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Many people believe the Earth’s climate is changing as a result of human activity? What are the reasons for this? What solutions can you suggest?

Many people believe the Earth's climate is changing as a result of human activity?
What are the reasons for this? What solutions can you suggest?

It is believed that Earth's climate change is changing as a result of human activity.The main causes may be related to industrial activities and transportation, these things have contributed to climate change in the world and then I will suggest solutions for this problem to reduce climate change.
A major factor leading to the Earth’s climate change in the world is the industrial activities boomed over time. Many countries around the world most of are developing following the trend of industrialization, manufacturing processes and industrial activities release various pollutants and greenhouse gasses. Previously, industrial waste from factories hardly ever treated the environment, however, recently, factories have paid more attention to protecting the environment. This just reduced the speed of climate change while there are many factories around the world still creating greenhouse emissions every day. There are many solutions for this problem such as: Transition to renewable energy, promote examination, strictly handle organizations that violate the laws, however, these solutions will be useless until the government officers and inspectors become corrupt so we can combine harsh sentences in order to put off corrupt officials and criminal law for factories that intentionally violate.
A second factor is the Earth’s climate change is increasing transportation in large and small cities. In increasingly developed countries, the increase of transportation has created many convenient benefits for daily life. However, this increase also means an increase in the amount of emissions and toxic pollutants released into the environment. The capital of VietNam is HaNoi one of the heaviest air pollutants in the world because there are too many people living here, which means the number of people using personal vehicles is too large. Whether in winter or summer, the source of pollution is the same, however, each season creates different variations of this amount of dust. Using public transport is the best solution because it is something familiar and close to everyone whether humans live in cities or countryside, rich or poor also use public transport easily. In addition, encourage people to plant trees to create landscapes and reduce pollution for society.
In conclusion, two main causes of Earth’s climate change are release various pollutants and greenhouse gasses due to industrial activities boomed over time and the amount of emissions and toxic pollutants released into the environment by using personal vehicles. Both of these problems can be solved if the government enacted more stringent and appropriate policies and officials made stricter inspections.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is believed that Earth’s climate change is changing as a result of human activity." -> "It is widely acknowledged that Earth’s climate is undergoing transformation due to human activities."
    Explanation: Replacing "It is believed that Earth’s climate change is changing" with "It is widely acknowledged that Earth’s climate is undergoing transformation" enhances clarity and formality. The term "believed" is replaced with "widely acknowledged," lending a more authoritative tone.

  2. "The main causes may be related to industrial activities and transportation, these things have contributed to climate change in the world and then I will suggest solutions for this problem to reduce climate change." -> "Primary contributors are linked to industrial activities and transportation; these factors have significantly contributed to global climate change. Subsequently, I will propose solutions to mitigate this issue."
    Explanation: The revised sentence maintains clarity while using a more formal structure. "Main causes may be related to" is replaced with "Primary contributors are linked to," and the sentence is rephrased for better flow and structure.

  3. "A major factor leading to the Earth’s climate change in the world is the industrial activities boomed over time." -> "One significant factor contributing to global climate change is the proliferation of industrial activities over time."
    Explanation: The use of "boomed over time" is replaced with "proliferation," offering a more precise and formal description of the increase in industrial activities.

  4. "Many countries around the world most of are developing following the trend of industrialization, manufacturing processes and industrial activities release various pollutants and greenhouse gasses." -> "Many countries, most of which are in the process of development, are aligning with the trend of industrialization. Manufacturing processes and industrial activities release various pollutants and greenhouse gases."
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and structure. The revision provides a more organized and formal expression of the information.

  5. "However, this just reduced the speed of climate change while there are many factories around the world still creating greenhouse emissions every day." -> "Nevertheless, this has only marginally decelerated the pace of climate change, as many factories worldwide continue to emit greenhouse gases daily."
    Explanation: The use of "just" is replaced with "marginally," offering a more precise description. The sentence is rephrased for improved coherence.

  6. "There are many solutions for this problem such as: Transition to renewable energy, promote examination, strictly handle organizations that violate the laws, however, these solutions will be useless until the government officers and inspectors become corrupt so we can combine harsh sentences in order to put off corrupt officials and criminal law for factories that intentionally violate." -> "Various solutions exist for this issue, including transitioning to renewable energy, enhancing regulatory scrutiny, and imposing strict penalties on organizations that violate laws. However, these solutions may prove ineffective if government officials and inspectors succumb to corruption. Combining stringent sentences and criminal penalties for deliberately non-compliant factories becomes essential."
    Explanation: The revised version provides a more formal and organized presentation of the suggested solutions, avoiding overly casual language and improving the overall structure.

  7. "A second factor is the Earth’s climate change is increasing transportation in large and small cities." -> "Another contributing factor to global climate change is the escalating transportation activities in both large and small cities."
    Explanation: The original sentence lacks clarity and structure. The revision improves the flow and replaces "is increasing" with "is escalating" for a more formal expression.

