Many people say that we have developed into a throw-away culture because we are filling up our environment with so many plastic bags and rubbish that we cannot fully dispose of. To what extent do you agree with this opinion and what measures can you recommend reducing this problem?
Many people say that we have developed into a throw-away culture because we are filling up our environment with so many plastic bags and rubbish that we cannot fully dispose of. To what extent do you agree with this opinion and what measures can you recommend reducing this problem?
Nowadays, more and more people use plastic bag or somethings that we can not dispose of and discharged it into the environment. So throw – away culture is developed in many people. In my opinion, I agree with this and I believe that is has some measures to solve this problem.
Plastic bags are like sneaky ninjas! They float through the air, get caught in trees, and even trick fish in the ocean into thinking they’re food. Yummy, but no! This makes animals confused and sometimes really sick. It’s important to care for our furry and finned friends, too!
Also, having fun cleaning up our parks or beaches with friends and family can be like a treasure hunt! We can find hidden treasures (like lost toys!) and clean up at the same time. Donating things we don’t use anymore can also help. Someone else might think it’s a treasure too!
By making little changes, we can stop our planet from being filled with rubbish and make it a happier place for everyone! Let’s be Earth’s best buddies and keep our home clean and shiny!
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"Nowadays" -> "Currently"
Explanation: "Currently" is a more formal and precise temporal indicator suitable for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Nowadays." -
"use plastic bag or somethings that we can not dispose of and discharged it into the environment" -> "utilize plastic bags or items that cannot be disposed of and discharge them into the environment"
Explanation: "Utilize" and "items" are more formal and precise than "use" and "somethings." Additionally, "cannot be disposed of" is grammatically correct and clearer than "can not dispose of." "Discharge" is the correct verb form for the context. -
"throw – away culture" -> "throwaway culture"
Explanation: "Throwaway culture" is a commonly recognized term in academic and environmental contexts, and using it as a compound noun is more formal and precise. -
"I believe that is has some measures to solve this problem" -> "I believe that there are measures to address this issue"
Explanation: "There are measures to address this issue" corrects the grammatical error and uses more formal language suitable for academic writing. -
"Plastic bags are like sneaky ninjas!" -> "Plastic bags are stealthy"
Explanation: The exclamation mark and the metaphor "sneaky ninjas" are too informal and colloquial for academic writing. "Stealthy" is a more formal and precise adjective. -
"Yummy, but no!" -> "However"
Explanation: "Yummy, but no!" is too casual and conversational for academic writing. "However" is a more formal transitional phrase. -
"It’s important to care for our furry and finned friends, too!" -> "It is essential to consider the welfare of our furry and finned friends"
Explanation: "It is essential to consider the welfare" is more formal and precise than "It’s important to care for," and avoids the colloquial tone. -
"having fun cleaning up our parks or beaches with friends and family can be like a treasure hunt!" -> "engaging in park or beach cleanups with friends and family can be a rewarding experience"
Explanation: "Engaging in park or beach cleanups" is more formal and specific than "having fun cleaning up," and "a rewarding experience" is a more academic way to describe the activity. -
"We can find hidden treasures (like lost toys!)" -> "We may discover hidden treasures, such as lost items"
Explanation: "May discover" is more formal than "can find," and "such as lost items" is more precise and less casual than "like lost toys!" -
"By making little changes, we can stop our planet from being filled with rubbish and make it a happier place for everyone!" -> "By implementing small changes, we can prevent our planet from being overwhelmed with waste and create a more sustainable environment"
Explanation: "Implementing small changes" and "prevent our planet from being overwhelmed with waste" are more precise and formal than "making little changes" and "stop our planet from being filled with rubbish." "Create a more sustainable environment" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "make it a happier place for everyone!" -
"Let’s be Earth’s best buddies and keep our home clean and shiny!" -> "Let us strive to be Earth’s custodians and maintain a clean and sustainable environment"
Explanation: "Let us strive to be Earth’s custodians" and "maintain a clean and sustainable environment" are more formal and appropriate for academic writing, replacing the colloquial "Let’s be Earth’s best buddies" and "keep our home clean and shiny!"
