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Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside. Other believe that there are health benefits of living in cities. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Many people argue that whether living in urban or rural areas provides better qualities for a healthy lifestyle. While living in the countryside can have positive impacts due to its nonpolluted surrounding environment, city life can also be beneficial given its health-related services. I would contend that living in the city may bring better health conditions.

It is indisputable that the environmental quality in remote areas can allow various health-related benefits. Evidently, various industrial land in the city releases a huge amount of exhaust carbon emissions annually, resulting in catastrophically exacerbating the air quality. This ultimately poses a threat to citizen’s health. Similarly, for infrastructure purposes, the urban area tends to be lack of green spaces, which are often found in the countryside, leading to a lack of fresh air. In contrast, an absence of pollutants is mostly observed in rural regions without much factories and a wide range of greenery sites which is considered a crucial condition for a healthy life as they can inhale clean and fresh air.

While the positive impacts of the countryside life owing to its air quality are widely acknowledged, the cities are usually offer numerous health-related services. Although not possessing a pristine environment, the living standard with advanced health systems is more apparent in the city. In particular, citizens have access to various necessities ranging from basic public welfare to even modern facilities such as hospitals. Consider the COVID-19 pandemic as a prime example, without access to cutting-edge medical amenities and equipment, people cannot survive the contagious disease. Hence, city dwellers provide an opportunity to maintain a more secure healthy life.

In conclusion, despite environmental pollution and lack of green space, I believe that access to a wealth of necessities in addition to state-of-the-art resources can assure urban citizens better health conditions.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "whether living in urban or rural areas provides better qualities for a healthy lifestyle" -> "whether residing in urban or rural areas contributes to a healthier lifestyle"
    Explanation: Replacing "living" with "residing" and rephrasing the sentence improves formality and precision. The term "residing" is more suitable in an academic context.

  2. "While living in the countryside can have positive impacts due to its nonpolluted surrounding environment" -> "While residing in rural areas can yield positive outcomes due to their unpolluted surroundings"
    Explanation: The term "residing" is more formal than "living," and rephrasing enhances the structure of the sentence while maintaining clarity.

  3. "I would contend that living in the city may bring better health conditions." -> "I would argue that residing in urban areas may lead to improved health conditions."
    Explanation: Substituting "living" with "residing" maintains formality, and using "may lead to" instead of "may bring" adds precision and sophistication to the statement.

  4. "It is indisputable that the environmental quality in remote areas can allow various health-related benefits." -> "It is indisputable that the environmental quality in rural areas can afford various health-related benefits."
    Explanation: Substituting "remote" with "rural" and changing "allow" to "afford" improves precision and aligns with a more formal tone suitable for academic writing.

  5. "Evidently, various industrial land in the city releases a huge amount of exhaust carbon emissions annually" -> "Clearly, various industrial zones in urban areas emit a significant volume of carbon exhaust annually."
    Explanation: Replacing "land" with "zones," and rephrasing the sentence using more precise language enhances the academic tone and clarity.

  6. "This ultimately poses a threat to citizen’s health." -> "This ultimately poses a threat to the health of citizens."
    Explanation: Correcting the possessive form from "citizen’s" to "citizens" improves grammatical accuracy and maintains a formal style.

  7. "Similarly, for infrastructure purposes, the urban area tends to be lack of green spaces" -> "Similarly, for infrastructure purposes, urban areas tend to lack green spaces."
    Explanation: Correcting the sentence structure by replacing "the urban area" with "urban areas" and rephrasing enhances clarity and formality.

  8. "In contrast, an absence of pollutants is mostly observed in rural regions without much factories and a wide range of greenery sites" -> "In contrast, a lack of pollutants is predominantly observed in rural regions with fewer factories and an abundance of green spaces."
    Explanation: Enhancing precision by replacing "much" with "fewer" and restructuring the sentence for better flow and formality.

  9. "While the positive impacts of the countryside life owing to its air quality are widely acknowledged" -> "While the positive impacts of rural living due to its air quality are widely acknowledged"
    Explanation: Substituting "countryside life" with "rural living" maintains formality, and rephrasing for clarity and precision.

  10. "the cities are usually offer numerous health-related services" -> "urban areas usually offer numerous health-related services"
    Explanation: Removing the redundant "are" improves the sentence structure and maintains a formal tone.

  11. "the living standard with advanced health systems is more apparent in the city." -> "the standard of living with advanced health systems is more apparent in urban areas."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow and substituting "the city" with "urban areas" enhances clarity and formality.

