Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside . Other believe that there are healthy benefits of living in the cities . Discuss both views and give your own opinion .
Many people believe that it is easier to have a healthy lifestyle in the countryside . Other believe that there are healthy benefits of living in the cities . Discuss both views and give your own opinion .
living in rural is mention as gearing numerous of benefits for people especially for healthy lifestyle . however , some scientist believe that living in big cities would upgrade the quality life and bolster medical healthycare systems . Healthy lifestyle in urban will improve and offer various benefical .
on one hand , countryside is an ideal place for people to enjoy life . Old generation has tendency to mingle with nature and socio -environmental form well -being style
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
Errors and Improvements:
- "living in rural" -> "Residing in rural areas"
Explanation: "Living in rural" is overly simplistic and lacks precision. "Residing in rural areas" provides a more formal and accurate description. - "is mention as gearing numerous of benefits" -> "is often cited as offering numerous benefits"
Explanation: "Is mention as gearing numerous of benefits" is grammatically incorrect and lacks clarity. "Is often cited as offering numerous benefits" is a more precise and formal expression. - "especially for healthy lifestyle" -> "particularly for promoting a healthy lifestyle"
Explanation: "Especially for healthy lifestyle" is unclear and lacks specificity. "Particularly for promoting a healthy lifestyle" conveys the intended meaning more clearly and formally. - "however , some scientist believe" -> "However, some scientists believe"
Explanation: "Some scientist believe" lacks subject-verb agreement. "Some scientists believe" is the correct form in plural. - "living in big cities would upgrade the quality life" -> "residing in large cities would enhance quality of life"
Explanation: "Living in big cities would upgrade the quality life" is awkward and lacks precision. "Residing in large cities would enhance quality of life" is clearer and more formal. - "bolster medical healthycare systems" -> "strengthen healthcare systems"
Explanation: "Bolster medical healthycare systems" is redundant and lacks precision. "Strengthen healthcare systems" is a more concise and formal expression. - "Healthy lifestyle in urban will improve and offer various benefical" -> "Urban areas offer opportunities to improve and maintain a healthy lifestyle, with various benefits."
Explanation: The original phrase lacks clarity and proper syntax. Restructuring the sentence and using "urban areas" instead of "Healthy lifestyle in urban" improves readability and precision. - "on one hand , countryside is an ideal place" -> "On one hand, the countryside is often regarded as an ideal location"
Explanation: "Countryside is an ideal place" is too informal and lacks precision. "The countryside is often regarded as an ideal location" is more formal and clearer in meaning. - "Old generation has tendency to mingle with nature" -> "The older generation tends to seek a connection with nature"
Explanation: "Old generation has tendency to mingle with nature" is awkward and lacks precision. "The older generation tends to seek a connection with nature" is clearer and more formal in expression. - "socio-environmental form well-being style" -> "socio-environmental well-being"
Explanation: "Socio-environmental form well-being style" is unclear and lacks proper syntax. "Socio-environmental well-being" is a more concise and formal term.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 4
Band Score for Task Response: 4 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to discuss both perspectives of the prompt, mentioning the benefits of a healthy lifestyle in the countryside and the potential advantages of urban living for health and quality of life. However, the discussion is limited and lacks depth. The essay fails to fully address both views as it only briefly mentions each perspective without providing thorough analysis or supporting evidence.
- How to improve: To improve, the essay should devote more attention to elaborating on both views. It could achieve this by providing specific examples, statistics, or anecdotal evidence to support each perspective. Additionally, ensuring that each viewpoint is given equal consideration will contribute to a more balanced and comprehensive discussion.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s position is not clearly articulated or sustained throughout the text. While it hints at discussing the benefits of both rural and urban living for health, the lack of clarity in expression and organization makes it challenging to discern a distinct stance. Additionally, the essay lacks a clear thesis statement that explicitly states the author’s opinion.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity and coherence, the essay should start with a clear thesis statement that outlines the author’s opinion on whether a healthy lifestyle is easier to maintain in the countryside or in cities. Throughout the essay, maintaining a consistent perspective and structuring arguments logically will help reinforce the chosen position.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay’s presentation of ideas is fragmented and lacks coherence. It introduces concepts such as the benefits of rural living and urban healthcare systems but fails to develop these ideas effectively. Moreover, the lack of supporting evidence or elaboration makes the arguments superficial and unsubstantiated.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation of ideas, the essay should organize its content into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific aspect of rural or urban living. Supporting each argument with relevant examples, data, or expert opinions will strengthen the essay’s credibility and persuasiveness. Additionally, expanding on each idea with detailed explanations and analysis will improve the depth of the discussion.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles to stay on topic, with unclear and disjointed discussions that deviate from the prompt. It briefly mentions the benefits of rural living and urban healthcare systems but fails to provide a coherent argument that directly addresses the prompt’s focus on comparing the ease of maintaining a healthy lifestyle in rural versus urban environments.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance, the essay should ensure that every point made directly relates to the prompt and contributes to the overall discussion of healthy lifestyle options in rural and urban areas. Avoiding tangential or unrelated ideas will help maintain coherence and clarity in the essay’s argumentation.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 4
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 4
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay struggles with logical organization. The introduction is unclear and lacks a clear thesis statement. The body paragraphs lack coherence, with ideas presented abruptly and without clear transitions. For instance, the transition from discussing benefits of rural living to benefits of urban living is abrupt and disjointed.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, start with a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines the key points to be discussed. Organize body paragraphs around specific ideas or arguments, ensuring each paragraph develops one main point coherently. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader smoothly through different ideas and viewpoints.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks effective paragraphing. There is only one long paragraph that contains multiple disjointed ideas, making it challenging to follow the essay’s structure and arguments. The lack of clear paragraph breaks hinders readability and coherence.
