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Many people today, especially in the developed world, are choosing to have one child or none at all. Why is this happening, and do you think it is a good trend or the opposite?

Many people today, especially in the developed world, are choosing to have one child or none at all. Why is this happening, and do you think it is a good trend or the opposite?

Having one child or none at all is a currently common choice for many people, especially in the developed world. There are a number of reasons behind this trend, I would argue that there are far more drawbacks.

The fact that individuals today tend to decide to have one child or none at all stems from several factors. Firstly, people are more likely to focus on building their careers. This is because individuals want to earn much money for a better life, so they have to suffer from stress and competition in the marketplace. As a result, having children is unnecessary and can affect their career prospects. Secondly, the cost of bringing up children has risen such as school fees, healthcare, and school supplies. Therefore, parents cannot afford to pay this money and get into debt if they choose to produce children.

I contend that this new tendency brings bad things. The main disadvantage is that there is a lack of support in old age without children or having one. A common solution here is that instead of having expenditures on raising them, individuals can use such money as life savings without the aid of their children. However, children are the glue that holds family together, and people can encounter difficulties that children need to solve. Therefore, children are still irreplaceable bonds in the family.

In conclusion, career and the cost of raising children are to blame for having one child or none at all for many people these days in many countries, and I consider it to be a negative advantage overall.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "Having one child or none at all" -> "Having one child or not having children"
    Explanation: The phrase "not having children" is more precise and formal than "none at all," which can be seen as overly casual and vague in an academic context.

  2. "a currently common choice" -> "a prevalent choice"
    Explanation: "Prevalent" is a more formal and precise term than "currently common," which sounds colloquial.

  3. "I would argue that there are far more drawbacks" -> "I contend that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits"
    Explanation: "I contend" is a stronger, more academic expression than "I would argue," and specifying "the drawbacks outweigh the benefits" provides a clearer comparison.

  4. "people are more likely to focus on building their careers" -> "individuals prioritize career advancement"
    Explanation: "Prioritize career advancement" is a more formal and concise way to express the idea of focusing on careers.

  5. "want to earn much money for a better life" -> "seek to earn substantial income for a better quality of life"
    Explanation: "Seek to earn substantial income for a better quality of life" is more formal and precise, avoiding the colloquial "much money" and "better life."

  6. "suffer from stress and competition in the marketplace" -> "face stress and competition in the job market"
    Explanation: "Face" is a more formal verb than "suffer," and "job market" is a more specific term than "marketplace."

  7. "having children is unnecessary" -> "having children is not necessary"
    Explanation: "Not necessary" is a more formal and academically appropriate phrase than "unnecessary."

  8. "the cost of bringing up children has risen such as school fees, healthcare, and school supplies" -> "the costs associated with raising children, including school fees, healthcare, and educational supplies, have increased"
    Explanation: "The costs associated with raising children" is more precise and formal, and "increased" is a more formal term than "risen."

  9. "cannot afford to pay this money" -> "are unable to afford these expenses"
    Explanation: "Are unable to afford these expenses" is more formal and specific than "cannot afford to pay this money."

  10. "new tendency" -> "new trend"
    Explanation: "Trend" is the correct term for a prevailing direction or movement in a particular area, whereas "tendency" implies a leaning or inclination.

  11. "bad things" -> "negative consequences"
    Explanation: "Negative consequences" is a more formal and precise term than "bad things."

  12. "lack of support in old age" -> "lack of support in old age"
    Explanation: This phrase is grammatically correct and avoids redundancy by removing the unnecessary "of."

  13. "instead of having expenditures on raising them" -> "instead of incurring expenses related to their upbringing"
    Explanation: "Incurring expenses related to their upbringing" is more formal and precise than "having expenditures on raising them."

