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Many people use social media every day to get in touch with other people and news events. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Many people use social media every day to get in touch with other people and news events. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Numerous individuals utilize social networking platforms on a daily basis to keep in contact with acquaintances and update themselves to current affairs. This essay will indicate the pros and cons of this phenomenon.

On the one hand, digital networking sites enable effortless communication with relatives. To illustrate, individuals are able to maintain contact with friends and family from different nations through platforms such as Facebook and Instagram. Furthermore, social media users are allowed to pass on news and stay informed about the time, opinions of residents and location where affairs are occurring.

On the other hand, using digital platforms has tremendous drawbacks that deserve consideration. First and foremost, these network sites can turn into an addiction. In fact, individuals addicted to social media spend excessive time surfing and neglecting other vital activities such as working, studying or outdoor activities. According to Google, until June, 2023 approximately 45% of users at the age group of 18 to 35 check their social networking sites immediately after waking up in the morning and before going to bed. Second, the anonymity of websites poses risks to users. For example, harmful strangers who aim to do harm to social media users may be mistaken for amiable peers due to unstringent regulations.

In conclusion, while there are numerous benefits to digital networking sites such as empowering individuals to stay in touch with relatives and pass on daily news, they can have a negative impact on users' experience owing to addiction and the anonymity of social websites.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Numerous individuals utilize social networking platforms" -> "Many individuals use social networking platforms"
    Explanation: Replacing "Numerous" with "Many" maintains a formal tone while being more concise and direct.

  2. "update themselves to current affairs" -> "stay informed about current affairs"
    Explanation: The phrase "update themselves to" is less formal; replacing it with "stay informed about" aligns better with academic style.

  3. "This essay will indicate the pros and cons of this phenomenon." -> "This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of this phenomenon."
    Explanation: The phrase "indicate the pros and cons" is less precise; using "examine the advantages and disadvantages" provides a more academic and specific description.

  4. "On the one hand, digital networking sites enable effortless communication with relatives." -> "On one hand, digital networking sites facilitate seamless communication with relatives."
    Explanation: The term "enable" is less formal; replacing it with "facilitate" maintains formality while enhancing the precision of the sentence.

  5. "individuals are able to maintain contact" -> "individuals can maintain contact"
    Explanation: "are able to" can be simplified to "can" without loss of meaning, making the sentence more direct and formal.

  6. "pass on news" -> "share news"
    Explanation: "pass on" is less formal; using "share" is a more common and suitable term in academic writing.

  7. "opinions of residents and location where affairs are occurring." -> "opinions of residents and the locations where events are unfolding."
    Explanation: Adding "the" before "location" and changing "affairs" to "events" enhances clarity and formality.

  8. "using digital platforms has tremendous drawbacks" -> "utilizing digital platforms has significant drawbacks"
    Explanation: "tremendous" is less formal; replacing it with "significant" maintains a formal tone while conveying the negative impact more precisely.

  9. "First and foremost, these network sites can turn into an addiction." -> "First and foremost, these networking sites can become addictive."
    Explanation: "network sites" can be simplified to "networking sites," and "turn into an addiction" can be expressed more concisely as "become addictive."

  10. "individuals addicted to social media spend excessive time surfing" -> "individuals with a social media addiction spend an excessive amount of time browsing"
    Explanation: Clarifying the relationship between individuals and social media addiction and using "an excessive amount of time browsing" improves precision and formality.

  11. "according to Google, until June, 2023" -> "as of June 2023, according to Google"
    Explanation: Rearranging the phrase for better flow and specifying the date more clearly with "as of June 2023."

  12. "approximately 45% of users at the age group of 18 to 35" -> "approximately 45% of users in the age group of 18 to 35"
    Explanation: Adding "in" before "the age group" improves grammatical correctness and formality.

  13. "check their social networking sites immediately after waking up in the morning and before going to bed." -> "check their social networking sites right after waking up in the morning and before going to bed."
    Explanation: Adding "right" before "after" enhances the temporal precision in the sentence.

