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Many people use social media every day to get in touch with other people and news events. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Many people use social media every day to get in touch with other people and news events. What do you think are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

These days,numerous individuals use social networking sites to keep contact with others and update new information. From my perspective,I think that this trend has more demerits than advantages.
In terms of the advantages, social networking platforms have facilitated contact with our loved ones, despite the fact that we are located in different areas. For example students studying abroad can maintain communication with their families and friends through video calls or messages on Facebook,Instagram,X,etc. Additionally, through social media, we can instantly get knowledge about the news about other people and share the news without delay. Often when a news story breaks, digital websites help us hear the experiences and opinions of the people where the news is happening.
Despite the aforementioned benefits, I think personally that social media has a negative impact on communication. The excessive use of social media detrimentally affects the quality of interpersonal communication. Many people are so dependent on social media that they spend all of their time on their computers or their phones and pay no attention to the people around them. Additionally, social media is capable of spreading the validity of information with a large number of followers. Everyone immediately reveals what they hear without conducting factual checks, this is the typical behavior in major media organizations. Many users lack the critical thinking necessary to recognize the difference between fact and fiction, as a result, they will immediately believe what they hear from others' posts and will react to it instantly.
To sum up, I believe that the benefits of using social media as a means of daily contact and news events are slight compared to the long-term negative consequences.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

  1. "These days, numerous individuals use social networking sites to keep contact with others and update new information." -> "In contemporary times, a multitude of individuals utilize social networking sites to stay in touch with others and stay updated on new information."
    Explanation: Replacing "These days" with "In contemporary times" and using "utilize" instead of "use" adds formality and precision to the sentence, aligning it more with academic style.

  2. "From my perspective, I think that this trend has more demerits than advantages." -> "In my view, this trend has more drawbacks than advantages."
    Explanation: The phrase "From my perspective, I think that" can be streamlined to "In my view," and "demerits" can be replaced with "drawbacks" for a more formal and concise expression.

  3. "For example students studying abroad can maintain communication with their families and friends through video calls or messages on Facebook, Instagram, X, etc." -> "For instance, students pursuing education abroad can sustain communication with their families and friends via video calls or messages on platforms such as Facebook and Instagram."
    Explanation: The phrase "For example" is replaced with "For instance" for a more sophisticated transition. Using "pursuing education abroad" adds specificity, and listing specific platforms provides clarity.

  4. "Additionally, through social media, we can instantly get knowledge about the news about other people and share the news without delay." -> "Furthermore, via social media, we can promptly acquire information about others’ news and disseminate it without delay."
    Explanation: "Additionally" is replaced with "Furthermore" for variety, and rephrasing improves the flow. Changing "get knowledge about the news about other people" to "acquire information about others’ news" enhances formality and clarity.

  5. "Often when a news story breaks, digital websites help us hear the experiences and opinions of the people where the news is happening." -> "Frequently, when a news story unfolds, online platforms enable us to access the experiences and opinions of individuals in the location of the event."
    Explanation: Substituting "Often" with "Frequently" and replacing "digital websites help us hear" with "online platforms enable us to access" elevates the language to a more formal level.

  6. "Despite the aforementioned benefits, I think personally that social media has a negative impact on communication." -> "Despite the aforementioned advantages, I personally believe that social media has a detrimental impact on communication."
    Explanation: Replacing "benefits" with "advantages" and using "I personally believe" adds precision and formality to the statement.

  7. "Many people are so dependent on social media that they spend all of their time on their computers or their phones and pay no attention to the people around them." -> "A considerable number of individuals are excessively reliant on social media, devoting the entirety of their time to computers or phones, often disregarding those in their immediate vicinity."
    Explanation: "Many people" is replaced with "A considerable number of individuals" for variety and formality. Rewording enhances clarity and emphasizes the extent of dependence.

  8. "Additionally, social media is capable of spreading the validity of information with a large number of followers." -> "Moreover, social media has the capacity to disseminate information’s validity to a vast number of followers."
    Explanation: Substituting "Additionally" with "Moreover" maintains variety, and rephrasing improves the precision and formality of the statement.

