Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
Many people around the world use social media to keep in touch with other people and get the news. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.
You should write at least 250 words.
In today's digitalized society, social media plays a paramount role in maintaining contact among individuals and helping them stay updated about their community and nation. While this phenomenon is associated with several potential benefits, such as serving as a bridge to connect people and providing an effective and convenient method to get the latest information, I believe the disadvantages significantly outweigh the advantages. This essay will explore the consequences of this development, including the lack of communication skills, which may lead to isolation, and the increase in the dissemination of misinformation.
There are some advantages linked with the advent of individuals using their electronic devices to connect with their loved ones and update news. The principal one is that, in contemporary society, people often prioritize their work and deadlines to maintain a sustainable life, which may result in fewer opportunities to meet their friends and family in person. Therefore, with the advancement of technology, particularly social media platforms, they can easily interact with others through messages or video calls instead of wasting time and money on traveling and meeting others in person. Moreover, the increasing number of individuals now also utilize these tools to get the latest news, as there are a variety of e-newspapers on these sites that provide accurate details directly, rather than relying on hearsay.
While it is true that using social media could help people keep in touch with others more easily and receive the freshest news as soon as possible, the shortcomings of this trend are far more significant. One major concern is that if people misuse social platforms for interaction, it can lead to a scarcity of face-to-face meetings, which could make individuals isolated and erode their communication skills. For example, according to the latest survey from Vietnam Express, a prestigious online newspaper in Vietnam, individuals who regularly contact others through online platforms face a barrier to engaging in face-to-face conversations and often lack confidence. Furthermore, it is frequently warned by governments that the internet today is filled with a lot of misinformation, resulting in social unrest across many countries as many people are misled by this false information.
In conclusion, while there are some benefits to utilizing social media platforms to connect with relatives and friends and update information, the drawbacks are more significant. The presence of misinformation and the potential for individuals to become isolated in society outweigh the advantages. Therefore, the overall impact of this trend is adverse, and it is recommended that people use these tools properly and not abuse them.
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
-
"In today’s digitalized society" -> "In today’s digital society"
Explanation: The term "digitalized" is not typically used in academic writing to describe a society. "Digital" is more appropriate and commonly used in this context, referring to the widespread use of digital technology in society. -
"plays a paramount role" -> "plays a crucial role"
Explanation: While "paramount" is not incorrect, "crucial" is more commonly used in academic texts to describe something essential or vital, which aligns better with the formal tone. -
"helping them stay updated about their community and nation" -> "enabling them to stay informed about their community and nation"
Explanation: "Helping them stay updated" is somewhat informal and vague. "Enabling them to stay informed" is more precise and formal, emphasizing the active role of social media in facilitating knowledge. -
"the disadvantages significantly outweigh the advantages" -> "the disadvantages outweigh the advantages"
Explanation: The phrase "significantly" is redundant when "outweigh" already implies a comparison. Removing it maintains the formal tone without redundancy. -
"lack of communication skills" -> "deficiency in communication skills"
Explanation: "Lack" is a bit informal and vague; "deficiency" is more precise and academically appropriate, emphasizing the specific nature of the issue. -
"which may lead to isolation" -> "which can lead to isolation"
Explanation: "May" is less definitive than "can," which is more suitable for academic writing where certainty is preferred. -
"the principal one is that" -> "the primary advantage is that"
Explanation: "Principal" is less commonly used in this context; "primary" is more direct and appropriate for academic writing. -
"wasting time and money on traveling and meeting others in person" -> "incurring time and financial costs associated with traveling and meeting others in person"
Explanation: "Wasting" is informal and subjective; "incurring" is more neutral and formal, suitable for academic discourse. -
"e-newspapers" -> "online newspapers"
Explanation: "E-newspapers" is not a standard term; "online newspapers" is the correct and widely accepted term. -
"hearsay" -> "rumors"
Explanation: "Hearsay" typically refers to information derived from casual conversation rather than written sources. "Rumors" is more precise in this context, referring to unverified information spread through informal channels. -
"misuse social platforms for interaction" -> "misuse social media platforms for communication"
Explanation: "Interaction" is too broad and informal; "communication" is more specific and appropriate for discussing the use of social media. -
"a scarcity of face-to-face meetings" -> "a scarcity of face-to-face interactions"
Explanation: "Meetings" can imply a specific type of gathering; "interactions" is more inclusive and covers a broader range of social engagements. -
"erode their communication skills" -> "impair their communication skills"
Explanation: "Erode" implies gradual deterioration, which might not be the intended meaning. "Impair" is more direct and suitable for describing the negative impact on communication skills. -
"frequently warned by governments" -> "often cautioned by governments"
Explanation: "Frequently" is somewhat informal and less precise; "often" is more commonly used in formal writing to indicate frequency. -
"filled with a lot of misinformation" -> "rife with misinformation"
Explanation: "Filled with a lot of" is informal and vague; "rife with" is a more precise and formal expression, indicating widespread presence of misinformation. -
"the overall impact of this trend is adverse" -> "the overall impact of this trend is adverse"
Explanation: This is a redundant statement. Removing the second "is" corrects the redundancy, maintaining the formal tone.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Task Response: 8
-
Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by discussing the advantages and disadvantages of social media. The introduction clearly states the author’s belief that disadvantages outweigh advantages, which is further explored in the body paragraphs. The advantages mentioned include ease of communication and access to news, while the disadvantages focus on isolation and misinformation. This balanced approach demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the essay could include more specific examples or case studies that illustrate the advantages and disadvantages. For instance, citing specific statistics or studies on social media usage and its effects on communication skills could strengthen the argument. Additionally, discussing a broader range of disadvantages, such as privacy concerns or the impact on mental health, could provide a more nuanced view.
