Many criminals re-offend after they have been punished. Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

Many criminals re-offend after they have been punished.
Why do some people continue to commit crimes after they have been punished, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

It can be observed that some ex-convicts continue to carry out criminal activities after being released from prison. This tendency arises due to various factors, and I think that the government can adopt several timely measures to alleviate this issue.

Economic and social conditions can be identified as primary factors contributing to the issue mentioned. Regarding the former, not all criminals engage in illegal activities out of pure evil intentions; many resort to crime due to a lack of viable means to support themselves and their families. Individuals from disadvantaged backgrounds with limited education and job training are often pushed towards criminal behavior. If these underlying factors are not effectively addressed after their release, their inability to earn a living through legal means may compel them to re-offend. From a societal perspective, it is a matter of fact that individuals with criminal records often face discrimination in many societies, particularly in terms of education and employment opportunities. This deprives them of chances for rehabilitation and fosters resentment against other members of society, potentially driving them to commit further crimes out of anger and frustration.

However, I believe the authorities could take several actions to mitigate or even reverse this problem. A more fundamental approach toward criminal issues should be adopted, including improving the living conditions of those in extreme poverty, providing free education, and implementing job training programs. These measures could significantly reduce the motives for individuals to risk their freedom for illegal activities due to financial reasons. Additionally, campaigns should be launched to combat discrimination against ex-convicts. By showcasing success stories of individuals who have overcome their criminal backgrounds and achieved success in life, especially influential figures with similar experiences like actor Robert Downey Junior, we can promote less prejudiced attitudes.

In conclusion, the lack of job opportunities and societal prejudice against criminals can contribute to their re-offending after release. However, I contend that effective social welfare and educational programs can play a crucial role in addressing these issues.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"It can be observed that some ex-convicts continue to carry out criminal activities after being released from prison." -> "It is evident that certain former convicts persist in engaging in criminal activities following their release from prison."
Explanation: Replacing "It can be observed" with "It is evident" enhances the formality of the statement, and restructuring the sentence provides a more polished expression of the idea.
"This tendency arises due to various factors, and I think that the government can adopt several timely measures to alleviate this issue." -> "This trend stems from various factors, and I believe the government can implement a range of timely measures to address this challenge."
Explanation: Substituting "tendency" with "trend" and rephrasing "I think that" to "I believe" contributes to a more formal tone, aligning with academic writing conventions.
"many resort to crime due to a lack of viable means to support themselves and their families." -> "many turn to criminal activities owing to a lack of viable means to support themselves and their families."
Explanation: The replacement of "resort to crime" with "turn to criminal activities" is a more formal phrasing, and the revision of the sentence structure improves overall clarity.
"Individuals from disadvantaged backgrounds with limited education and job training are often pushed towards criminal behavior." -> "Individuals from socioeconomically disadvantaged backgrounds with limited educational and vocational training are frequently compelled towards engaging in criminal behavior."
Explanation: Enhancing the vocabulary by using "socioeconomically disadvantaged" and specifying "educational and vocational training" contributes to a more precise and formal presentation.
"If these underlying factors are not effectively addressed after their release, their inability to earn a living through legal means may compel them to re-offend." -> "Failure to effectively address these underlying factors post-release may compel them to resort to illegal means for earning a livelihood."
Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and substituting "inability to earn a living through legal means" with "resort to illegal means for earning a livelihood" maintains formality while improving precision.
"From a societal perspective, it is a matter of fact that individuals with criminal records often face discrimination in many societies, particularly in terms of education and employment opportunities." -> "From a societal standpoint, it is an undeniable fact that individuals with criminal records frequently encounter discrimination, especially concerning educational and employment opportunities."
Explanation: Utilizing "societal standpoint" and specifying "educational and employment opportunities" enhances formality and precision in expressing the idea.
"This deprives them of chances for rehabilitation and fosters resentment against other members of society, potentially driving them to commit further crimes out of anger and frustration." -> "This deprives them of opportunities for rehabilitation and nurtures resentment against other members of society, potentially impelling them to engage in further criminal activities out of anger and frustration."
Explanation: Substituting "chances" with "opportunities" and using "impelling" instead of "driving" contributes to a more formal and nuanced expression of the concept.
"However, I believe the authorities could take several actions to mitigate or even reverse this problem." -> "Nevertheless, I contend that the authorities could undertake various measures to mitigate or potentially reverse this issue."
Explanation: Replacing "take several actions" with "undertake various measures" and using "nevertheless" instead of "however" aligns with a more formal and academic style.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Quoted text: "However, I believe the authorities could take several actions to mitigate or even reverse this problem."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: The introduction does not explicitly outline the main points that will be discussed in the essay. It would enhance the clarity and structure of the essay if you briefly summarized the measures or actions you plan to discuss. This would provide a roadmap for your reader, making it easier to follow your argument.
- Improved example: "However, I believe the authorities could take several actions, such as implementing robust social welfare programs, providing free education, and creating job training initiatives, to mitigate or even reverse this problem. In this essay, I will delve into these solutions and their potential impact on reducing recidivism among ex-convicts."
Quoted text: "A more fundamental approach toward criminal issues should be adopted, including improving the living conditions of those in extreme poverty, providing free education, and implementing job training programs."
- Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you’ve listed effective measures, their direct relevance to reducing recidivism could be more explicitly connected. Elaborate further on how these measures directly address the reasons ex-convicts re-offend, emphasizing how improved living conditions, education, and job training reduce the motivation or necessity to engage in criminal activities.
- Improved example: "A more fundamental approach toward reducing recidivism involves improving the living conditions of individuals in extreme poverty. By providing stable housing and addressing basic needs, ex-convicts are less likely to resort to crime due to financial desperation. Additionally, free education and comprehensive job training programs equip them with essential skills and opportunities for lawful employment, reducing the likelihood of re-offending due to a lack of legitimate means to sustain themselves."

