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Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area. How does this affect local communities? How could this situation be improved? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many small, local shops are closing as they are unable to compete with large supermarkets in the area.
How does this affect local communities?
How could this situation be improved?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is believed that an increasing number of small businesses have been closed due to a business competition with larger shops in the business field. This notable trend has brought about detrimental effects on local communities. In this essay, I will elaborate on this trend before coming to how to address this challenge.

To commence with, the closing of small shops is much a result of raising the commercial competition between local stores and larger-scale retailers. These days, it is common to see that large supermarkets are often financially strong; hence they do not hesitate to mount advertising campaigns that aimed at offering affordable prices and great deals on social media, and on the road as well to draw attention to customers; meanwhile, smaller shop owners are struggling to maintain their own small-scale businesses with limited budgets. This notable trend somewhat discourages people from starting their own business ventures because of the lessons of failures from the predecessors

The gradual disappearance of small shops could be addressed by multi-faceted approaches. In the first place, it is important that governments should provide incentive taxes or tax breaks for small businesses, thereby reducing substantially financial constraints on the owners, helping them compensate for other expenses and surviving in this competition. This measure should be executed in tandem with diversification strategies. By offering unique services or products not readily available in supermarkets, such two-pronged solution caters to specific needs or customers’ preferences within the communities. For example, instead of obsolete books, store owners could order diverse genres of modern comics, books and newspapers.

In conclusion, the closure of small, local shops can detrimentally impact both economically and culturally. However, through supportive policies, community initiatives, and business strategies, there are opportunities to mitigate these effects and foster the sustainability of local businesses.


Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

  1. "It is believed that" -> "It is widely held that"
    Explanation: Replacing "It is believed that" with "It is widely held that" introduces a more formal and academic tone to the statement.

  2. "closing of small shops is much a result of raising" -> "the closure of small shops largely stems from the increasing"
    Explanation: "closing of small shops is much a result of raising" is an awkward construction. Replacing it with "the closure of small shops largely stems from the increasing" makes the sentence more concise and formal.

  3. "commercial competition" -> "market competition"
    Explanation: "commercial competition" is a bit informal. "Market competition" is a more academically appropriate term for discussing business competition.

  4. "These days" -> "Currently"
    Explanation: "These days" is a colloquial expression. Replacing it with "Currently" maintains a more formal tone.

  5. "financially strong" -> "financially robust"
    Explanation: "financially strong" can be replaced with "financially robust" to sound more sophisticated and suitable for an academic context.

  6. "great deals" -> "competitive offers"
    Explanation: "great deals" is somewhat informal. Replacing it with "competitive offers" maintains a more academic tone.

  7. "draw attention to customers" -> "attract customers’ attention"
    Explanation: The phrase "draw attention to customers" is awkward. Using "attract customers’ attention" is clearer and more formal.

  8. "smaller shop owners" -> "owners of smaller shops"
    Explanation: Restructuring the phrase as "owners of smaller shops" is more in line with formal writing style.

  9. "notable trend somewhat discourages" -> "this noticeable trend tends to discourage"
    Explanation: Replacing "notable trend somewhat discourages" with "this noticeable trend tends to discourage" provides a more precise and formal expression.

  10. "lessons of failures" -> "lessons from failures"
    Explanation: "lessons of failures" should be corrected to "lessons from failures" for grammatical accuracy.

  11. "could be addressed by multi-faceted approaches" -> "can be tackled through multifaceted approaches"
    Explanation: "could be addressed by multi-faceted approaches" can be refined to "can be tackled through multifaceted approaches" for a more concise and academic expression.

  12. "in the first place" -> "First and foremost"
    Explanation: "in the first place" is somewhat informal. Using "First and foremost" is a more formal alternative.

  13. "substantially financial constraints" -> "significant financial constraints"
    Explanation: "substantially financial constraints" should be changed to "significant financial constraints" for clarity and formality.

  14. "diversification strategies" -> "diversifying strategies"
    Explanation: "diversification strategies" can be simplified to "diversifying strategies" without losing meaning.

  15. "not readily available" -> "not readily accessible"
    Explanation: "not readily available" can be replaced with "not readily accessible" for a more appropriate academic tone.

  16. "instead of obsolete books" -> "in lieu of outdated books"
    Explanation: "instead of obsolete books" can be substituted with "in lieu of outdated books" to enhance the formality of the sentence.

  17. "economically and culturally" -> "both economically and culturally"
    Explanation: Adding "both" before "economically and culturally" improves the sentence’s clarity and formality.

  18. "community initiatives" -> "community-driven initiatives"
    Explanation: Adding "driven" after "community" enhances the description and makes it more formal.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay successfully addresses all parts of the question. It discusses how the closing of small businesses affects local communities and provides suggestions for improvement.
    • How to improve: There is no need for improvement in this aspect as the essay comprehensively covers all elements of the question.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout. It argues that the closing of small shops has detrimental effects on local communities and provides solutions to address this issue.
    • How to improve: The clarity and consistency of the essay’s stance are already well-executed. No specific improvement is needed in this regard.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively presents, extends, and supports its ideas. It provides examples of how large supermarkets use advertising campaigns to draw customers away from small shops and suggests specific solutions like incentive taxes and diversification strategies.
    • How to improve: The essay’s presentation and development of ideas are strong. To further enhance this aspect, the writer could consider providing even more specific examples or statistics to bolster their points.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay stays on topic and does not deviate from the main focus, which is the impact of small shop closures on local communities and potential solutions.
    • How to improve: The essay maintains focus and relevance to the topic effectively, and no improvement is necessary in this aspect.