- How to improve: Break the essay into multiple paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct aspect or argument. Start new paragraphs when introducing new points or transitioning between contrasting ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and develop a single coherent point.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay lacks cohesive devices, such as linking words or phrases, to connect ideas and arguments. This absence results in a disjointed presentation of ideas and makes it difficult for the reader to follow the flow of the essay.
- How to improve: Incorporate a variety of cohesive devices, such as transition words (e.g., however, on the other hand, moreover) and cohesive phrases (e.g., as a result, consequently, in conclusion), to establish logical connections between sentences and paragraphs. Use these devices to show relationships between contrasting viewpoints and to guide the reader through the essay’s structure.
In summary, to improve coherence and cohesion, focus on crafting a clear and structured essay with well-organized paragraphs that develop distinct ideas. Use a range of cohesive devices to enhance the logical flow and connectivity between different parts of the essay. These improvements will significantly enhance the overall clarity and effectiveness of your writing.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but there is a lack of consistency and precision in word choice. For example, phrases like "mention as gearing numerous of benefits" lack precision and clarity. Additionally, some phrases are awkwardly constructed, such as "socio-environmental form well-being style," which could be clearer.
- How to improve: To enhance the range of vocabulary, strive for precision and clarity in word choice. Instead of using vague phrases, opt for specific terms that convey your intended meaning accurately. For instance, replace "mention as gearing numerous of benefits" with "highlighting the myriad benefits." Similarly, consider rephrasing convoluted phrases like "socio-environmental form well-being style" to something more straightforward like "social and environmental well-being."
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally employs imprecise vocabulary, leading to ambiguity or lack of clarity. For instance, "scientist believe" should be "scientists believe," and "bolster medical healthycare systems" could be clarified for more precision.
- How to improve: Aim for precise vocabulary usage to convey your ideas clearly. Ensure subject-verb agreement, as in the case of "scientist believe" where "scientists" is the correct form. Furthermore, refine phrases like "bolster medical healthycare systems" to something clearer and more precise, such as "strengthen healthcare infrastructure."
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally adequate, but there are some errors present. For example, "healthycare" should be "healthcare," and "benefical" should be "beneficial."
- How to improve: Pay close attention to spelling accuracy by proofreading your work carefully. Utilize tools like spell checkers and dictionaries to verify the correct spelling of words. Additionally, consider practicing spelling through writing exercises or mnemonic techniques to reinforce correct spelling habits.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates an attempt to utilize a range of vocabulary, there is room for improvement in terms of precision and clarity. Enhancing vocabulary precision and spelling accuracy will contribute to a more polished and effective expression of ideas.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. There is a tendency to rely on simple sentence structures, with minimal variation in sentence length or complexity. For example, the essay primarily utilizes simple declarative sentences and lacks diversity in sentence types such as compound or complex sentences.
- How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and effectiveness of the essay, it is essential to introduce a greater variety of sentence structures. Incorporating compound and complex sentences can add depth and sophistication to the writing. Additionally, employing rhetorical devices such as parallelism or inversion can further enrich the expression. Practicing sentence combining exercises and studying model essays for different sentence structures can help develop this skill.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits numerous grammatical errors and lacks consistent punctuation usage. For instance, there are issues with subject-verb agreement ("living in rural is mention" should be "living in rural areas is mentioned"), incorrect word usage ("gearinig" should be "bearing"), and punctuation errors (missing commas before introductory phrases).
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy and punctuation skills, it is crucial to review basic grammar rules and punctuation conventions. Focus on areas such as verb conjugation, noun-pronoun agreement, and proper comma usage. Proofreading the essay carefully before submission can help catch and correct errors. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or teachers and practicing writing exercises targeting specific grammar and punctuation areas can facilitate improvement.
Bài sửa mẫu
Living in rural areas is often cited as offering numerous benefits, especially for maintaining a healthy lifestyle. However, some experts argue that residing in big cities can enhance overall quality of life and strengthen healthcare systems. Living healthily in urban environments can provide various advantages.
On one hand, the countryside is an ideal setting for individuals to embrace life. Older generations often gravitate towards connecting with nature and fostering socio-environmental well-being.
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