Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film industries?

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be?
Should governments give more financial support to local film industries?

These days, more and more people have the tendency to enjoy international films compared to domestically manufactured films. This essay will discuss the reasons leading to this problem and give the opinion about “should governments provide financial support to local film industries”.
One of the fundamental factors leading to this problem is there are a variety of international films for people to choose depending on their interests. In modern times, most well-known film manufacturers like Disney Walt, HLW.. stood at developing countries ( America, Australia… ). In these countries, entertainment industries receive a lot of investment from investors to produce more and more high-quality kinds of films such as anime, web drama, fairy story… which is suitable for kids, the people in their teenage years… Additionally, popular culture from some countries like Japan, Korea may greatly influence viewers. Thanks to traditional culture, the content of films from these countries will be fixed to serve viewers’ demands. For example, most juvenile viewers tend to search for Korean web drama or Japanese anime to enjoy rather than any program produced by film studios in their countries.
To tackle this issue, I strongly believe that giving more financial support could promote domestic entertainment film industries. First, more potential employees are captivated. The more local film industries receive, the more income employees of these companies will be paid. This support may motivate them to devote a lot of ideal ideas to make more high-quality films without brain drain feelings. Furthermore, film production companies can import more advanced equipment for producing films by that investment.
In conclusion, I contend that increased financial support for local entertainment industries is vital for governments, as it is related to a country's economic development and the building of a more influential and united society.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

1. "These days" -> "Currently"
   Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "These days."

2. "have the tendency to enjoy" -> "tend to enjoy"
   Explanation: "Tend to" is a more concise and academically appropriate phrase than "have the tendency to," which is redundant and verbose.

3. "compared to domestically manufactured films" -> "compared to domestically produced films"
   Explanation: "Produced" is the correct term for films, whereas "manufactured" is typically used for goods, not creative works like films.

4. "give the opinion about" -> "express the opinion that"
   Explanation: "Express the opinion that" is a more formal and precise way to introduce an opinion in academic writing.

5. "there are a variety of international films for people to choose" -> "there is a wide range of international films available"
   Explanation: "A wide range of" is more precise and formal than "a variety of," and "available" is more appropriate than "for people to choose," which is redundant.

6. "HLW.. stood at developing countries" -> "HLW.. operates in developing countries"
   Explanation: "Operates" is the correct verb for describing the activities of companies, and "in" is the correct preposition to use with "developing countries."

7. "entertainment industries receive a lot of investment" -> "the entertainment industry receives significant investment"
   Explanation: "The entertainment industry" is the correct noun form, and "significant" is more precise and formal than "a lot of."

8. "high-quality kinds of films" -> "high-quality films"
   Explanation: "Kinds of" is redundant when used with "films," as "films" already implies a type or kind.

9. "fairy story" -> "fairy tales"
   Explanation: "Fairy tales" is the correct plural form of the term, which refers to a specific genre of stories.

10. "the people in their teenage years" -> "adolescents"
    Explanation: "Adolescents" is a more formal and precise term than "the people in their teenage years."

11. "Thanks to traditional culture" -> "due to traditional culture"
    Explanation: "Due to" is a more formal transitional phrase than "Thanks to," which is too casual for academic writing.

12. "will be fixed to serve viewers’ demands" -> "are designed to meet viewers’ demands"
    Explanation: "Are designed to meet" is a more accurate and formal way to describe the purpose of films, replacing the vague and incorrect "will be fixed."

13. "more potential employees are captivated" -> "more potential employees are attracted"
    Explanation: "Attracted" is the correct verb to use when describing the drawing in of employees, rather than "captivated," which is more appropriate for emotional states.

14. "without brain drain feelings" -> "without feelings of brain drain"
    Explanation: "Feelings of brain drain" is a more grammatically correct and formal expression.

15. "film production companies can import more advanced equipment" -> "film production companies can acquire more advanced equipment"
    Explanation: "Acquire" is a more precise and formal verb than "import" in this context, as it implies the process of obtaining equipment rather than importing it from another country.

