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Many companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some think it is a positive trend, while others think there are disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some think it is a positive trend, while others think there are disadvantages. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In today’s world, many teams and sports events are financially facilitated by large corporates as a way to improve their brand awareness. While many people think it is a negative trend, I believe it is a win-win situation for both the sponsor and the sponsored.
On the one hand, many opponents argue that funding for sports activity can have some shortcomings. First, sponsorship may prove ineffective in improving brand awareness. Indeed, the market of sports is highly competitive to compete for visibility. Take sports jerseys for example, viewers are cluttered with images and logos of brands which is challenging for viewers to make a lasting impression on brands. Therefore, companies cannot guarantee that spectators will notice and pay attention to the sponsor’s products. Moreover, Sponsors run at risk of public backlash against their own brand. As sponsors have little to no control over the outcomes of the team of athletes they sponsor. Hence, if the team performs poorly and engages in unlawful activities, the brand image of the sponsor will be adversely affected.
On the other hand, the funding from a big company can contribute greatly to the performance of a team. Sponsorships facilitate investment in training facility and coaching staff. To be more specific, in order to provide ideal condition for the team, an astronomical amount of funding is required. For example, it is pointed out that successful teams like Manchester City or Real Madrid have to spend an immense amount of money on player’s payroll, remuneration for coaching staff, advanced training equipment. Besides, the financial support from large corporates offers the best experience for fans of the sport teams. By way of illustration, thanks to multiple sponsorships, organizers can rent large venues to accommodate more viewers and equip the venue with cutting-edge broadcasting technologies such as wide screen, speakers. For instance, Esports tournaments are sponsored by gaming gears and computers, energy drinks. As a result, fans can derive greater enjoyment from the event.
Based on substantiated arguments, it stands to reason that sports events are made possible with the financially support from sponsorships brings benefits for both sponsor, the team and fans.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "many teams and sports events" -> "numerous teams and sporting events"
    Explanation: Replacing "many" with "numerous" and "sports" with "sporting" elevates the formality of the sentence, adhering to academic style guidelines.

  2. "financially facilitated" -> "financially supported"
    Explanation: The term "facilitated" is somewhat informal in this context. "Financially supported" maintains a more formal tone and accurately conveys the idea of financial backing.

  3. "While many people think" -> "While some argue"
    Explanation: Replacing "many people think" with "some argue" introduces a more nuanced perspective, avoiding overgeneralization and aligning with academic discourse.

  4. "it is a win-win situation" -> "it represents a mutually beneficial scenario"
    Explanation: The phrase "win-win situation" is a bit colloquial. Substituting it with "represents a mutually beneficial scenario" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  5. "may prove ineffective" -> "might be ineffective"
    Explanation: Using "may" can be overly cautious in academic writing. "Might be ineffective" maintains the appropriate level of uncertainty while sounding more confident.

  6. "cluttered with images and logos" -> "saturated with images and logos"
    Explanation: "Cluttered" has a slightly informal connotation, whereas "saturated" provides a more sophisticated description of the overwhelming presence of images and logos.

  7. "challenging for viewers to make a lasting impression on brands" -> "challenging for viewers to form a lasting association with brands"
    Explanation: The revised phrase enhances clarity and uses more formal language to convey the idea of creating a lasting connection with brands.

  8. "Sponsors run at risk" -> "Sponsors are at risk"
    Explanation: "Run at risk" is a bit informal. Changing it to "are at risk" maintains formality while accurately expressing the concept.

  9. "little to no control over the outcomes" -> "limited control over the outcomes"
    Explanation: "Little to no" can be simplified to "limited" for a more concise and formal expression.

  10. "an astronomical amount of funding" -> "a substantial amount of funding"
    Explanation: While "astronomical" is not incorrect, "substantial" is a more commonly used and slightly more formal term.

  11. "For example, it is pointed out that" -> "For instance, it has been noted that"
    Explanation: The phrase "it is pointed out that" is replaced with a more formal alternative, "it has been noted that," maintaining academic formality.

  12. "successful teams like Manchester City or Real Madrid" -> "esteemed teams such as Manchester City or Real Madrid"
    Explanation: Introducing "esteemed" adds a level of formality and respect when referring to successful teams.

  13. "payroll, remuneration for coaching staff" -> "player salaries, compensation for coaching staff"
    Explanation: Replacing "payroll" with "player salaries" and "remuneration" with "compensation" maintains clarity and formality.

  14. "Esports tournaments" -> "Esports competitions"
    Explanation: While "tournaments" is not incorrect, "competitions" is a slightly more formal term.