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by acknowledging the existence of a throw-away culture and expressing agreement with the opinion stated. However, it fails to fully explore the extent of this agreement or provide a nuanced perspective on the issue. The second part of the prompt asks for measures to reduce the problem, which is only superficially addressed through vague suggestions like cleaning up parks and donating unused items. The lack of depth in discussing the problem and potential solutions limits the effectiveness of the response.
- How to improve: To enhance this aspect, the writer should clearly articulate their stance on the extent of their agreement with the statement. Additionally, they should provide specific, well-developed measures that can be taken to combat the issue of plastic waste, such as implementing recycling programs, promoting the use of biodegradable materials, or encouraging government regulations on plastic production.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a general agreement with the notion of a throw-away culture, but the position lacks clarity and consistency. The introduction suggests agreement, but the subsequent paragraphs do not reinforce this stance effectively. The use of informal language and metaphors, such as comparing plastic bags to "sneaky ninjas," detracts from the seriousness of the topic and can confuse the reader about the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear and consistent position, the writer should avoid overly casual language and metaphors that may undermine the argument. Instead, they should use formal language and clearly state their opinion in both the introduction and conclusion, ensuring that each paragraph supports this central argument.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The ideas presented in the essay are simplistic and lack depth. While the writer attempts to use engaging language, the examples provided (e.g., cleaning parks as a treasure hunt) do not effectively support the argument regarding the seriousness of plastic pollution. The essay does not extend these ideas or provide substantial evidence or reasoning to back them up, which weakens the overall argument.
- How to improve: To improve this aspect, the writer should focus on presenting more substantial ideas related to the topic. This could include statistics on plastic waste, real-world examples of successful waste reduction initiatives, or a discussion of the environmental impacts of plastic pollution. Each idea should be clearly linked to the main argument and elaborated upon to provide a more robust discussion.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay deviates from the main topic by introducing overly casual and irrelevant anecdotes, such as the metaphor of plastic bags as "sneaky ninjas." This approach distracts from the serious nature of the issue and does not contribute to a coherent argument about the throw-away culture or the measures to combat it.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, the writer should avoid using informal language and ensure that all content directly relates to the prompt. Each paragraph should clearly connect back to the main question, discussing the implications of a throw-away culture and practical solutions in a serious and coherent manner.
In summary, to achieve a higher band score, the writer should aim for a more structured and formal approach, providing clear arguments supported by relevant examples and maintaining a consistent stance throughout the essay.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 5
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas in a somewhat logical manner but lacks a clear progression. The introduction states the problem and the author’s opinion, but the transition to the body paragraphs is abrupt. The first body paragraph discusses the impact of plastic bags on animals, while the second introduces community cleanup efforts. This shift feels disjointed, as there is no clear connection between the two points. The concluding remarks attempt to summarize the ideas but do not effectively tie them back to the initial argument about the throw-away culture.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, the writer should create a clear outline before writing. Each paragraph should begin with a topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis statement. For instance, the first body paragraph could focus on the environmental impact of plastic bags, followed by a paragraph on potential solutions, such as community initiatives and individual responsibility. Using linking phrases like "Furthermore" or "In addition" can help guide the reader through the argument.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay does use paragraphs, but they are not effectively structured. The first paragraph is overly informal and lacks depth, while the second paragraph introduces new ideas without a clear connection to the previous one. Additionally, the conclusion does not adequately summarize the main points or reinforce the thesis, leading to a weak closure.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should have a clear focus and structure. The writer should ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by relevant examples. For example, the first paragraph could be dedicated to discussing the negative effects of plastic bags on wildlife, while the second could explore community actions to combat littering. A concluding paragraph should summarize the main arguments and restate the thesis in light of the discussion.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices. Phrases like "also" and "but" are used, but there is a lack of variety and sophistication in the transitions between ideas. The informal tone and use of metaphors (e.g., "sneaky ninjas") detract from the seriousness of the topic and may confuse the reader about the main argument.
- How to improve: To improve cohesion, the writer should incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices, such as "however," "therefore," "for instance," and "in contrast." These devices can help clarify relationships between ideas and improve the overall flow of the essay. Additionally, maintaining a more formal tone will enhance the essay’s credibility and make the arguments more persuasive.