16. "increased financial support for local entertainment industries" -> "enhanced financial support for local entertainment industries"
    Explanation: "Enhanced" suggests a strengthening or improvement, which is more specific and positive than "increased," which could imply a simple increase without improvement.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt, discussing why people prefer foreign films and whether governments should support local film industries. The first paragraph outlines reasons for the preference towards international films, such as variety and cultural influence. However, the response could be more balanced; while it discusses the reasons well, the second part about government support is somewhat underdeveloped. The essay mentions financial support but lacks depth in exploring how it could specifically address the issues faced by local industries.
  • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both parts of the question receive equal attention. This could involve providing more specific examples of how government support can directly impact local film quality and viewer engagement, as well as discussing potential challenges local industries face without such support.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position favoring government support for local film industries, particularly in the second half. However, the transition between discussing the preference for foreign films and advocating for local support could be smoother. The phrase "I strongly believe" indicates a clear stance, but the overall argument could benefit from more explicit connections between the two parts of the essay.
  • How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer should use transitional phrases that link the discussion of foreign films to the need for local support. For instance, after discussing the appeal of foreign films, the writer could explicitly state how this trend underscores the necessity for government intervention to enhance local production quality.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as the variety of foreign films and the influence of popular culture, but these points are not fully developed. For example, while the essay mentions that local industries could benefit from financial support, it does not elaborate on specific strategies or examples of successful government interventions in other countries.
  • How to improve: To strengthen the essay, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point made. This could involve providing statistics on the success of foreign films versus local films, or examples of countries where government support has revitalized local film industries. Additionally, discussing how local films can cater to cultural preferences could enhance the argument.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for the preference for foreign films and the potential benefits of government support. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly vague, particularly when mentioning "brain drain feelings" without clearly explaining what this means in the context of local film industries.
  • How to improve: To improve focus, the writer should ensure that all terms and concepts used are clearly defined and relevant to the topic. Clarifying what "brain drain feelings" entails and how it specifically affects local industries would help maintain clarity and relevance. Additionally, consistently tying back points to the central question can help reinforce the essay’s focus.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a coherent argument, but it would benefit from deeper analysis and clearer connections between ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, beginning with an introduction that outlines the topic and the writer’s stance. The first body paragraph discusses the reasons for the preference for international films, while the second body paragraph addresses the potential benefits of government support for local film industries. However, the connection between the two body paragraphs could be strengthened. For instance, the transition from discussing international films to advocating for local films feels abrupt. The ideas are relevant but could be better linked to enhance the overall logical flow.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly connect the ideas between paragraphs. For example, after discussing the appeal of international films, a sentence like "In light of this competition, it becomes crucial for governments to consider supporting local film industries" would create a smoother transition.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is essential for clarity. Each paragraph has a clear focus: the first addresses the reasons for the popularity of international films, while the second discusses the need for government support. However, the first paragraph is somewhat lengthy and could be broken down further to enhance readability and focus.
  • How to improve: Consider dividing the first body paragraph into two smaller paragraphs: one focusing on the variety of international films and the other on the influence of popular culture. This would allow for a more in-depth exploration of each point and improve the overall clarity of the argument.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "first," "additionally," and "furthermore," which help to guide the reader through the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices used is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be made clearer. For example, the phrase "to tackle this issue" is somewhat vague and does not clearly link back to the previous discussion about international films.
  • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "on the other hand" when contrasting international films with local films, or "in addition to this" when adding further support for the argument. Additionally, ensure that each cohesive device clearly relates to the ideas being connected, enhancing the overall clarity of the essay.

