Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country.  Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. 
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many government prioritize economic growth as their main goal; however, some people believe that other forms of progress are just as crucial for a nation. This essay will dive into both sides of this argument before drawing a logical conclusion.

On the one hand, economy is often viewed as the catalyst for higher standards of living. The healthier a country's economy is, the better salaries all citizens get, providing people with access to high-end services. For example, many services like luxury spas and welllness retreats are becoming more popular with people from all walks of life, ameliorating living conditions. Moreover, economic progress brings about enormous positive effects. This includes advancements in infrastructure, building renovations and a surge in tourism, all of which benefit both nations and their citizens.

Controversy, others counter this argument by citing that economic growth alone is insufficient for a country's sustainable development. In other words, a holistic approach that encompasses other forms of progress is vital for creating a truly prosperous society. Social progress, for instance, includes factors such as education, healthcare, gender equality and environmental sustainability, offering immense opportunities for building stronger and more resilient communities. In short, a nation's success could be evaluated by assessing the health, happiness and overall quality of life of its citizens.

In conclusion, while economic progress is crucial for a nation's development, it should not be pursued at the expense of other vital areas. From my viewpoint, a balanced approach is essential for building a sustainable future.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many government prioritize" -> "Many governments prioritize"
Explanation: The term "government" should be pluralized to "governments" to correctly refer to multiple governments, enhancing grammatical accuracy and formality.
"just as crucial" -> "equally important"
Explanation: "Equally important" is a more formal and precise term than "just as crucial," which can sound slightly colloquial and vague in an academic context.
"This essay will dive into" -> "This essay will explore"
Explanation: "Dive into" is somewhat informal and colloquial for academic writing. "Explore" is a more formal and appropriate verb choice for academic essays.
"economy is often viewed as" -> "the economy is frequently regarded as"
Explanation: "Frequently regarded as" is more formal and precise than "often viewed as," aligning better with academic style.
"better salaries all citizens get" -> "higher salaries for all citizens"
Explanation: "Higher salaries for all citizens" is grammatically correct and more formal, improving clarity and precision.
"welllness retreats" -> "wellness retreats"
Explanation: Correcting the spelling error from "welllness" to "wellness" maintains professionalism and accuracy.
"ameliorating living conditions" -> "improving living conditions"
Explanation: "Improving" is a more direct and commonly used term in academic writing compared to "ameliorating," which can be less familiar to some readers.
"enormous positive effects" -> "significant positive impacts"
Explanation: "Significant positive impacts" is more precise and formal, suitable for academic discourse.
"building renovations" -> "building renovations"
Explanation: This is a correct and complete phrase, as "renovations" is a noun that requires no additional articles.
"all of which benefit both nations and their citizens" -> "all of which benefit both the nations and their citizens"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "nations" corrects the grammatical structure and enhances formality.
"others counter this argument" -> "others argue"
Explanation: "Argue" is a more direct and formal verb than "counter," which can be less commonly used in academic writing.
"In other words" -> "In essence"
Explanation: "In essence" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "In other words."
"Social progress, for instance" -> "Social progress, for example"
Explanation: "For example" is a more formal and commonly used transitional phrase in academic writing compared to "for instance."
"health, happiness and overall quality of life" -> "health, happiness, and overall quality of life"
Explanation: Adding a comma after "happiness" corrects the punctuation, enhancing readability and formality.
"a nation’s success could be evaluated" -> "a nation’s success can be evaluated"
Explanation: "Can be evaluated" is more assertive and formal than "could be evaluated," aligning better with academic tone.
"From my viewpoint" -> "From this perspective"
Explanation: "From this perspective" is a more formal and impersonal expression, suitable for academic writing, compared to the more personal "From my viewpoint."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both views regarding the importance of economic progress versus other forms of progress. However, it lacks depth in discussing the opposing viewpoint. The first paragraph mentions the benefits of economic growth, but the second paragraph, which is meant to present the counterargument, does not sufficiently explore the implications of neglecting economic progress. The conclusion reiterates the importance of a balanced approach but does not clearly articulate the significance of each perspective.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are explored in equal depth. This could involve providing more specific examples or evidence for both economic progress and other forms of progress, such as social or environmental improvements. Additionally, the essay should explicitly address how these perspectives can coexist or conflict with one another.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a position that advocates for a balanced approach to progress. However, the clarity of this position is somewhat diluted by the lack of a strong argumentative structure. The transition between discussing economic growth and the counterargument is not smooth, which can confuse the reader about the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should explicitly state their opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Using clear topic sentences for each paragraph that relate back to the thesis can help guide the reader through the argument. Additionally, ensuring that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument will strengthen the coherence of the essay.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas about economic growth and social progress, but these ideas are not fully developed. For instance, while the essay mentions the benefits of economic growth, it does not elaborate on how these benefits translate into improved quality of life or how they interact with social progress. The supporting examples, such as luxury services, are somewhat vague and do not effectively illustrate the argument.
- How to improve: To better present and support ideas, the writer should provide more detailed examples and explanations. This could include statistics, case studies, or specific instances where economic growth has led to social improvements or vice versa. Additionally, extending the discussion to include potential drawbacks of focusing solely on economic growth would provide a more nuanced view.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing economic progress and other forms of progress. However, there are moments where the focus shifts, particularly in the second paragraph, where the discussion of social progress could be more directly linked to the initial argument about economic growth. The mention of "luxury spas" feels somewhat disconnected from the broader argument about national progress.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of the essay. This can be achieved by consistently linking examples and arguments back to the main themes of economic and social progress. A clear outline before writing could help in organizing thoughts and ensuring that all points are relevant to the topic.

