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Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many employees can now do their work from home using modern technology. However, this change may only benefit workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is commonly argued that the development of new technology can only be advantageous for workers, not the employers. I partly agree with this notion since both of them have their own benefits via using cutting-edge technology in terms of work.

In actual fact, workers have amply opportunities to gain advantage form applying modern technology into working fields. We have to admit that the abilities of AI intelligence outperform humans day by day, thus, it helps workers to enhance their productivity of their work. Moreover, the telecommuting offers workers flexible schedule, allowing them to work at their own place where let themself pace and comfortable, meanwhile, they are able to either spend more time with their family or take care of their health. It is admitted that improving one’s health seize more opportunity to form their foreseen outstanding working efficiency. Finally, working at home lead to lower expenditure, for instance, people working at home not only cut down a massive amount of money on gas, public transportation fare, clothings but also have a lot of time-saving instead of traveling to their officer everyday.

On the other hand, this type of working bring ample advantages to the employers. Perharps, a core benefit is by using modern technology, the bosses can run their company easily. For example, the enterprenueurs have the ability to hold the teleconference by making video calls instead of the traditional ones, thus, helps them to connect with their workers immediately at the fingertips. Furthermore, the telecommuting allows them to cut down on infrastructure costs and facilities maintenance expenses since less officer space and employees supplies required.

In conclusion, I agree that this form of telecommuting work provides benefits to both workers and employers.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "advantageous" -> "beneficial"
    Explanation: Replacing "advantageous" with "beneficial" aligns with a more formal tone, avoiding a slightly informal choice of words.

  2. "amplу opportunities" -> "ample opportunities"
    Explanation: Correcting the spelling of "amplу" to "ample" maintains formal language and ensures accurate usage.

  3. "gain advantage form" -> "benefit from"
    Explanation: Substituting "gain advantage form" with "benefit from" results in a more precise and commonly used phrase in academic writing.

  4. "let themself pace" -> "set their own pace"
    Explanation: Changing "let themself pace" to "set their own pace" improves the grammatical structure and formality of the expression.

  5. "improving one’s health seize" -> "enhancing one’s health provides"
    Explanation: Replacing "improving one’s health seize" with "enhancing one’s health provides" offers a clearer and more formal expression of the idea.

  6. "officer" -> "office"
    Explanation: Correcting "officer" to "office" resolves a spelling error, ensuring accuracy and formality.

  7. "Perharps" -> "Perhaps"
    Explanation: Correcting "Perharps" to "Perhaps" addresses a spelling error, maintaining proper academic style.

  8. "enterprenueurs" -> "entrepreneurs"
    Explanation: Correcting "enterprenueurs" to "entrepreneurs" ensures accurate spelling and enhances the professionalism of the text.

  9. "telecommuting work" -> "telecommuting"
    Explanation: Simplifying "telecommuting work" to "telecommuting" improves conciseness without sacrificing clarity in the context.

  10. "their officer" -> "their office"
    Explanation: Correcting "their officer" to "their office" resolves a spelling error, ensuring accuracy and formality.

  11. "this form of telecommuting work" -> "telecommuting"
    Explanation: Streamlining "this form of telecommuting work" to simply "telecommuting" maintains clarity and avoids unnecessary repetition.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "It is commonly argued that the development of new technology can only be advantageous for workers, not the employers. I partly agree with this notion since both of them have their own benefits via using cutting-edge technology in terms of work."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction lacks clarity in expressing the writer’s position. The phrase "I partly agree" introduces ambiguity, and it’s crucial to have a clear stance in an IELTS essay. To enhance this, the writer should explicitly state whether they agree or disagree with the statement. For instance, "While I acknowledge the benefits for workers, I also believe employers can gain advantages from the use of modern technology."
    • Improved example: "While I acknowledge the benefits for workers, I also believe employers can gain advantages from the use of modern technology. In this essay, I will explore the advantages for both parties."
  2. Quoted text: "We have to admit that the abilities of AI intelligence outperform humans day by day, thus, it helps workers to enhance their productivity of their work."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The argument regarding AI intelligence outperforming humans lacks development. The statement is broad and could benefit from specific examples or reasons to support the claim. The writer should provide concrete instances or elaborate on how AI enhances productivity in various job sectors.
    • Improved example: "For example, in customer service, AI-driven chatbots can efficiently handle routine queries, allowing human workers to focus on more complex issues, thereby increasing overall productivity."
  3. Quoted text: "Moreover, the telecommuting offers workers flexible schedule, allowing them to work at their own place where let themself pace and comfortable, meanwhile, they are able to either spend more time with their family or take care of their health."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The idea of flexible schedules and the ability to work from home is well-presented, but the sentence structure is convoluted. It would be beneficial to separate and expand on each idea. Additionally, providing a concrete example or personal experience would strengthen the argument.
    • Improved example: "Furthermore, telecommuting not only provides a flexible schedule but also enables workers to create a comfortable work environment at home. For instance, a study revealed that employees who work remotely reported improved work-life balance and increased job satisfaction."

