Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality, high school students are encouraged to make comments on or even give criticism to their teachers. Others think it will lead to loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality, high school students are encouraged to make comments on or even give criticism to their teachers. Others think it will lead to loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is sometimes argued that making judgements and expressing highschool students’ thoughts can be measures to advance the quality of the educational system. However, other people, myself included, are inclined that these initiatives might have a patent repercussion on the learning process in school.
It is unequivocally true that allowing students to talk about their feelings of trainers’ teaching styles or their disagreement of the lessons, in lieu of keeping it in their mind, might help improve the quality of the classes. For instance, some teachers were reported to speak too fast or too slowly, some assigned a large amount of homework and some gave too little. Through such feedback, teachers can realize their mistakes and consequently, they can adjust the way they deliver the lessons and how many assignments are given to students. In the meanwhile, these adjustments might enable students to feel comfortable, constructive and excited as their suggestions are recognized by their trainers. However, this idea is effective solely when it is managed properly.
The situation could be easily taken too far, leading to chaos and lack of students’ respect towards their teachers. High school students, given limited life experience and exposure to complicated social issues, might not have the ability to give constructive criticism to express their feelings. As a result, what they say may intentionally or unintentionally make very hurtful comments on their teachers. This affects teachers’ mental well-being and subsequently, mitigates their enthusiasm, being to blame for declined quality of their lessons. Furthermore, some educators tend to ignore feedback from their students because they suppose these feedback have no meaningful value to improve the lessons. Thus, it is very likely that no adjustments would be made, causing the disorder to the classrooms.
In conclusion, while giving students freedom to express feelings towards their trainer might be beneficial somehow, I am inclined that this trend does more harm than good.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"making judgements and expressing highschool students’ thoughts" -> "making judgments and expressing the thoughts of high school students"
Explanation: The term "judgments" should be pluralized to "judgments" for grammatical correctness, and "highschool" should be spelled as "high school" to adhere to standard English spelling rules. Additionally, "expressing highschool students’ thoughts" is awkwardly phrased; "the thoughts of high school students" is more natural and formal. -
"other people, myself included" -> "others, including myself"
Explanation: "Other people, myself included" is slightly redundant and informal. "Others, including myself" is more concise and maintains a formal tone. -
"patent repercussion" -> "direct consequence"
Explanation: "Patent" is incorrectly used here; "patent" typically refers to a type of intellectual property. "Direct consequence" is the correct term for describing immediate effects. -
"allowing students to talk about their feelings of trainers’ teaching styles" -> "allowing students to discuss their perceptions of their teachers’ teaching styles"
Explanation: "Feelings of trainers’ teaching styles" is vague and informal. "Perceptions of their teachers’ teaching styles" is more precise and formal. -
"in lieu of keeping it in their mind" -> "instead of keeping it to themselves"
Explanation: "In lieu of keeping it in their mind" is awkward and unclear. "Instead of keeping it to themselves" is clearer and more direct. -
"some teachers were reported to speak too fast or too slowly" -> "some teachers were reported to speak at a pace that was either too fast or too slow"
Explanation: The original phrase is vague and informal. The suggested revision clarifies the description of the teachers’ speech patterns. -
"some assigned a large amount of homework and some gave too little" -> "some assigned excessive homework and others gave insufficient assignments"
Explanation: "A large amount of homework" and "too little" are vague and informal. "Excessive homework" and "insufficient assignments" are more precise and formal. -
"In the meanwhile" -> "Meanwhile"
Explanation: "In the meanwhile" is redundant; "meanwhile" is sufficient and more commonly used in formal writing. -
"comfortable, constructive and excited" -> "comfortable, constructive, and enthusiastic"
Explanation: The original list is grammatically incorrect. Adding a comma after "constructive" corrects the list and "enthusiastic" is a more precise term than "excited" in this context. -
"being to blame for declined quality of their lessons" -> "attributable to a decline in the quality of their lessons"
Explanation: "Being to blame for" is informal and slightly awkward. "Attributable to a decline in" is more formal and precise. -
"suppose these feedback have no meaningful value" -> "believe that these comments have no significant value"
Explanation: "Suppose" is too informal and vague for academic writing. "Believe" is more appropriate, and "significant" is more precise than "meaningful" in this context. -
"causing the disorder to the classrooms" -> "resulting in disorder in the classrooms"
Explanation: "Causing the disorder to the classrooms" is awkward and incorrect. "Resulting in disorder in the classrooms" is grammatically correct and clearer.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Task Response: 7