Overall, the essay demonstrates an understanding of the prompt but requires more depth, clarity, and coherence to achieve a higher band score. Expanding on ideas, providing more specific examples, and ensuring a clear argumentative structure will significantly improve the quality of the response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the two perspectives on economic progress versus other forms of progress. Each paragraph addresses a distinct viewpoint, with the first paragraph focusing on the benefits of economic growth and the second discussing the importance of a holistic approach. However, the transition between the two viewpoints could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "Controversy, others counter this argument" is somewhat awkward and disrupts the flow.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument. For example, instead of "Controversy," you might use "On the other hand" or "Conversely," which would provide a more natural transition. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph begins with a topic sentence that clearly states the main idea being discussed.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids in readability. The first paragraph discusses economic growth, while the second focuses on alternative forms of progress. However, the second paragraph could benefit from a clearer connection to the main argument, as it introduces several new concepts without fully linking them back to the central thesis.
- How to improve: Strengthen paragraph structure by ensuring that each paragraph not only introduces a new idea but also ties back to the thesis statement. For example, at the end of the second paragraph, you could briefly reiterate how social progress contributes to overall national success, reinforcing the argument that a balanced approach is necessary.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "for example" and "in short," which help to clarify points and summarize arguments. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be more explicit. The phrase "ameliorating living conditions" is a strong choice, but the essay could benefit from additional linking words and phrases to enhance cohesion.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "furthermore," "in addition," "however," and "therefore." This will not only improve the flow of the essay but also help clarify the relationships between different points. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help maintain coherence throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good level of coherence and cohesion, focusing on smoother transitions, clearer paragraph connections, and a broader range of cohesive devices will help elevate the writing to a higher band score.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. Terms such as "economic growth," "catalyst," "high standards of living," and "holistic approach" indicate a solid understanding of the subject matter. However, there are instances where the vocabulary could be more varied. For example, the phrase "other forms of progress" is repeated, which could benefit from synonyms or alternative expressions to enhance lexical diversity.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider using synonyms or paraphrasing. For instance, instead of repeating "other forms of progress," you might use "alternative avenues of advancement" or "different dimensions of development." Additionally, incorporating more advanced vocabulary related to social progress, such as "socioeconomic development" or "sustainable practices," could further enrich the essay.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are a few instances of imprecise usage. For example, the phrase "ameliorating living conditions" is somewhat vague; while "ameliorate" is a strong word, it could be more effective if paired with specific examples of how living conditions improve (e.g., "ameliorating living conditions through better healthcare access"). Additionally, the term "wellness retreats" may not be universally understood and could benefit from clarification.
- How to improve: To enhance precision, ensure that vocabulary choices are clear and directly related to the concepts being discussed. When using less common terms, consider providing context or examples to clarify their meaning. For instance, instead of "wellness retreats," you could specify "health and wellness retreats that promote physical and mental well-being."