-
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that the disadvantages of social media outweigh its advantages. This stance is consistently reinforced throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion, which succinctly summarizes the argument. The use of phrases like "I believe" and "the drawbacks are more significant" helps to clarify the author’s position.
- How to improve: To further solidify the clarity of the position, the author could use transitional phrases to reinforce the argument as they move between discussing advantages and disadvantages. For example, explicitly stating "Despite these advantages, it is crucial to consider the more significant drawbacks" would enhance the logical flow and emphasize the author’s stance.
-
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. The advantages are introduced with a general statement followed by specific examples, such as the convenience of communication. The disadvantages are similarly supported by an example from a survey, which adds credibility to the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the depth of the analysis, the author could extend the discussion of each point. For instance, elaborating on how misinformation affects public perception or providing more detailed examples of isolation could strengthen the argument. Including counterarguments and then refuting them would also demonstrate critical thinking and enhance the overall quality of the essay.
-
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, addressing the implications of social media on communication and information dissemination. Each paragraph contributes to the central argument, and there are no significant deviations from the topic.
- How to improve: While the essay is generally on topic, the author should ensure that all examples directly relate back to the main argument. For instance, when discussing the advantages, it could be beneficial to tie back to how these advantages might lead to the disadvantages mentioned later. This would reinforce the interconnectedness of the points made and maintain a tighter focus on the overall argument.
Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong understanding of the prompt and presents a well-structured argument. With some enhancements in examples, depth of analysis, and transitional clarity, it could potentially reach a higher band score.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8
-
Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear and logical structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the main argument and the points to be discussed. Each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next, with the first body paragraph discussing the advantages of social media and the second focusing on the disadvantages. For instance, the use of phrases like "While it is true that…" effectively signals a shift in focus, maintaining a coherent flow throughout the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using more explicit signposting within paragraphs. For example, when transitioning from discussing advantages to disadvantages, a phrase such as "Despite these benefits, there are significant drawbacks that must be considered" could further clarify the shift in focus for the reader.
-
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph dedicated to a specific aspect of the argument. The introduction sets the stage, the first body paragraph elaborates on the advantages, and the second body paragraph addresses the disadvantages. The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points. However, the second body paragraph could be further divided to separate the discussion of isolation and misinformation, which would enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, consider breaking the second body paragraph into two distinct paragraphs: one focusing on the impact of isolation and the erosion of communication skills, and the other on the issue of misinformation. This would allow for a more detailed exploration of each point and improve readability.
-
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a good range of cohesive devices, such as "therefore," "moreover," and "for example," which help to connect ideas and provide clarity. The use of these devices contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are opportunities to diversify the types of cohesive devices used. For instance, the essay primarily relies on additive and causal devices, which could be complemented by using contrastive devices to emphasize the differences between advantages and disadvantages more effectively.
- How to improve: To enhance the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, using contrastive phrases like "On the other hand" or "Conversely" when discussing disadvantages could strengthen the argument by clearly delineating the opposing viewpoints. Additionally, consider using pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas, which can help reduce repetition and improve cohesion.
Overall, the essay demonstrates strong coherence and cohesion, effectively communicating the argument. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and organization of their ideas, potentially achieving an even higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7
-
Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with terms like "digitalized society," "paramount role," "dissemination of misinformation," and "scarcity of face-to-face meetings." These phrases show an ability to use varied vocabulary appropriately in context. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more diverse. For example, the phrase "the latest news" is repeated, which could be enhanced by using synonyms like "current updates" or "recent developments."
