Many people say the gap between rich and poor people is wider, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause and what measures can be done to address those problems?

It is true that the gap between wealthy people and those who are under the poverty line is widening, and the disparities between different socioeconomic groups become more pronounced. Several problems have resulted from this tendency and they should be tackled by a number of effective solutions from the governments.
There are many problems resulting from the increasing economic gap. The first issue is the rising crime rates. Specifically, if people suffer from severe poverty, they are more likely to resort to illegal activities such as shoplifting or burglary to generate income to financially support their family members. Another potential problem is the growing economic pressure on the country’s budgets. This is due to more impoverished individuals relying on welfare benefits. Consequently, this would result in a shortage of funding for other vital social sectors such as healthcare, education or environmental protection.
Nevertheless, various measures can be adopted to narrow the gap between rich and poor people. One effective solution would be for the governmental bodies to subsidize tuition fees for children from low-income households. By ensuring equal access to education, children would be equipped with necessary numeracy and literacy skills, increasing their career prospects and future earning potential, thereby decreasing the number of people committing crime. Coupled with this, the authorities should introduce progressive tax systems where higher-income individuals pay a larger percentage of their earnings, thereby redistributing wealth more equitably and providing additional funding for social welfare programs effectively.
In conclusion, high levels of wealth inequality could lead to increased crime rates and greater economic strain on state’s coffers. Fortunately, implementing progressive taxation and providing free education for impoverished individuals can help reduce the wealth gap. In my opinion, once more resolute actions are taken, the society will become more equitable and people will no longer suffer from severe poverty.

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Errors and Improvements:

