -> "living in megacities"
Explanation: "Megacities" is the correct plural form of "megacity," which is the term used to describe large cities.
"more outstanding" -> "more advanced"
Explanation: "More advanced" is a more precise and formal term than "more outstanding" in the context of describing healthcare services.
"invests in healthcares services and equipment" -> "invests in healthcare services and equipment"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "healthcares" to "healthcare" for grammatical accuracy and clarity.
"sush as" -> "such as"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "sush" to "such" for grammatical accuracy.
"A lot of succession of sport center appear to help physical health improve" -> "Numerous sports centers appear to improve physical health"
Explanation: "Numerous sports centers" is more precise and formal than "A lot of succession of sport center," and "improve" is a more direct verb than "help improve."
"residing in city have some issues need to paid attention" -> "residing in cities poses certain issues that require attention"
Explanation: "Poses certain issues that require attention" is grammatically correct and more formal than the original phrase, which is awkwardly constructed.
"The impact of pollution has a high risk of disease" -> "The impact of pollution poses a significant risk of disease"
Explanation: "Poses a significant risk" is a more precise and formal way to express the severity of the risk.
"deeply concerned about contracted the dangerous disease" -> "deeply concerned about contracting dangerous diseases"
Explanation: "Contracting dangerous diseases" is grammatically correct and more precise than "contracted the dangerous disease," which is awkward and incorrect.
"wwith heavy work schedules, workers often prioritize fast food" -> "with heavy work schedules, workers often prioritize fast food"
Explanation: Corrects the typo "wwith" to "with" for grammatical accuracy.
"That means labourers easily become obese" -> "This means that laborers are easily becoming obese"
Explanation: "This means that laborers are easily becoming obese" is grammatically correct and more formal than the original, which lacks proper verb tense consistency.
"living in modern regions will negatively affect people’s physical and mental condition" -> "residing in modern regions may negatively impact individuals’ physical and mental well-being"
Explanation: "May negatively impact" suggests possibility rather than certainty, which is more appropriate in academic writing. "Individuals’ physical and mental well-being" is a more formal and precise term than "people’s physical and mental condition."
"but in my view, we can’t deny the benefits" -> "however, it cannot be denied that there are benefits"
Explanation: "However, it cannot be denied that there are benefits" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express the idea, avoiding the informal "in my view" and the contraction "can’t."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address the prompt by discussing both the negative and positive aspects of living in big cities. However, it does not clearly state a position on the extent to which the writer agrees or disagrees with the statement. The phrase "I am not partly convinced" is vague and does not providea definitive stance. The essay mentions advantages such as healthcare and fitness facilities, but it fails to quantify or elaborate on these points in relation to the negative impacts discussed.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state their position at the beginning and maintain it throughout the essay. A clear thesis statement should be included that directly answers the prompt. Additionally, each point made should be tied back to the question, ensuring that the advantages and disadvantages are weighed against each other to clarify the writer’s stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks a consistent and clear position. While it mentions both sides, the conclusion does not effectively summarize the writer’s viewpoint. The phrase "we can’t deny the benefits" suggests ambivalence rather than a clear agreement or disagreement, which can confuse the reader about the writer’s actual stance.
- How to improve: To present a clear position, the writer should choose a side (agree or disagree) and state this clearly in the introduction. Throughout the essay, they should reinforce this position by consistently linking back to their main argument in each paragraph. A strong conclusion should reiterate the chosen stance and summarize the key points discussed.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as healthcare access and pollution, but these points are not well-developed. For instance, while the writer mentions the availability of gyms and supermarkets, they do not explain how these contribute to better health outcomes. The discussion of pollution is also somewhat superficial, lacking specific examples or data to support the claims made about health risks.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point. This could include statistics on health outcomes in urban vs. rural areas, specific studies linking pollution to health issues, or more in-depth discussion of how urban amenities contribute to physical fitness. Each idea should be clearly connected to the overall argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing aspects of living in big cities. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the conclusion, which introduces vague concepts like "the issue of power to handle and develop," which is unclear and not directly related to the prompt.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the health implications of living in big cities. Avoid introducing new or unrelated concepts in the conclusion; instead, summarize the main arguments made in the essay and reiterate the chosen position clearly.