  8. "The capital of VietNam is HaNoi one of the heaviest air pollutants in the world because there are too many people living here, which means the number of people using personal vehicles is too large." -> "The capital of Vietnam, Hanoi, is among the cities with the highest air pollution levels globally, primarily due to its dense population, resulting in a substantial number of people using personal vehicles."
    Explanation: The revised version provides a more precise and formal description, avoiding informal language and improving the overall structure.

  9. "Whether in winter or summer, the source of pollution is the same, however, each season creates different variations of this amount of dust." -> "Regardless of the season, the pollution source remains constant; however, each season introduces distinct variations in the amount of dust."
    Explanation: The revision improves the structure and formality of the sentence, replacing "Whether in winter or summer" with "Regardless of the season" for better academic tone.

  10. "Using public transport is the best solution because it is something familiar and close to everyone whether humans live in cities or countryside, rich or poor also use public transport easily." -> "Opting for public transport emerges as the optimal solution, given its familiarity and accessibility to individuals, regardless of their residence in urban or rural areas, and irrespective of their socioeconomic status."
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality and clarity while maintaining the intended meaning.

  11. "In addition, encourage people to plant trees to create landscapes and reduce pollution for society." -> "Additionally, promoting tree planting not only contributes to enhancing landscapes but also plays a crucial role in pollution reduction for society."
    Explanation: The revised sentence offers a more formal expression, replacing the informal "encourage people to plant trees" with "promoting tree planting."

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay does address both parts of the question, discussing reasons for climate change related to industrial activities and transportation, and proposing solutions such as transitioning to renewable energy, promoting examinations, and enforcing laws. However, the analysis of these solutions could be more detailed and specific. For example, the mention of "harsh sentences" and "criminal law" lacks clarity and needs elaboration.
    • How to improve: To improve, provide more in-depth analysis and clarification on proposed solutions. Avoid vague statements and ensure a more explicit connection between suggested measures and their effectiveness.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that human activities, particularly industrial processes and transportation, contribute to climate change. The stance is consistent throughout the essay, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect of the issue.
    • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, consider explicitly stating the main thesis or argument in the introduction and summarizing it in the conclusion.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas about industrial activities and transportation as causes of climate change, supported by examples such as industrial waste and increased emissions from transportation. However, the development of ideas could be more nuanced, with a deeper exploration of the consequences and implications.
    • How to improve: Elaborate further on the presented ideas, providing more specific examples and perhaps exploring counterarguments to strengthen the overall argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic but could improve by avoiding unnecessary details, such as the specific mention of the capital of Vietnam and its pollution levels. Such details, while informative, do not directly contribute to the discussion of causes and solutions.
    • How to improve: Focus on directly relevant information and ensure that each sentence contributes to the main points of the essay.

Overall Comments:
The essay effectively addresses the prompt, offering insights into the causes of climate change and suggesting potential solutions. To improve, focus on providing more detailed explanations, avoiding vague statements, and ensuring that all information directly contributes to the main argument. Additionally, consider refining the language for greater precision and coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction introduces the topic but could benefit from more clarity and depth. The body paragraphs discuss two main causes coherently, first addressing industrial activities and then transportation. However, there is room for improvement in the transition between paragraphs for a smoother flow. The conclusion summarizes the main points but could be more concise and impactful.
    • How to improve: Enhance the clarity and depth of the introduction by clearly stating the main causes to provide a roadmap for the reader. Improve transition phrases between paragraphs for a seamless flow, ensuring a smooth progression of ideas. In the conclusion, strive for conciseness while reinforcing the key points.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs, but their structure and effectiveness vary. The first paragraph introduces the topic but is somewhat unclear. The body paragraphs focus on individual causes, though the second paragraph could be more tightly organized. The conclusion summarizes the essay but could be more concise.
    • How to improve: In the introduction, aim for a clear and concise presentation of the main points. In the body paragraphs, refine the organization for a more coherent structure, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the cause or solution. Ensure the conclusion is concise and reinforces the key solutions without introducing new information.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices to link ideas, but there is room for improvement. Some transitions between sentences and paragraphs lack clarity, affecting the overall coherence. However, the use of cohesive devices within sentences is generally effective.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the use of cohesive devices between sentences and paragraphs for a smoother flow. Utilize transition words and phrases more consistently to guide the reader through the logical progression of ideas. Ensure that each paragraph contributes seamlessly to the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a competent level of coherence and cohesion but can benefit from refining its introduction, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices for a more polished and effective presentation.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. While some key terms related to climate change, industrial activities, and transportation are used, there is room for improvement. For instance, terms like "greenhouse gases" and "pollutants" are appropriately utilized, but the essay could benefit from incorporating more varied and sophisticated vocabulary to enhance lexical diversity.
    • How to improve: To improve this aspect, consider incorporating synonyms and more specific terms related to the essay’s theme. For example, instead of repeatedly using "pollutants," you could diversify with terms like "emissions," "contaminants," or "toxins." Additionally, explore advanced vocabulary related to climate change and its impacts.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with moderate precision. However, there are instances where the meaning may be unclear due to imprecise word choices. For example, in the sentence "Many countries around the world most of are developing following the trend of industrialization," the phrase "most of are developing" lacks clarity and precision.
    • How to improve: Focus on selecting words that precisely convey your intended meaning. In the aforementioned sentence, consider rephrasing for clarity, such as "Most countries worldwide are undergoing rapid industrialization." Additionally, ensure that each term used aligns precisely with the concept you are trying to express.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are notable instances of misspelled words, such as "HaNoi" instead of "Hanoi" and "pollution for society" where "pollution" is likely intended. These errors, while not pervasive, impact the overall impression of language proficiency.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread your essay carefully, or use spelling and grammar-check tools. Pay particular attention to proper nouns and commonly misspelled words. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from peers or utilizing language learning resources to address specific spelling challenges.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates an adequate level of lexical resource, there is room for improvement in both the range of vocabulary and precision of word choices. Enhancing these aspects will contribute to a more nuanced and sophisticated expression of ideas. Additionally, attention to spelling accuracy will further elevate the overall linguistic quality of the essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits some diversity in sentence structures, although there’s room for improvement. It contains a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences. However, the repetition of sentence structures and the occasional lack of complexity may limit the essay’s overall variety and impact.

