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Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done to solve this problem?

It is true that the lack of concentration of students at school has become an increasingly widespread concern. This essay aims to point out some fundamental causes driving to this problem as well as delve into some possible solutions to tackle this trend.

There are some compelling reasons why many students hardly concentrate and pay attention to the course in their school. Firstly, it is the development of technology that hinders the concentration of students. Nowadays, some school, for instance, allows students to have their mobile phones for emergencies, then it affects the attention of students while there are so many types of recreation on their mobile which are more attractive than their lessons. Secondly, students now tend to face a longer lesson time with high theory-based and technical methods. For example, some top-tier universities now expand their lesson time to 75 minutes per lesson with a lot of theory and technical information in the textbook, which is challenging for students to keep attention to the lesson. As a result, it not only makes them lack interest in these subjects but also makes them lose their concentration.

Some solutions should be implemented to solve this problem which might come from both the individual as well as the education institutions. A possibility is to regulate the use of technological devices in the classroom. The school could have some regulations that ban mobile phones during class, which might result in a reduction of technology using, which enable students to concentrate more on their lessons. Moreover, educational institutions can enhance the attention of their students by combining boring theories with some vivid examples, images, and graphs that might attract students. When it comes to students, each individual should foster their brain concentration as well as their discipline by some practice at home to have good concentration.

In conclusion, there are various reasons why many individuals find it tough to concentrate at school, yet, with the aforementioned solutions, I personally believe that this problem can be addressed by appropriate efforts of both the educational institutions and the students themselves.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "It is true that the lack of concentration of students at school has become an increasingly widespread concern." -> "The insufficient concentration of students in schools has emerged as a growing concern."
    Explanation: Replacing "It is true that" with a more direct and formal expression enhances the clarity and formality of the sentence.

  2. "This essay aims to point out some fundamental causes driving to this problem as well as delve into some possible solutions to tackle this trend." -> "This essay aims to elucidate fundamental causes contributing to this issue and explore potential solutions to address this trend."
    Explanation: The suggested changes use more precise and formal language to convey the purpose of the essay.

  3. "There are some compelling reasons why many students hardly concentrate and pay attention to the course in their school." -> "Several compelling reasons contribute to the challenge of students struggling to concentrate and pay attention to their coursework."
    Explanation: The revised sentence employs more advanced vocabulary and structure to convey the idea more formally.

  4. "Nowadays, some school, for instance, allows students to have their mobile phones for emergencies, then it affects the attention of students while there are so many types of recreation on their mobile which are more attractive than their lessons." -> "In contemporary times, certain schools, for example, permit students to possess mobile phones for emergencies; however, this allowance impacts students’ focus, given the abundance of recreational options on their devices that surpass the allure of their lessons."
    Explanation: The changes aim to enhance formality and precision, providing a more detailed and academically appropriate expression.

  5. "For example, some top-tier universities now expand their lesson time to 75 minutes per lesson with a lot of theory and technical information in the textbook, which is challenging for students to keep attention to the lesson." -> "As an illustration, certain elite universities have extended their class durations to 75 minutes, incorporating a substantial amount of theoretical and technical content in textbooks, posing challenges for students to maintain focus during these extended lessons."
    Explanation: The suggested improvements utilize more advanced language and structure to articulate the point with greater precision and formality.

  6. "Some solutions should be implemented to solve this problem which might come from both the individual as well as the education institutions." -> "Implementing solutions to address this issue is imperative, with contributions expected from both individuals and educational institutions."
    Explanation: The revised sentence enhances formality and clarity by rephrasing and using more advanced vocabulary.

  7. "A possibility is to regulate the use of technological devices in the classroom." -> "One potential solution is to regulate the use of technological devices in the classroom."
    Explanation: The change adds formality and specificity to the statement, clarifying the proposed solution.

  8. "Moreover, educational institutions can enhance the attention of their students by combining boring theories with some vivid examples, images, and graphs that might attract students." -> "Furthermore, educational institutions can captivate student attention by integrating mundane theories with compelling examples, visuals, and graphs."
    Explanation: The improvements introduce more advanced vocabulary and refine the sentence for a more formal tone.