  12. "In particular, citizens have access to various necessities ranging from basic public welfare to even modern facilities such as hospitals." -> "Specifically, residents have access to a range of necessities, spanning from basic public welfare to advanced facilities like hospitals."
    Explanation: Using "residents" instead of "citizens" and rephrasing for precision and formality.

  13. "Consider the COVID-19 pandemic as a prime example, without access to cutting-edge medical amenities and equipment, people cannot survive the contagious disease." -> "Consider the COVID-19 pandemic as a prime example; without access to cutting-edge medical amenities and equipment, individuals cannot withstand the impact of the contagious disease."
    Explanation: Adding a semicolon for proper punctuation and replacing "people" with "individuals" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  14. "Hence, city dwellers provide an opportunity to maintain a more secure healthy life." -> "Therefore, residents of urban areas offer the prospect of maintaining a more secure and healthy life."
    Explanation: Substituting "city dwellers" with "residents of urban areas" and rephrasing for precision and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does effectively address both perspectives of living in the countryside and in cities. It discusses the positive impacts of the countryside, highlighting its nonpolluted environment and access to fresh air. Additionally, it recognizes the benefits of city life, emphasizing the availability of health-related services and advanced medical amenities. However, the explanation could be more detailed and specific, especially in providing examples of how city life can contribute to a healthy lifestyle.
    • How to improve: To improve, consider providing more concrete examples of health-related services available in cities, supporting the argument that urban living may bring better health conditions. Ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly explored and substantiated with specific details.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that living in the city may bring better health conditions. The stance is evident in the introduction and consistently supported in the body paragraphs, where the positive impacts of city life are emphasized.
    • How to improve: While the position is clear, consider adding more nuanced reasoning to strengthen the argument further. Providing additional details on how access to health services in cities contributes to better health conditions could enhance the development of the position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas: Characteristic of Band 8

    • Detailed explanation: The essay successfully presents, extends, and supports ideas. It discusses the positive impacts of both countryside and city living, providing relevant details such as the environmental benefits of the countryside and the availability of health services in cities. The ideas are extended through explanations and examples.
    • How to improve: To further improve, consider elaborating on the specific benefits of urban health systems and amenities, providing more detailed examples. This will enhance the depth of the discussion and contribute to a more comprehensive exploration of the topic.
  • Stay on Topic: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic, addressing both views as instructed in the prompt. It discusses the advantages of living in the countryside and cities in the context of a healthy lifestyle.
    • How to improve: To enhance coherence, ensure that each paragraph is tightly connected to the main theme of the essay. Consider refining transitions between ideas to create a smoother flow and reinforce the overall argument.

Overall Comment: The essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a balanced discussion of the advantages of living in the countryside and cities regarding a healthy lifestyle. To improve, focus on adding more specific examples to support the argument and refining transitions for a more seamless flow of ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a logical organization, progressing coherently from an introduction that presents both perspectives to body paragraphs exploring each viewpoint. Each paragraph effectively delves into a specific aspect, discussing rural advantages and urban benefits separately, contributing to the overall clarity of ideas. Transition phrases like "It is indisputable that" and "While the positive impacts" guide the reader through shifts in discussion, aiding the essay’s coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow further, consider refining the structure within paragraphs by ensuring a clearer topic sentence at the beginning of each one. This would aid in signaling the focus of the paragraph and facilitate a smoother transition between ideas. Additionally, varying transition phrases could strengthen the overall coherence by providing a more diverse range of linguistic signposts.
  • Use Paragraphs: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates effective paragraphing, with distinct sections dedicated to discussing the benefits of rural and urban living. Most paragraphs maintain logical sequencing of ideas within themselves, contributing to the overall coherence. Each paragraph delves into specific aspects, maintaining a coherent progression.
    • How to improve: While the overall structure is strong, some paragraphs could benefit from stronger topic sentences that succinctly introduce the central idea. By reinforcing the main point at the outset of each paragraph, the essay’s structure would become even more cohesive, aiding in guiding the reader through the argument more clearly.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes cohesive devices effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences. Transition phrases such as "although," "while," and "in contrast" are used to signal shifts between contrasting ideas, enhancing the overall coherence. However, there are some areas where the usage of these cohesive devices could be more precise or varied for a more nuanced connection between ideas.
    • How to improve: Consider expanding the repertoire of cohesive devices used. While the essay employs phrases like "although" and "in contrast," exploring a wider range of cohesive devices such as pronouns, adverbs, and conjunctions could add depth to the connections between ideas. Ensuring the accuracy and appropriateness of these devices in linking concepts will further refine the essay’s cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and employing cohesive devices to maintain a clear and logical progression throughout. Strengthening the structure within paragraphs and diversifying the range of cohesive devices used could elevate the coherence even further, contributing to a more nuanced and refined presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, with the use of varied terms such as "nonpolluted," "exhaust carbon emissions," "catastrophically exacerbating," and "cutting-edge medical amenities." However, some repetition is noticeable, and the range could be further expanded by incorporating more synonyms and idiomatic expressions.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety of vocabulary, consider using synonyms and idioms where appropriate. Additionally, explore more complex and nuanced language to express ideas, avoiding repetition of words like "health-related" and "environment."
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally precise use of vocabulary, as seen in the accurate use of terms like "exhaust carbon emissions" and "cutting-edge medical amenities." However, there are instances where word choices could be more precise, such as the phrase "lack of green spaces" – specifying the absence of parks or recreational areas would be more accurate.
    • How to improve: Aim for greater specificity in word choices. Instead of general terms, use precise language to convey the intended meaning. For example, specify the type of green spaces or elaborate on the nature of health-related services provided in cities.
  • Use Correct Spelling: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains correct spelling throughout. However, there are a few instances of minor errors, such as "catastrophically exacerbating" (where "exacerbating" should be corrected to "exacerbates"). These do not significantly impede understanding but should be addressed for a more polished presentation.
    • How to improve: Pay close attention to detail during proofreading. Consider using spelling and grammar checking tools to catch minor errors. Additionally, focus on common words that might be prone to misspelling, ensuring their accuracy.

