Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality, high school students are encouraged to make comments or even crticism of their teachers. Others think it will lead to a loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There are ongoing debates whether high school students should be allowed to evaluate and criticize their instructors. Although this means a loss of respect and order in a classroom, I still concur that this advanced development profoundly leads to a better educational experience and remarkable results.

On the one hand, proponents of the idea that students should not be encouraged to make comments of their teachers agree that two-way feedback between teachers and learners could feasibly result in a lack of regard and discipline in the classroom. For instance, students who lack of emotional maturity and understanding of clearly communication may sabotage their teacher’s reputation due to their criticism. Moreover, teachers could be struggling with following student’s conclusion because each student may hold different views. Furthermore, students could increase their educator’s confusion by pointing their weaknesses.

On the other hand, an open educational environment could be created by empowering students with the ability to assess their educators. This advanced development could result in a surge in education. An example to illustrate this point is that students could foster their evaluated skills by expressing their opinions, including their thoughts of their instructors. Furthermore, a two-way communication could minimize mental distance between students and educators, helping students to have instructive debates with their teachers and leading to a better presentation. Moreover, this positive phenomenon could give teachers the opportunity to improve their pedagogical skills and encounter the latest educational innovation.

To recapitulate, although various comments could lead to disrespectful criticism of educators, these instructive feedbacks could create educational innovation and bring significant merits.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"There are ongoing debates" -> "There is ongoing debate"
Explanation: The singular "debate" is more appropriate when referring to a general discussion or controversy, as it is more precise and formal.
"should be allowed to evaluate and criticize" -> "should be permitted to assess and critique"
Explanation: "Assess" and "critique" are more formal and academically precise than "evaluate" and "criticize," respectively, and align better with the context of educational settings.
"this means a loss of respect and order" -> "this could result in a loss of respect and discipline"
Explanation: "Could result in" is a more tentative and academically appropriate phrase than "means," which implies a direct causality that may not be universally applicable.
"I still concur" -> "I still believe"
Explanation: "Concur" is less commonly used in academic writing and may sound overly formal or archaic; "believe" is more straightforward and appropriate for academic discourse.
"profoundly leads to" -> "significantly contributes to"
Explanation: "Significantly contributes to" is a more precise and academically appropriate phrase than "profoundly leads to," which can be seen as overly dramatic.
"lack of emotional maturity and understanding of clearly communication" -> "lack of emotional maturity and understanding of clear communication"
Explanation: "Clearly" is an adverb and should not be used as an adjective; "clear" is the correct adjective form.
"could be struggling with following student’s conclusion" -> "may struggle to follow students’ conclusions"
Explanation: "May struggle to follow" is more natural and precise, and "students’" is the correct possessive form.
"students could increase their educator’s confusion" -> "students may confuse their educators"
Explanation: "Confuse" is a more direct and clear verb choice than "increase their educator’s confusion," which is awkward and unclear.
"pointing their weaknesses" -> "pointing out their weaknesses"
Explanation: "Pointing out" is the correct idiomatic expression, whereas "pointing" alone is incomplete and informal.
"an open educational environment" -> "an open educational environment"
Explanation: No change needed, as "an open educational environment" is grammatically correct and appropriate.
"could be created by empowering students" -> "could be fostered by empowering students"
Explanation: "Fostered" is a more precise verb in this context, suggesting nurturing or development, which is more suitable than "created."
"surge in education" -> "advancements in education"
Explanation: "Advancements" is a more specific and academically appropriate term than "surge," which is vague and informal.
"students could foster their evaluated skills" -> "students could develop their evaluative skills"
Explanation: "Develop their evaluative skills" is more precise and academically appropriate than "foster their evaluated skills," which is awkward and unclear.
"two-way communication could minimize mental distance" -> "two-way communication could reduce the mental distance"
Explanation: "Reduce the mental distance" is a clearer and more formal expression than "minimize mental distance," which is less common and slightly awkward.
"helping students to have instructive debates" -> "enabling students to engage in instructive debates"
Explanation: "Enabling" is more formal and precise than "helping," and "engage in" is the correct phrase for participating in activities like debates.
"this positive phenomenon could give teachers the opportunity" -> "this positive phenomenon could provide teachers with opportunities"
Explanation: "Provide teachers with opportunities" is more formal and inclusive, suggesting multiple opportunities rather than a single one.
"instructive feedbacks" -> "instructive feedback"
Explanation: "Feedbacks" is not a standard plural form; "feedback" is the correct singular noun form.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both views regarding whether high school students should be allowed to critique their teachers. The first paragraph discusses the potential negative consequences, such as loss of respect and discipline, while the second paragraph presents the positive aspects of student feedback. However, the discussion could be more balanced, as the negative view is explored in greater depth than the positive one. The conclusion reiterates the author’s opinion but does not fully synthesize the arguments presented.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, ensure that both sides of the argument are explored equally. Provide more specific examples and evidence for the positive aspects of student feedback, and consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen the discussion.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The author’s position is clear in favor of allowing student feedback, as stated in the introduction and conclusion. However, the clarity is somewhat undermined by the way the negative aspects are presented, which could lead to confusion about the overall stance. Phrases like "this means a loss of respect" could be interpreted as a concession rather than a clear position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, use more assertive language when stating your opinion. Additionally, consistently link back to your main argument throughout the essay to reinforce your stance, particularly when discussing the opposing view.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, particularly in the discussion of the negative consequences of student feedback. However, the support for the positive side is less developed. For example, while the essay mentions that two-way communication can minimize mental distance, it does not elaborate on how this could specifically enhance learning outcomes or provide concrete examples.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. Consider using real-world scenarios or studies that illustrate the benefits of student feedback. This will help to substantiate your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the implications of student feedback on educational quality. However, some sentences could be seen as slightly off-topic, such as the mention of "emotional maturity" and "understanding of clearly communication," which, while relevant, could be more directly tied to the main argument about educational quality.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that every point made directly relates back to the central question of educational quality. Avoid introducing ideas that, while interesting, do not directly support the main argument. Consider using topic sentences that clearly relate each paragraph back to the prompt.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a coherent argument, but it could benefit from more balanced exploration of both views, clearer positioning, and stronger support for ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the logical progression of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition from the first body paragraph to the second could be more fluid. The first paragraph discusses the potential negative impacts of student feedback, while the second shifts to the benefits without a clear linkage, making the argument feel somewhat disjointed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the two viewpoints. For example, after discussing the drawbacks, you might introduce the second paragraph with a phrase like, "Conversely, there are significant advantages to allowing student feedback that can lead to…". This will help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is a strength. Each paragraph focuses on a distinct viewpoint, making it easier for the reader to follow the argument. However, the paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph.