  9. "When it comes to students, each individual should foster their brain concentration as well as their discipline by some practice at home to have good concentration." -> "Regarding students, each individual should cultivate enhanced cognitive focus and discipline through consistent practice at home to achieve optimal concentration."
    Explanation: The suggested changes use more formal language and specify the aspects of concentration and discipline.

  10. "there are various reasons why many individuals find it tough to concentrate at school" -> "Several factors contribute to the challenge many individuals face in maintaining concentration at school."
    Explanation: The revision enhances formality and precision, providing a more refined expression of the idea.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the prompt. It identifies reasons for students’ lack of concentration and provides potential solutions. Relevant sections, such as the impact of technology and extended lesson times, are discussed.
    • How to Improve: To further enhance completeness, consider offering more specific examples and elaborating on the potential impact of the proposed solutions.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay maintains a clear position throughout, asserting that the lack of concentration is a significant issue and suggesting solutions to address it. The position is evident in the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
    • How to Improve: To strengthen clarity, explicitly state the main argument in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion. Additionally, ensure that all supporting points align with the established position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay presents ideas effectively, providing reasons for the lack of concentration and proposing solutions. However, some points could benefit from further elaboration and development. For instance, the impact of technology and extended lesson times could be explored in more depth.
    • How to Improve: Expand on each idea by providing specific examples, statistics, or real-life scenarios. This will add depth to the argument and make it more compelling.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed Explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, addressing the reasons for students’ lack of concentration and proposing solutions. However, there is a slight deviation in the conclusion where the writer introduces a personal belief. While this does not significantly detract from the coherence, it is advisable to avoid introducing new elements in the conclusion.
    • How to Improve: Maintain focus on the main points outlined in the introduction, and refrain from introducing new ideas or beliefs in the conclusion. Summarize key arguments without introducing novel concepts.

In conclusion, this essay effectively addresses the prompt, offering insightful reasons for students’ lack of concentration and proposing viable solutions. To improve, the writer should provide more detailed examples, explicitly state the main argument, delve deeper into certain points, and refrain from introducing new elements in the conclusion. Overall, a strong response that demonstrates a solid understanding of the task.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable level of logical organization. The introduction provides a clear overview of the essay’s purpose, discussing both the causes and potential solutions. Each paragraph is dedicated to a specific idea, enhancing coherence. However, there’s room for improvement in transitioning between ideas, particularly between causes and solutions.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical flow, work on smoother transitions between paragraphs. Consider using connecting phrases or sentences that guide the reader through the shift from discussing causes to proposing solutions.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively employs paragraphs, each focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic. Paragraphs have a clear structure, beginning with a topic sentence and followed by supporting details. However, in a few instances, the division of ideas between paragraphs could be more distinct.
    • How to improve: Ensure that each paragraph revolves around a single central idea. Consider refining the topic sentences to explicitly state the main point of each paragraph, aiding readers in understanding the organization of ideas.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs a variety of cohesive devices, including transition words (e.g., "Firstly," "Secondly," "Moreover," "In conclusion") and pronouns (e.g., "it," "which"). However, there is room to diversify and strengthen the use of cohesive devices for more seamless connectivity.
    • How to improve: Expand the range of cohesive devices, incorporating synonyms, parallel structures, and more sophisticated transitions. This can enhance the essay’s overall coherence, making the connections between ideas even clearer.