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both views regarding whether high school students should be encouraged to comment on or criticize their teachers. The first body paragraph presents the argument in favor of student feedback, highlighting its potential to improve teaching quality. The second body paragraph discusses the opposing view, emphasizing the risks of disrespect and chaos in the classroom. However, the essay could have provided a more balanced exploration of both perspectives, as it leans slightly more towards the negative consequences without fully developing the positive aspects.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should aim for a more balanced discussion by providing additional examples or evidence for both sides. This could involve including more specific instances of successful feedback mechanisms in schools or discussing potential frameworks for constructive criticism that maintain respect.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer’s position is clear, stating a preference for caution regarding student feedback. Phrases like "myself included" indicate personal opinion. However, the conclusion reiterates this stance without fully synthesizing the arguments presented, which could leave the reader wanting a more nuanced understanding of the writer’s viewpoint.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that the conclusion not only restates their opinion but also reflects on the arguments made in the body paragraphs. This could involve summarizing key points from both sides before reaffirming their stance, thus providing a more comprehensive view.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with relevant examples, such as the impact of teacher feedback on lesson delivery. However, some points lack depth. For instance, while the discussion on the potential chaos caused by student feedback is relevant, it could benefit from more elaboration on how this chaos manifests in the classroom.
- How to improve: To strengthen the support for ideas, the writer should elaborate on examples and provide more detailed explanations. This could involve discussing specific scenarios where feedback led to positive changes or instances where it resulted in negative outcomes, thereby enriching the argument.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of student feedback on educational quality. However, there are moments where the argument could stray slightly, such as when discussing teachers’ mental well-being. While relevant, this point could be more tightly connected to the main argument about respect and discipline.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of educational quality and respect in the classroom. This could be achieved by explicitly linking each argument back to the prompt, ensuring that all discussions contribute to the overall thesis.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a clear position, it could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both views, deeper elaboration of ideas, and tighter focus on the topic.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with an introduction that outlines the two opposing views and a conclusion that summarizes the author’s stance. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the discussion, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses the benefits of student feedback, while the second body paragraph outlines the potential drawbacks. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother; the connection between the benefits and drawbacks is somewhat abrupt.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the benefits, a sentence like "However, despite these potential advantages, there are significant concerns that must be addressed" could help create a more cohesive transition.
-
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which aids readability. Each paragraph has a clear main idea, and the supporting details are relevant. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the main argument of the essay. This would help reinforce the focus of each paragraph.
- How to improve: Start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that encapsulates the main point. For example, the second body paragraph could begin with, "Despite the potential benefits of student feedback, there are serious risks associated with allowing high school students to criticize their teachers." This would clarify the paragraph’s focus and improve overall coherence.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "however," "for instance," and "in conclusion." These help guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be strengthened. For example, phrases like "in the meanwhile" and "as a result" are used, but their effectiveness is diminished by the lack of variety.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeating "however," you could use "on the other hand," "conversely," or "alternatively." Additionally, using phrases like "furthermore" or "in addition" can help in elaborating on points and creating a more nuanced argument.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument. By focusing on improving transitions between paragraphs, strengthening topic sentences, and diversifying cohesive devices, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "judgements," "feedback," and "constructive criticism." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat limited and repetitive. For instance, the phrase "teachers can realize their mistakes" could be enhanced with synonyms like "identify" or "recognize." Additionally, the phrase "high school students" is used multiple times without variation, which could make the writing feel less dynamic.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "high school students," you could use "pupils," "learners," or "young adults." Incorporating more sophisticated vocabulary related to education and criticism, such as "pedagogical strategies" or "evaluative feedback," would also elevate the essay.
