Many think social media has helped to connect people, while others think social media has separated us more than ever before. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

While some individuals assert that members of the public are connects by social network, others believe that it is separate human from each other. This essay will explain why i am in favor of the former opinion.

On the one hand, humans have a trend use social platforms instead of join outdoor activities. It decrease interaction between people. For example, young people now have tend to share everything in the social but not confidence with their parents or family. It lead to the distance between everyone in the family.

On the other hand, social network help connect people. It the large network allow people chatting or expand relationship. For instance, if you like anime but difficult to find friend who has a similar hobby, you can easy to find in many fanpage on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Furthermore, social platforms will update fast news around the world. The most interesting topic is about celebrities. Recently, the most attractive event is the love story of two actors Han So Hee and Ryu Jun Jeol. Many groups are create for humans to talk and express opinions. Thereby creating a community of people who share the same view.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

Errors and Improvements:

"connects by social network" -> "connected via social networks"
Explanation: "Connects by social network" lacks proper subject-verb agreement and uses informal language. "Connected via social networks" is more formal and grammatically correct.
"separate human from each other" -> "separate humans from one another"
Explanation: "Separate human from each other" should be "separate humans from one another" for grammatical correctness and formality.
"i am in favor of the former opinion" -> "I support the former viewpoint"
Explanation: "I am in favor of the former opinion" is too informal. "I support the former viewpoint" maintains formality and clarity.
"humans have a trend use social platforms" -> "humans tend to use social platforms"
Explanation: "Humans have a trend use social platforms" is awkward and lacks proper grammar. "Humans tend to use social platforms" is clearer and grammatically correct.
"It decrease interaction between people" -> "It decreases interaction among individuals"
Explanation: "It decrease interaction between people" contains a subject-verb agreement error. "It decreases interaction among individuals" corrects this error and maintains formality.
"young people now have tend to share everything" -> "young people tend to share everything"
Explanation: "Young people now have tend to share everything" is redundant and grammatically incorrect. "Young people tend to share everything" is more concise and grammatically accurate.
"not confidence with their parents or family" -> "lack confidence with their parents or family"
Explanation: "Not confidence with their parents or family" is grammatically incorrect. "Lack confidence with their parents or family" is the correct phrasing.
"It lead to the distance between everyone in the family" -> "It leads to distance among family members"
Explanation: "It lead to the distance between everyone in the family" contains subject-verb agreement errors. "It leads to distance among family members" corrects this and maintains formality.
"It the large network allow people chatting" -> "The large network allows people to chat"
Explanation: "It the large network allow people chatting" is grammatically incorrect. "The large network allows people to chat" is the corrected form.
"you can easy to find" -> "you can easily find"
Explanation: "You can easy to find" contains a grammatical error. "You can easily find" corrects this and maintains formality.
"many fanpage on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok" -> "many fan pages on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok"
Explanation: "Many fanpage on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok" lacks proper pluralization. "Many fan pages on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok" is the corrected form.
"Furthermore, social platforms will update fast news around the world" -> "Furthermore, social platforms provide rapid updates on global news"
Explanation: "Social platforms will update fast news around the world" is awkward and lacks clarity. "Social platforms provide rapid updates on global news" is clearer and more formal.
"The most interesting topic is about celebrities" -> "One of the most captivating topics revolves around celebrities"
Explanation: "The most interesting topic is about celebrities" is overly simplistic. "One of the most captivating topics revolves around celebrities" is more sophisticated and formal.
"Many groups are create for humans to talk" -> "Many groups are created for individuals to engage in dialogue"
Explanation: "Many groups are create for humans to talk" contains a grammatical error. "Many groups are created for individuals to engage in dialogue" is the corrected form.
"Thereby creating a community of people who share the same view" -> "Thereby fostering a community of like-minded individuals"
Explanation: "Creating a community of people who share the same view" is somewhat redundant and lacks sophistication. "Fostering a community of like-minded individuals" conveys a similar meaning in a more refined manner.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument regarding the impact of social media on human connections. It briefly mentions the perspective of those who believe social media connects people but predominantly focuses on the opinion that it separates individuals.
- How to improve: To better address all parts of the question, the essay should provide a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints. It should allocate equal attention to arguments supporting the idea that social media connects people, alongside those suggesting it drives them apart.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear stance in favor of the view that social media separates individuals. The author consistently argues this position throughout the essay, without ambiguity.
- How to improve: While maintaining a clear position is essential, it would be beneficial to acknowledge opposing viewpoints and engage with them to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. This could strengthen the argument by addressing potential counterarguments.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas but lacks depth and clarity. Examples provided to support the arguments are limited and somewhat vague. The essay mentions a decrease in face-to-face interaction due to social media and offers an example related to family relationships. However, these points are not elaborated upon or supported with evidence or analysis.
- How to improve: To enhance the presentation of ideas, the essay should provide more specific and developed examples. Additionally, it would benefit from further explanation and analysis of how social media impacts human connections. Including statistics, studies, or personal anecdotes could strengthen the argument and make it more compelling.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay mostly stays on topic by discussing the impact of social media on human connections. However, it briefly veers off topic when mentioning the news updates and celebrity gossip provided by social platforms. While these aspects are related to social media, they are not directly relevant to the discussion of whether social media connects or separates people.
- How to improve: To maintain focus on the topic, the essay should avoid discussing tangential points that do not directly address the prompt. Instead, it should concentrate on providing arguments and examples that specifically relate to the impact of social media on human relationships.