  14. "negative advantage" -> "negative aspect"
    Explanation: "Negative aspect" is the correct term, as "advantage" typically implies a positive benefit, which is contradictory in this context.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both parts of the prompt: it discusses the reasons for the trend of having one child or none and presents an opinion on whether this trend is good or bad. The reasons provided, such as career focus and financial constraints, are relevant and clearly articulated. However, the explanation could benefit from more depth, particularly in exploring the implications of these reasons on society as a whole.
    • How to improve: To comprehensively address all elements of the question, the essay could include additional reasons for this trend, such as societal changes or environmental concerns. Furthermore, providing a more balanced view by acknowledging potential benefits of having fewer children could enhance the argument.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position that having one child or none is a negative trend. This stance is consistent throughout the essay, particularly in the conclusion. However, the phrase "negative advantage" in the conclusion is somewhat contradictory and may confuse readers regarding the author’s true stance.
    • How to improve: To maintain clarity, the author should avoid contradictory phrases and ensure that the conclusion succinctly reflects the main argument. Using clear and definitive language will help reinforce the position taken.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas, such as career focus and financial burdens, but these points are not fully developed. For instance, while the essay mentions the financial aspect, it lacks specific examples or statistics that could strengthen the argument. Additionally, the idea of children being "irreplaceable bonds" is introduced but not elaborated upon.
    • How to improve: To effectively present and support ideas, the author should include specific examples, anecdotes, or data that illustrate the points made. Expanding on the implications of having fewer children on family structures and societal dynamics would also provide a more robust argument.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons for the trend and the author’s viewpoint. However, there are moments where the discussion could be more focused. For instance, the mention of "life savings" could be more clearly linked to the overall argument about the drawbacks of having fewer children.
    • How to improve: To maintain focus, the author should ensure that each point made directly supports the central argument. It may be helpful to outline the essay before writing to ensure that all points are relevant and contribute to the overall thesis.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the task and presents a clear argument, there are areas for improvement in depth, clarity, and support of ideas.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing reasons for the trend, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For example, the transition from discussing the reasons for having fewer children to the disadvantages lacks a smooth connection. The argument jumps from one point to another without sufficient linking phrases or sentences that guide the reader through the thought process.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using clearer topic sentences that outline the main idea of each paragraph. Additionally, employing transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help create a more cohesive flow between paragraphs and ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs effectively, with distinct sections for reasons and drawbacks. However, the second body paragraph could be better structured. The ideas within the paragraph are somewhat jumbled, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For instance, the mention of children being "the glue that holds family together" feels abrupt and could be better integrated into the overall argument.
    • How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that states the main point. Follow this with supporting sentences that elaborate on that point. Consider breaking down complex ideas into separate sentences or even separate paragraphs if they warrant more discussion.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs some cohesive devices, such as "Firstly," "Secondly," and "In conclusion," which help in guiding the reader. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and there are instances where the connections between ideas could be clearer. For example, the phrase "However, children are the glue that holds family together" lacks a preceding sentence that ties it back to the previous argument about the lack of support in old age.
    • How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases. For instance, use "Moreover," "On the other hand," or "In contrast" to introduce new ideas or counterarguments. Additionally, consider using pronouns or synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned concepts, which can help in maintaining cohesion throughout the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, enhancing the logical flow, paragraph structure, and variety of cohesive devices will contribute to a higher band score in Coherence and Cohesion.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms like "developed world," "career prospects," and "expenditures." However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly in phrases like "have one child or none at all," which appears multiple times without variation. This limits the lexical diversity expected at a higher band score.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, consider using synonyms or varied expressions. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "have one child or none," you could use "opt for a single child" or "choose childlessness." Incorporating more sophisticated terms related to family dynamics or economic factors could also elevate the essay’s lexical variety.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: While the essay generally conveys its message, there are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "children are the glue that holds family together" is a metaphor that may not resonate with all readers, and "negative advantage" is a contradictory term that could confuse the reader.
    • How to improve: Aim for clarity and precision in word choice. Instead of "negative advantage," consider using "disadvantage" or "drawback." Additionally, ensure that metaphors are appropriate and clear. It may be beneficial to explain such phrases or use more straightforward language to maintain clarity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay contains a few spelling errors, such as "suffer from stress and competition in the marketplace," where "suffer" is correctly spelled, but the overall phrasing could be clearer. The phrase "the cost of bringing up children has risen such as school fees" could be more accurately expressed as "the cost of raising children has increased, including expenses such as school fees."
    • How to improve: To improve spelling and overall accuracy, consider proofreading the essay for common spelling errors and awkward phrasing. Utilizing spell-check tools and reading the essay aloud can help identify areas that may require correction or rephrasing for clarity.

By addressing these areas, the essay can move towards a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on vocabulary range, precision, and spelling will contribute significantly to enhancing the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable variety of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences such as "The fact that individuals today tend to decide to have one child or none at all stems from several factors" showcases an ability to construct more intricate ideas. However, the essay relies heavily on simple and compound sentences, which can limit the overall complexity. Phrases like "this new tendency brings bad things" and "children are still irreplaceable bonds in the family" could be expressed with more sophisticated structures to enhance clarity and depth.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex and compound-complex sentences. For example, instead of saying "the cost of bringing up children has risen such as school fees," you could say, "the rising costs associated with raising children, including school fees and healthcare, have made parenthood less appealing." Additionally, using varied introductory phrases and clauses can add complexity and interest to your writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally good command of grammar, but there are noticeable errors that detract from the overall clarity. For instance, the phrase "I would argue that there are far more drawbacks" is somewhat vague and could be more assertively stated. Additionally, the sentence "As a result, having children is unnecessary and can affect their career prospects" could be misinterpreted due to the ambiguous use of "their"—it is unclear whether it refers to individuals or children. Punctuation is mostly accurate, but there are instances where commas could enhance readability, such as before "especially in the developed world" in the opening sentence.
    • How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on clarity and specificity in your language. Ensure that pronouns clearly refer to their antecedents. Additionally, review punctuation rules, particularly regarding the use of commas in complex sentences. Practicing sentence combining exercises can help in creating clearer, more concise sentences. Consider revising sentences for clarity, such as changing "I consider it to be a negative advantage overall" to "I believe this trend ultimately has more disadvantages than advantages."

By addressing these areas, the essay can achieve a higher level of grammatical range and accuracy, potentially moving towards a Band 8 score.

Bài sửa mẫu

Having one child or none at all is a prevalent choice for many people, especially in the developed world. There are several reasons behind this trend; however, I contend that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits.

The decision to have one child or none stems from various factors. Firstly, individuals today tend to prioritize career advancement. This is largely because they seek to earn substantial income for a better quality of life, which often leads to facing stress and competition in the job market. As a result, many believe that having children is not necessary and that it could hinder their career prospects. Secondly, the costs associated with raising children, including school fees, healthcare, and educational supplies, have increased significantly. Consequently, many parents find themselves unable to afford these expenses and may even incur debt if they choose to have children.

I contend that this new trend brings about negative consequences. The main disadvantage is the lack of support in old age for those without children or with only one child. A common solution is that instead of incurring expenses related to their upbringing, individuals can allocate that money towards savings for their future. However, children often serve as the glue that holds families together, and people may encounter difficulties that only children can help resolve. Therefore, children remain irreplaceable bonds within the family structure.

In conclusion, the focus on career and the rising costs of raising children are significant factors contributing to the choice of having one child or none at all in many countries today. I consider this trend to be a negative aspect overall.

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