Many criminals commit further crimes as soon as they are released from prison. What do you think are the causes of this? What possible solutions can you suggest?
It is widely observed that a great number of convicts engage in criminal activities after getting out of prison. In my view, there are a myriad of reasons that lead to this issue. However, I believe that the government and society should take necessary measures to deter criminals from attempting crimes.
This issue can be explained in two main different ways. Firstly, ex-convicts do not tend to change their ways of thinking. Some perpetrators have innate inclinations towards malevolence, so despite a long time in prison, they still cling to their twisted views about the world. Some others have conscience but they lack proper education when they were young, so even after imprisonment, they become older but are still unwise. Second, they may struggle to reintegrate into society. Criminals are job seekers having bad reputation, which means having to confront the prejudice of other individuals. Therefore, they are likely to have a dim chance to be accepted by any recruiter when compared to individuals with no criminal records, let alone forming close bonds with others.
But, there are possible solutions to reduce the criminal tendencies that will also help the offenders avoid indulging in illegal activities. Governments can implement new initiatives and channel money in these to cater for the culprits vocational training and job opportunities to make it easier for them to find suitable jobs after being released from prisons. Additionally, counseling sessions with a therapist who would help these criminals build their social lives and teach them how to get into the swing of daily life may be a feasible measure deserving governmental attention. Furthermore, individuals themselves should be cognizant of the importance of changing their perceptions, and society's attitudes towards them should be positively shifted.
To conclude, although there are numerous factors that incentivize the lawbreakers to do illicit acts again, I believe that the government and society should take the responsibility to divert convicts’ minds from attempting further crimes.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
"a great number of convicts" -> "a significant number of convicts"
Explanation: Replacing "a great number of" with "a significant number of" adds formality and precision to the statement, aligning with academic style.
"myriad of reasons" -> "various reasons"
Explanation: Substituting "myriad of" with "various" simplifies the expression while maintaining a formal tone, enhancing readability.
"take necessary measures" -> "implement necessary measures"
Explanation: The replacement of "take" with "implement" adds specificity and formality, contributing to a more academic tone.
"twisted views about the world" -> "distorted views of the world"
Explanation: Changing "twisted views about the world" to "distorted views of the world" introduces a more formal and precise term without sacrificing clarity.
"they become older but are still unwise" -> "they age but remain unwise"
Explanation: Substituting "become older" with "age" and restructuring the sentence improves conciseness and formality.
"dim chance" -> "limited chance"
Explanation: Replacing "dim chance" with "limited chance" maintains the intended meaning while using a more formal and precise expression.
"cater for the culprits" -> "address the needs of the individuals"
Explanation: Changing "cater for the culprits" to "address the needs of the individuals" provides a more formal and less judgmental phrasing.
"get into the swing of daily life" -> "integrate into daily life"
Explanation: Substituting "get into the swing of" with "integrate into" enhances formality and precision in describing the process of adjusting to daily life.
"individuals themselves" -> "individuals themselves should"
Explanation: Adding "should" after "individuals themselves" improves grammatical structure and reinforces the suggestion, making the sentence more persuasive.
"illicit acts" -> "criminal activities"
Explanation: Replacing "illicit acts" with "criminal activities" maintains clarity and aligns with a more formal and precise vocabulary choice.
"convicts’ minds" -> "convicts’ mindset"
Explanation: Changing "convicts’ minds" to "convicts’ mindset" introduces a more specific and formal term to refer to the psychological aspect of individuals.
"incentivize the lawbreakers" -> "drive the lawbreakers"
Explanation: Substituting "incentivize" with "drive" maintains the sense of motivation while using a more formal and concise term.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
Quoted text: "Some perpetrators have innate inclinations towards malevolence, so despite a long time in prison, they still cling to their twisted views about the world."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This point identifies a potential cause for recidivism, but it lacks depth. It would be more persuasive if you provided an example or elaborated further on the psychological aspect of these "innate inclinations." For instance, citing a case study or discussing specific personality traits might bolster this argument.
- Improved example: "Some individuals exhibit deep-seated antisocial tendencies, which can persist despite extended periods of incarceration. For instance, studies suggest that individuals with certain personality disorders, such as antisocial personality disorder, struggle to reform their behavior due to inherent traits like impulsivity and a lack of remorse. Exploring these psychological factors can shed light on the challenge of rehabilitation."
Quoted text: "Additionally, counseling sessions with a therapist who would help these criminals build their social lives and teach them how to get into the swing of daily life may be a feasible measure deserving governmental attention."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While counseling is a valuable suggestion, the explanation lacks specificity. It could benefit from outlining the types of counseling or therapy programs that have shown success in reintegration. Offering examples of successful rehabilitation programs or methods might strengthen this point and make it more credible.