  14. "Second, the anonymity of websites poses risks to users." -> "Secondly, the anonymity of online platforms poses risks to users."
    Explanation: Using "Secondly" instead of "Second" adds a more formal transition, and specifying "online platforms" instead of "websites" is more inclusive and precise.

  15. "unstringent regulations" -> "lax regulations"
    Explanation: "unstringent" is an uncommon term; replacing it with "lax" maintains clarity while using a more standard expression.

  16. "while there are numerous benefits to digital networking sites" -> "although there are many advantages to using digital networking sites"
    Explanation: "numerous benefits" can be expressed more precisely as "many advantages," and "while" can be replaced with "although" for a more formal tone.

  17. "they can have a negative impact on users’ experience" -> "they can negatively impact users’ experiences"
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for better flow and using "negatively impact" instead of "have a negative impact" for conciseness.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of the use of social media. It discusses the positive aspects, such as easy communication with relatives and staying informed about current affairs, as well as the drawbacks, including the potential for addiction and risks associated with anonymity.
    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing more specific examples or details to support the points made. This could involve elaborating on the types of news individuals can stay informed about or offering additional insights into the consequences of social media addiction.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear stance throughout, presenting both the positive and negative aspects of social media without ambiguity. The introduction clearly states the intention to discuss the pros and cons, and the body of the essay follows through on this promise.
    • How to improve: To further strengthen the clarity of the position, consider explicitly stating your viewpoint in the introduction. For instance, you might express a preference for one side while acknowledging the existence of counterarguments, providing a more defined perspective.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents ideas about the advantages and disadvantages of social media. It supports these ideas with specific examples, such as using Facebook and Instagram for communication and highlighting the potential addiction by citing statistics from Google.
    • How to improve: To enhance development, strive to extend your ideas further. For instance, elaborate on the consequences of addiction or delve deeper into the risks associated with the anonymity of social media. This will provide a more nuanced and detailed exploration of the presented ideas.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay largely stays on topic, discussing the specified advantages and disadvantages of using social media. However, there is a brief mention of "the time, opinions of residents and location where affairs are occurring," which might be slightly unclear or unrelated to the main theme.
    • How to improve: Ensure that all points made directly contribute to the discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of social media. If a point feels tangential, either provide more context to connect it or consider omitting it to maintain a focused and relevant discussion.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt and effectively addresses the key aspects. To enhance the response, consider incorporating more specific details and extending the development of ideas for a more thorough analysis.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. The introduction clearly states the purpose of the essay, presenting both sides of the argument. The body paragraphs follow a coherent structure, presenting advantages and disadvantages separately. However, within paragraphs, there is room for improvement. For instance, the second body paragraph could better connect its ideas for a smoother flow.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting details. Transition sentences should link ideas between paragraphs, creating a seamless flow. Consider reordering or rephrasing sentences where needed for better coherence.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs adequately, with clear distinctions between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in paragraph structure. Some paragraphs could benefit from more detailed development of ideas, and the transition from one paragraph to the next could be more explicit.
    • How to improve: Aim for a balance between paragraph length and depth of content. Each paragraph should delve deeper into a specific aspect of the argument, providing thorough explanations and examples. Additionally, use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through the essay more smoothly.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes basic cohesive devices such as "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," providing a simple structure. However, there is limited use of other cohesive devices within and between sentences, which affects the overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Diversify the use of cohesive devices to create a more connected and cohesive essay. Incorporate a variety of transition words and phrases such as "furthermore," "in addition," and "however" to establish clear relationships between ideas. Ensure that pronouns and linking words effectively tie sentences together, improving the overall flow and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, incorporating terms such as "phenomenon," "effortless communication," "anonymity," and "unstringent regulations." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. The essay tends to rely on general and commonly used phrases, limiting the demonstration of an extensive lexical range.
    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this criterion, strive to incorporate more sophisticated and nuanced vocabulary. For instance, instead of the generic term "drawbacks," consider using alternatives such as "pitfalls," "limitations," or "shortcomings." Additionally, introduce specialized terms related to the context of social media and its impact.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally precise use of vocabulary, as seen in phrases like "anonymity of websites" and "unstringent regulations." However, there are instances where the language could be more specific. For example, the term "current affairs" is somewhat broad and could be specified to convey a more precise meaning.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining the specificity of vocabulary. Instead of "current affairs," consider using terms like "news events" or "contemporary issues." Precision enhances the clarity and depth of expression. Also, scrutinize the usage of general words like "thing" or "stuff" and replace them with more precise alternatives that convey the intended meaning more accurately.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The spelling accuracy in the essay is generally sound. However, there are a few instances where minor errors, such as "unstringent" (should be "unstrict"), and missing articles ("the anonymity of websites") slightly affect the overall spelling precision.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, consider proofreading the essay more meticulously, paying attention to specific words that might be prone to errors. Additionally, utilize tools like spell-check to catch and rectify minor spelling mistakes. Developing a habit of proofreading can significantly contribute to improving spelling precision.

