Many countries are spending a huge amount of money on supporting their competitors to take part in some worldwide competitions. Others argue that it would be better if these countries could spend money on their children to take part in sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Many countries are spending a huge amount of money on supporting their competitors to take part in some worldwide competitions. Others argue that it would be better if these countries could spend money on their children to take part in sports. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The debate surrounding the government expenditure on supporting elite athletes versus investing in grassroots sports initatives for children is a complex one. While there are compelling arguments for spending much money on enhancing competitive athletes to take part in some worldwide competitions, I firmly agree that the government should prioritize funding for children to participate in sports.
To begin with, investing in children’s sports programs can promote inclusivity and accessibility Many talented young athletes come from underprivileged backgrounds, and without proper funding for local sports initiatives, their potential may remain untapped. By directing resources towards youth sports, governments can provide opportunities for all children, regardless of their socio-economic status, to engage in physical activities. This not only helps in identifying future talent but also encourages a healthier lifestyle among the younger generation, which is crucial in combating rising health issues such as obesity. Moreover, sports participation at a young age instills essential life skills and values. Being part of a sports team fosters teamwork, discipline, and resilience. These qualities are transferable and can benefit children in various aspects of life, including academics and future employment. When governments invest in youth sports, they are nurturing well-rounded individuals who can contribute positively to society. In contrast, focusing solely on funding elite athletes may generate short-term national pride but does little to develop these important life skills in the population at large.
In conclusion, while spending on supporting national athletes is a necessity, I still agree that investing in the next generation of sports can sustain the glory and development of nations.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"The debate surrounding the government expenditure on supporting elite athletes versus investing in grassroots sports initatives" -> "The debate regarding government expenditure on supporting elite athletes versus investing in grassroots sports initiatives"
Explanation: "Initatives" is a typographical error and should be corrected to "initiatives." Additionally, "government expenditure" is more formal and precise than "government expenditure on." -
"spending much money on enhancing competitive athletes" -> "allocating significant funds to enhance competitive athletes"
Explanation: "Allocating significant funds" is more formal and precise than "spending much money," which is somewhat colloquial and vague. -
"to take part in some worldwide competitions" -> "to participate in international competitions"
Explanation: "International competitions" is more specific and formal than "some worldwide competitions," which is vague and informal. -
"I firmly agree" -> "I strongly advocate"
Explanation: "I strongly advocate" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, whereas "I firmly agree" can sound slightly informal. -
"investing in children’s sports programs" -> "investing in children’s sports programs"
Explanation: The possessive form "children’s" is grammatically correct here, as it refers to the programs belonging to children. -
"Many talented young athletes come from underprivileged backgrounds" -> "Numerous talented young athletes originate from disadvantaged backgrounds"
Explanation: "Numerous" is more formal than "many," and "originate from" is a more precise verb choice than "come from" in this context. -
"without proper funding for local sports initiatives" -> "without adequate funding for local sports initiatives"
Explanation: "Adequate" is more specific and formal than "proper," which is somewhat vague. -
"to engage in physical activities" -> "to participate in physical activities"
Explanation: "Participate" is more specific and academically appropriate than "engage," which can be less formal. -
"This not only helps in identifying future talent" -> "This not only assists in identifying future talent"
Explanation: "Assists" is a more formal synonym for "helps" in this context. -
"instills essential life skills and values" -> "instills fundamental life skills and values"
Explanation: "Fundamental" is a more precise and formal term than "essential" in this context. -
"Being part of a sports team fosters teamwork, discipline, and resilience" -> "Participation in sports teams fosters teamwork, discipline, and resilience"
Explanation: "Participation in sports teams" is more formal and precise than "Being part of a sports team." -
"When governments invest in youth sports, they are nurturing well-rounded individuals" -> "When governments invest in youth sports, they cultivate well-rounded individuals"
Explanation: "Cultivate" is a more formal and precise verb than "nurturing" in this context. -
"focusing solely on funding elite athletes may generate short-term national pride" -> "focusing solely on funding elite athletes may yield short-term national pride"
Explanation: "Yield" is a more formal and precise verb than "generate" in this context. -
"does little to develop these important life skills in the population at large" -> "contributes minimally to the development of these essential life skills in the broader population"
Explanation: "Contributes minimally" is more precise and formal than "does little," and "broader population" is a more formal expression than "population at large."
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear argument in favor of investing in children’s sports programs over funding elite athletes. The introduction outlines the debate and the author’s position, while the body paragraphs provide supporting arguments. The essay mentions the importance of inclusivity, health benefits, and the development of life skills, which are relevant to the question. However, it could have benefited from a more explicit acknowledgment of the opposing viewpoint regarding elite athlete funding.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include a brief discussion of the benefits of supporting elite athletes, even if the main argument is against it. This would demonstrate a more balanced approach and a deeper understanding of the complexities of the issue.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently advocating for the prioritization of children’s sports funding. The use of phrases like "I firmly agree" establishes a strong stance. However, the conclusion could be clearer in reiterating the main argument, as it somewhat dilutes the position by stating that spending on national athletes is a necessity.
- How to improve: Strengthening the conclusion by restating the main argument more emphatically would reinforce the author’s position. Additionally, avoiding phrases that might suggest ambiguity (like "while spending on supporting national athletes is a necessity") could help maintain clarity.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several well-developed ideas, such as inclusivity, health benefits, and the development of life skills. Each point is supported with relevant explanations and examples, making the argument compelling. However, the essay could benefit from more specific examples or data to further substantiate the claims, particularly regarding health issues and life skills.
