Many people believe that mobile phones have many advantages in life. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The mobile phone is one of the greatest inventions of the century. It’s a double-edged sword that has brought many great value to human life. I agree with this opinion.
First of all, Mobile phones offer various applications that enhance work efficiency and education. It enables individuals to organize their schedules, notes, create to-do lists, and work remotely from any location and at any time. For instance, I tend to be forgetful, so I make it a habit to jot down my study or work schedule on my phone and review it every morning. This helps me ensure that I don't overlook or forget anything important for the day.
Next, Mobile phones make it easy and quickly connect through voice calls, messages, video chats and social networks. People can keep in touch with their friends, family and colleagues no matter where they are in the world.
One of the most outstanding benefits of a mobile phone is that it can be used for emergency phone calls and contact support services when people needed. With just a few taps, people can quickly dial 113 (or the equivalent emergency number in their country) to request help in situations like accidents, fires, or medical emergencies.
In conclusion, the mobile phone is a powerful tool with many benefits.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"one of the greatest inventions of the century" -> "one of the most significant inventions of the century"
Explanation: The phrase "most significant" is more precise and academically appropriate than "greatest," which can sound overly subjective and informal in an academic context.
"It’s a double-edged sword" -> "It is a double-edged sword"
Explanation: Removing the contraction "It’s" to "It is" adheres to formal writing standards by avoiding contractions in academic texts.
"has brought many great value" -> "has brought significant value"
Explanation: "Significant" is more precise and formal than "great," which is vague and less formal.
"I agree with this opinion." -> "This perspective is supported."
Explanation: Replacing "I agree with this opinion" with "This perspective is supported" shifts the focus from a personal agreement to a more objective, academic stance.
"Mobile phones offer various applications" -> "Mobile phones provide various applications"
Explanation: "Provide" is a more formal synonym for "offer," enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"It enables individuals to organize their schedules, notes, create to-do lists, and work remotely" -> "It enables individuals to organize their schedules, maintain notes, create to-do lists, and work remotely"
Explanation: "Maintain" is a more precise verb than "create" in the context of keeping records, and it aligns better with formal writing.
"I tend to be forgetful" -> "I often experience forgetfulness"
Explanation: "I often experience forgetfulness" is a more formal way to express personal traits, avoiding the colloquial tone of "I tend to be."
"make it a habit to jot down" -> "make it a habit to record"
Explanation: "Record" is a more formal term than "jot down," which is somewhat informal and vague.
"review it every morning" -> "review it daily"
Explanation: "Review it daily" is more concise and formal than "review it every morning," which is slightly redundant.
"keep in touch with their friends, family and colleagues" -> "maintain contact with friends, family, and colleagues"
Explanation: "Maintain contact" is a more formal expression than "keep in touch," and using commas after "family" avoids the awkward pause in the original phrase.
"no matter where they are in the world" -> "regardless of their location"
Explanation: "Regardless of their location" is a more formal and precise way to express the idea of universality.
"it can be used for emergency phone calls and contact support services when people needed" -> "it can be used for emergency calls and contacting support services when needed"
Explanation: Removing "people" after "when" corrects the grammatical error and simplifies the phrase for clarity and formality.
"With just a few taps, people can quickly dial" -> "With just a few taps, one can quickly dial"
Explanation: Replacing "people" with "one" avoids the plural form, which is more appropriate in formal writing when referring to a general action.

These changes enhance the academic tone of the essay by using more precise and formal vocabulary, improving the clarity and appropriateness of the language.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by stating an agreement with the advantages of mobile phones, but it does not fully explore the extent of this agreement. The prompt asks "to what extent" the writer agrees or disagrees, which implies a need for a nuanced discussion. The essay primarily lists advantages without acknowledging any potential disadvantages or counterarguments, which limits the depth of the response.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should include a discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones. This could involve acknowledging some negative impacts, such as addiction or decreased face-to-face communication, and then weighing these against the benefits. A clear statement on the extent of agreement (e.g., "I believe that while mobile phones have significant advantages, they also pose certain risks") would also strengthen the response.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay states a clear position in favor of mobile phones, but this position lacks development throughout the essay. The initial agreement is not consistently reinforced with a strong argumentative structure. The conclusion reiterates the benefits but does not summarize the argument or clarify the extent of agreement.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should explicitly state their viewpoint in the introduction and conclusion. Additionally, each paragraph should relate back to this position, ensuring that all points made support the central argument. Using linking phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "On the other hand" can help maintain a cohesive argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas about the advantages of mobile phones, such as efficiency, connectivity, and emergency use. However, these ideas are not sufficiently extended or supported with detailed examples or evidence. For instance, while the writer mentions using mobile phones for scheduling, they do not elaborate on how this impacts productivity or provide broader examples that could resonate with a wider audience.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing statistical data, real-world examples, or personal anecdotes that illustrate the benefits discussed. Each idea should be developed into a full paragraph with a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence that ties back to the main argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely on topic, discussing the advantages of mobile phones. However, the lack of a balanced view or acknowledgment of counterarguments leads to a somewhat superficial treatment of the topic. The essay does not explore the implications of mobile phone use in a broader societal context, which could enrich the discussion.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the prompt and contributes to answering the question. Including a brief mention of counterarguments or limitations of mobile phones would not only keep the essay on topic but also demonstrate critical thinking and a comprehensive understanding of the subject matter.