"the gap between wealthy people and those who are under the poverty line" -> "the disparity between affluent individuals and those below the poverty line"
Explanation: "Gap" is rather informal in academic writing. "Disparity" is a more formal term that conveys the same meaning. "Wealthy people" can be replaced with "affluent individuals" for a more precise and sophisticated expression.
"they should be tackled by a number of effective solutions from the governments" -> "they necessitate effective governmental interventions"
Explanation: The phrase "a number of" is somewhat vague and informal. "Governments" can be replaced with "governmental interventions" for specificity and formality.
"if people suffer from severe poverty" -> "in cases of severe poverty"
Explanation: "If people" can be replaced with "in cases of" to provide a more academic tone. "Suffer from" is somewhat informal; "experience" could be a more formal alternative.
"illegal activities such as shoplifting or burglary" -> "criminal activities such as theft or burglary"
Explanation: "Illegal activities" is a bit broad and informal. "Criminal activities" is more precise and formal. "Shoplifting" can be replaced with "theft" for a more formal tone.
"to financially support their family members" -> "to provide financial support to their families"
Explanation: While not incorrect, this change offers a more formal and structured phrasing.
"Another potential problem is the growing economic pressure on the country’s budgets" -> "Another consequential issue is the increasing economic strain on national budgets"
Explanation: "Potential problem" is somewhat weak and informal. "Consequential issue" conveys a stronger sense of importance. "Growing economic pressure" can be replaced with "increasing economic strain" for a more precise expression.
"welfare benefits" -> "social welfare programs"
Explanation: "Welfare benefits" is a bit colloquial. "Social welfare programs" is a more formal and encompassing term.
"Nevertheless, various measures can be adopted" -> "However, diverse measures can be implemented"
Explanation: "Nevertheless" is slightly informal. "Various measures can be adopted" could be replaced with "diverse measures can be implemented" for a more formal tone.
"subsidize tuition fees" -> "provide subsidies for tuition"
Explanation: "Subsidize" is perfectly fine, but "provide subsidies for tuition" offers a more formal phrasing.
"children would be equipped with necessary numeracy and literacy skills" -> "children would acquire essential numeracy and literacy skills"
Explanation: This change maintains clarity while utilizing a more formal and precise verb ("acquire") instead of "equipped with."
"Coupled with this" -> "In conjunction with this"
Explanation: "Coupled with this" is a bit informal. "In conjunction with this" is a more formal and structured transition.
"the authorities should introduce progressive tax systems" -> "governmental bodies should implement progressive taxation systems"
Explanation: "The authorities" is slightly informal. "Governmental bodies" is a more formal term. "Introduce" can be replaced with "implement" for a stronger and more formal expression.
"where higher-income individuals pay a larger percentage of their earnings" -> "in which higher-income individuals contribute a greater proportion of their income"
Explanation: This change offers a more formal and precise phrasing.
"wealth more equitably" -> "wealth in a more equitable manner"
Explanation: This change offers a more formal and structured expression.
"state’s coffers" -> "state finances"
Explanation: "Coffers" is somewhat informal. "State finances" is a more formal term.
"once more resolute actions are taken" -> "once more decisive actions are implemented"
Explanation: "Resolute" is a bit informal. "Decisive" offers a more formal and precise alternative.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses all parts of the question by identifying the problems caused by the widening gap between the rich and poor and suggesting measures to mitigate these issues. It discusses the rise in crime rates and economic strain on government budgets due to poverty, and proposes solutions such as subsidizing education and implementing progressive taxation.
- How to improve: While the essay covers the main points of the prompt, providing more specific examples or statistics could enhance the depth of analysis. Additionally, considering potential counterarguments and addressing them could strengthen the argument further.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, advocating for the implementation of measures to reduce wealth inequality. It consistently supports this stance by discussing the problems associated with the wealth gap and proposing solutions to address them.
- How to improve: To enhance clarity, ensure that each paragraph directly supports the central argument and avoids any ambiguity or conflicting statements. Providing a concise thesis statement in the introduction could also clarify the essay’s stance from the outset.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports ideas by discussing the problems resulting from wealth inequality in detail and offering specific solutions. It provides examples such as rising crime rates and economic strain and supports the proposed measures with logical reasoning.
- How to improve: To further extend ideas, consider exploring the long-term implications of the proposed solutions or discussing potential challenges in their implementation. Additionally, incorporating real-world case studies or expert opinions could add credibility to the argument.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic by addressing the problems caused by the wealth gap and suggesting relevant measures to address them. However, there are minor instances where the discussion could be more focused, particularly in elaborating on the connection between poverty and crime.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to the overall argument and avoids tangential discussions. Providing clear transitions between ideas can also help guide the reader and reinforce the essay’s coherence.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a clear and logical organization of ideas. It begins with an introduction that paraphrases the prompt and provides a clear thesis statement outlining the problems and solutions related to wealth inequality. Each subsequent paragraph addresses a specific problem resulting from the wealth gap, followed by proposed solutions. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed.
- How to improve: While the logical organization is generally strong, ensuring a smoother transition between paragraphs could further enhance coherence. Consider using transitional phrases to guide the reader through the flow of ideas more seamlessly.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay is adequately divided into paragraphs, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. Topic sentences introduce the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting details and examples.
