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Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at school nowadays. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Many students find it difficult to focus or pay attention at school nowadays. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

Currently, the phenomenon of a lack of concentration is prevalent among a large number of students in schools. This can be attributed to various reasons. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on a few suggested solutions.

One of the major factors associated with this is that students suffer from a lack of sleep. Many children today have schedules brimming with after-school activities and homework, affording them little time for relaxation. Consequently, children often find themselves unconsciously dozing off instead of actively participating in class. Another contributing factor is the impact of distractions on students’ concentration during classes. The rise of technology has made it easy for children to be distracted by their smartphones, computers, or other devices. Furthermore, a noisy classroom environment adds to the difficulties children face in maintaining focus during classes.

A potential solution to this issue involves promoting healthy habits among students. Encouraging students to eat a balanced diet that includes fruits, vegetables, and meat that provide nutrition for their growth. Children should also ensure they get sufficient sleep to recharge after a strenuous day, facilitating their ability to focus in school. Another viable solution to this problem would involve supervisors, including parents and teachers, in establishing time restrictions on students' use of technological devices and fostering a conducive learning environment that can maximize students’ concentration on their high school studies. For instance, teachers may enforce rules prohibiting the use of smartphones and maintaining focus during class, thereby aiding students in concentrating on their assignments.

In conclusion, students grapple with challenges in maintaining focus in class due to multiple factors, including insufficient sleep and distractions from technology and the learning environment. Hence, I have proposed a few feasible solutions aimed at mitigating this concerning phenomenon.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "Currently, the phenomenon of a lack of concentration is prevalent among a large number of students in schools." -> "Presently, the issue of diminished concentration is widespread among a significant number of students in educational institutions."
    Explanation: Replacing "Currently, the phenomenon of a lack of concentration" with "Presently, the issue of diminished concentration" enhances the formality and precision of the statement.

  2. "Many children today have schedules brimming with after-school activities and homework, affording them little time for relaxation." -> "Numerous students today have schedules filled with extracurricular activities and academic assignments, leaving them with minimal time for leisure."
    Explanation: Substituting "schedules brimming with after-school activities and homework" with "schedules filled with extracurricular activities and academic assignments" maintains clarity while using more formal language.

  3. "Consequently, children often find themselves unconsciously dozing off instead of actively participating in class." -> "As a result, students frequently experience involuntary drowsiness, impeding their active participation in class."
    Explanation: Replacing "children often find themselves unconsciously dozing off" with "students frequently experience involuntary drowsiness" enhances formality and precision.

  4. "Another contributing factor is the impact of distractions on students’ concentration during classes." -> "Another contributing factor is the influence of distractions on students’ focus during classes."
    Explanation: Substituting "impact" with "influence" and restructuring the sentence slightly enhances formality and clarity.

  5. "Furthermore, a noisy classroom environment adds to the difficulties children face in maintaining focus during classes." -> "Moreover, a noisy classroom environment exacerbates the challenges students encounter in sustaining concentration during classes."
    Explanation: Replacing "adds to the difficulties children face" with "exacerbates the challenges students encounter" and using "moreover" instead of "furthermore" elevates the formality of the expression.

  6. "Encouraging students to eat a balanced diet that includes fruits, vegetables, and meat that provide nutrition for their growth." -> "Promoting the adoption of a balanced diet comprising fruits, vegetables, and meat, which offer essential nutrients for their overall development."
    Explanation: Replacing "Encouraging students to eat a balanced diet that includes" with "Promoting the adoption of a balanced diet comprising" enhances formality and precision.

  7. "Children should also ensure they get sufficient sleep to recharge after a strenuous day, facilitating their ability to focus in school." -> "Students should also ensure they obtain adequate sleep to rejuvenate after a demanding day, enhancing their capacity to concentrate in school."
    Explanation: Substituting "Children should also ensure they get sufficient sleep" with "Students should also ensure they obtain adequate sleep" and rephrasing the latter part improves formality and clarity.

  8. "Another viable solution to this problem would involve supervisors, including parents and teachers, in establishing time restrictions on students’ use of technological devices and fostering a conducive learning environment that can maximize students’ concentration on their high school studies." -> "Another viable solution to this issue would entail the involvement of supervisors, including parents and teachers, in implementing time restrictions on students’ use of technological devices and cultivating an environment conducive to learning, optimizing students’ focus on their high school studies."
    Explanation: Restructuring the sentence for clarity and using "entail" instead of "involve" enhances formality.

