Many people believe that the best way to produce a happier society is to ensure there is only a small difference between the earnings of its richest and poorest members. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people believe that reducing the income gap between the rich and the poor is the best way to create a happier society. While income inequality can lead to various social problems, I think that simply closing this gap is not enough to ensure happiness for everyone.

On one hand, making incomes more equal can help reduce tensions. A big difference in wealth often creates feelings of anger and frustration among those with lower incomes. This can lead to social unrest and harm the overall well-being of the community. If the income gap is smaller, more people can access better living conditions, which could improve social peace.

However, just reducing income differences is unlikely to bring lasting happiness if other important areas are ignored. Access to affordable healthcare and education is crucial for a good quality of life. Even if incomes are similar, people may still struggle if they cannot pay for medical care or a good education. Therefore, governments should not only focus on making incomes equal but also ensure that everyone can access essential services.

Furthermore, personal happiness often goes beyond money. Many people find joy in meaningful work, relationships, and personal growth. A society that values social connections and mental health can create happiness more effectively than one that focuses only on wealth.

In conclusion, while reducing the income gap can help create a happier society, it is not the only solution. A complete approach that includes healthcare, education, and personal fulfillment is necessary to promote long-term happiness for all.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"Many people believe" -> "It is widely believed"
Explanation: "It is widely believed" shifts the focus from a vague "many people" to a more formal and precise expression, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"the best way to create a happier society" -> "the most effective means of fostering a happier society"
Explanation: "The most effective means of fostering a happier society" uses more formal vocabulary and a more precise verb ("fostering") to describe the action, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"simply closing this gap" -> "merely narrowing this gap"
Explanation: "Merely narrowing this gap" uses more formal language and avoids the colloquial tone of "simply," which is more appropriate for academic discourse.
"making incomes more equal" -> "equalizing incomes"
Explanation: "Equalizing incomes" is a more precise and formal term that directly conveys the intended meaning, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"A big difference in wealth" -> "a significant disparity in wealth"
Explanation: "A significant disparity in wealth" uses more formal language and avoids the colloquial "big," which is less appropriate in academic writing.
"feelings of anger and frustration" -> "emotions of anger and frustration"
Explanation: "Emotions" is a more precise term in this context, as it encompasses a broader range of feelings beyond just "feelings," which is somewhat vague.
"making incomes equal" -> "equalizing incomes"
Explanation: As mentioned earlier, "equalizing incomes" is a more precise and formal term, suitable for academic writing.
"more people can access better living conditions" -> "more individuals can access improved living conditions"
Explanation: "Individuals" is a more formal term than "people," and "improved" is more specific than "better," which enhances the precision of the statement.
"just reducing income differences" -> "merely reducing income disparities"
Explanation: "Merely reducing income disparities" uses more formal vocabulary and avoids the colloquial "just," aligning better with academic style.
"people may still struggle" -> "individuals may still face challenges"
Explanation: "Individuals may still face challenges" uses more formal language and avoids the casual "struggle," which is less appropriate in academic writing.
"cannot pay for medical care or a good education" -> "are unable to afford medical care or quality education"
Explanation: "Are unable to afford" and "quality education" are more precise and formal, enhancing the academic tone of the sentence.
"a society that values social connections and mental health" -> "a society that prioritizes social connections and mental well-being"
Explanation: "Prioritizes" and "mental well-being" are more specific and formal terms, fitting better in an academic context than "values" and "mental health."
"can create happiness more effectively" -> "may foster greater happiness"
Explanation: "May foster greater happiness" uses more formal language and avoids the casual "can create," which is less precise and formal.

