Many businesses are using famous people to promote their products. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? ~~

Many businesses are using famous people to promote their products. Do the
advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
~~

Many companies nowadays promote their products through celebrities. Although
this trend has some disadvantages, I hold the belief that the positive effects of this
trend are more significant.
On the one hand, there are some downsides when having influencers advertise
products. One of these is that famous people can manipulate consumers into
purchasing low-quality products. This is because they are likely to review the positive
aspects of the product and ignore the negative ones due to such a huge profit.
Therefore, many customers will feel dissatisfied and pissed off because the product
they get is not as similar as they are told. Additionally, the number of consumers will
be reduced if enterprises do not select the suitable celebrity to promote products.
This is because some celebrities have several dramas or scandals creating bad
reputation to the public and even the brand will get boycotted. Consequently, this can
also ruin the entire brand.
On the other hand, I believe that this trend comes with benefits rather than
drawbacks. First and foremost, using famous people to promote products helps
corporations gain profit. To illustrate, when celebrities’ adorers support them, they
also support the brand that they represent. This intentionally allows the businesses
to get more profit. Secondly, using only influencers helps enterprises save money.
This is because instead of spending money on advertisements, posters or
campaigns, the companies just have to spend their money on famous people only.
For instance, the celebrity just has to show off the products they are offered such as
a clock or a bracelet, and through some basic gestures like raising hands, this will
attract lots of social media effortlessly.
In conclusion, while employing influencers to promote products may have some
dimerits, I still support the benefits that it brings are much greater. By providing a
large amount of consumers and doing several simple movements, celebrities can
completely assist corporations to get more profit and save money.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "Many companies nowadays" -> "Many companies today"
   Explanation: "Today" is a more precise and formal temporal reference compared to "nowadays," which can sound slightly informal and vague in academic writing.

2. "I hold the belief" -> "I believe"
   Explanation: "I hold the belief" is redundant as "believe" already implies holding a belief. Simplifying to "I believe" maintains clarity and conciseness.

3. "famous people can manipulate consumers" -> "celebrities can influence consumers"
   Explanation: "Influence" is a more precise term than "manipulate," which can carry negative connotations. "Celebrities" is also more specific than "famous people."

4. "purchasing low-quality products" -> "purchasing inferior products"
   Explanation: "Inferior" is a more formal and precise term than "low-quality," which is somewhat vague and informal.

5. "feel dissatisfied and pissed off" -> "experience dissatisfaction and frustration"
   Explanation: "Pissed off" is too informal and emotional for academic writing. "Frustration" is a more appropriate and formal synonym.

6. "not as similar as they are told" -> "not as described"
   Explanation: "Not as similar as they are told" is awkward and unclear. "Not as described" is straightforward and maintains the formal tone.

7. "the number of consumers will be reduced" -> "consumer numbers may decrease"
   Explanation: "Consumer numbers" is a more formal expression than "the number of consumers," and "may decrease" is more cautious and academically appropriate than "will be reduced."

8. "select the suitable celebrity" -> "choose the appropriate celebrity"
   Explanation: "Choose" is more formal than "select," and "appropriate" is more precise than "suitable" in this context.

9. "have several dramas or scandals creating bad reputation" -> "have been involved in scandals or controversies that have damaged their reputation"
   Explanation: This revision clarifies the nature of the issues and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing.

10. "comes with benefits rather than drawbacks" -> "offers advantages rather than disadvantages"
    Explanation: "Offers advantages rather than disadvantages" is a more formal and precise way to express the contrast between positive and negative aspects.

11. "using famous people to promote products helps corporations gain profit" -> "employing celebrities to promote products enables corporations to increase their profits"
    Explanation: "Employing celebrities" is more specific and formal than "using famous people," and "increase their profits" is more precise than "gain profit."

12. "just have to spend their money on famous people only" -> "need only to invest in the celebrity"
    Explanation: "Need only to invest in the celebrity" is more concise and formal, avoiding the informal tone of "just have to spend their money on famous people only."

