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Many people nowadays decide not to work for a large company but to become self-employed. What problems might this decision cause? What can they do to solve these problems?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Many people nowadays decide not to work for a large company but to become self-employed. What problems might this decision cause? What can they do to solve these problems?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Nowadays, an increasing number of young individuals believe that opting for self-employment instead of conventional salaried employment is a better choice. While self-employment offers several advantages, it also presents certain challenges. This essay will delve into these aspects of the issue.
Certainly, there are multiple effects resulting from this trend. One of the fundamental issues arising from this shift is that self-employed individuals may experience a decline in their communication skills when they concentrate primarily on their personal business. Consequently, they may find it challenging to perform tasks that necessitate face-to-face meetings, such as collaborating on a business project. This is why self-employment can become quite stressful. Additionally, another problem in this situation is the issue of work-life balance. Striking a balance between work and personal life can be exceptionally difficult. For example, self-employed individuals may have less time for their families, relatives, and even for themselves due to the constant workload. As a result, their physical health can be significantly impacted, as prolonged exposure to computer screens can have adverse effects on their eyes and overall health.
There are several potential solutions that can be implemented to address these challenges. One way to address the issue of reduced communication skills is for people to become involved in speech clubs or business clubs where they can interact directly with others in their field. These interactions not only enhance communication skills but also provide opportunities to gain valuable business insights and experiences. Furthermore, to tackle the problem of work-life balance, individuals can take matters into their own hands. For instance, they can establish a well-defined schedule for their activities, allocate dedicated time for leisure pursuits, and incorporate daily physical exercise to alleviate stress and maintain their personal well-being. Both of these solutions can have a profoundly positive impact on their overall health.
In conclusion, I believe that self-employment can provide a stable income if pursued diligently. Those who decide to transition from conventional employment to self-employment can acquire a wealth of valuable experiences along the way. However, it's crucial to be aware of and address the potential challenges related to communication skills and work-life balance in order to succeed in the self-employed endeavor.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Nowadays" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: Replacing "Nowadays" with "Currently" provides a more formal and contemporary introduction to the topic, aligning with academic style.

  2. "young individuals" -> "young professionals"
    Explanation: Substituting "young individuals" with "young professionals" adds a level of specificity and professionalism to the description, fitting the context of employment.

  3. "opting for" -> "choosing"
    Explanation: Replacing "opting for" with "choosing" streamlines the expression and maintains a formal tone, enhancing the overall clarity of the sentence.

  4. "personal business" -> "entrepreneurial ventures"
    Explanation: Substituting "personal business" with "entrepreneurial ventures" elevates the language and conveys a more formal and business-oriented tone.

  5. "Certainly" -> "Indeed"
    Explanation: Transitioning from "Certainly" to "Indeed" adds a touch of formality to the sentence, aligning it more closely with academic writing conventions.

  6. "fundamental issues" -> "core challenges"
    Explanation: Changing "fundamental issues" to "core challenges" introduces a more precise and sophisticated term, enhancing the overall academic tone.

  7. "this shift" -> "this transition"
    Explanation: Substituting "this shift" with "this transition" provides a more nuanced and formal description of the change being discussed.

  8. "quite stressful" -> "challenging"
    Explanation: Replacing "quite stressful" with "challenging" maintains the seriousness of the situation while using a more formal and measured expression.

  9. "another problem in this situation is" -> "another challenge arises from"
    Explanation: Shifting from "another problem in this situation is" to "another challenge arises from" improves the flow and formality of the sentence.

  10. "exceptionally difficult" -> "exceedingly challenging"
    Explanation: Substituting "exceptionally difficult" with "exceedingly challenging" enhances the level of formality and precision in describing the difficulty of achieving work-life balance.

  11. "For example" -> "As an illustration"
    Explanation: Transitioning from "For example" to "As an illustration" maintains the explanatory function while using a more formal and academic phrase.

  12. "can be implemented" -> "can be adopted"
    Explanation: Changing "can be implemented" to "can be adopted" introduces a more formal and versatile term in discussing potential solutions.

  13. "become involved" -> "participate"
    Explanation: Substituting "become involved" with "participate" offers a more concise and formal alternative without compromising clarity.

  14. "business clubs" -> "professional associations"
    Explanation: Replacing "business clubs" with "professional associations" elevates the language and emphasizes the formal networking aspect, fitting the context of business communication.

  15. "overall health" -> "holistic well-being"
    Explanation: Shifting from "overall health" to "holistic well-being" adds depth and a more comprehensive perspective to the discussion of the individual’s health.

  16. "In conclusion, I believe that" -> "In conclusion, it is my contention that"
    Explanation: Transitioning from "In conclusion, I believe that" to "In conclusion, it is my contention that" maintains formality and introduces a more academic expression of the author’s belief.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