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "patent repercussion," which is not commonly used in this context. The term "patent" typically refers to something that is obvious or evident, and its application here is unclear. Additionally, phrases like "very hurtful comments" could be more effectively expressed as "derogatory remarks" or "disparaging comments" to convey a more precise meaning.
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on the context in which words are used. Ensure that vocabulary choices accurately reflect the intended meaning. It may be beneficial to consult a thesaurus or dictionary to find more appropriate terms. Practicing writing with a focus on context can help solidify understanding of word meanings.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some spelling errors, such as "highschool" (should be "high school") and "declined" (should be "decline"). These errors can detract from the overall professionalism of the essay and may confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a break and then review the essay with fresh eyes. Additionally, using spell-check tools or apps can help catch errors before submission. Regular practice with spelling exercises can also be beneficial in reinforcing correct spelling habits.
By addressing these areas—expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and enhancing spelling accuracy—the essay can achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criterion.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex and compound sentences. For example, phrases like "allowing students to talk about their feelings of trainers’ teaching styles or their disagreement of the lessons" showcase an attempt to use more intricate structures. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "myself included," which could be more effectively expressed as "including myself." The use of "in lieu of keeping it in their mind" is also somewhat clumsy and could be simplified for clarity.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider incorporating more conditional sentences and varied introductory phrases. For instance, using phrases like "While some argue that…" or "Although it may seem that…" can create more dynamic sentence openings. Additionally, practice combining shorter sentences into more complex ones to improve flow and coherence.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For instance, "highschool" should be "high school," and "trainers’ teaching styles" is awkward; "teachers’ teaching styles" would be more appropriate. The phrase "might have a patent repercussion" is incorrect; "patent" should be replaced with "potential." Furthermore, there are missing commas that could improve clarity, such as before "given limited life experience" in the sentence discussing students’ abilities.
- How to improve: Focus on proofreading for common grammatical errors and punctuation mistakes. It may be helpful to read the essay aloud to catch awkward phrasing and run-on sentences. Additionally, consider reviewing rules for possessive forms and ensuring that nouns are used correctly in context. Regular practice with grammar exercises, especially on common pitfalls, can also aid in improving accuracy.
By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
It is sometimes argued that allowing high school students to make judgments and express their thoughts can be a measure to enhance the quality of the educational system. However, others, including myself, believe that these initiatives might have a direct consequence on the learning process in schools.
It is unequivocally true that allowing students to discuss their perceptions of their teachers’ teaching styles or their disagreements with the lessons, instead of keeping it to themselves, might help improve the quality of the classes. For instance, some teachers were reported to speak at a pace that was either too fast or too slow, while some assigned excessive homework and others gave insufficient assignments. Through such feedback, teachers can realize their mistakes and consequently adjust the way they deliver lessons and the amount of homework they assign. Meanwhile, these adjustments might enable students to feel comfortable, constructive, and enthusiastic as their suggestions are recognized by their teachers. However, this idea is effective only when it is managed properly.
The situation could easily be taken too far, leading to chaos and a loss of respect for teachers. High school students, given their limited life experience and exposure to complex social issues, might not possess the ability to give constructive criticism. As a result, what they say may unintentionally lead to very hurtful comments about their teachers. This affects teachers’ mental well-being and subsequently diminishes their enthusiasm, which is attributable to a decline in the quality of their lessons. Furthermore, some educators tend to ignore feedback from their students because they believe that these comments have no significant value in improving their lessons. Thus, it is very likely that no adjustments would be made, resulting in disorder in the classrooms.
In conclusion, while giving students the freedom to express their feelings towards their teachers might be beneficial in some ways, I am inclined to believe that this trend does more harm than good.