By addressing these areas for improvement, the essay could achieve a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "international films," "domestically manufactured films," and "financial support." However, the use of phrases such as "the tendency to enjoy" and "a variety of international films" indicates a reliance on common expressions rather than more sophisticated or varied vocabulary. Additionally, the use of "manufacturers" instead of "producers" is somewhat awkward and less common in this context.
  • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more varied synonyms and expressions. For example, instead of "enjoy international films," consider using "appreciate" or "favor." Additionally, exploring more advanced terms related to film production, such as "cinematic offerings" or "cultural exports," could elevate the lexical quality.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "manufactured films" is not a standard term in film discourse; "produced films" would be more appropriate. The phrase "entertainment industries receive a lot of investment from investors" could be streamlined to "entertainment industries attract significant investment." Moreover, the term "brain drain feelings" is unclear and does not effectively convey the intended meaning.
  • How to improve: Writers should focus on using vocabulary that accurately reflects the context. Instead of "brain drain feelings," consider using "brain drain" alone or "loss of talent." Additionally, reviewing terms commonly used in film discussions can help ensure precision.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors and typographical issues, such as "HLW.." which appears to be a typo or an incomplete reference. The phrase "anime, web drama, fairy story…" should be "anime, web dramas, fairy tales…" to ensure correct pluralization and spelling.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully, ideally reading it aloud to catch errors. Utilizing spell-check tools and maintaining a list of commonly misspelled words can also be beneficial. Additionally, practicing writing with a focus on spelling can help reinforce correct usage.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these areas, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some variety in sentence structures, such as simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the opening sentence employs a complex structure: "These days, more and more people have the tendency to enjoy international films compared to domestically manufactured films." However, there is a noticeable reliance on similar sentence patterns throughout the essay, which can lead to monotony. For example, many sentences begin with "In these countries" or "This support may," which limits the overall range of structures.
  • How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, consider using different sentence starters and varying the length of sentences. Incorporating more complex sentences with subordinate clauses can add depth. For instance, instead of starting multiple sentences with "In these countries," you could rephrase to include participial phrases or introductory adverbial clauses, such as "Due to significant investment, countries like America and Australia have developed robust entertainment industries."

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, the phrase "there are a variety of international films for people to choose depending on their interests" could be more accurately expressed as "there is a variety of international films for people to choose from, depending on their interests." Additionally, the use of ellipses (e.g., "HLW.. stood at developing countries") is incorrect and should be replaced with proper punctuation. The phrase "the people in their teenage years…" is also awkwardly constructed and lacks clarity.
  • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on subject-verb agreement and the correct use of prepositions. Regularly reviewing grammar rules and practicing with exercises can help solidify these concepts. For punctuation, ensure that commas are used to separate clauses correctly and avoid unnecessary ellipses. Reading essays or articles can also help in understanding proper punctuation usage in context.

Overall, while the essay presents some relevant ideas and arguments, addressing these grammatical and structural issues will enhance clarity and coherence, potentially leading to a higher band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

These days, more and more people tend to enjoy international films compared to domestically produced films. This essay will discuss the reasons behind this trend and express the opinion that governments should provide more financial support to local film industries.

One of the fundamental factors contributing to this trend is the wide range of international films available for viewers to choose from, depending on their interests. Currently, many well-known film companies, such as Disney and HLW, operate in developed countries like America and Australia. In these countries, the entertainment industry receives significant investment from various sources, enabling the production of high-quality films, including anime, web dramas, and fairy tales that cater to children and adolescents. Additionally, popular culture from countries like Japan and Korea greatly influences viewers. Due to traditional culture, the content of films from these regions is designed to meet viewers’ demands. For example, many young viewers tend to seek out Korean web dramas or Japanese anime rather than programs produced by local film studios.

To address this issue, I strongly believe that increased financial support could enhance domestic entertainment film industries. First, more potential employees are attracted to local film sectors. The greater the financial backing local film industries receive, the higher the wages for employees in these companies. This support may motivate them to contribute innovative ideas to create more high-quality films without feelings of brain drain. Furthermore, film production companies can acquire more advanced equipment for filmmaking through such investments.

In conclusion, I contend that enhanced financial support for local entertainment industries is vital for governments, as it is closely linked to a country’s economic development and the creation of a more influential and united society.