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Many employees may work at home with modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many employees may work at home with modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Telecommuting is increasingly recognized as a vital aspect of contemporary work arrangements, both for global and local businesses. Debates persist regarding whether this form of work can be advantageous for employers. While compelling arguments exist on both sides, I firmly agree that it primarily benefits only the workers.

Firstly, it is evident that telecommuting poses challenges for managers in monitoring their staff. This arises from the dispersed nature of these employees, spanning various locations, time zones, and schedules. Consequently, they can choose to work and take breaks at their discretion, adopting work patterns divergent from the organization's operations. Such deviations can adversely impact productivity and quality, particularly in ventures or small enterprises with a limited workforce, where close monitoring is imperative for sustained profitability.

Moreover, telecommuting has the potential to erode solidarity and company culture. While it may be convenient for individual workers, it can create a disconnect among colleagues due to limited communication, often limited to virtual interactions during special meetings. In cases where a significant number of coworkers may not even be familiar with each other's faces or characteristics, this lack of personal connection can lead to a dearth of enthusiasm and effective discussions among staff. Additionally, companies opting for remote work may find it challenging to organize events such as celebrations or excursions, which traditionally contribute to fostering solidarity among staff and enhancing the company's image.

In conclusion, I am in strong agreement with the assertion that telecommuting predominantly brings advantages for employees. My unwavering belief is that remote working hampers employers' ability to supervise and control the productivity of their workforce while simultaneously diminishing company culture and the unity among workers.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Debates persist regarding whether this form of work can be advantageous for employers." -> "Debates persist regarding the extent to which this form of work can benefit employers."
    Explanation: The suggested revision adds precision to the statement by specifying the degree to which telecommuting can be advantageous for employers.

  2. "While compelling arguments exist on both sides, I firmly agree that it primarily benefits only the workers." -> "Despite compelling arguments on both sides, my stance firmly asserts that its primary benefits accrue to the workers."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains a formal tone while enhancing clarity by specifying the author’s stance and expressing the idea more succinctly.

  3. "Firstly, it is evident that telecommuting poses challenges for managers in monitoring their staff." -> "First and foremost, telecommuting presents challenges for managers in effectively monitoring their staff."
    Explanation: The revision replaces the informal "Firstly" with a more formal "First and foremost" and improves fluency by rephrasing the sentence for conciseness.

  4. "Consequently, they can choose to work and take breaks at their discretion, adopting work patterns divergent from the organization’s operations." -> "As a result, employees may choose to work and take breaks at their discretion, adopting work patterns that diverge from the organization’s established operations."
    Explanation: The suggested changes provide a more formal and precise expression, avoiding the use of the informal "Consequently" and offering a clearer description of the situation.

  5. "Moreover, telecommuting has the potential to erode solidarity and company culture." -> "Furthermore, telecommuting has the potential to undermine solidarity and the organizational culture."
    Explanation: The replacement of "Moreover" with "Furthermore" maintains a formal tone, and the use of "undermine" adds nuance to the potential negative impact of telecommuting on solidarity.

  6. "this lack of personal connection can lead to a dearth of enthusiasm and effective discussions among staff." -> "This absence of personal connection can result in a lack of enthusiasm and hinder effective discussions among staff."
    Explanation: The revision replaces the informal "lack" with "absence" for formality, and "hinder" is used to convey a more precise impact on effective discussions.

  7. "My unwavering belief is that remote working hampers employers’ ability to supervise and control the productivity of their workforce…" -> "I steadfastly believe that remote working impedes employers’ capacity to supervise and regulate the productivity of their workforce…"
    Explanation: The suggested changes enhance the formality and precision of the statement by replacing "My unwavering belief is" with "I steadfastly believe" and using "impedes" instead of "hampers."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "While compelling arguments exist on both sides, I firmly agree that it primarily benefits only the workers."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: Your introduction is clear in expressing your position, which is positive. However, to enhance your essay’s structure, consider providing a brief roadmap of the main points you will discuss. This will guide the reader and improve the overall organization of your argument.
    • Improved example: "While compelling arguments exist on both sides, I firmly agree that telecommuting primarily benefits only the workers. In this essay, I will discuss the challenges telecommuting poses for employers, such as difficulties in monitoring staff, and the potential erosion of company culture."
  2. Quoted text: "Firstly, it is evident that telecommuting poses challenges for managers in monitoring their staff. This arises from the dispersed nature of these employees, spanning various locations, time zones, and schedules."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: Your first point addresses the challenges of monitoring telecommuting staff, which is relevant. However, it lacks specific examples or detailed reasoning to fully develop the idea. Provide concrete instances or elaborate on the consequences of dispersed employees to strengthen your argument.
    • Improved example: "Firstly, it is evident that telecommuting poses significant challenges for managers in monitoring their staff. For instance, a manager overseeing a team across different time zones may struggle to ensure timely collaboration, leading to potential delays in project completion."
  3. Quoted text: "Moreover, telecommuting has the potential to erode solidarity and company culture."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: While this point is valid, it would be beneficial to provide a more nuanced explanation of how telecommuting affects solidarity and company culture. Include specific examples or scenarios to illustrate this potential erosion.
    • Improved example: "Moreover, telecommuting has the potential to erode solidarity and company culture. For instance, the lack of face-to-face interactions may hinder the development of a strong team spirit, as employees miss out on casual conversations and spontaneous collaboration that typically occur in a physical office setting."
  4. Quoted text: "In conclusion, I am in strong agreement with the assertion that telecommuting predominantly brings advantages for employees."