  9. "Everyone immediately reveals what they hear without conducting factual checks, this is the typical behavior in major media organizations." -> "Individuals often disclose information without conducting factual verifications, a behavior commonly observed in major media organizations."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and formality, using "Individuals" instead of "Everyone" and replacing "reveals" with "disclose" contribute to a more academic tone.

  10. "Many users lack the critical thinking necessary to recognize the difference between fact and fiction, as a result, they will immediately believe what they hear from others’ posts and will react to it instantly." -> "A significant number of users lack the critical thinking skills needed to discern the distinction between fact and fiction. Consequently, they promptly accept information from others’ posts and react instantaneously."
    Explanation: Substituting "Many" with "A significant number of," restructuring for clarity, and using more precise terms enhance the academic tone of the statement.

  11. "To sum up, I believe that the benefits of using social media as a means of daily contact and news events are slight compared to the long-term negative consequences." -> "In conclusion, I contend that the advantages of utilizing social media for daily communication and news updates are outweighed by the enduring negative consequences."
    Explanation: Replacing "To sum up" with "In conclusion" adds formality. "I believe that" is condensed to "I contend that," and rephrasing the latter part improves the overall sophistication and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay partially addresses all parts of the question. It discusses both the advantages and disadvantages of using social media for daily contact and news events. However, the analysis is somewhat superficial, lacking depth and specific examples in certain areas.

    • How to improve: To enhance task response, provide more detailed examples and elaborate on the advantages and disadvantages. Include specific instances or scenarios to support your points. Additionally, ensure that each aspect of the prompt is thoroughly examined.

  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, stating that the trend has more disadvantages than advantages. However, the expression of this position could be strengthened by providing a more nuanced and developed argument.

    • How to improve: Offer a more nuanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages. Consider presenting counterarguments and refuting them to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic. This will add depth to your position.

  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks in-depth development. For instance, it mentions the positive impact on communication but does not delve into specific examples. Supporting ideas with more elaboration and examples will strengthen the essay.

    • How to improve: Extend your ideas by providing detailed examples and explanations. This will add depth and credibility to your arguments. Ensure that each point is thoroughly developed to enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of using social media for communication and news events. However, there are moments where the focus could be sharper, such as the brief mention of major media organizations.

    • How to improve: To improve focus, ensure that every point directly relates to the prompt. Avoid tangential discussions and maintain a clear connection between your ideas and the central theme. This will enhance the overall coherence of the essay.

In summary, while the essay addresses the key components of the prompt, there is room for improvement in terms of depth, nuance, and coherence. Providing specific examples and developing ideas further will contribute to a more comprehensive and well-rounded response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally logical organization of information. The introduction introduces the topic, and the body paragraphs discuss advantages and disadvantages separately. However, there are instances of unclear expression, such as "From my perspective, I think that this trend has more demerits than advantages," which could be more concisely stated for clarity. Additionally, the flow of ideas in the second body paragraph could be improved for smoother transitions between points.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, work on clearer and more concise expressions. Consider rephrasing the thesis statement for clarity. Also, focus on transitions between ideas, ensuring a smoother progression from one point to the next.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs adequately, with each paragraph addressing a specific aspect (advantages, disadvantages, and a conclusion). However, the structure within paragraphs could be refined. Some sentences in the second paragraph are lengthy, affecting readability.
    • How to improve: Pay attention to the structure within paragraphs. Break down longer sentences into more digestible chunks for improved readability. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and supporting details.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes basic cohesive devices, such as transitional phrases (e.g., "Despite the aforementioned benefits," "Additionally," "To sum up"). However, there is room for improvement in the variety and sophistication of these devices. More diverse transitional expressions and a careful selection of cohesive devices could enhance overall coherence.
    • How to improve: Aim for a broader range of cohesive devices. Introduce more varied transitional expressions to establish connections between sentences and paragraphs. Consider the nuanced use of pronouns, synonyms, and parallel structures for smoother transitions.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a reasonably good level of coherence and cohesion, focusing on clarity in expressions, paragraph structure, and the diversification of cohesive devices can further elevate the overall organization of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a moderate range of vocabulary. While it includes words like "facilitated," "interpersonal communication," and "factual checks," there is room for improvement in diversifying the vocabulary further. Repetitive use of phrases like "social media" and "news events" limits the variety and richness of expressions.