- How to improve: Incorporating specific statistics or studies related to youth sports participation and its impact on health and personal development would strengthen the argument. Additionally, providing a real-world example of a successful youth sports program could enhance the essay’s persuasiveness.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic and does not deviate from the central argument. Each paragraph contributes to the overall discussion of government spending priorities in sports. However, the mention of "short-term national pride" in relation to funding elite athletes could be seen as slightly off-topic, as it does not directly relate to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain tighter focus, the author could either elaborate on how national pride connects to the broader argument or remove that point altogether. Ensuring that every point made directly supports the main thesis will help maintain clarity and relevance throughout the essay.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and presents a well-structured argument. By addressing the suggestions for improvement, the author could elevate the essay to an even higher level of clarity and persuasiveness.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument, beginning with an introduction that outlines the debate and the writer’s position. The body paragraphs are organized effectively, with the first paragraph focusing on the benefits of investing in children’s sports programs and the second contrasting this with the drawbacks of funding elite athletes. This logical progression aids in understanding the argument. However, the transition between the two main points could be more explicit to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To further improve logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, at the beginning of the second body paragraph, a phrase like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" could help signal the shift in focus more clearly.
-
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the argument. The first paragraph discusses the benefits of investing in youth sports, while the second paragraph critiques the focus on elite athletes. However, the conclusion could be more distinct, as it somewhat blends into the previous paragraph without a clear separation.
- How to improve: Ensure that the conclusion is clearly marked as a separate paragraph. This can be achieved by starting it on a new line and summarizing the key points made in the body paragraphs. Additionally, consider reiterating the main argument in a more impactful way to reinforce the essay’s stance.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "to begin with," "moreover," and "in contrast," which help to guide the reader through the argument. These devices effectively link ideas within and between sentences. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited set of cohesive devices, which may affect the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, consider using "furthermore," "in addition," or "on the contrary" to enhance the connections between ideas. Additionally, varying sentence structures can also contribute to a more dynamic flow of information.
Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and impact of their argument.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "expenditure," "inclusivity," "underprivileged," and "resilience" effectively employed. These words contribute to a nuanced discussion of the topic. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "spending much money" could be replaced with "allocating substantial funds" to enhance sophistication.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider incorporating synonyms or related terms. For instance, instead of repeating "investing" and "spending," you could use "allocating," "channeling," or "committing" funds. Additionally, exploring more advanced vocabulary related to sports and youth development could enrich the essay further.
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments of imprecision. For example, the phrase "enhancing competitive athletes" could be misinterpreted as improving their skills rather than providing financial support. The term "initatives" is a misspelling of "initiatives," which detracts from the overall precision of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, ensure that vocabulary choices clearly convey the intended meaning. For example, instead of "enhancing competitive athletes," consider "supporting elite athletes." Additionally, proofreading for spelling errors is crucial; using tools like spell-check or reading the essay aloud can help catch such mistakes.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a notable spelling error with the word "initatives," which should be "initiatives." This error indicates a lapse in attention to detail, which can impact the overall impression of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, practice writing frequently and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, creating a list of commonly misspelled words and reviewing them can be beneficial. Reading extensively can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, complex sentences such as "While there are compelling arguments for spending much money on enhancing competitive athletes to take part in some worldwide competitions, I firmly agree that the government should prioritize funding for children to participate in sports" effectively convey nuanced ideas. Additionally, the use of conditional structures, such as "if these countries could spend money on their children," adds depth to the argument. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings and a reliance on similar structures, particularly in the second paragraph.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider varying the sentence openings and incorporating more compound-complex sentences. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "investing in" or "this," try beginning with adverbial phrases or subordinate clauses. This will enhance the flow and maintain reader engagement.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally exhibits strong grammatical accuracy, with only minor errors. For example, the phrase "investing in children’s sports programs can promote inclusivity and accessibility" is clear and grammatically correct. However, there is a missing punctuation mark in the sentence "To begin with, investing in children’s sports programs can promote inclusivity and accessibility Many talented young athletes come from underprivileged backgrounds," where a period or semicolon is needed to separate the two independent clauses. Additionally, the phrase "sports initiatives for children" could be more clearly punctuated to avoid confusion.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, pay close attention to punctuation, particularly in complex sentences. Regularly review the rules for using commas, semicolons, and periods to ensure clarity. Additionally, proofreading the essay for run-on sentences or comma splices can help eliminate minor errors that detract from the overall quality.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve an even higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially moving towards a band score of 9.
Bài sửa mẫu
The debate regarding government expenditure on supporting elite athletes versus investing in grassroots sports initiatives for children is a complex one. While there are compelling arguments for allocating significant funds to enhance competitive athletes to participate in international competitions, I strongly advocate that the government should prioritize funding for children to engage in sports.
To begin with, investing in children’s sports programs promotes inclusivity and accessibility. Numerous talented young athletes originate from disadvantaged backgrounds, and without adequate funding for local sports initiatives, their potential may remain untapped. By directing resources towards youth sports, governments can provide opportunities for all children, regardless of their socio-economic status, to participate in physical activities. This not only assists in identifying future talent but also encourages a healthier lifestyle among the younger generation, which is crucial in combating rising health issues such as obesity.
Moreover, participation in sports at a young age instills fundamental life skills and values. Being part of a sports team fosters teamwork, discipline, and resilience. These qualities are transferable and can benefit children in various aspects of life, including academics and future employment. When governments invest in youth sports, they cultivate well-rounded individuals who can contribute positively to society. In contrast, focusing solely on funding elite athletes may yield short-term national pride but contributes minimally to the development of these essential life skills in the broader population.
In conclusion, while spending on supporting national athletes is a necessity, I still agree that investing in the next generation of sports can sustain the glory and development of nations.