- How to improve: To enhance lexical variety, the writer should aim to incorporate more synonyms and related terms throughout the essay. Keeping a thesaurus handy while drafting can help in finding alternative expressions and avoiding repetition.
-
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are moments where word choice could be more precise. For instance, the term "electronic devices" is broad; specifying "smartphones" or "tablets" could enhance clarity. Additionally, the phrase "the presence of misinformation" could be more effectively articulated as "the prevalence of misinformation," which conveys a stronger sense of the issue’s widespread nature.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on selecting words that convey the exact meaning intended. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary choices and considering whether a more specific term could enhance understanding. Engaging in exercises that emphasize precise language use can also be beneficial.
-
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a high level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors. Words such as "communication," "information," and "isolation" are spelled correctly, reflecting a strong command of English spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and further enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing spelling through writing exercises can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Additionally, reading widely can expose the writer to correct spelling in various contexts, aiding retention.
Overall, the essay exhibits a solid command of lexical resource, achieving a Band Score of 7. By focusing on expanding vocabulary range, improving precision in word choice, and maintaining spelling accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8
-
Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, conditional clauses, and varied sentence beginnings. For instance, the use of phrases like "While this phenomenon is associated with several potential benefits" and "Moreover, the increasing number of individuals now also utilize these tools" showcases an ability to construct sophisticated sentences. The writer effectively employs a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, which contributes to the overall coherence and flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To further enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied introductory phrases and transition words to connect ideas more fluidly. For example, using phrases like "In addition to this" or "Conversely" could help in transitioning between contrasting points. Additionally, experimenting with more rhetorical questions or exclamatory sentences could add emphasis and engage the reader more effectively.
-
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy, with only a few minor errors. For instance, the phrase "the disadvantages significantly outweigh the advantages" is correctly structured, and punctuation is mostly used appropriately throughout the essay. However, there are instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which may lead to isolation" in the first paragraph, which would help clarify that this phrase is a non-defining relative clause. Additionally, the phrase "the internet today is filled with a lot of misinformation" could be more concise; "filled with misinformation" suffices and avoids redundancy.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy and punctuation, the writer should focus on reviewing comma usage, especially in complex sentences. Practicing the rules for non-defining relative clauses and ensuring that introductory clauses are followed by a comma can enhance clarity. Furthermore, the writer could benefit from revisiting the use of articles and quantifiers to ensure precision in language, particularly in phrases like "a variety of e-newspapers," where the article "a" is correctly used, but ensuring consistency in similar contexts is essential.
Overall, the essay is well-structured and effectively communicates the argument, but there is room for improvement in diversifying sentence structures and refining grammatical accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can aim for an even higher band score in future essays.
Bài sửa mẫu
In today’s digitalized society, social media plays a crucial role in maintaining contact among individuals and helping them stay informed about their community and nation. While this phenomenon is associated with several potential benefits, such as serving as a bridge to connect people and providing an effective and convenient method to get the latest information, I believe the disadvantages significantly outweigh the advantages. This essay will explore the consequences of this development, including the deficiency in communication skills, which may lead to isolation, and the increase in the dissemination of misinformation.
There are some advantages linked with the advent of individuals using their electronic devices to connect with their loved ones and update news. The primary advantage is that, in contemporary society, people often prioritize their work and deadlines to maintain a sustainable life, which may result in fewer opportunities to meet their friends and family in person. Therefore, with the advancement of technology, particularly social media platforms, they can easily interact with others through messages or video calls instead of incurring time and financial costs associated with traveling and meeting others in person. Moreover, the increasing number of individuals now also utilize these tools to get the latest news, as there are a variety of online newspapers on these sites that provide accurate details directly, rather than relying on rumors.
While it is true that using social media could help people keep in touch with others more easily and receive the freshest news as soon as possible, the shortcomings of this trend are far more significant. One major concern is that if people misuse social media platforms for communication, it can lead to a scarcity of face-to-face interactions, which could make individuals isolated and impair their communication skills. For example, according to the latest survey from Vietnam Express, a prestigious online newspaper in Vietnam, individuals who regularly contact others through online platforms face a barrier to engaging in face-to-face conversations and often lack confidence. Furthermore, it is often cautioned by governments that the internet today is rife with misinformation, resulting in social unrest across many countries as many people are misled by this false information.
In conclusion, while there are some benefits to utilizing social media platforms to connect with relatives and friends and update information, the drawbacks are more significant. The presence of misinformation and the potential for individuals to become isolated in society outweigh the advantages. Therefore, the overall impact of this trend is adverse, and it is recommended that people use these tools properly and not abuse them.