- How to improve: To improve paragraphing, ensure that each paragraph maintains unity and coherence around a central theme. Additionally, varying sentence structure within paragraphs can enhance readability and engagement.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs a range of cohesive devices to connect ideas and enhance coherence. Examples include transitional phrases such as "Nevertheless," "Coupled with this," and "In conclusion." Additionally, pronouns and referencing words are used appropriately to maintain coherence within and between sentences.
- How to improve: While cohesive devices are used appropriately, incorporating a wider variety of transitional phrases and cohesive markers can further enhance coherence. Additionally, ensuring consistency in the use of pronouns and referencing words throughout the essay can strengthen cohesion.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing ideas, utilizing paragraphs appropriately, and employing cohesive devices to connect thoughts and maintain logical progression. To further improve, focus on refining transitional elements and maintaining consistency in cohesion throughout the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "disparities," "socioeconomic," "resort to," "numeracy," "progressive tax systems," and "equitably." These choices contribute to the overall coherence and richness of the essay.
- How to improve: To further enhance the richness of vocabulary, consider incorporating more varied synonyms and idiomatic expressions where appropriate. For instance, instead of repeatedly using "wealthy" or "poor," experiment with alternatives like "affluent" or "underprivileged" to add nuance and depth to your argument.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage is generally precise, with terms effectively conveying intended meanings. For example, the phrase "severe poverty" accurately captures the dire economic circumstances faced by some individuals. However, there are instances where more precise vocabulary could be employed. For instance, instead of the broad term "effective solutions," consider specifying particular strategies or interventions.
- How to improve: Continuously refine your vocabulary selection to ensure that each word precisely communicates your intended message. Utilize resources such as a thesaurus to explore synonyms that offer subtle distinctions in meaning, thereby enhancing the clarity and precision of your writing.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates generally accurate spelling throughout, with no significant errors observed. However, it’s crucial to remain vigilant in maintaining spelling accuracy, as even minor mistakes can detract from the overall professionalism and credibility of the writing.
- How to improve: Practice regular proofreading and utilize spelling checkers to catch any inadvertent errors. Additionally, familiarize yourself with commonly misspelled words to preemptively avoid potential pitfalls. Remember that meticulous attention to detail in spelling enhances the overall effectiveness of your communication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures. It utilizes complex sentences effectively, employing subordinate clauses and conjunctions to convey ideas clearly. For instance, "Several problems have resulted from this tendency and they should be tackled by a number of effective solutions from the governments" showcases a complex sentence structure with multiple clauses. Additionally, the essay includes compound sentences, such as "One effective solution would be for the governmental bodies to subsidize tuition fees for children from low-income households," which effectively connect related ideas.
- How to improve: While the essay showcases proficient use of sentence structures, further diversification could enhance the overall sophistication of the writing. Incorporating more complex compound-complex sentences or varying the placement of dependent clauses within sentences could elevate the essay’s grammatical range. For instance, introducing sentences with introductory phrases or clauses could add variety and depth to the writing.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay demonstrates strong grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. The sentences are well-constructed, and the use of punctuation is generally correct. For example, "By ensuring equal access to education, children would be equipped with necessary numeracy and literacy skills, increasing their career prospects and future earning potential, thereby decreasing the number of people committing crime" maintains proper punctuation and grammatical structure throughout.
- How to improve: While the essay’s grammar and punctuation are generally accurate, attention to minor errors could further polish the writing. For instance, ensuring consistency in punctuation usage, such as maintaining a consistent style for listing items (e.g., using serial commas consistently), can enhance clarity and coherence. Additionally, revising for subject-verb agreement and tense consistency can help refine the essay’s grammatical accuracy further.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is undeniable that the gap between affluent individuals and those below the poverty line is widening, leading to more pronounced disparities between socioeconomic groups. This trend poses several significant problems that must be addressed through effective measures by governments.

One major issue stemming from the widening economic gap is the increase in crime rates. Particularly, individuals facing severe poverty are more inclined to resort to illegal activities like shoplifting or burglary to sustain their families financially. Additionally, there is a growing economic strain on government budgets due to a higher number of impoverished individuals relying on welfare benefits. Consequently, this could lead to a shortage of funding for crucial social sectors such as healthcare, education, and environmental protection.

However, there are various measures that can be implemented to narrow this gap. One effective solution is for governmental bodies to subsidize tuition fees for children from low-income households. By ensuring equal access to education, children can acquire necessary numeracy and literacy skills, thereby enhancing their career prospects and future earning potential, ultimately reducing the likelihood of engaging in criminal activities. Moreover, authorities should consider implementing progressive tax systems where higher-income individuals contribute a larger percentage of their earnings, thus redistributing wealth more equitably and providing additional funding for social welfare programs.

In conclusion, the widening wealth inequality poses risks such as increased crime rates and economic strain on state budgets. Fortunately, measures like progressive taxation and free education for impoverished individuals can help mitigate this gap. It is my belief that with more decisive actions, society can become more equitable, and individuals will no longer endure severe poverty.