Overall, the essay addresses the task, but there’s room for improvement in expressing a clear stance, providing specific examples, and refining sentence structures for better coherence and clarity.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a generally coherent structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Ideas are presented in a somewhat organized manner, although there are instances of unclear progression. The essay attempts to address both perspectives (workers and employers) but lacks consistency in providing detailed examples or explanations to support these viewpoints.

The essay has some issues with cohesion and coherence. There is an attempt to use cohesive devices; however, there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion within and between sentences. Some sentences lack clarity, making it challenging to follow the writer’s intended argument. Paragraphing, while present, lacks consistent logic, and transitions between paragraphs could be smoother.

How to Improve:

  1. Structural Clarity: Ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows a logical sequence of ideas. Use topic sentences to introduce main points and support them coherently.
  2. Cohesive Devices: Practice using a wider range of cohesive devices effectively, ensuring their accurate and appropriate use to create stronger connections between sentences and ideas.
  3. Proofreading and Clarity: Review the essay for grammatical errors, awkward phrasing, and ambiguous statements that might hinder understanding. Focus on clarity and precision in expressing ideas.

Consider providing more specific examples and elaboration on how technology impacts both workers and employers. Additionally, refining sentence structures and ensuring clearer connections between ideas will significantly enhance coherence and cohesion in your essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary for the task, incorporating some less common terms. The writer attempts to use technology-related vocabulary such as "AI intelligence" and "telecommuting," contributing to a moderate variety. However, there are instances of inaccuracy and awkward word choices, such as "seize more opportunity" instead of "seize more opportunities" and "officer" instead of "office." Despite these issues, the essay maintains coherence and clarity.

The essay also features occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "advantage form" instead of "benefit from" and "let themself pace" instead of "set their own pace." These inaccuracies do not significantly impede communication, but they slightly affect the fluency and precision of the writing.

In terms of spelling and word formation, there are some errors, like "perharps" instead of "perhaps" and "officer" instead of "office." While these errors may cause minor strain for the reader, they do not severely distort the message.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource, the writer should focus on refining word choices and ensuring accurate word usage. Attention to detail is crucial to avoid errors such as "officer" instead of "office" and "seize more opportunity" instead of "seize more opportunities." Additionally, expanding the range of vocabulary by incorporating more precise and varied terms related to the topic can elevate the essay’s lexical quality. Finally, thorough proofreading for spelling and word formation errors is recommended to improve overall accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, with a variety of complex structures used throughout. The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, and the essay effectively presents arguments in favor of both workers and employers benefiting from telecommuting. There are, however, noticeable grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that slightly impede communication. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("abilities of AI intelligence outperform humans"), word choice ("seize more opportunity to form their foreseen outstanding working efficiency"), and punctuation ("For example, the enterprenueurs").

How to improve:

  1. Grammar and Punctuation: Review and revise sentences for proper subject-verb agreement and overall grammar. Pay attention to word choices to ensure clarity and accuracy.
  2. Sentence Structure: Aim for clearer and more concise sentence structures. Avoid unnecessary complexity that may lead to awkward phrasing.
  3. Proofreading: Carefully proofread the essay to catch and correct errors in punctuation, spelling, and grammar. This will enhance overall clarity and coherence.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Grammatical Range and Accuracy criteria.

Bài sửa mẫu

The argument often arises that advancements in technology predominantly favor workers rather than employers. I somewhat concur with this notion as both parties reap distinct advantages through the integration of cutting-edge technology in the workplace.

Workers, undeniably, stand to benefit significantly from the integration of modern technology into their professional domains. The burgeoning capabilities of AI surpass human abilities each passing day, thereby augmenting workers’ productivity. Additionally, telecommuting endows workers with a flexible schedule, enabling them to operate from the comfort of their own space, allowing for a more relaxed and conducive working environment. This arrangement not only permits individuals to allocate more time to their families but also facilitates the maintenance of their well-being, a crucial element for enhancing work efficiency. Moreover, working from home substantially curtails expenses, including commuting costs, clothing expenditures, and time spent on daily travel to an office.

On the other hand, this mode of operation also yields ample benefits for employers. Primarily, modern technology enables bosses to oversee company operations seamlessly. For instance, entrepreneurs can conduct virtual meetings via video calls, fostering immediate connections with their workforce. Furthermore, telecommuting aids in reducing infrastructure expenses and the costs associated with maintaining office spaces and supplies, owing to the decreased necessity for physical office spaces and employee amenities.

In summary, I concur that remote work, facilitated by modern technology, presents advantages to both workers and employers.

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