- Improved example: "Implementing targeted cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) programs has shown promising results in helping ex-convicts navigate societal reintegration. These programs, tailored to address criminal thought patterns and equip individuals with adaptive social skills, have demonstrated significant success rates in reducing recidivism."
Quoted text: "Individuals themselves should be cognizant of the importance of changing their perceptions, and society’s attitudes towards them should be positively shifted."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: This point lacks specificity regarding how individuals can change their perceptions or how society’s attitudes can be shifted. Providing concrete examples of initiatives that encourage societal acceptance or strategies for self-reflection and personal growth would enhance this argument’s persuasiveness.
- Improved example: "Encouraging community-based programs that foster empathy and understanding towards ex-convicts can reshape societal perceptions. Similarly, initiatives promoting self-reflection and responsibility, such as mentorship programs or support groups led by reformed individuals, can aid in the personal transformation of ex-offenders."
Overall, the essay presents clear causes for recidivism and suggests viable solutions. Strengthening the depth of explanations with specific examples and incorporating more nuanced perspectives on psychological factors and effective rehabilitation programs would elevate the overall argumentation.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage by presenting the issue, and subsequent paragraphs discuss different aspects of the problem and potential solutions. The use of cohesive devices is evident, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. There is a variety of sentence structures, and paragraphing is generally clear, aiding in the flow of ideas.
How to improve:
To enhance coherence further, consider refining the use of cohesive devices to ensure a seamless connection between sentences and paragraphs. While the essay generally follows a logical progression, tightening the focus on specific ideas within each paragraph can contribute to even clearer organization. Additionally, paying attention to sentence structure variety and avoiding repetitive language can elevate the overall cohesion of the essay.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, allowing for flexibility and precision in expressing ideas. The candidate successfully uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation. While there are occasional errors in word choice and word formation, they do not significantly impede communication. The vocabulary used is generally appropriate for the task, contributing to a clear and coherent presentation of ideas.
How to improve:
To enhance the Lexical Resource and move towards a higher band score, the candidate could focus on further diversifying their vocabulary. While there is evidence of using less common lexical items, incorporating a broader range of sophisticated vocabulary would add nuance to their expressions. Additionally, paying closer attention to word choice accuracy and collocation could help reduce minor errors, contributing to an overall improvement in lexical control. Continued efforts in refining vocabulary and minimizing inaccuracies will contribute to achieving a higher band score.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score: 7.0
The essay demonstrates a good use of a variety of complex structures, contributing to a Band 7 score. The candidate effectively employs different sentence forms, showcasing a range of grammatical structures. There is also good control of grammar and punctuation throughout the essay. While there are some errors, they do not significantly impede communication. The essay effectively discusses reasons behind criminals reoffending and proposes solutions in a coherent manner.
How to improve:
To reach a higher band score, the candidate should aim for greater precision and clarity in expression. Paying closer attention to word choice and refining complex sentence structures can enhance overall coherence. Additionally, minimizing minor errors in grammar and punctuation will contribute to a smoother reading experience. Consider refining the conclusion for a more impactful summary of the main points.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is commonly observed that many individuals who have been incarcerated tend to engage in criminal activities once they are released. From my perspective, there are various reasons contributing to this issue. Nonetheless, I firmly believe that both the government and society should take essential steps to prevent criminals from relapsing into illegal behavior.
This issue can be understood in two primary ways. Firstly, some ex-convicts maintain their previous mindset. Certain offenders possess inherent tendencies towards wrongdoing, persisting in their distorted perspectives despite lengthy prison stays. Others might possess a sense of morality, yet lacked proper guidance during their formative years, leading them to remain unwise even after serving time. Secondly, they may encounter difficulties reintegrating into society. Being former criminals seeking employment, they face societal prejudice, significantly limiting their chances of securing jobs compared to individuals without criminal records. This makes it challenging for them to form meaningful connections with others.
However, there exist potential solutions to diminish criminal tendencies, aiding offenders in steering clear of unlawful activities. Governments can introduce new programs and allocate resources towards providing vocational training and job opportunities for ex-convicts, easing their transition into the workforce post-release. Moreover, counseling sessions with therapists focusing on building social skills and adapting to daily life could be a viable measure warranting government attention. Additionally, individuals themselves should recognize the significance of altering their mindsets, while society’s perception of ex-convicts should be positively transformed.
In conclusion, despite the numerous factors that might entice former offenders to relapse into criminal behavior, I advocate for both the government and society to take responsibility in redirecting the thoughts of convicts away from committing further crimes.