These changes aim to refine the vocabulary and style of the essay to better align with academic standards, enhancing clarity, precision, and formality.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by acknowledging the belief that reducing income inequality can lead to a happier society while also presenting a counterargument that emphasizes the insufficiency of this approach alone. The introduction clearly states the writer’s position, and the body paragraphs explore both sides of the argument. However, the essay could benefit from a more explicit discussion on the extent of agreement or disagreement with the statement, as it somewhat lacks depth in this respect.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should explicitly state the extent to which they agree or disagree in the introduction and conclusion. For example, they could specify whether they believe reducing the income gap is a necessary but not sufficient condition for happiness, or if they think it should be a primary focus. This would provide clearer guidance to the reader regarding the writer’s stance.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that while reducing income inequality is beneficial, it is not the sole factor in creating a happier society. This position is consistently reflected throughout the essay, particularly in the body paragraphs that discuss the limitations of merely closing the income gap. However, the transition between agreeing and disagreeing could be more fluid, as the argument occasionally feels segmented rather than cohesive.
- How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could use transitional phrases that reinforce their stance throughout the essay. For instance, they could reiterate their belief in the importance of a multifaceted approach to happiness at the beginning of each body paragraph, linking back to their main argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents relevant ideas, such as the social unrest caused by income inequality and the importance of access to healthcare and education. These points are supported with logical reasoning, making the argument persuasive. However, some ideas could be further developed with examples or statistics to enhance their impact. For instance, discussing specific social problems that arise from income inequality or providing examples of societies that have successfully addressed these issues could strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to include specific examples or data that illustrate their points. This could involve referencing studies on happiness in relation to income inequality or citing countries that have successfully implemented policies to reduce the income gap while also improving healthcare and education.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay remains focused on the topic throughout, discussing the relationship between income inequality and societal happiness. Each paragraph relates back to the prompt, ensuring that the discussion stays relevant. However, there are moments where the discussion of personal happiness could be perceived as slightly tangential, as it diverges from the primary focus on income disparity.
- How to improve: To maintain tighter focus on the topic, the writer could ensure that all points made directly relate back to the income gap and its effects on societal happiness. While discussing personal happiness is relevant, it should be framed in a way that connects back to the central argument about income inequality, perhaps by discussing how financial stability can influence personal happiness.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the prompt and presents a well-reasoned argument. By refining the clarity of the position, enhancing the development of ideas with specific examples, and ensuring tighter focus on the topic, the writer could elevate their score further.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of ideas. The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by presenting the main argument and acknowledging the complexity of the issue. Each paragraph follows a coherent structure, with the first paragraph addressing the benefits of reducing income inequality, the second discussing the limitations of this approach, and the third emphasizing the importance of non-monetary factors in achieving happiness. This logical progression aids the reader in following the writer’s argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using more explicit linking phrases between paragraphs. For instance, at the beginning of the second paragraph, a phrase such as "Nevertheless" could signal a shift in focus, reinforcing the contrast between the benefits of income equality and the necessity of addressing other factors.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate distinct ideas, which enhances readability. Each paragraph contains a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples and explanations. The first paragraph introduces the topic, the second elaborates on the limitations of income equality, and the third discusses broader aspects of happiness. This structure allows for a comprehensive exploration of the topic.
- How to improve: While the paragraphing is generally effective, consider ensuring that each paragraph begins with a strong topic sentence that clearly states the main idea. For example, the second paragraph could start with a sentence like, "Despite the potential benefits of reducing income inequality, this approach alone cannot guarantee happiness." This would further clarify the focus of each paragraph for the reader.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions ("however," "therefore") and referencing ("this," "these"), which contribute to the overall coherence of the text. The use of these devices helps to connect ideas within and between paragraphs, facilitating a smooth reading experience. For example, the transition from discussing the benefits of reducing income inequality to the limitations is handled well with "However."
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating more varied linking words and phrases. For instance, using phrases like "In addition," "On the contrary," or "Furthermore" can enhance the richness of the text and provide clearer connections between ideas. Additionally, ensure that the cohesive devices used are appropriate for the context to maintain clarity and precision in the argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas and using paragraphs and cohesive devices to support the argument. By implementing the suggested improvements, the writer can further enhance the clarity and impact of their writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "income gap," "social unrest," and "essential services." However, the vocabulary tends to be somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "income inequality" and "income differences." This limits the overall lexical variety and can detract from the sophistication of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider incorporating synonyms and related terms. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "income gap," you could use "wealth disparity," "economic divide," or "financial inequality." This will not only diversify the language but also enrich the essay’s overall quality.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary accurately, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, the phrase "making incomes more equal" could be refined to "equalizing income distribution" to convey a more formal and academic tone. Additionally, the term "social peace" is somewhat vague and could be replaced with "social stability" for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, focus on selecting words that convey your ideas more clearly and formally. Reading academic articles or high-quality essays can help you identify more precise vocabulary. Practice using these terms in your writing to become more comfortable with them.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay displays a good level of spelling accuracy, with no significant errors that impede understanding. Words like "affordable," "healthcare," and "education" are spelled correctly, reflecting a solid grasp of basic spelling conventions.
- How to improve: To maintain and improve spelling accuracy, consider implementing a proofreading strategy. After writing, take a moment to review your work specifically for spelling errors. Additionally, using tools like spell checkers or engaging in regular spelling practice can help reinforce correct spelling habits.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing vocabulary range, precision, and maintaining spelling accuracy will contribute to achieving a higher band score in Lexical Resource.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "While income inequality can lead to various social problems, I think that simply closing this gap is not enough to ensure happiness for everyone" effectively conveys nuanced ideas. Additionally, the essay employs conditional structures, such as "If the income gap is smaller, more people can access better living conditions," which adds depth to the argument. However, the essay could benefit from more varied sentence openings and the inclusion of more advanced structures, such as inversion or participial phrases, to further enhance the complexity.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more varied introductory phrases and clauses. For example, instead of starting sentences with "However" or "Furthermore," try using phrases like "In addition to this," or "Despite these arguments." Additionally, integrating more complex structures, such as relative clauses or gerunds, can elevate the sophistication of the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The grammatical accuracy in the essay is strong, with only minor errors present. For example, the phrase "A big difference in wealth often creates feelings of anger and frustration among those with lower incomes" is grammatically correct and effectively conveys the intended meaning. Punctuation is generally well-managed, with appropriate use of commas to separate clauses. However, there are a few instances where commas could enhance clarity, such as before "which could improve social peace" to separate it from the main clause.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, continue to proofread for minor errors and consider the use of punctuation to enhance clarity. For example, ensure that non-restrictive clauses are set off with commas. Additionally, practicing more complex grammatical structures in writing can help solidify understanding and application. Engaging with grammar exercises focused on common pitfalls, such as subject-verb agreement and tense consistency, can also be beneficial.

