Many parents nowadays organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Why is this the case? What problems can this cause for children?
Many parents nowadays organise extra classes for their children after school and at the weekends. Why is this the case? What problems can this cause for children?
In today’s era, many parents are having a tendency to bring their children to extra curriculums after school. This trend is possibly attributable to a host of reasons, leading to some adverse effects on the children’s ability and emotion.
There are some underlying reasons behind this trend. One of the most noticeable reasons is the stricter requirements in the job market. As advanced technologies are becoming more popular, many companies tend to use technology resources instead of humans. Without enough knowledge and ability, children in future may meet some difficulties in finding a high paying job and can be easily replaced by technology. Another reason is due to the bandwagon effect theory. According to this phenomenon, individuals are easily manipulated to follow the actions or attitudes of crowds . With the increase in the number of children attending teaching centres, some parents may be affected and do the exact same thing with their children.
The wide-ranging effects of this consumerism have profound influence on children’s ability and emotions. By enrolling in a high volume of studying activities, children may not have enough time to spend on social activities to gain practical skills, which are believed to play an important role in children’s future. Another notable reason is the burnout in the studying process. With a high volume of academic time, children may feel overloaded and stressed. These feelings can make children lose interest in studying and develop negative attitudes.
In conclusion, there are several factors behind why parents tend to register extra classes after school for their children, including the higher requirements of employers and the bandwagon effect. This tendency may not only affect the development of soft skills in children, but also make them feel overloaded and burnout
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In today’s era" -> "In the contemporary era"
Explanation: "In the contemporary era" is a more formal and precise way to refer to the current time period, enhancing the academic tone of the essay. -
"having a tendency to bring" -> "tend to bring"
Explanation: Simplifying "having a tendency to" to "tend to" streamlines the sentence and maintains a formal tone without redundancy. -
"extra curriculums" -> "extracurricular activities"
Explanation: "Extra curriculums" is a typographical error; "extracurricular activities" is the correct term, which is also more specific and appropriate for academic writing. -
"adverse effects on the children’s ability and emotion" -> "adverse effects on the children’s abilities and emotional well-being"
Explanation: "Ability" should be pluralized to "abilities" to match the plural subject "children." Additionally, "emotional well-being" is a more precise and formal term than "emotion." -
"the stricter requirements in the job market" -> "the increasing competitiveness in the job market"
Explanation: "Increasing competitiveness" is a more accurate description of the job market conditions, which is more specific and relevant to the context. -
"children in future may meet some difficulties" -> "children may face challenges"
Explanation: "Meet some difficulties" is awkward and vague; "face challenges" is more direct and appropriate for formal writing. -
"can be easily replaced by technology" -> "may be easily replaced by automation"
Explanation: "Automation" is a more specific term than "technology," which is too broad and vague in this context. -
"bandwagon effect theory" -> "bandwagon effect"
Explanation: "Theory" is redundant when referring to the bandwagon effect, which is a well-established psychological phenomenon. -
"individuals are easily manipulated to follow the actions or attitudes of crowds" -> "individuals are susceptible to following the actions or attitudes of crowds"
Explanation: "Susceptible to" is a more precise and formal way to describe the influence of crowds on individuals. -
"do the exact same thing with their children" -> "follow suit with their children"
Explanation: "Follow suit" is a more idiomatic and formal expression than "do the exact same thing," which is colloquial. -
"have profound influence on children’s ability and emotions" -> "have a profound impact on children’s abilities and emotional well-being"
Explanation: "Impact" is more specific and formal than "influence," and "abilities and emotional well-being" is a more precise and formal phrase. -
"enrolling in a high volume of studying activities" -> "enrolling in numerous academic programs"
Explanation: "Numerous academic programs" is more specific and formal than "a high volume of studying activities." -
"not have enough time to spend on social activities" -> "lack sufficient time for social activities"
Explanation: "Lack sufficient time for" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of not having enough time. -
"believed to play an important role" -> "considered crucial"
Explanation: "Considered crucial" is a more direct and formal way to express the importance of something. -
"feel overloaded and stressed" -> "experience overload and stress"
Explanation: "Experience overload and stress" is a more formal and precise way to describe the emotional state. -
"make children feel overloaded and burnout" -> "cause children to feel overwhelmed and experience burnout"
Explanation: "Cause children to feel overwhelmed and experience burnout" is more formal and precise, avoiding the awkward construction of "make children feel overloaded and burnout."