Overall, while the essay displays a satisfactory command of vocabulary and spelling, refining precision and expanding the range of vocabulary could elevate the lexical resource to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures: Characteristic of Band 6

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, demonstrating some variety. However, there is limited flexibility, and the use of complex structures is not entirely accurate. For instance, the phrase "catastrophically exacerbating the air quality" is complex but may be considered awkward. The variety could be improved by introducing more sophisticated sentence constructions for a more nuanced expression of ideas.
    • How to improve: To enhance the variety and flexibility of sentence structures, consider incorporating a broader range of sentence types such as compound-complex sentences and varying the placement of clauses. Additionally, ensure that complex structures are used seamlessly to avoid awkward expressions.
  • Use Grammar Accurately: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate grammar with many error-free sentences. However, there are a few instances where the accuracy falters, such as in the phrase "the cities are usually offer numerous health-related services," where the correct form should be "the cities usually offer numerous health-related services." These errors are occasional and do not significantly impede communication.
    • How to improve: To achieve a higher band score, continue practicing precise grammatical structures. Pay particular attention to subject-verb agreement and article usage. Proofread carefully to catch and rectify minor errors that may affect the overall accuracy.
  • Use Correct Punctuation: Characteristic of Band 7

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates well-controlled punctuation. However, there are instances where punctuation could be refined, such as in the sentence "For instance, citizens have access to various necessities ranging from basic public welfare to even modern facilities such as hospitals," where the use of commas can be more judicious for improved clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining punctuation, especially the use of commas, to enhance the overall coherence of the essay. Ensure that punctuation is used consistently to guide the reader and clarify the relationships between ideas.

Overall, while the essay exhibits strengths in grammar and punctuation, there is room for improvement in the variety of sentence structures. Work on incorporating more sophisticated constructions and refining grammatical accuracy to achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people debate whether residing in urban or rural areas contributes to a healthier lifestyle. While residing in rural areas can yield positive outcomes due to their unpolluted surroundings, I would argue that residing in urban areas may lead to improved health conditions.

It is indisputable that the environmental quality in rural areas can afford various health-related benefits. Clearly, various industrial zones in urban areas emit a significant volume of carbon exhaust annually. This ultimately poses a threat to the health of citizens. Similarly, for infrastructure purposes, urban areas tend to lack green spaces. In contrast, a lack of pollutants is predominantly observed in rural regions with fewer factories and an abundance of green spaces, considered crucial for a healthy life as residents can inhale clean and fresh air.

While the positive impacts of rural living due to its air quality are widely acknowledged, urban areas usually offer numerous health-related services. The standard of living with advanced health systems is more apparent in urban areas. Specifically, residents have access to a range of necessities, spanning from basic public welfare to advanced facilities like hospitals. Consider the COVID-19 pandemic as a prime example; without access to cutting-edge medical amenities and equipment, individuals cannot withstand the impact of the contagious disease. Therefore, residents of urban areas offer the prospect of maintaining a more secure and healthy life.

In conclusion, despite the environmental pollution and lack of green space, I believe that access to a wealth of necessities, in addition to state-of-the-art resources, can assure urban citizens better health conditions.

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