  1. Quoted text: "Certainly, there are multiple effects resulting from this trend. One of the fundamental issues arising from this shift is that self-employed individuals may experience a decline in their communication skills when they concentrate primarily on their personal business. Consequently, they may find it challenging to perform tasks that necessitate face-to-face meetings, such as collaborating on a business project."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you have effectively identified a challenge related to communication skills, your explanation lacks specificity and depth. To improve, consider providing concrete examples of situations where self-employed individuals might face difficulties due to declining communication skills. For instance, elaborate on how ineffective communication may hinder negotiations with clients or hinder collaboration in team projects. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
    • Improved example: "Certainly, there are multiple effects resulting from this trend. One of the fundamental issues arising from this shift is that self-employed individuals may experience a decline in their communication skills when they concentrate primarily on their personal business. For instance, they might struggle to negotiate effectively with potential clients, leading to missed business opportunities. Additionally, collaborating on a project with other professionals may become challenging, hindering the overall success of the venture."
  2. Quoted text: "Additionally, another problem in this situation is the issue of work-life balance. Striking a balance between work and personal life can be exceptionally difficult. For example, self-employed individuals may have less time for their families, relatives, and even for themselves due to the constant workload."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: Your point about work-life balance is valid, but it lacks sufficient development. To enhance your argument, provide specific examples or scenarios illustrating how the imbalance between work and personal life can negatively impact self-employed individuals. For instance, elaborate on how working long hours might lead to burnout, affecting not only their mental well-being but also the quality of their work.
    • Improved example: "Additionally, another problem in this situation is the issue of work-life balance. Striking a balance between work and personal life can be exceptionally difficult. For example, self-employed individuals may have less time for their families, relatives, and even for themselves due to the constant workload. This perpetual state of busyness can result in burnout, impacting not only their mental health but also diminishing the quality of their work output."
  3. Quoted text: "There are several potential solutions that can be implemented to address these challenges."

    • Explanation and Improvement Suggestions: While you’ve mentioned the need for solutions, the essay lacks depth in exploring these solutions. For improvement, provide more detailed and practical suggestions on how self-employed individuals can overcome the challenges mentioned. For instance, specify types of speech or business clubs they can join and elaborate on how these clubs facilitate skill improvement and networking.
    • Improved example: "There are several potential solutions that can be implemented to address these challenges. One effective strategy is for self-employed individuals to actively engage in specialized speech or business clubs within their industry. By participating in these forums, they not only enhance their communication skills but also gain valuable insights and experiences from peers. Additionally, establishing a well-defined daily schedule and allocating specific time for leisure activities and physical exercise can contribute significantly to achieving a healthier work-life balance."

Overall, the essay adequately addresses the task, but improvements in specificity and depth of examples would elevate it to a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay logically organizes information and ideas with a clear progression throughout. It effectively uses a range of cohesive devices, such as transition words and phrases, to connect sentences and paragraphs. The central topic within each paragraph is clear, contributing to the overall coherence. The essay also manages paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately. However, there is some underuse of cohesive devices, and a few transitions could be more explicit for smoother flow.

How to improve:
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider incorporating more varied and explicit cohesive devices. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that ideas within paragraphs are logically connected. Review the essay for any instances where more explicit transitions could improve the overall flow. Additionally, pay attention to the balance between using personal experiences and general examples to support arguments, ensuring that examples are relevant and effectively contribute to the essay’s overall coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a fairly sufficient range of vocabulary, incorporating less common lexical items with some accuracy. There’s an attempt to use vocabulary flexibly and precisely, contributing to a relatively coherent expression of ideas. Some awareness of style and collocation is evident, although occasional errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation slightly affect clarity.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource further, consider integrating a broader range of sophisticated vocabulary in a more nuanced manner. Double-check the usage of less common lexical items to ensure they align accurately with the intended meaning. Pay close attention to spelling and word choice precision to minimize occasional errors and elevate the overall lexical sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation with a variety of complex structures. The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, and the body paragraphs present clear ideas. The essay contains frequent error-free sentences, showcasing a good level of control over grammar. However, there are a few instances of minor errors and awkward phrasing, such as in the phrase "Striking a balance between work and personal life can be exceptionally difficult." The essay also tends to use more simple sentence structures alongside complex ones, which slightly affects the overall grammatical range. Nevertheless, these errors are relatively minor, and they do not significantly impede communication.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the author should aim for more consistent use of complex structures throughout the essay. Additionally, careful proofreading is necessary to catch and rectify minor errors and awkward phrasing. Specifically, attention to sentence structure variety and precision in conveying complex ideas would contribute to achieving a higher band score. Striving for greater fluency in the use of complex structures will further elevate the overall grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

In the present era, an increasing number of young professionals are opting for entrepreneurial ventures instead of traditional salaried employment. While choosing self-employment has its merits, it also brings about certain challenges. This essay will explore these aspects of the issue.

Undoubtedly, the decision to become self-employed can have repercussions. One core challenge arising from this transition is the potential decline in communication skills as individuals focus primarily on their personal business. Consequently, they may find it challenging to perform tasks that require face-to-face interactions, such as collaborating on a business project. This transition can be particularly challenging and stressful. Another challenge arises from the difficulty in achieving work-life balance. Balancing work and personal life becomes exceedingly challenging, leading to less time for families, relatives, and even for oneself due to the constant workload. This, in turn, can significantly impact physical health, with prolonged exposure to computer screens having adverse effects on eyes and overall well-being.

To address these challenges, individuals can adopt certain strategies. One effective approach to enhance communication skills is to actively participate in speech clubs or professional associations where direct interaction with others in the field is encouraged. Such interactions not only improve communication skills but also provide valuable business insights and experiences. Furthermore, in tackling the issue of work-life balance, individuals can establish a well-defined schedule for activities, allocate dedicated time for leisure pursuits, and incorporate daily physical exercise to alleviate stress and maintain holistic well-being. These solutions can positively impact overall health.

In conclusion, it is my contention that self-employment, when pursued diligently, can offer a stable income and a wealth of valuable experiences. However, to succeed in this endeavor, it is crucial to be aware of and address potential challenges related to communication skills and work-life balance.

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