Overall, to improve the essay, the writer should focus on clearly stating their position, developing their ideas with specific examples and evidence, and ensuring that all parts of the prompt are addressed comprehensively. Additionally, attention to grammar and spelling errors would enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing the advantages of living in a big city to the disadvantages lacks a smooth connection. The phrase "On the one hand" effectively introduces the first argument, but the subsequent transition to "On the other hand" could be more explicitly linked to the previous point to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas. For example, after discussing the advantages, you could add a sentence like, "Despite these benefits, there are significant drawbacks that must be considered." This would create a clearer contrast and improve the overall flow of the essay.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with distinct sections for the introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion. However, the paragraphs could be more developed. The first body paragraph introduces advantages but lacks depth and examples. The second body paragraph discusses disadvantages but could benefit from clearer topic sentences and supporting details.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main idea. Additionally, provide more detailed examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, when discussing healthcare, you could elaborate on specific services or statistics that illustrate the advantages of urban healthcare systems.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting ideas. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "the impact of pollution has a high risk of disease," which could be more clearly articulated.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "Furthermore," "In addition," and "Conversely." Additionally, ensure that sentences are structured clearly to avoid confusion. For example, instead of saying, "the impact of pollution has a high risk of disease," you could say, "pollution significantly increases the risk of diseases among urban residents." This not only clarifies the point but also enhances cohesion within the paragraph.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, ultimately improving its overall effectiveness and clarity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use more sophisticated terms such as "metropolitan areas," "healthcare services," and "infrastructure." However, there are instances of repetition and limited variety in word choice, such as the repeated use of "living in" and "city." Additionally, phrases like "minor advantages" and "issues need to paid attention" lack the complexity expected at a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "city," alternatives like "urban areas," "metropolises," or "large towns" could be employed. Additionally, phrases like "challenges that require attention" can replace "issues need to paid attention" for better fluency and sophistication.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some imprecise vocabulary usage. For instance, "healthcare in big cities is more outstanding" is vague; "outstanding" does not clearly convey the intended meaning. Similarly, "the impact of pollution has a high risk of disease" could be more accurately stated as "pollution significantly increases the risk of disease."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the intended meaning. For example, replacing "outstanding" with "superior" or "better" can clarify the point about healthcare. Additionally, using more specific terms like "respiratory diseases" instead of "dangerous disease" would enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors that detract from the overall quality. For example, "healthcares" should be "healthcare," "sush" should be "such," "wwith" should be "with," and "succession of sport center" should be "succession of sports centers." These errors indicate a lack of attention to detail in spelling.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should practice proofreading their work before submission. Utilizing tools like spell checkers or writing software can help catch errors. Additionally, familiarizing oneself with commonly misspelled words in English can aid in reducing mistakes in future essays.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of vocabulary, there is significant room for improvement in range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. For instance, the author primarily uses simple and compound sentences, such as "Inhabitants could find medical infrastructure such as hospitals everywhere" and "That means labourers easily become obese." While some complex sentences are attempted, they often lack clarity and coherence, such as "The important thing is that residents should better understand the issue of power to handle and develop." The overall variety in sentence structure is insufficient to achieve a higher band score.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For example, instead of saying "living in mega city may provide certain minor advantages," the writer could say, "Although living in a mega city may provide certain minor advantages, it also poses significant health risks." Practicing sentence combining exercises and using varied conjunctions can help diversify sentence construction.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that hinder clarity. For example, "healthcare in big cities is more outstanding" is awkwardly phrased; "outstanding" is not the appropriate adjective in this context. Additionally, there are punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary space before the comma in "On the other hand , notwithstanding the aforementioned points." The phrase "residing in city have some issues need to paid attention" is grammatically incorrect; it should be "residing in cities has some issues that need to be paid attention to."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement and the correct use of articles. For example, "residing in city" should be corrected to "residing in cities." Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, particularly with commas and periods, will enhance clarity. Reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and grammatical mistakes, allowing for revisions that improve overall coherence and accuracy.

By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In recent years, it is widely acknowledged that living in metropolitan areas has a negative impact on human physical fitness. This essay will explore the reasons why I am partially unconvinced by this assertion.

On the one hand, living in megacities may provide certain minor advantages. Healthcare in big cities is more advanced. For instance, the government invests in healthcare services and equipment. Inhabitants can find medical infrastructure such as hospitals readily available, without having to travel long distances as they would in the countryside. Additionally, gyms and clean supermarkets are established in areas of dense population. Numerous sports centers appear to improve physical health.

On the other hand, notwithstanding the aforementioned points, residing in cities poses certain issues that require attention. Initially, the impact of pollution poses a significant risk of disease. Emissions and waste from vehicles and factories deeply concern residents about contracting dangerous diseases such as cancer. Furthermore, with heavy work schedules, workers often prioritize fast food. This means that laborers are easily becoming obese.

In conclusion, while residing in modern regions may negatively impact individuals’ physical and mental well-being, it cannot be denied that there are benefits. The important thing is that residents should better understand these issues to manage and develop healthier lifestyles.