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Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people think modern communication technology is having some negative effects on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that social relationships are destroyed negatively by the number of electronic devices for conversation in the era of modern technology. I completely disagree with this viewpoint because modern communication technology can damage the geographical distances between people and others, and strengthen interpersonal communication without the obstacle of time and place.

The main reason why cutting-edge electronic devices bring some positive effects to connection with each other, is that there is no barrier of geographical distances in communication. To be more specific, social networks allow users to access and connect through merely a screen, which makes it easy to begin the conversation in social media, such as Facebook and Telegram. Consequently, people who live far from each other up to a thousand of kilometers or just adjoining, also can interact by electronic means of communication. For example, students participate easily in online classrooms via Zoom in the period of Covid-19 pandemic.

Another important point is interacting without ever meeting each other. This means that people generally keep in touch face-to-face by planning the time and place for communication; however, it can be distracted and delayed occasionally if duration or address are not suitable. Lovers, for instance, tend to not encounter their enemy at 12 a.m since it may be really late and dangerous if they go out at that time. Therefore, using smart devices can build and develop relationship goals, which does not rely on time and place.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that technology influences social relationships beneficially due to the break of geographical distances and the improvement of relationships not being based on duration and place.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Some people argue" -> "Some individuals contend"
    Explanation: "Contend" is a more formal and precise term than "argue," which is often associated with informal or colloquial language in academic writing.

  2. "destroyed negatively" -> "adversely affected"
    Explanation: "Adversely affected" is a more precise and formal way to describe the negative impact, avoiding the awkward and unclear "destroyed negatively."

  3. "the number of electronic devices for conversation" -> "the proliferation of electronic devices for communication"
    Explanation: "Proliferation" is a more precise term that accurately describes the widespread use of electronic devices, and "communication" is a more specific term than "conversation."

  4. "I completely disagree" -> "I strongly disagree"
    Explanation: "Strongly disagree" is a more formal expression suitable for academic writing, whereas "completely" can sound overly emphatic and informal.

  5. "can damage the geographical distances between people and others" -> "can bridge geographical distances between individuals"
    Explanation: "Bridge" is a more accurate term than "damage" in this context, as it correctly describes the reduction of distance facilitated by technology.

  6. "strengthen interpersonal communication without the obstacle of time and place" -> "enhance interpersonal communication without the constraints of time and space"
    Explanation: "Enhance" is a more precise verb than "strengthen" in this context, and "constraints" is a more formal term than "obstacle," and "space" is more appropriate than "place" in this context.

  7. "cutting-edge electronic devices" -> "advanced electronic devices"
    Explanation: "Advanced" is a more neutral and academically appropriate term than "cutting-edge," which can imply a sense of novelty or superiority that may not be universally applicable.

  8. "bring some positive effects" -> "yield several benefits"
    Explanation: "Yield several benefits" is a more formal and precise way to describe the positive outcomes, avoiding the vague "some positive effects."

  9. "there is no barrier of geographical distances" -> "there are no geographical barriers"
    Explanation: "There are no geographical barriers" is grammatically correct and more formal, avoiding the awkward construction "barrier of geographical distances."

  10. "up to a thousand of kilometers" -> "up to a thousand kilometers"
    Explanation: "Up to a thousand kilometers" is grammatically correct and more concise.

  11. "also can interact by electronic means of communication" -> "also interact through electronic means of communication"
    Explanation: "Interact through" is a more natural and precise phrase than "interact by," which is less commonly used in formal writing.

  12. "keep in touch face-to-face" -> "maintain face-to-face contact"
    Explanation: "Maintain face-to-face contact" is a more formal and precise expression than "keep in touch face-to-face."

  13. "enemy" -> "opponent"
    Explanation: "Opponent" is the correct term in this context, referring to someone with whom one is in competition or disagreement, whereas "enemy" typically implies a more hostile or adversarial relationship.

  14. "really late and dangerous" -> "late and potentially dangerous"
    Explanation: "Potentially dangerous" is a more formal and academically appropriate way to express the possibility of danger, avoiding the colloquial "really."

  15. "using smart devices can build and develop relationship goals" -> "the use of smart devices can foster and strengthen relationship goals"
    Explanation: "Foster and strengthen" are more precise and formal verbs than "build and develop," and "the use of" is grammatically correct in this context.