    • Explanation and Improvement suggestion: Your conclusion reaffirms your stance, which is good. However, consider summarizing the main points briefly to reinforce your argument’s strength.
    • Improved example: "In conclusion, I firmly agree that telecommuting predominantly benefits employees due to the challenges it poses for managerial monitoring and the potential erosion of company culture."

Overall, while your essay addresses all parts of the task, the development of ideas is sometimes limited. Provide more detailed examples and reasoning to strengthen your argument and achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a logical organization of information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. Cohesive devices are used appropriately, although there is some underuse, especially in connecting ideas within and between sentences. The central topic is presented clearly within each paragraph, contributing to the overall coherence.

How to improve:
To enhance cohesion, consider incorporating a greater variety of cohesive devices to strengthen the connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure consistent use of these devices throughout the essay. Pay attention to referencing and substitution to avoid any potential for repetition. Overall, maintaining a balance in the use of cohesive devices will further improve the coherence and cohesion of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary to allow some flexibility and precision, placing it within the Band 7 category. The writer employs a varied and coherent vocabulary throughout the essay, addressing the topic with a range of terms related to telecommuting, work arrangements, and organizational challenges. There is an attempt to use less common vocabulary, such as "dispersed nature," "dearth of enthusiasm," and "sustained profitability." While there are some instances of word choice that may be considered less precise, overall, the essay showcases a commendable level of lexical resource.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer could focus on further diversifying their vocabulary, incorporating more uncommon lexical items with increased accuracy. Additionally, paying attention to refining word choice and collocation in certain instances can contribute to a more sophisticated expression of ideas. Continuous attention to precision and clarity in vocabulary usage will strengthen the overall lexical resource of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation: The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, with a variety of complex structures employed throughout. The use of vocabulary is appropriate and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. The majority of sentences are error-free, and the writer exhibits good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing that slightly affect the overall fluency and accuracy.

How to improve:

  1. Sentence Structure: While the essay utilizes a variety of complex structures, some sentences could be further refined for clarity and precision. Paying attention to sentence structure and avoiding occasional awkward phrasing will enhance overall readability.

  2. Error Reduction: To achieve a higher score, the writer should aim for greater accuracy by eliminating minor errors. Proofreading the essay thoroughly can help identify and rectify such issues.

  3. Transition Phrases: Incorporating more transition phrases could improve the flow between ideas, making the essay more cohesive. This addition will assist in guiding the reader through the argument more smoothly.

  4. Conciseness: In some instances, the essay tends to be slightly verbose. Streamlining the expression of ideas and avoiding unnecessary repetition will contribute to a more concise and focused piece of writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of language, addressing these areas of improvement can elevate it to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Telecommuting, the remote work setup, is gaining recognition as a fundamental part of today’s work styles for businesses, whether they operate globally or locally. The ongoing debate questions whether this kind of work benefits employers. While opinions vary, I firmly stand by the view that it primarily favors the workers.

One evident challenge with telecommuting is how managers monitor their staff. The dispersed nature of these employees, spread across various locations, time zones, and schedules, makes it difficult for managers to keep track. This leads to employees having the freedom to choose their work hours and breaks, often differing from the organization’s standard operations. Such deviations can negatively impact productivity and quality, especially in smaller businesses where close monitoring is crucial for maintaining profitability.

Furthermore, telecommuting has the potential to weaken unity and company culture. While it may offer convenience to individual workers, it can create a disconnect among colleagues due to limited communication, often confined to virtual interactions during specific meetings. In situations where many coworkers might not even know each other’s faces or characteristics, this lack of personal connection can result in a lack of enthusiasm and effective discussions among the staff. Additionally, companies that opt for remote work may face difficulties organizing events like celebrations or outings, which usually play a role in fostering unity among staff and boosting the company’s reputation.

In summary, I firmly agree that telecommuting mainly benefits employees. My strong belief is that remote work hampers employers’ ability to supervise and regulate the productivity of their workforce while simultaneously diminishing the company’s culture and the unity among workers.

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