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt: it discusses the reasons behind the trend of parents organizing extra classes and the problems this may cause for children. The reasons provided, such as stricter job market requirements and the bandwagon effect, are relevant and well-articulated. However, the explanation of the problems could be more detailed; while the essay mentions the lack of social skills and feelings of burnout, it could benefit from more specific examples or elaboration on how these issues manifest in children’s lives.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could include specific examples of how the lack of social skills impacts children’s interactions or future opportunities. Additionally, discussing the long-term effects of burnout, such as mental health issues or decreased academic performance, would provide a more comprehensive answer.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the negative implications of extra classes for children. The stance is consistent throughout, as the writer emphasizes both the reasons for this trend and the associated problems. However, the conclusion could be stronger by more explicitly reiterating the main points made in the body paragraphs, which would reinforce the position taken.
- How to improve: To improve clarity and consistency, the writer should ensure that the conclusion succinctly summarizes the key arguments made in the essay. Using phrases like "In summary" or "To conclude," followed by a brief recap of the main points, would strengthen the overall position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas and extends them to some extent, particularly with the reasons for extra classes. However, the support for these ideas could be more robust. For instance, while the mention of the job market is pertinent, the essay lacks data or examples that could illustrate the increasing competition in the workforce. Similarly, the discussion of emotional impacts could be more deeply explored.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or statistics to support their claims. For instance, citing studies that show the correlation between excessive academic pressure and mental health issues in children would add depth to the argument. Additionally, including personal anecdotes or hypothetical scenarios could make the points more relatable and impactful.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for extra classes and their consequences. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more tightly aligned with the prompt. For example, the mention of "consumerism" in relation to the trend feels somewhat vague and could be better connected to the specific context of education and parental choices.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that all points made directly relate back to the prompt. Avoiding vague terms and instead using more precise language related to education and parental motivations would help keep the discussion relevant. Additionally, the writer could benefit from outlining their main ideas before writing to ensure all points are clearly aligned with the prompt.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the two main areas of discussion: reasons for extra classes and their potential problems. The body paragraphs are logically organized, with the first focusing on reasons and the second on effects. However, the transition between ideas could be smoother. For instance, the shift from discussing job market requirements to the bandwagon effect feels abrupt, lacking a connecting sentence that would help the reader follow the argument more seamlessly.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that connect ideas more fluidly. For example, after discussing job market pressures, you could introduce the bandwagon effect with a phrase like, "In addition to these pressures, another significant factor contributing to this trend is…"
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, with a clear distinction between reasons and effects. Each paragraph has a main idea, supported by relevant details. However, the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that explicitly state the main idea of the paragraph, as the current opening sentence is somewhat vague.
- How to improve: Strengthen topic sentences to clearly outline the main idea of each paragraph. For instance, the second paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Several significant effects arise from the trend of enrolling children in extra classes," which would immediately clarify the focus for the reader.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Another reason" and "In conclusion," which help guide the reader through the text. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be more explicit. For example, the phrase "Another notable reason" in the second body paragraph could be replaced with a more varied cohesive device to avoid repetition and enhance clarity.
- How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices by incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "Another reason," consider alternatives like "Furthermore," "Additionally," or "Moreover." This will not only improve the flow but also demonstrate a greater command of cohesive devices.