Overall, this essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the prompt’s requirements. It effectively addresses all elements of the question, maintains a clear and consistent position, presents and supports ideas well, and stays on topic throughout. To further improve, the writer could consider providing additional specific examples or statistics to strengthen their arguments. However, the essay is already at a high level of proficiency and effectively earns a Band Score of 8.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It starts with an introduction that outlines the problem and the proposed solutions, followed by two body paragraphs discussing the effects and potential improvements. The progression is clear, with ideas flowing logically from one to the next.
    • How to improve: To further enhance logical organization, it’s advisable to use more transitional phrases or sentences to explicitly connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, you can use phrases like "Furthermore," or "On the other hand," to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic, such as the reasons for small shop closures, solutions, and the conclusion. This division helps in maintaining clarity and coherence.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences that relate to the main idea. This will strengthen the structure and readability of the essay.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "To commence with" and "In conclusion," to signal the beginning and end of paragraphs. However, there is room for improvement in terms of using a wider range of cohesive devices like pronouns (e.g., "this trend" or "these measures"), transitional words (e.g., "therefore" or "however"), and linking phrases (e.g., "as a result" or "in addition").
    • How to improve: To enhance cohesion, consider incorporating a greater variety of cohesive devices throughout the essay. This will help connect ideas more effectively and make the essay even more coherent.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong coherence and cohesion with a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. To achieve an even higher score, focus on incorporating a wider range of cohesive devices and using more transitional phrases for smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Keep up the good work!

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary throughout. It employs a variety of words and phrases such as "notable trend," "financially strong," "mount advertising campaigns," "financial constraints," and "two-pronged solution," which enhance the depth of the content.
    • How to improve: While the essay generally utilizes a wide range of vocabulary, it can further enrich its lexicon by incorporating more precise and contextually relevant terms. For instance, instead of using "notable trend" repeatedly, the essay could employ synonyms like "prominent pattern" or "remarkable development" to add nuance to the discussion.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay displays a reasonable degree of precision in vocabulary usage, with phrases like "unique services," "diverse genres," and "obsolete books" effectively conveying the intended meanings. However, there are a few instances where vocabulary could be used more precisely. For instance, the phrase "raising the commercial competition" could be replaced with "intensifying commercial competition" for greater precision.
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, the writer should strive to select vocabulary that precisely captures the intended nuances of meaning. Careful consideration of word choices in context is essential.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: Spelling accuracy in the essay is generally good, with only a few minor issues. For instance, "multifaceted" should be written as two words, "multi-faceted." Additionally, there are some missing spaces between words, such as "how to" becoming "howto," which are minor but should be addressed for a polished final draft.
    • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, proofreading the essay carefully and using spell-check tools would be beneficial. Paying attention to compound words and spaces between them is important to prevent minor spelling errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of vocabulary and spelling, with minor areas for improvement in precision and a few spelling issues that can be easily rectified through proofreading. The writer should continue to expand their vocabulary and strive for even greater precision in word choice.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonably wide range of sentence structures, including complex sentences and compound-complex sentences. The author also uses varying sentence lengths effectively to maintain reader engagement.
    • How to improve: To further diversify sentence structures, the author can consider incorporating more rhetorical questions, conditional sentences, or inverted sentence structures. This will add depth and complexity to the writing.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay maintains a good level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are some instances where articles (a, an, the) are omitted, such as "closing of small shops is much a result" where "much" should be "much of." Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, like the missing comma before "and" in "affordable prices and great deals on social media, and on the road as well to draw attention to customers."
    • How to improve: The author should pay closer attention to articles and ensure they are used appropriately. Proofreading for minor punctuation errors, especially commas, can further enhance grammatical accuracy.

Overall, this essay is well-structured and effectively addresses the given prompt. It demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation with minor room for improvement. To achieve a higher band score, the author should focus on diversifying sentence structures further and refining grammatical accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

It is widely held that the closure of small shops largely stems from the increasing market competition with larger stores in the business field. Currently, financially robust supermarkets employ competitive offers to attract customers’ attention, while owners of smaller shops struggle to keep their small-scale businesses afloat due to significant financial constraints. This noticeable trend tends to discourage people from starting their own business ventures, learning from the failures of their predecessors.

This situation has detrimental effects on local communities both economically and culturally. On the economic front, the closure of small shops leads to job losses and reduced economic activity in the neighborhood. Culturally, it diminishes the diversity of products and services available, as smaller shops often offer unique items that are not readily accessible in supermarkets.

However, this challenging situation can be tackled through multifaceted approaches. First and foremost, governments should provide incentive taxes or tax breaks for small businesses. This would substantially reduce the financial burden on the owners and help them cope with other expenses, enabling them to compete effectively.

Furthermore, diversifying strategies can play a crucial role. Small shop owners can focus on offering unique products or services that are not readily available in supermarkets. For instance, instead of selling outdated books, they could diversify their inventory by ordering diverse genres of modern comics, books, and newspapers. By catering to specific needs or customers’ preferences within the communities, these shops can carve out their niche in the market.

In conclusion, the closure of small, local shops due to competition from larger supermarkets can have a negative impact on both the local economy and culture. However, through supportive policies like tax incentives, as well as community-driven initiatives and diversification strategies, there are opportunities to mitigate these effects and foster the sustainability of local businesses. Small shops play a vital role in the fabric of our communities, and it is essential to take measures to ensure their survival and prosperity.

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