Overall, while your essay addresses the factors contributing to recidivism and proposes measures to tackle the issue, enhancing the clarity and explicit connection between the proposed solutions and their direct impact on reducing re-offending behavior would strengthen the Task Response aspect of your essay. This clearer alignment would effectively demonstrate your comprehension and ability to propose pertinent solutions to the problem outlined in the prompt.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas, presenting a clear progression throughout. The introduction sets the stage for discussing the factors contributing to criminal re-offending, and the body paragraphs effectively explore economic and social conditions. The use of cohesive devices is generally appropriate, with a range employed to connect ideas within and between sentences. The essay maintains a clear central topic within each paragraph, contributing to coherence. However, there is a slight underuse of cohesive devices in connecting the introduction to the body paragraphs.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure a seamless connection between the introduction and body paragraphs by using transitional phrases that clearly guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, consider reinforcing the relationship between ideas with more explicit cohesive devices, making the flow even smoother. Overall, maintaining this level of organization and building on cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 8

Band Score: 8.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary, utilizing a wide range of words with fluency and flexibility. The writer effectively conveys precise meanings and skillfully incorporates uncommon lexical items. Minor errors in word choice and collocation are rare and can be considered as minor slips. The vocabulary usage contributes significantly to the overall sophistication of the essay, enhancing its clarity and depth.

How to improve:
To further improve the lexical resource, the writer could consider incorporating a few more advanced and contextually appropriate vocabulary items. Additionally, paying careful attention to avoiding any minor slips in word choice or collocation would enhance the overall lexical control. This can be achieved through thorough proofreading and revision. Overall, maintaining the current level of vocabulary use while minimizing the possibility of minor errors would strengthen the essay’s lexical resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable use of a variety of complex sentence structures, contributing to a Band 7 score. The writer effectively employs a mix of simple and complex sentences to convey ideas. There is good control of grammar and punctuation throughout the essay. While there are a few errors, they do not significantly impede communication and can be considered minor ‘slips.’ The essay showcases a range of vocabulary and maintains coherence in presenting ideas.

How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy further, the writer could focus on refining a few sentences that contain errors. While the majority of the essay is error-free, careful proofreading can help eliminate minor inaccuracies. Additionally, ensuring a consistent level of complexity in sentence structures can contribute to a more cohesive and sophisticated presentation. Overall, maintaining this level of proficiency and addressing minor errors will lead to continued improvement.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is evident that some former convicts persist in engaging in criminal activities following their release from prison. This trend stems from various factors, and I believe the government can adopt several timely measures to alleviate this issue.

Nevertheless, I contend that the authorities could take several actions to mitigate or even reverse this problem. A more fundamental approach toward criminal issues should be adopted, including improving the living conditions of those in extreme poverty, providing free education, and implementing job training programs. These measures could significantly reduce the motives for individuals to risk their freedom for illegal activities due to financial reasons. Additionally, campaigns should be launched to combat discrimination against ex-convicts. By showcasing success stories of individuals who have overcome their criminal backgrounds and achieved success in life, especially influential figures with similar experiences like actor Robert Downey Junior, we can promote less prejudiced attitudes.