    • How to improve: To enhance the score in this aspect, try incorporating synonyms, idiomatic expressions, or more nuanced terms to express ideas. For instance, instead of frequently using "social media," consider alternatives like "online platforms" or "digital networks." Introduce varied vocabulary to communicate ideas with precision and flair.

  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits instances of both precise and imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, phrases like "excessive use of social media" and "long-term negative consequences" demonstrate precise language. However, imprecise terms such as "X, etc." and "news about other people" could be clarified or replaced with more specific language.

    • How to improve: Aim for greater specificity in language. Instead of "X, etc.," mention specific social media platforms. Replace "news about other people" with more concrete examples or details. This will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of your expression.

  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally acceptable, with minimal errors. However, there are some instances of misspelling, such as "demerits" (prefer "disadvantages") and "validity" (prefer "validity of information"). These errors, while infrequent, slightly impact the overall impression of language proficiency.

    • How to improve: Review your work for spelling accuracy. Pay close attention to commonly misspelled words and ensure consistent and correct usage. Consider using spell-check tools or seeking feedback from peers to catch and rectify any overlooked errors. Precision in spelling enhances the professionalism and credibility of your writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a fair variety of sentence structures, including simple and complex sentences. There is a mix of sentence lengths and some use of compound sentences. However, there is room for improvement in diversifying structures further. For instance, more complex compound sentences and the inclusion of varied sentence beginnings could enhance the essay’s overall coherence and fluency.
    • How to improve: To enhance grammatical range, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures. Introduce compound-complex sentences and vary the way sentences begin (e.g., using introductory phrases or clauses). This will add sophistication to your writing and improve overall readability.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally demonstrates solid grammatical accuracy, with few errors. However, there are instances of grammatical inaccuracies, such as in the sentence "These days,numerous individuals use social networking sites," where a space is missing after "days." Punctuation is generally accurate, but some sentences could benefit from clearer punctuation to enhance readability.
    • How to improve: Carefully proofread your work to catch minor errors such as missing spaces. Additionally, pay attention to punctuation, particularly ensuring proper use of commas and periods. Clarify sentence boundaries to make your ideas more distinct and improve overall coherence. Consider seeking feedback from others or using grammar-check tools for additional assistance.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and language, incorporating more diverse sentence structures and refining punctuation could elevate the essay to a higher band score. Keep practicing and pay attention to sentence variety and grammatical precision in future writing endeavors.

Bài sửa mẫu

In contemporary times, a multitude of individuals utilize social networking sites to stay in touch with others and stay updated on new information. In my view, this trend has more drawbacks than advantages.

For instance, students pursuing education abroad can sustain communication with their families and friends via video calls or messages on platforms such as Facebook and Instagram. Furthermore, via social media, we can promptly acquire information about others’ news and disseminate it without delay. Frequently, when a news story unfolds, online platforms enable us to access the experiences and opinions of individuals in the location of the event.

Despite the aforementioned advantages, I personally believe that social media has a detrimental impact on communication. A considerable number of individuals are excessively reliant on social media, devoting the entirety of their time to computers or phones, often disregarding those in their immediate vicinity. Moreover, social media has the capacity to disseminate information’s validity to a vast number of followers. Individuals often disclose information without conducting factual verifications, a behavior commonly observed in major media organizations. A significant number of users lack the critical thinking skills needed to discern the distinction between fact and fiction. Consequently, they promptly accept information from others’ posts and react instantaneously.

In conclusion, I contend that the advantages of utilizing social media for daily communication and news updates are outweighed by the enduring negative consequences.

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