Overall, the essay is well-structured and presents a clear argument with effective use of grammar and a range of sentence structures. By focusing on diversifying sentence openings and refining punctuation, the writer can further enhance the quality of their writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many people believe that reducing the income gap between the rich and the poor is the most effective means of fostering a happier society. While income inequality can lead to various social problems, I think that merely narrowing this gap is not enough to ensure happiness for everyone.

On one hand, equalizing incomes can help reduce tensions. A significant disparity in wealth often creates emotions of anger and frustration among those with lower incomes. This can lead to social unrest and harm the overall well-being of the community. If the income gap is smaller, more individuals can access improved living conditions, which could enhance social peace.

However, merely reducing income disparities is unlikely to bring lasting happiness if other important areas are ignored. Access to affordable healthcare and quality education is crucial for a good quality of life. Even if incomes are similar, individuals may still face challenges if they are unable to afford medical care or a good education. Therefore, governments should not only focus on equalizing incomes but also ensure that everyone can access essential services.

Furthermore, personal happiness often goes beyond money. Many people find joy in meaningful work, relationships, and personal growth. A society that prioritizes social connections and mental well-being may foster greater happiness more effectively than one that focuses solely on wealth.

In conclusion, while reducing the income gap can help create a happier society, it is not the only solution. A comprehensive approach that includes healthcare, education, and personal fulfillment is necessary to promote long-term happiness for all.