In summary, while the essay exhibits a reasonably broad vocabulary and generally precise language, there is room for improvement in both aspects. Enhancing the range of vocabulary with more sophisticated terms and ensuring precision through specific word choices will contribute to a more nuanced and refined expression. Additionally, maintaining strict attention to spelling accuracy, especially in terms prone to errors, will further elevate the lexical resource score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a fair range of sentence structures. Simple, compound, and complex sentences are utilized to convey ideas. However, there is a tendency towards simpler structures, and some sentences lack complexity. For instance, in the first paragraph, there is a prevalence of straightforward sentences like "This essay will indicate the pros and cons of this phenomenon." More variety, such as the use of complex sentences or inversion, would enhance the overall grammatical range.

    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences. For example, instead of consistently using straightforward sentence structures, experiment with sentence inversion, subordinate clauses, or conditional sentences. This will add sophistication to your writing and contribute to a more varied grammatical range.

  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates a solid command of grammar and punctuation. Most sentences are grammatically correct, and punctuation is used accurately. However, there are a few instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. In the second paragraph, the phrase "harm to social media users may be mistaken for amiable peers due to unstringent regulations" contains a grammatical error, and the term "unstringent" is not commonly used in this context.

    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread your essay and pay attention to sentence construction. In the mentioned phrase, consider revising to "harmful strangers on social media may be mistaken for amiable peers due to lax regulations." Additionally, use a variety of sentence structures to avoid repetitive patterns that might lead to grammatical errors. Regularly practicing grammar exercises can also help reinforce correct usage.

Overall, your essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and punctuation, with some room for improvement in sentence structure variety and avoiding occasional grammatical errors. Keep practicing different sentence structures to further refine your writing skills.

Bài sửa mẫu

Numerous individuals use social networking platforms daily to stay in touch with acquaintances and stay updated on current affairs. This essay will explore the advantages and disadvantages of this trend.

On one hand, digital networking sites facilitate seamless communication with relatives. For instance, individuals can maintain contact with friends and family from different nations through platforms like Facebook and Instagram. Additionally, social media users can share news and stay informed about the opinions of residents and the locations where events are unfolding.

However, utilizing digital platforms has significant drawbacks that deserve consideration. First and foremost, these networking sites can become addictive. Individuals with a social media addiction spend an excessive amount of time browsing and may neglect other vital activities such as working, studying, or outdoor activities. According to Google, as of June 2023, approximately 45% of users in the age group of 18 to 35 check their social networking sites right after waking up in the morning and before going to bed.

Secondly, the anonymity of online platforms poses risks to users. Due to lax regulations, harmful strangers on social media may be mistaken for amiable peers, negatively impacting users’ experiences.

In conclusion, while there are numerous benefits to digital networking sites, such as empowering individuals to stay in touch with relatives and share daily news, they can have a negative impact on users’ experiences due to addiction and the anonymity of social websites.

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