Overall, to improve the essay’s score, the writer should aim for a more balanced exploration of the topic, clearly articulate their position, and provide more detailed support for their ideas. Additionally, ensuring the essay meets the required word count will help in achieving a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument in favor of mobile phones, structured around distinct points that support the main thesis. Each paragraph logically follows from the previous one, with the first discussing efficiency and education, the second focusing on communication, and the third highlighting emergency use. This logical progression aids the reader in understanding the argument. However, the introduction could benefit from a more explicit outline of the points to be discussed, which would enhance the overall clarity and anticipation of the essay’s direction.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider incorporating a brief outline of the main points in the introduction. For example, after stating your agreement, you could add, "This essay will discuss the benefits of mobile phones in enhancing work efficiency, facilitating communication, and providing emergency support."
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a specific advantage of mobile phones. The first paragraph introduces the topic, while the subsequent paragraphs delve into specific benefits. However, the conclusion is somewhat abrupt and could be more developed to summarize the key points discussed, reinforcing the argument made throughout the essay.
- How to improve: Strengthen the conclusion by briefly revisiting the main points discussed in the body paragraphs. For instance, you could say, "In summary, mobile phones significantly enhance work efficiency, facilitate communication, and provide critical support in emergencies, making them invaluable in modern life."
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "next," and "one of the most outstanding benefits," which help guide the reader through the argument. These devices effectively signal transitions between ideas. However, there is a tendency to rely on a limited range of cohesive devices, which can make the writing feel somewhat repetitive.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied transition phrases and linking words. For example, instead of repeatedly using "first of all" and "next," you could use alternatives like "to begin with," "in addition," or "furthermore." This will enhance the fluidity of the essay and keep the reader engaged.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, with clear organization and effective use of paragraphs and cohesive devices. By refining the introduction and conclusion, as well as diversifying cohesive devices, the essay can achieve even greater clarity and engagement.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "double-edged sword," "enhance work efficiency," and "outstanding benefits." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in the use of "mobile phones" and "benefits." The phrase "great value" is vague and could be replaced with more specific terms to enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve, the writer should incorporate synonyms and varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly using "mobile phones," they could use "smart devices," "cellular technology," or "communication tools." Additionally, replacing "great value" with more precise phrases like "significant advantages" or "substantial contributions" would enhance the lexical variety.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains some precise vocabulary, such as "organize," "schedule," and "emergency phone calls." However, there are instances of imprecise usage, such as "great value" and "quickly connect," which could be articulated more clearly. The phrase "when people needed" is grammatically incorrect and should be "when people need it."
- How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. For instance, instead of "quickly connect," they could say "facilitate immediate communication." Additionally, ensuring grammatical accuracy will improve the overall clarity of the essay.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good level of spelling accuracy, with no noticeable errors in the words used. Terms like "emergency," "applications," and "efficiency" are spelled correctly, contributing positively to the overall impression of the essay.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, the writer should continue to proofread their work carefully. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing difficult words can also help reinforce correct spelling habits. Regular reading can expose the writer to correct spelling in context, further aiding retention.

In summary, while the essay achieves a Band Score of 6 for Lexical Resource, there are clear areas for improvement. Focusing on expanding vocabulary range, enhancing precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy will contribute to a higher score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a good variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the use of a complex sentence in "It enables individuals to organize their schedules, notes, create to-do lists, and work remotely from any location and at any time" showcases the writer’s ability to combine ideas effectively. However, there are instances of repetitive sentence beginnings, such as "Mobile phones…" at the start of multiple sentences, which can detract from the overall variety.
- How to improve: To enhance the diversity of sentence structures, the writer could incorporate more varied sentence openings and transitions. For example, instead of starting multiple sentences with "Mobile phones," the writer could use phrases like "In addition," or "Furthermore," to introduce new points. Additionally, integrating more complex structures with subordinate clauses could enrich the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy, but there are some errors that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "has brought many great value" should be corrected to "has brought great value" or "has brought many great values" to maintain subject-verb agreement. The use of commas is inconsistent; for instance, in the list "voice calls, messages, video chats and social networks," a comma before "and" (Oxford comma) could enhance clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should review subject-verb agreement rules and ensure that phrases are correctly structured. Regular practice with punctuation, particularly with lists and complex sentences, will also help. Reading more academic texts can provide examples of correct grammar and punctuation usage, which can then be applied to their own writing.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid command of grammatical range and accuracy, addressing the noted weaknesses will help the writer achieve a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

The mobile phone is one of the most significant inventions of the century. It is a double-edged sword that has brought significant value to human life. I agree with this perspective.

First of all, mobile phones provide various applications that enhance work efficiency and education. They enable individuals to organize their schedules, maintain notes, create to-do lists, and work remotely from any location and at any time. For instance, I often experience forgetfulness, so I make it a habit to record my study or work schedule on my phone and review it daily. This helps me ensure that I don’t overlook or forget anything important for the day.

Next, mobile phones make it easy and quick to connect through voice calls, messages, video chats, and social networks. People can maintain contact with friends, family, and colleagues regardless of their location in the world.

One of the most outstanding benefits of a mobile phone is that it can be used for emergency calls and contacting support services when needed. With just a few taps, one can quickly dial 113 (or the equivalent emergency number in their country) to request help in situations like accidents, fires, or medical emergencies.

In conclusion, the mobile phone is a powerful tool with many benefits.