Overall, the essay exhibits a commendable level of coherence and cohesion, earning a band score of 7. To further improve, focus on refining transitions between ideas, ensuring clearer paragraph divisions, and expanding the repertoire of cohesive devices for enhanced connectivity.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, with words and phrases appropriate to the topic. There is a good attempt to use a variety of vocabulary, such as "compelling reasons," "development of technology," "recreation," "top-tier universities," "regulate," "technological devices," "vivid examples," and "brain concentration." However, there is room for improvement in diversifying vocabulary further to enhance the richness of expression.
    • How to improve: To elevate the score in this aspect, consider incorporating more nuanced and sophisticated vocabulary. For instance, instead of repeatedly using terms like "students," explore synonyms such as "learners," "pupils," or "scholars" where contextually appropriate. Additionally, strive to introduce specialized vocabulary related to education and concentration.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally uses vocabulary with reasonable precision. However, there are instances where word choices could be more accurate or specific. For example, the phrase "challenging for students to keep attention" might be more precisely expressed as "difficult for students to maintain focus." On the positive side, there are instances where precise vocabulary is used, such as "regulate the use of technological devices."
    • How to improve: To enhance precision, carefully consider the context in which words are used. Be mindful of synonyms and choose words that convey the intended meaning with greater accuracy. Avoid vague or overly general terms when more specific vocabulary can be employed. Consult a thesaurus to identify more precise alternatives for common words.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a generally satisfactory level of spelling accuracy. However, there are a few spelling errors, such as "driving to this problem" (leading to this problem), "enables students to concentrate more on their lessons" (enables students to concentrate more on their lessons), and "brain concentration" (concentration of the brain). These errors, while not pervasive, do impact the overall spelling accuracy.
    • How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, proofread the essay carefully, paying special attention to commonly misspelled words and ensuring consistency in verb tenses. Consider utilizing spell-check tools or seeking feedback from peers to identify and rectify spelling errors. Developing a habit of reviewing written work systematically can significantly contribute to improved spelling skills.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. While there is an attempt to vary sentence length and complexity, the essay relies on some common structures. For instance, there is a prevalence of simple and compound sentences. A few complex structures are present, such as the use of a conditional sentence ("if there are so many types of recreation on their mobile which are more attractive than their lessons"). However, more sophisticated structures, such as inversion or advanced clauses, could be incorporated to enhance variety and overall effectiveness.
    • How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, consider incorporating more complex sentences, including inversion for emphasis or using advanced clauses (e.g., relative clauses, participial phrases). Experiment with varying sentence lengths to create a more engaging and dynamic writing style.
  • Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: Overall, the essay exhibits a commendable level of grammatical accuracy. However, there are instances where articles are omitted or misused, and minor punctuation errors are present. For example, in the sentence "it affects the attention of students while there are so many types of recreation on their mobile," the article "the" is missing before "students." Additionally, the comma usage in "For example, some top-tier universities now expand their lesson time to 75 minutes per lesson with a lot of theory and technical information in the textbook" can be refined for better clarity.
    • How to improve: Pay careful attention to article usage, ensuring that articles are appropriately included. Review punctuation rules, particularly regarding comma usage. In cases where precision is crucial, consider revising sentences to enhance clarity and avoid potential misinterpretations. Proofreading can help catch and correct these minor errors.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a reasonable range of sentence structures. To elevate the score further, focus on incorporating more sophisticated sentence structures and refining grammar and punctuation accuracy. Additionally, thorough proofreading before submission can address minor errors and enhance the overall quality of the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The inadequate concentration of students in schools has become a growing concern. This essay aims to highlight fundamental causes contributing to this issue and explore potential solutions to address this trend.

Several compelling reasons contribute to the challenge of students struggling to concentrate on their coursework. In contemporary times, certain schools, for example, allow students to possess mobile phones for emergencies. However, this allowance impacts students’ focus due to the abundance of recreational options on their devices, surpassing the allure of their lessons.

For instance, certain elite universities have extended their class durations to 75 minutes, incorporating a substantial amount of theoretical and technical content in textbooks. This poses challenges for students to maintain focus during these extended lessons.

Implementing solutions to address this issue is imperative, with contributions expected from both individuals and educational institutions. One potential solution is to regulate the use of technological devices in the classroom. Furthermore, educational institutions can captivate student attention by integrating mundane theories with compelling examples, visuals, and graphs.

Regarding students, each individual should cultivate enhanced cognitive focus and discipline through consistent practice at home to achieve optimal concentration.

In conclusion, several factors contribute to the challenge many individuals face in maintaining concentration at school. However, with appropriate efforts from both educational institutions and students themselves, this problem can be effectively addressed.

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