13. "doing several simple movements" -> "performing simple gestures"
    Explanation: "Performing simple gestures" is more specific and formal than "doing several simple movements," which is vague and informal.

14. "completely assist corporations to get more profit" -> "fully support corporations in increasing their profits"
    Explanation: "Fully support corporations in increasing their profits" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "get more profit."

15. "save money" -> "reduce expenses"
    Explanation: "Reduce expenses" is a more formal and precise term than "save money," which is somewhat informal and vague in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of using celebrities for product promotion. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, indicating that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. The disadvantages are outlined in the first body paragraph, highlighting issues such as consumer manipulation and the potential for brand damage due to celebrity scandals. The second body paragraph presents the advantages, focusing on profit generation and cost savings for businesses. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the prompt.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the response, the writer could provide more specific examples or case studies to illustrate both the advantages and disadvantages. For instance, mentioning a specific celebrity endorsement that backfired could strengthen the argument regarding the downsides. Additionally, discussing the long-term implications of celebrity endorsements on brand loyalty could add depth to the analysis.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing that the advantages of celebrity endorsements outweigh the disadvantages. This is evident in the way the writer transitions between the two sides of the argument, using phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand." The conclusion reiterates this stance, reinforcing the writer’s belief in the benefits of celebrity endorsements.
  • How to improve: While the position is clear, the writer could strengthen their argument by more explicitly linking the disadvantages to the overall claim that the advantages outweigh them. For example, after discussing a disadvantage, the writer could briefly counter it with a related advantage, creating a more cohesive argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents and supports ideas effectively, particularly in the advantages section. The mention of profit generation and cost savings is well-supported with explanations of how celebrity endorsements can attract consumers. However, the disadvantages section could benefit from more elaboration. The points made are valid but could be extended with more detail or examples to enhance their impact.
  • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer could include statistics or research findings that illustrate the effectiveness of celebrity endorsements in driving sales. Additionally, providing a counter-argument to the disadvantages could enrich the discussion and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, with all points directly related to the use of celebrities in product promotion. The writer does not stray from the central theme, ensuring that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument. The use of relevant examples helps maintain this focus.
  • How to improve: To ensure continued relevance, the writer should be cautious of introducing tangential ideas or overly general statements. For instance, the phrase "the celebrity just has to show off the products" could be refined to specify how this action translates to consumer engagement or sales, thereby reinforcing the connection to the topic.

In summary, this essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the task response criteria, achieving a band score of 8. By incorporating more specific examples, enhancing the development of ideas, and ensuring tighter connections between points, the writer could further elevate their score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs (one discussing disadvantages and the other advantages), and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is logical, with the disadvantages clearly outlined before the advantages. However, within each paragraph, the flow could be enhanced. For instance, the transition between discussing the manipulation of consumers and the impact of selecting the right celebrity could be smoother. The use of phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand" effectively signals shifts in perspective, contributing to overall coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more transitional phrases that connect ideas within paragraphs. For example, after discussing consumer manipulation, you could introduce the next point about celebrity selection with a phrase like "In addition to this concern, another significant issue is…". This would create a more seamless flow of ideas.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct aspect of the argument, making it easy for the reader to follow. However, the paragraphs could be improved by ensuring that each one begins with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea. For instance, the first body paragraph could start with a sentence that explicitly states the disadvantages of celebrity endorsements before diving into specific examples.
  • How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by starting each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. This will help guide the reader through your argument. Additionally, consider using concluding sentences that summarize the main point of each paragraph, reinforcing the argument before moving on to the next point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "first and foremost," "additionally," and "consequently." These devices help to connect ideas and clarify relationships between points. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded. For example, the essay relies heavily on basic connectors and could benefit from more varied expressions to indicate contrast, addition, or cause and effect.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "additionally," you might use "furthermore" or "moreover." When discussing disadvantages, phrases like "on the contrary" or "in contrast" can effectively highlight opposing viewpoints. Practicing the use of synonyms and varying sentence structures will enhance the overall cohesion of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion principles, but there is room for improvement in the logical flow of ideas, paragraph structure, and the variety of cohesive devices used. By implementing these suggestions, the essay could achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "manipulate," "dissatisfied," "adorers," and "dimerits." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "promote products" and "famous people," which could be varied to enhance the richness of the language. For instance, synonyms such as "endorse," "celebrity," or "public figures" could be employed to avoid redundancy.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should actively incorporate synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help identify alternative expressions that can be used in similar contexts.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: While some vocabulary is used correctly, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "pissed off" is informal and may not be suitable for an academic essay. Additionally, the term "dimerits" is not standard; the correct term would be "disadvantages." Such inaccuracies can detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
  • How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that are appropriate for the context and register of an academic essay. Reviewing academic vocabulary lists and practicing with formal writing can help in choosing more suitable terms.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "dimerits" instead of "disadvantages" and "adorers," which, while not incorrect, is less commonly used in this context. These errors can disrupt the reader’s understanding and detract from the overall quality of the writing.
  • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully, possibly using spell-check tools or reading the essay aloud to catch errors. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial.