By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay can achieve a higher level of coherence and cohesion, potentially leading to an increased band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "extra curriculums," "stricter requirements," and "bandwagon effect theory." However, the use of phrases such as "having a tendency to" and "high volume of studying activities" suggests a reliance on more common expressions rather than a broader lexical range. The term "consumerism" is also somewhat misapplied in this context, as it typically refers to the preoccupation with consumption rather than educational practices.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more varied and sophisticated synonyms and phrases. For example, instead of "having a tendency to," consider using "exhibiting a growing inclination towards." Additionally, replacing "high volume of studying activities" with "intensive academic commitments" could elevate the lexical quality.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: While the essay contains some precise vocabulary, there are instances of imprecise usage. For example, "extra curriculums" should be "extracurricular activities," as "curriculums" is not the standard plural form. The phrase "the bandwagon effect theory" could be simplified to "the bandwagon effect," which is more commonly understood. Furthermore, "burnout in the studying process" could be more accurately phrased as "academic burnout."
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using established phrases and terminology correctly. Reviewing academic vocabulary lists or resources can help identify appropriate terms. Additionally, practicing paraphrasing common phrases can aid in achieving greater accuracy in word choice.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates good spelling, with few errors. However, the term "burnout" is misspelled as "burnout" in the conclusion, which detracts from the overall professionalism of the writing. The phrase "extra curriculums" also reflects a misunderstanding of spelling conventions, as "extracurricular" is the correct form.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, creating flashcards for commonly misspelled words can reinforce correct spelling. Reading extensively can also help familiarize the writer with proper spelling in context.
Overall, while the essay shows a commendable effort in vocabulary use, there are clear areas for improvement that could elevate the Lexical Resource score. Focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and ensuring correct spelling will contribute to a stronger performance in future writing tasks.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "As advanced technologies are becoming more popular, many companies tend to use technology resources instead of humans" effectively combine clauses to convey complex ideas. However, there are instances of repetitive structures, such as starting multiple sentences with "Another reason is," which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, consider using a wider range of introductory phrases or clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Another reason is," you could vary it by using phrases like "Additionally," or "Furthermore," or even starting with a dependent clause, such as "Due to the increasing competition in the job market, many parents feel compelled to enroll their children in extra classes."
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are notable errors that impact clarity. For instance, the phrase "children in future may meet some difficulties" should be "children in the future may face difficulties." Additionally, punctuation errors, such as the unnecessary space before the period in "crowds .", detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on common grammatical structures and ensure proper article usage (e.g., "the future" instead of "future"). Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors is crucial; consider reading the essay aloud to catch misplaced spaces or missing commas. Regular practice with grammar exercises can also help solidify understanding of complex structures and punctuation rules.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
In the contemporary era, many parents are increasingly organizing extra classes for their children after school and on weekends. This trend can be attributed to a variety of reasons, which may lead to some adverse effects on children’s abilities and emotional well-being.
There are several underlying reasons for this trend. One of the most significant factors is the stricter requirements in the job market. As advanced technologies become more prevalent, many companies tend to rely on technological resources rather than human labor. Without sufficient knowledge and skills, children may face challenges in securing high-paying jobs in the future and may be easily replaced by automation. Another reason is related to the bandwagon effect. According to this phenomenon, individuals are susceptible to following the actions or attitudes of crowds. As more children attend tutoring centers, some parents may feel compelled to follow suit with their own children.
The wide-ranging effects of this consumerism can have a profound impact on children’s abilities and emotional well-being. By enrolling in numerous academic programs, children may lack sufficient time for social activities, which are considered crucial for developing practical skills that will benefit them in the future. Additionally, the pressure of an overloaded schedule can lead to burnout during the studying process. With excessive academic demands, children may experience stress and feel overwhelmed, which can ultimately diminish their interest in learning and foster negative attitudes.
In conclusion, there are several factors driving parents to enroll their children in extra classes after school, including the increasing competitiveness in the job market and the bandwagon effect. This tendency may not only hinder the development of essential soft skills in children but also cause them to feel overloaded and experience burnout.