  15. "As a result, fans can derive greater enjoyment" -> "Consequently, fans can derive enhanced enjoyment"
    Explanation: The phrase "As a result" is replaced with "Consequently" for a more formal transition, and "greater" is replaced with "enhanced" for a more precise description of enjoyment.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "While many people think it is a negative trend, I believe it is a win-win situation for both the sponsor and the sponsored."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction adequately presents your opinion on the topic, which is positive. However, for improved clarity and structure, consider briefly outlining the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will provide the reader with a roadmap of your argument.
    • Improved example: "While some argue that corporate sponsorship in sports is detrimental, I firmly believe it creates a mutually beneficial scenario for both sponsors and the sponsored. In this essay, I will explore the advantages and disadvantages of this practice, supporting my viewpoint with relevant examples."
  2. Quoted text: "First

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas, providing a clear progression throughout. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, although there is some minor overuse of certain linking words. The essay effectively presents a central topic within each paragraph, contributing to overall coherence. While there is room for improvement in terms of varied cohesive devices and avoiding minor overuse, the essay achieves a Band 7 due to its clear organization and adequate use of cohesive elements.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices to avoid minor overuse. Additionally, ensure that the referencing and substitution of ideas are more precise. While paragraphing is generally logical, strive for even greater cohesion within and between sentences. Overall, a more nuanced use of cohesive elements will contribute to an improved score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficiently wide range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in conveying ideas. There is an attempt to use less common lexical items, and some awareness of style and collocation is evident. While occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation are present, they do not significantly impede communication.

The essay discusses both views on corporate sponsorship of sports and provides a balanced opinion. It effectively uses vocabulary related to sponsorship, branding, and sports, demonstrating an adequate range of vocabulary for the task. The writer employs phrases like "financially facilitated," "brand awareness," and "public backlash," showcasing a variety of expressions.

However, there are occasional inaccuracies, such as the use of "cluttered with images" (could be refined to "filled with images") and "the financially support" (should be "financial support"). These inaccuracies, though noticeable, do not hinder overall understanding.

How to improve:
To improve the Lexical Resource score, the writer should aim for more precise and nuanced vocabulary. While the essay uses a good range of words, refining the choice of expressions and avoiding minor errors can elevate the lexical sophistication. Additionally, careful proofreading to eliminate spelling and word formation errors will contribute to a more polished piece.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a commendable level of grammatical range and accuracy. It exhibits an attempt at a variety of complex structures, showcasing a mix of sentence types and lengths. The essay mostly maintains good control of grammar and punctuation, producing frequent error-free sentences. There’s an evident effort to utilize different sentence structures, with occasional minor errors that do not significantly impede understanding.

The essay effectively integrates varied sentence structures, showcasing a mix of simple and complex sentences. It employs appropriate punctuation and demonstrates control over grammar, albeit with some minor errors. There’s a successful attempt at incorporating complex sentence structures to present ideas, though a few instances contain minor inaccuracies. Overall, the language usage enhances communication and allows for clear expression of ideas.

How to improve:
To enhance the score further, focus on refining the accuracy of complex sentence structures. Carefully review areas where errors occur and ensure consistency in using complex sentences without compromising accuracy. Pay closer attention to punctuation and grammar to minimize occasional errors, enhancing the overall fluidity and precision of the essay. Additionally, aim for more consistent accuracy across the entire essay to solidify a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the contemporary world, numerous sports teams and events receive financial support from large corporations aiming to enhance their brand visibility. While some view this as a negative trend, I contend that it creates a mutually beneficial situation for both the sponsor and the sponsored.

Critics argue that sponsoring sports may not effectively improve brand awareness due to the highly competitive sports market. For instance, sports jerseys are adorned with various brand logos, making it challenging for viewers to form a lasting impression. Consequently, sponsors cannot guarantee that spectators will notice and pay attention to their products. Moreover, sponsors face the risk of public backlash if the sponsored team performs poorly or engages in unlawful activities, impacting the sponsor’s brand image negatively.

On the flip side, financial support from large corporations can significantly contribute to a team’s performance. Sponsorships enable investments in training facilities and coaching staff, essential for creating optimal conditions for the team. Successful teams like Manchester City or Real Madrid allocate substantial funds for player salaries, coaching staff remuneration, and advanced training equipment. Furthermore, such corporate backing enhances the overall experience for sports fans. Multiple sponsorships allow organizers to rent spacious venues equipped with cutting-edge broadcasting technologies, providing fans with an immersive viewing experience. Esports tournaments, for instance, are sponsored by gaming gear, computers, and energy drinks, leading to greater enjoyment for fans.

In conclusion, despite concerns raised by critics, the financial support from sponsorships plays a pivotal role in making sports events possible, benefiting sponsors, teams, and fans alike.

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