Overall, while the essay achieves a Band 6 for Lexical Resource, focusing on expanding vocabulary range, improving precision, and ensuring correct spelling will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the writer effectively uses complex sentences, such as "Although this trend has some disadvantages, I hold the belief that the positive effects of this trend are more significant." This showcases the ability to combine clauses and convey nuanced ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structure, particularly in the second paragraph where phrases like "This is because" and "Additionally" are used multiple times, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
  • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases, such as "One reason for this is that…" or "Furthermore, it is important to note that…". Additionally, using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout the essay can enhance the overall readability and engagement. Practicing sentence transformation exercises can help in achieving this variety.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "the product they get is not as similar as they are told" is awkwardly constructed. A more precise expression would be "the product they receive does not match the expectations set by the advertisement." Punctuation is mostly correct, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "and even the brand will get boycotted" to separate clauses more effectively.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on refining sentence clarity by avoiding awkward constructions and ensuring that subjects and verbs agree in number and tense. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on sentence structure and agreement, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used to separate clauses appropriately will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, there are opportunities for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and enhancing grammatical precision. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many companies today promote their products through celebrities. Although this trend has some disadvantages, I believe that the positive effects of this trend are more significant.

On the one hand, there are some downsides to having influencers advertise products. One of these is that famous people can manipulate consumers into purchasing inferior products. This is because they are likely to highlight the positive aspects of the product while ignoring the negative ones due to the substantial profit involved. Therefore, many customers may experience dissatisfaction and frustration because the product they receive is not as described. Additionally, consumer numbers may decrease if companies do not choose the appropriate celebrity to promote their products. This is because some celebrities have been involved in scandals or controversies that have damaged their reputation, leading to public backlash and even boycotts of the brand. Consequently, this can ruin the entire brand’s image.

On the other hand, I believe that this trend offers advantages rather than disadvantages. First and foremost, employing celebrities to promote products enables corporations to increase their profits. To illustrate, when celebrities’ fans support them, they also support the brands they represent. This intentionally allows businesses to gain more profit. Secondly, using only influencers helps companies reduce expenses. This is because, instead of spending money on advertisements, posters, or campaigns, the companies need only to invest in the celebrity. For instance, a celebrity can simply showcase the products they are offered, such as a watch or a bracelet, and through performing simple gestures like raising their hands, they can attract a significant amount of attention on social media effortlessly.

In conclusion, while employing influencers to promote products may have some downsides, I still believe that the benefits it brings are much greater. By attracting a large number of consumers and performing several simple movements, celebrities can fully support corporations in increasing their profits and reducing expenses.