    • How to improve: Introduce greater complexity by varying sentence lengths and types. Incorporate compound-complex sentences to express more nuanced ideas. Utilize transitional phrases to connect thoughts and ideas fluidly. For instance, instead of listing solutions with basic structure ("Transition to renewable energy, promote examination"), consider elaborating on each solution with detailed clauses or using more sophisticated structures to present these suggestions.

  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates competency in grammar, but there are notable errors throughout, such as subject-verb agreement issues ("Many countries around the world most of are developing"), missing articles ("the Earth’s climate change is changing"), and inconsistent verb tenses ("However, this increase also means an increase"). These errors occasionally hinder clarity and precision.

    • How to improve: Focus on subject-verb agreement and consistent verb tenses. Revise sentences for clarity, ensuring that the intended meaning is conveyed accurately. For instance, "many countries around the world most of are developing" could be rephrased as "Most countries around the world are currently in various stages of development."

  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally adequate, but there are areas that need improvement. Commas are often overused, leading to unnecessary breaks in sentences ("Transition to renewable energy, promote examination, strictly handle organizations"). Some sentences lack proper punctuation, affecting readability ("The capital of VietNam is HaNoi one of the heaviest air pollutants in the world").

    • How to improve: Review punctuation rules, especially regarding comma usage. Aim for clarity and avoid excessive commas that disrupt the flow. Ensure appropriate punctuation at the end of each sentence for readability. For instance, "The capital of Vietnam is Hanoi, one of the most heavily polluted cities in the world."

In essence, to elevate the grammatical range and accuracy, focus on enhancing sentence variety, refining grammar usage, and honing punctuation skills. Precision in expression, clarity in conveying ideas, and a more diverse range of structures will greatly enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely acknowledged that Earth’s climate is undergoing transformation due to human activities. The primary contributors are linked to industrial activities and transportation; these factors have significantly contributed to global climate change. Subsequently, I will propose solutions to mitigate this issue.

One significant factor contributing to global climate change is the proliferation of industrial activities over time. Many countries, most of which are in the process of development, are aligning with the trend of industrialization. Manufacturing processes and industrial activities release various pollutants and greenhouse gases. Nevertheless, this has only marginally decelerated the pace of climate change, as many factories worldwide continue to emit greenhouse gases daily. Various solutions exist for this issue, including transitioning to renewable energy, enhancing regulatory scrutiny, and imposing strict penalties on organizations that violate laws. However, these solutions may prove ineffective if government officials and inspectors succumb to corruption. Combining stringent sentences and criminal penalties for deliberately non-compliant factories becomes essential.

Another contributing factor to global climate change is the escalating transportation activities in both large and small cities. The capital of Vietnam, Hanoi, is among the cities with the highest air pollution levels globally, primarily due to its dense population, resulting in a substantial number of people using personal vehicles. Regardless of the season, the pollution source remains constant; however, each season introduces distinct variations in the amount of dust. Opting for public transport emerges as the optimal solution, given its familiarity and accessibility to individuals, regardless of their residence in urban or rural areas, and irrespective of their socioeconomic status. Additionally, promoting tree planting not only contributes to enhancing landscapes but also plays a crucial role in pollution reduction for society.

In conclusion, two main causes of Earth’s climate change are the release of various pollutants and greenhouse gases due to industrial activities booming over time and the increase in emissions and toxic pollutants released into the environment by using personal vehicles. Both of these problems can be solved if the government enacts more stringent and appropriate policies, and officials conduct stricter inspections.

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