In summary, while the essay addresses the topic and presents some relevant ideas, it suffers from issues related to logical organization, paragraph structure, and the effective use of cohesive devices. By focusing on these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the coherence and cohesion of their writing, ultimately leading to a higher band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some creative expressions such as "sneaky ninjas" and "treasure hunt." However, the overall vocabulary is somewhat limited and lacks sophistication. For instance, phrases like "more and more people use plastic bag or somethings" indicate a need for greater variety and accuracy in word choice. The use of "somethings" is vague and informal, which detracts from the overall quality of the essay.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate more varied and precise terms related to environmental issues. For example, instead of "plastic bag or somethings," the writer could use "plastic bags and other non-biodegradable waste." Additionally, exploring synonyms for common words (e.g., "use" could be replaced with "utilize" or "employ") would enrich the language.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage, such as "discharged it into the environment," which could be more accurately expressed as "disposed of improperly." The phrase "throw-away culture is developed" is also awkward; a more precise formulation would be "the throw-away culture has developed." Such inaccuracies can lead to confusion and weaken the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys the intended meaning. This can be achieved by revising sentences to ensure clarity. For example, instead of saying "it’s important to care for our furry and finned friends," the writer could specify "it is crucial to protect wildlife affected by plastic pollution." Engaging with more formal and contextually appropriate language will improve precision.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "bag" (should be pluralized as "bags") and "is has" (which should be "there are"). These errors can distract the reader and undermine the credibility of the writing. The phrase "throw – away" includes an unnecessary space and hyphenation, which is a typographical error.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread the essay carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the text aloud can help identify mistakes. Additionally, practicing spelling common words and phrases related to the topic will build confidence and reduce errors in future essays.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates some creative use of language, it requires improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on these areas will enhance the overall quality of the writing and strengthen the argument presented.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking the complexity that would showcase a wider grammatical range. For instance, the sentence "Plastic bags are like sneaky ninjas!" is a simple declarative sentence, while "They float through the air, get caught in trees, and even trick fish in the ocean into thinking they’re food." is a compound sentence. However, the use of similes and metaphors, while creative, does not contribute to grammatical range in the context of IELTS. The essay also lacks complex sentences that would typically include subordinate clauses, which are essential for demonstrating a higher level of grammatical proficiency.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating more complex sentences. This can be achieved by using subordinating conjunctions (e.g., although, because, since) to connect ideas. For example, instead of saying, "Plastic bags are like sneaky ninjas," the writer could say, "Although plastic bags may seem harmless, they pose a significant threat to wildlife." This not only adds complexity but also improves the overall coherence of the argument.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity and professionalism. For instance, the phrase "use plastic bag or somethings" should be corrected to "use plastic bags or items." Additionally, the phrase "and discharged it into the environment" is awkwardly constructed; a more appropriate form would be "and discharge them into the environment." The use of punctuation is also inconsistent, particularly with commas. For example, in the sentence "So throw – away culture is developed in many people," the dash is incorrectly used and should be replaced with a hyphen or removed entirely for clarity.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and pluralization. Regular practice with grammar exercises can help reinforce these concepts. Additionally, proofreading for punctuation errors is crucial; using tools like Grammarly or reading the essay aloud can help identify awkward phrases and punctuation mistakes. Furthermore, the writer should aim to avoid informal language and expressions that may not be appropriate for an academic context, such as "sneaky ninjas" and "let’s be Earth’s best buddies."
In summary, while the essay presents some creative ideas, it falls short in terms of grammatical range and accuracy. By diversifying sentence structures and improving grammatical and punctuation accuracy, the writer can work towards achieving a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.
Bài sửa mẫu
Nowadays, more and more people utilize plastic bags or items that cannot be disposed of and discharge them into the environment. Thus, a throwaway culture has developed among many people. In my opinion, I agree with this, and I believe that there are measures to address this issue.
Plastic bags are stealthy! They float through the air, get caught in trees, and even trick fish in the ocean into thinking they’re food. Yummy, but no! This confuses animals and sometimes makes them really sick. It is essential to consider the welfare of our furry and finned friends, too!
Additionally, having fun cleaning up our parks or beaches with friends and family can be like a treasure hunt! We may discover hidden treasures, such as lost items, while cleaning up at the same time. Donating things we don’t use anymore can also help. Someone else might think it’s a treasure too!
By implementing small changes, we can prevent our planet from being overwhelmed with waste and create a more sustainable environment. Let us strive to be Earth’s custodians and maintain a clean and sustainable environment!