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "welllness" (which has an extra ‘l’) and "government" (which should be pluralized as "governments"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and may affect the reader’s understanding.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, it is advisable to proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help catch errors. Additionally, practicing spelling common academic vocabulary and terms related to the essay topic can build confidence and reduce mistakes in future writing.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid command of vocabulary with room for improvement in variety, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and potentially achieve a higher band score in future assessments.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "This essay will dive into both sides of this argument before drawing a logical conclusion" effectively sets the stage for the discussion. The writer also employs conditional structures, as seen in "In other words, a holistic approach that encompasses other forms of progress is vital for creating a truly prosperous society." However, there are instances of simpler structures that could be enhanced, such as the sentence "Controversy, others counter this argument by citing that economic growth alone is insufficient for a country’s sustainable development," which could be more fluidly integrated into the paragraph.
- How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more compound-complex sentences and varied introductory phrases. For example, instead of starting with "On the one hand," they could use phrases like "From one perspective," or "Considering the economic viewpoint," to introduce contrasting ideas. Additionally, varying the placement of clauses within sentences can enhance the flow and complexity of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some notable errors. For example, "Many government prioritize economic growth" should be "Many governments prioritize economic growth" to ensure subject-verb agreement. Additionally, the phrase "welllness retreats" contains a typographical error with an extra ‘l’. Punctuation is mostly correct, but the use of a semicolon in the opening sentence could be reconsidered; a comma would suffice as it connects two independent clauses that are closely related.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, the writer should proofread their work to catch typographical errors and ensure subject-verb agreement. Practicing sentence diagramming can help in recognizing and correcting such issues. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially concerning the use of semicolons and commas in complex sentences, would be beneficial. For instance, the writer could revise the opening sentence to read: "Many governments prioritize economic growth as their main goal; however, some people believe that other forms of progress are just as crucial for a nation," ensuring clarity and correctness in punctuation.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a balanced view on the topic. By addressing the identified areas for improvement, the writer can enhance their grammatical range and accuracy, potentially achieving an even higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many governments prioritize economic growth as their main goal; however, some people believe that other forms of progress are just as crucial for a nation. This essay will explore both sides of this argument before drawing a logical conclusion.

On the one hand, the economy is often viewed as the catalyst for higher standards of living. The healthier a country’s economy is, the better salaries all citizens receive, providing people with access to high-end services. For example, many services like luxury spas and wellness retreats are becoming more popular with people from all walks of life, improving living conditions. Moreover, economic progress brings about significant positive impacts. This includes advancements in infrastructure, building renovations, and a surge in tourism, all of which benefit both nations and their citizens.

On the other hand, others argue that economic growth alone is insufficient for a country’s sustainable development. In other words, a holistic approach that encompasses other forms of progress is vital for creating a truly prosperous society. Social progress, for example, includes factors such as education, healthcare, gender equality, and environmental sustainability, offering immense opportunities for building stronger and more resilient communities. In essence, a nation’s success can be evaluated by assessing the health, happiness, and overall quality of life of its citizens.

In conclusion, while economic progress is crucial for a nation’s development, it should not be pursued at the expense of other vital areas. From my viewpoint, a balanced approach is essential for building a sustainable future.