  9. "For instance, teachers may enforce rules prohibiting the use of smartphones and maintaining focus during class, thereby aiding students in concentrating on their assignments." -> "For example, educators may enforce regulations prohibiting the use of smartphones and ensuring sustained focus during class, thereby assisting students in concentrating on their assignments."
    Explanation: Substituting "For instance" with "For example" and refining the sentence structure enhances formality and precision.

  10. "Hence, I have proposed a few feasible solutions aimed at mitigating this concerning phenomenon." -> "Thus, I have put forward several viable solutions designed to alleviate this concerning phenomenon."
    Explanation: Replacing "Hence, I have proposed a few feasible solutions aimed at mitigating" with "Thus, I have put forward several viable solutions designed to alleviate" improves formality and clarity.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Task Response: 6

  • Answer All Parts of the Question:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay adequately addresses both parts of the prompt. It identifies reasons for students’ lack of focus, discussing factors like insufficient sleep, technological distractions, and noisy environments. Additionally, it proposes potential solutions, including promoting healthy habits and involving supervisors (parents and teachers) in imposing restrictions on technology use and creating a conducive learning environment.
    • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, consider providing more nuanced explanations or additional examples for each reason identified. Additionally, while the solutions proposed are relevant, providing more detailed steps or strategies for implementing these solutions could strengthen the response.
  • Present a Clear Position Throughout:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance throughout, acknowledging the challenges students face in concentrating at school and proposing solutions to alleviate this issue.
    • How to improve: To further enhance clarity, explicitly state the proposed solutions in the introduction and reiterate them in the conclusion, reinforcing the essay’s position.
  • Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks thorough development and support. It briefly touches on reasons and solutions without providing in-depth analysis or concrete examples. For instance, while it mentions the impact of distractions, it doesn’t delve deeply into specific instances or studies supporting this claim.
    • How to improve: Strengthen the essay by elaborating on each reason and solution. Incorporate real-life examples, statistics, or studies to substantiate claims. Expanding on how these factors directly affect students’ concentration and providing specific steps for implementing the proposed solutions would enhance the essay’s depth and credibility.
  • Stay on Topic:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay predominantly stays on topic by discussing the reasons for students’ lack of focus and proposing solutions related to the prompt. However, it could maintain a sharper focus by avoiding generalizations and providing more precise details or examples.
    • How to improve: To maintain a tighter focus, ensure that each point directly connects to the prompt. Use specific instances or case studies to illustrate the impact of insufficient sleep or technological distractions on students’ attention in class.

Overall, while the essay effectively addresses the prompt by identifying reasons and proposing solutions, enhancing the depth of analysis, providing specific examples, and maintaining a more explicit focus could further improve the coherence and persuasiveness of the response, potentially elevating the band score.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

  • Organize Information Logically:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay generally organizes information logically. It follows a clear introduction, body paragraphs discussing the reasons for the lack of concentration, and proposed solutions, and concludes with a summary. The logical progression is maintained within paragraphs as well.
    • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs for a smoother flow. Ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one, maintaining a seamless connection between ideas.
  • Use Paragraphs:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to structure its content. Each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect, such as reasons or solutions, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay.
    • How to improve: While the use of paragraphs is generally effective, pay attention to paragraph length. Some paragraphs, particularly the one discussing distractions, could be further subdivided for clearer organization and emphasis on individual points.
  • Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay employs cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. Transition words like "currently," "furthermore," and "in conclusion" guide the reader through the essay’s structure. Additionally, the use of pronouns and reference words aids in coherence.
    • How to improve: To enhance cohesion, consider incorporating a more diverse range of cohesive devices. Experiment with synonyms for commonly used transition words and explore additional methods of linking ideas, such as parallel structure or repetition for emphasis.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of coherence and cohesion, earning a Band Score of 7. To further improve, focus on refining the transitions between paragraphs, carefully managing paragraph length, and experimenting with a wider variety of cohesive devices.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

  • Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. It effectively uses phrases like "prevalent among," "brimming with," "unconsciously dozing off," and "facilitating their ability," showcasing an attempt to vary vocabulary. However, it lacks depth in vocabulary diversity, relying on somewhat common terms and phrases.
    • How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, explore synonyms and more nuanced vocabulary choices. For instance, instead of frequently using "students," consider using alternatives like "pupils," "learners," or "scholars" to avoid repetition.
  • Use Vocabulary Precisely:

    • Detailed explanation: The vocabulary usage is generally accurate but could benefit from more precise and specific terms. For instance, phrases like "schedules brimming with after-school activities" could be replaced with more precise terms like "packed schedules laden with extracurricular commitments." The essay occasionally lacks precision in vocabulary, relying on broader terms.
    • How to improve: Aim for more precision by utilizing specific terms that convey your intended meaning distinctly. It’s advisable to use vocabulary that precisely fits the context and avoids ambiguity.
  • Use Correct Spelling:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates proficient spelling throughout, with no apparent errors observed. This aspect is well-handled, contributing positively to the overall quality of the essay.
    • How to improve: Maintain this level of spelling accuracy by proofreading meticulously. Consider using tools like spell checkers or seeking feedback from others to ensure flawless spelling in your writing.

Overall, the essay displays competence in vocabulary usage with room for enhancement. To improve, focus on diversifying vocabulary by exploring synonyms and nuanced language choices, aiming for precision in vocabulary selection, and maintaining the current standard of spelling accuracy through thorough proofreading. These improvements will contribute to a more nuanced and sophisticated essay.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 8

  • Use a Wide Range of Structures:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable variety of sentence structures, including simple and compound sentences. Additionally, the use of complex structures, such as the cause-and-effect relationships presented, adds depth to the essay. An example of this is the incorporation of conditional sentences when discussing potential solutions.
    • How to improve: To further enrich sentence variety, consider incorporating more complex sentence structures, such as relative clauses and varied subordinating conjunctions. This will enhance the overall fluency and sophistication of the essay.
  • Use Grammar Accurately:

    • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a high level of grammatical accuracy. The sentence structures are well-formed, and there are minimal errors throughout the essay. Instances of subject-verb agreement, pronoun usage, and verb tenses are consistently accurate.
    • How to improve: Continue to pay attention to fine details, such as agreement in number and gender, to ensure absolute precision. Consider incorporating a range of verb tenses to add nuance and complexity to your expressions.
  • Use Correct Punctuation:

    • Detailed explanation: Punctuation is generally accurate, with appropriate use of commas, periods, and colons. However, there are a few instances where the use of semicolons and complex punctuation could be refined for increased clarity.
    • How to improve: Focus on refining the use of semicolons and other advanced punctuation marks. Ensure that they are used appropriately to separate closely related independent clauses. Additionally, consider varying sentence lengths for improved flow and emphasis.

Overall, the essay exhibits a strong command of grammatical range and accuracy, showcasing a wide array of sentence structures with minimal grammatical errors. To enhance your writing further, strive for an even greater diversity of sentence structures and fine-tune punctuation usage for added precision.

Bài sửa mẫu

Currently, the issue of diminished concentration is widespread among a significant number of students in educational institutions. Numerous students today have schedules filled with extracurricular activities and academic assignments, leaving them with minimal time for leisure. As a result, students frequently experience involuntary drowsiness, impeding their active participation in class. Another contributing factor is the influence of distractions on students’ focus during classes. Moreover, a noisy classroom environment exacerbates the challenges students encounter in sustaining concentration during classes.

To address this concern, promoting the adoption of a balanced diet comprising fruits, vegetables, and meat is crucial, as these foods offer essential nutrients for students’ overall development. Students should also ensure they obtain adequate sleep to rejuvenate after a demanding day, enhancing their capacity to concentrate in school. Another viable solution to this issue would entail the involvement of supervisors, including parents and teachers, in implementing time restrictions on students’ use of technological devices and cultivating an environment conducive to learning, optimizing students’ focus on their high school studies.

For example, educators may enforce regulations prohibiting the use of smartphones and ensuring sustained focus during class, thereby assisting students in concentrating on their assignments. Thus, I have put forward several viable solutions designed to alleviate this concerning phenomenon.

In conclusion, the phenomenon of diminished concentration among students is influenced by factors such as overloaded schedules, distractions, and a noisy learning environment. The proposed solutions, including promoting a balanced diet, sufficient sleep, and the involvement of supervisors in regulating technology use, aim to address these challenges and enhance students’ focus in class.

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