These changes enhance the formal tone and precision of the essay, aligning it more closely with academic writing standards.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear disagreement with the notion that modern communication technology negatively impacts social relationships. The author identifies two main points: the elimination of geographical barriers and the facilitation of communication without the constraints of time and place. These points are relevant and directly respond to the question. However, the essay could benefit from acknowledging the opposing viewpoint more explicitly to demonstrate a more balanced understanding of the topic.
    • How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer could briefly mention some potential negative effects of modern communication technology before refuting them. This would provide a more nuanced argument and show a comprehensive engagement with the topic.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, consistently arguing in favor of the benefits of modern communication technology. Phrases such as "I completely disagree with this viewpoint" and "I strongly believe that technology influences social relationships beneficially" reinforce the author’s stance. However, the position could be made even clearer by summarizing the main argument in the conclusion more explicitly.
    • How to improve: To strengthen the clarity of the position, the writer could restate their main argument in the conclusion with a more definitive statement that encapsulates their viewpoint. This would reinforce their stance and leave a lasting impression on the reader.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas clearly, with each paragraph focusing on a specific point. The use of examples, such as online classrooms during the Covid-19 pandemic, effectively supports the arguments. However, the development of ideas could be more thorough; for instance, the second point about communication without meeting could benefit from additional examples or elaboration to deepen the analysis.
    • How to improve: To improve the development of ideas, the writer should aim to provide more detailed examples or explanations for each point. Including statistics, studies, or additional real-life scenarios could enhance the persuasiveness of the arguments and provide a richer context for the reader.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay remains largely focused on the topic, discussing the positive aspects of modern communication technology in relation to social relationships. There are minor deviations, such as the mention of "lovers" and "enemies," which could be seen as slightly tangential to the main argument about technology’s role. Nevertheless, these points are still relevant to the discussion of communication.
    • How to improve: To maintain tighter focus on the topic, the writer should ensure that all examples and anecdotes directly support the main argument. Avoiding overly specific or personal examples that may distract from the broader discussion of technology’s impact on social relationships would help keep the essay on track.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates strong performance in addressing the task, presenting a clear position, and supporting ideas, there are opportunities for improvement in acknowledging opposing views, elaborating on points, and maintaining focus. By implementing these suggestions, the writer could enhance the overall effectiveness of their argument and potentially achieve a higher band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 8

