Many people buy products that they do not really need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily. Why do people buy things they do not need? Do you think this is a good thing?
Many people buy products that they do not really need and replace old products with new ones unnecessarily.
Why do people buy things they do not need? Do you think this is a good thing?
One of the factors contributing to this phenomenon may be the efficiency of advertising . On a daily basis , individuals are bombarded with tons of advertisements from commercial breaks in movies to bill-board on the road. These promotional are meticulously designed ,featuring captivating images and appealing messages that effectively induce consumers to acquire unnecessary products. Furthermore , buyers play a pivotal role in the cultivation of a consumerist society. In contemporary society , financial prosperity is frequently perceived as an indicator of success. To boast this personal success, individuals usually seek out distinctive and extravagant items , which may not necessarily confer substantial benefits to their lives. For instance, a considerable number of young girls may willing to splurge on luxury bags as a means of demonstrating their financial well- being to others.
The act that replacing older possessions with newer ones is responsible for various long-term consequences. In essence , if this practice persists interruptedly, it has the potential to erode savings earmarked for future . To make matters worse, the sense of satisfaction might wear off quickly since products become out of fashion. These apprehensions impel consumers to perpetuate the acquisition of non-essential items in a bid to compensate for their fleeting sense of contentment. Consequently, this engenders a deleterious cycle characterized by the excessive procurement of superfluous products at the expense of items possessing intrinsic value.
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Errors and Improvements:
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"contributing to this phenomenon may be the efficiency of advertising." -> "contributing to this phenomenon could be the effectiveness of advertising."
Explanation: Replacing "may be" with "could be" adds a degree of possibility while the term "efficiency" is substituted with "effectiveness" for a more formal and precise expression. -
"individuals are bombarded with tons of advertisements" -> "individuals are inundated with a multitude of advertisements."
Explanation: Substituting "tons" with "a multitude of" elevates the formality, and "bombarded" is replaced with "inundated" for a more sophisticated and less casual tone. -
"promotional are meticulously designed" -> "promotions are meticulously crafted."
Explanation: Changing "promotional" to "promotions" corrects the grammatical structure, and using "crafted" instead of "designed" enhances the formality of the sentence. -
"captivating images and appealing messages that effectively induce consumers to acquire unnecessary products." -> "compelling images and persuasive messages that effectively prompt consumers to purchase unnecessary products."
Explanation: The term "captivating" is substituted with "compelling" for a more formal tone, and "induce" is replaced with "prompt" for precision and formality. -
"buyers play a pivotal role in the cultivation of a consumerist society." -> "consumers play a pivotal role in fostering a consumerist society."
Explanation: Changing "buyers" to "consumers" aligns with more formal terminology, and "cultivation" is replaced with "fostering" for a more appropriate expression in this context. -
"financial prosperity is frequently perceived as an indicator of success." -> "financial prosperity is often regarded as an indicator of success."
Explanation: Substituting "frequently perceived" with "often regarded" enhances the formality, and "as an indicator" is retained for precision. -
"individuals usually seek out distinctive and extravagant items" -> "individuals typically seek distinctive and extravagant items."
Explanation: Replacing "usually" with "typically" adds a more formal touch, and it enhances the precision of the sentence. -
"young girls may willing to splurge on luxury bags" -> "young girls may be willing to splurge on luxury bags."
Explanation: Adding "be" corrects the grammatical structure, making it more precise and formal. -
"The act that replacing older possessions with newer ones" -> "The act of replacing older possessions with newer ones."
Explanation: Correcting the structure by changing "that replacing" to "of replacing" improves the grammatical accuracy and formality. -
"if this practice persists interruptedly" -> "if this practice persists continuously."
Explanation: Substituting "interruptedly" with "continuously" maintains a formal tone while enhancing clarity. -
"savings earmarked for future" -> "savings earmarked for the future."
Explanation: Adding "the" before "future" corrects the grammatical structure for proper formality. -
"the sense of satisfaction might wear off quickly since products become out of fashion." -> "the sense of satisfaction might diminish rapidly as products go out of fashion."
Explanation: Replacing "wear off" with "diminish rapidly" adds precision, and "since" is substituted with "as" for a more formal transition. -
"These apprehensions impel consumers to perpetuate the acquisition of non-essential items" -> "These concerns drive consumers to perpetuate the acquisition of non-essential items."
Explanation: Substituting "apprehensions" with "concerns" and "impel" with "drive" contributes to a more formal and precise expression.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Task Response: 6 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both aspects of the question. It discusses the factors contributing to people buying unnecessary products and the consequences of replacing old items with new ones. However, the analysis is somewhat limited, and there is room for a more thorough exploration of the reasons behind these behaviors.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, delve deeper into the underlying reasons for both buying unnecessary products and replacing old items. Provide more examples and explore different perspectives on whether this behavior is good or bad.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a generally clear position on the negative aspects of buying unnecessary products and replacing old possessions. However, the clarity could be improved by explicitly stating the stance in the introduction and conclusion.
- How to improve: Make the thesis statement more explicit in the introduction and restate the main position in the conclusion to reinforce the essay’s central argument.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas, but they are not thoroughly extended or well-supported. For example, the mention of advertising and financial prosperity influencing consumer behavior could be elaborated with specific examples and evidence.
- How to improve: Develop each idea more fully by providing specific examples, statistics, or real-world scenarios. This will add depth to the analysis and strengthen the overall argument.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic, discussing the reasons behind buying unnecessary products and replacing old possessions. However, there are instances where ideas could be more directly related to the main topic.
- How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph and idea directly contributes to the main topic. Avoid unnecessary details or tangents that do not directly relate to the prompt.
General Comments:
The essay provides a decent response to the prompt, but there is room for improvement in terms of depth of analysis, explicit positioning, idea development, and relevance. Consider incorporating more specific examples, evidence, and a more explicit thesis statement to enhance the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, be mindful of the word count to ensure a comprehensive exploration of the topic within the given constraints.
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