- How to improve: Start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence that summarizes the main point. For instance, the first body paragraph could begin with, "Opponents of student feedback argue that it may undermine respect and discipline in the classroom." This sets a clear expectation for the reader and strengthens the overall coherence of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which effectively signal contrasting viewpoints. However, the use of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between sentences could be clearer. For example, the phrase "Moreover" is used repetitively, which can detract from the overall fluidity of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "Moreover," you could alternate with "Additionally," "Furthermore," or "In contrast." Additionally, using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas can enhance cohesion. For example, instead of repeating "students," you might refer to them as "they" in subsequent sentences.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve greater coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score in this criterion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "evaluate," "criticism," "proponents," and "pedagogical skills." However, the vocabulary used is often repetitive, particularly with phrases like "students could" and "educators." This limits the overall lexical variety and richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, the writer should aim to incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students could," alternatives like "learners might" or "pupils have the potential to" could be employed. Additionally, introducing more sophisticated vocabulary related to education, such as "curriculum development" or "instructional strategies," would elevate the essay’s lexical quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "lack of regard" and "sabotage their teacher’s reputation." While the intended meaning is clear, the phrases could be more accurately expressed. For example, "lack of regard" could be replaced with "disrespect," and "sabotage" might imply a more intentional act than what is typically meant in a classroom context.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey the intended meaning more accurately. For example, instead of saying "students who lack of emotional maturity," it could be phrased as "students who may lack emotional maturity." This subtle change clarifies the statement without overgeneralizing. Furthermore, using phrases like "constructive feedback" instead of "instructive feedback" would enhance clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "crticism" (should be "criticism"), "following student’s conclusion" (should be "following students’ conclusions"), and "instructive debates" (which could be more appropriately stated as "constructive debates"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should engage in regular proofreading and utilize spell-check tools. Additionally, practicing spelling commonly used academic vocabulary and creating flashcards for difficult words can be beneficial. Reading more academic texts can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in the Lexical Resource criteria.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences and conditional phrases. For example, phrases like "Although this means a loss of respect and order in a classroom" and "students who lack of emotional maturity and understanding of clearly communication may sabotage their teacher’s reputation" show an attempt to use more sophisticated structures. However, there are instances of awkward phrasing and grammatical errors that detract from the overall effectiveness, such as "lack of emotional maturity" instead of "lack emotional maturity" and "understanding of clearly communication" which should be "understanding of clear communication."
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures further, consider incorporating more varied conjunctions and relative clauses. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "students could" or "teachers could," try varying the subject or using passive constructions. Additionally, practice combining shorter sentences to create more complex structures, which can enhance fluency and coherence.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical inaccuracies and punctuation errors. For example, "lack of emotional maturity and understanding of clearly communication" should be corrected to "lack emotional maturity and understanding of clear communication." Additionally, the phrase "teachers could be struggling with following student’s conclusion" should be "teachers could struggle to follow students’ conclusions," correcting both the possessive and the verb form. Punctuation is generally well-handled, but there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "although" in the first sentence of the conclusion.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of possessives. Regularly practicing grammar exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, review the rules for comma usage, especially in complex sentences and before conjunctions. Reading more academic texts can also provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation in context, which can help reinforce these skills.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a commendable range of grammatical structures and generally accurate grammar and punctuation, addressing the specific weaknesses identified will help elevate the overall quality and coherence of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

There is ongoing debate about whether high school students should be permitted to assess and critique their instructors. Although some argue that this could result in a loss of respect and discipline in the classroom, I still believe that this advancement significantly contributes to a better educational experience and remarkable outcomes.

On the one hand, proponents of the idea that students should not be encouraged to comment on their teachers argue that two-way feedback between teachers and learners may lead to a lack of regard and discipline in the classroom. For instance, students who lack emotional maturity and understanding of clear communication may inadvertently damage their teacher’s reputation through their criticism. Moreover, teachers may struggle to follow students’ conclusions, as each student may hold different views. Furthermore, students could confuse their educators by pointing out their weaknesses inappropriately.

On the other hand, an open educational environment could be fostered by empowering students with the ability to assess their educators. This advancement could lead to significant improvements in education. For example, students could develop their evaluative skills by expressing their opinions, including their thoughts on their instructors. Furthermore, two-way communication could reduce the mental distance between students and educators, enabling students to engage in instructive debates with their teachers and leading to better presentations. Additionally, this positive phenomenon could provide teachers with opportunities to enhance their pedagogical skills and adapt to the latest advancements in education.

To recapitulate, although various comments could lead to disrespectful criticism of educators, this instructive feedback could drive educational innovation and bring significant benefits.