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against the notion that modern communication technology negatively impacts social relationships. The introduction effectively sets up the thesis, and the body paragraphs each focus on a specific point that supports this thesis. For example, the first body paragraph discusses the elimination of geographical barriers, while the second addresses the flexibility of communication. This logical organization aids the reader in following the argument. However, the transition between the two body paragraphs could be smoother, as the connection between the two points could be more explicitly stated.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the ideas between paragraphs. For instance, at the end of the first body paragraph, a sentence like "In addition to overcoming geographical distances, modern technology also allows for more flexible communication methods" could create a clearer connection to the next point.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay is structured into clear paragraphs, each addressing a distinct aspect of the argument. The introduction, two body paragraphs, and conclusion are well-defined, which contributes to the overall coherence of the essay. However, the second body paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of the paragraph more effectively.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the topic sentences in each paragraph to ensure they encapsulate the main idea. For example, the second body paragraph could start with a sentence like "Moreover, modern communication technology facilitates interactions without the need for physical meetings, which can enhance relationship dynamics." This would provide a clearer focus for the reader from the outset.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, such as "for example," "consequently," and "therefore," which help to connect ideas and guide the reader through the argument. These devices are used effectively to illustrate points and provide examples. However, the range of cohesive devices could be expanded to include more varied linking phrases and connectors to enhance the flow further.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," or "on the other hand" to introduce new ideas or counterarguments. For instance, when transitioning from discussing geographical barriers to the flexibility of communication, using "Additionally" or "Furthermore" could strengthen the connection between the two ideas.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of coherence and cohesion, effectively organizing information and using paragraphs and cohesive devices to support the argument. By focusing on improving transitions, topic sentences, and the variety of cohesive devices, the essay could achieve an even higher level of clarity and coherence.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "electronic devices," "interpersonal communication," and "social networks." However, the use of vocabulary is somewhat repetitive and lacks variety. For instance, the phrase "communication technology" appears multiple times without synonyms or paraphrasing, which could enhance the lexical diversity. Additionally, the phrase "cutting-edge electronic devices" is a strong choice, but similar phrases could be used to describe technology throughout the essay.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or related terms. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "communication technology," you could use "digital communication tools," "modern communication platforms," or "technological means of interaction." This will not only diversify the vocabulary but also demonstrate a broader lexical resource.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "destroyed negatively" is awkward and unclear; "destroyed" and "negatively" do not work well together in this context. Additionally, the term "relationship goals" is somewhat vague and could be interpreted in various ways, which detracts from clarity.
    • How to improve: Aim for more precise vocabulary choices. Instead of "destroyed negatively," consider using "adversely affected" or "harmed." For "relationship goals," it might be clearer to specify what kind of relationships are being referred to, such as "romantic relationships" or "friendships." This will improve clarity and ensure that the intended meaning is conveyed effectively.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay shows a good level of spelling accuracy overall, with no major spelling errors that impede understanding. However, the phrase "adjoining" is used incorrectly in context; it should refer to proximity rather than being used as a verb or noun in this instance.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, it is beneficial to proofread the essay carefully. Additionally, using tools like spell checkers or grammar checkers can help identify potential errors. Practicing spelling of commonly used academic vocabulary can also be beneficial. Furthermore, ensure that the context of the words used aligns with their meanings to avoid misuse.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents arguments clearly, improving the range and precision of vocabulary, along with maintaining spelling accuracy, will help elevate the Lexical Resource score in future essays.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures, including simple, compound, and complex sentences. For instance, the sentence "To be more specific, social networks allow users to access and connect through merely a screen" effectively combines a complex structure with a clear main clause. However, there are instances where the sentence structures could be more varied. For example, the phrase "which makes it easy to begin the conversation in social media" could be rephrased to enhance complexity and engagement.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider using more varied introductory phrases, such as "In addition," "Furthermore," or "Moreover," to link ideas. Incorporating more complex sentences that include subordinate clauses can also enhance the richness of the writing. For example, instead of saying "This means that people generally keep in touch face-to-face," you could say, "This implies that while people often prefer face-to-face interactions, modern technology offers a viable alternative that can circumvent the limitations of time and location."
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains good grammatical accuracy, but there are several areas where punctuation and grammatical structures could be improved. For instance, the phrase "the number of electronic devices for conversation in the era of modern technology" is somewhat awkward and could be simplified for clarity. Additionally, the use of commas is inconsistent; for example, in the sentence "Another important point is interacting without ever meeting each other," a comma could enhance readability by separating the introductory clause from the main clause.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining punctuation usage, particularly with commas and conjunctions. Ensure that commas are used to separate clauses effectively, such as before conjunctions in compound sentences. Additionally, review the use of articles and prepositions; for instance, "the geographical distances" should be "geographical distances" to avoid unnecessary specificity. Practicing sentence diagramming can help identify areas where grammatical structures can be tightened or clarified.

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially elevating the overall band score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Some individuals contend that social relationships are adversely affected by the proliferation of electronic devices for communication in the era of modern technology. I strongly disagree with this viewpoint because modern communication technology can bridge geographical distances between individuals and enhance interpersonal communication without the constraints of time and space.

The main reason why advanced electronic devices yield several benefits for connection is that there are no geographical barriers in communication. To be more specific, social networks allow users to connect through merely a screen, which makes it easy to initiate conversations on platforms such as Facebook and Telegram. Consequently, people who live far from each other—up to a thousand kilometers away or even just next door—can also interact through electronic means of communication. For example, students can easily participate in online classrooms via Zoom during the Covid-19 pandemic.

Another important point is that individuals can interact without ever meeting in person. This means that people typically keep in touch face-to-face by planning the time and place for communication; however, this can sometimes be distracting and delayed if the timing or location is not suitable. For instance, lovers may prefer not to meet at midnight since it may be late and potentially dangerous to go out at that time. Therefore, the use of smart devices can foster and strengthen relationship goals, which do not rely on time and place.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that technology influences social relationships positively due to the elimination of geographical distances and the enhancement of relationships that are not constrained by time and location.

Bài viết liên quan

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more…

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