Overall, while the essay effectively presents a clear position and attempts to address the prompt, there is room for improvement in terms of providing a more balanced discussion, extending ideas with supporting evidence, and maintaining focus on the topic throughout. Strengthening these aspects would enhance the overall coherence and persuasiveness of the essay.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a basic attempt at organization, with an introduction, two body paragraphs presenting contrasting views, and a conclusion. However, there are significant coherence issues, such as abrupt transitions and a lack of clear progression between ideas. For instance, the essay jumps from discussing the negative impacts of social media on interpersonal relationships to its positive aspects without a smooth transition or clear connection between the two. This results in disjointed reasoning and makes it challenging for the reader to follow the flow of the argument.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider structuring the essay more cohesively. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point to be discussed. Use transition words and phrases (e.g., "however," "on the other hand") to signal shifts between ideas and ensure a smoother flow between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph contributes to the overall argument and maintains a logical progression of ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay attempts to use paragraphs to separate different points, but the structure and effectiveness of paragraphing are inconsistent. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea or aspect of the argument, but several paragraphs in the essay encompass multiple ideas, resulting in confusion. Furthermore, the essay lacks clear topic sentences to guide the reader through the content of each paragraph.
- How to improve: Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph addresses only one main idea and supports it with relevant examples or explanations. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main point, followed by supporting sentences that provide further elaboration or evidence. Consider breaking down longer paragraphs into shorter, more focused ones to improve readability and coherence.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates limited use of cohesive devices to connect ideas and maintain coherence. While some attempts are made (e.g., "on the one hand," "on the other hand"), they are used inconsistently and ineffectively. Additionally, there is a lack of cohesive devices within paragraphs to establish clear relationships between sentences and ideas, leading to a disjointed presentation.
- How to improve: Increase the use of cohesive devices throughout the essay to improve coherence and cohesion. Incorporate a variety of transitional words and phrases (e.g., "furthermore," "for instance," "thereby") to signal relationships between ideas and create a smoother progression of arguments. Ensure that cohesive devices are used both between paragraphs to connect larger sections of the essay and within paragraphs to maintain coherence at the sentence level. Practice using cohesive devices effectively to strengthen the overall structure and coherence of the essay.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 5

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a fair range of vocabulary, although there are instances where more precise and varied word choices could enhance clarity and depth. For example, the repetition of certain words like "social" and "people" could be diversified to enrich the expression and avoid monotony. Additionally, there are some errors in word usage that affect clarity, such as "it decrease interaction" where "decrease" should be replaced with "decreases" for grammatical accuracy. Furthermore, the essay lacks complexity in vocabulary, with opportunities to incorporate more sophisticated terms and expressions.
- How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, consider expanding your vocabulary by exploring synonyms and related terms for common words used in the essay. Varying sentence structures and employing transitions can also contribute to lexical diversity. Moreover, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and revising sentences for clarity will ensure that your vocabulary usage effectively communicates your ideas.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay occasionally utilizes vocabulary with precision, but there are instances of imprecise word choices that weaken the expression. For instance, "young people now have tend to share everything" could be more precise by replacing "have tend to" with "tend to" for clearer phrasing. Similarly, "difficult to find friend" could be refined to "difficult to find friends," addressing the error in pluralization. Precise vocabulary usage is essential for conveying ideas accurately and effectively.
- How to improve: To improve precision in vocabulary, pay close attention to word choice and ensure that each word accurately conveys your intended meaning. Consider consulting a thesaurus to explore alternative terms and select the most suitable ones for your context. Additionally, proofreading your essay carefully for errors in grammar and syntax will help refine your vocabulary usage and enhance overall clarity.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits several spelling errors that detract from its overall quality and coherence. Examples include "connects" instead of "connected," "separate" instead of "separates," "trend use" instead of "tendency to use," "confidence" instead of "confide," "easy" instead of "easily," and "create" instead of "created." These errors compromise the professionalism of the writing and hinder effective communication of ideas.
- How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider utilizing spelling and grammar check tools available in word processing software or online platforms. Additionally, allocating time for thorough proofreading and editing after completing the essay can help identify and correct spelling errors. Developing a habit of reviewing commonly misspelled words and practicing spelling exercises can also contribute to enhancing spelling proficiency over time.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay exhibits a limited range of sentence structures. There is a predominance of simple and compound sentences, with minimal use of complex or compound-complex structures. For instance, simple sentences like "On the one hand, humans have a trend use social platforms instead of join outdoor activities" dominate the essay, lacking complexity and variety.
- How to improve: To enhance grammatical range and variety, consider incorporating a broader range of sentence structures. Introduce complex sentences with subordinate clauses to add depth and complexity to your arguments. Additionally, experiment with compound-complex sentences to express more nuanced ideas. Varying sentence length and structure can make your writing more engaging and persuasive.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates several grammatical and punctuation errors, affecting overall clarity and coherence. For example, there are instances of subject-verb agreement errors ("humans have a trend use"), article misuse ("the large network allow"), and punctuation errors such as missing commas and inconsistent capitalization ("It the large network allow…"). These errors detract from the readability and precision of the essay.
- How to improve: Focus on improving grammatical accuracy by revising sentences for subject-verb agreement, ensuring consistency in tense usage, and employing articles appropriately. Pay attention to punctuation rules, including comma usage for clarity and capitalization of proper nouns. Consider revising your essay multiple times, focusing on specific aspects of grammar and punctuation in each revision. Additionally, seeking feedback from peers or utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify and correct errors more effectively.

Bài sửa mẫu

While some individuals assert that social media helps connect people, others believe it separates humans from each other. This essay will explain why I support the former viewpoint.

On the one hand, humans tend to use social platforms instead of participating in outdoor activities, which decreases interaction among individuals. For example, young people now tend to share everything on social media but lack confidence with their parents or family, leading to distance among family members.

On the other hand, social networks help connect people. The large network allows people to chat and expand relationships. For instance, if you like anime but find it difficult to find friends with similar hobbies, you can easily find many fan pages on Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. Furthermore, social platforms provide rapid updates on global news. One of the most captivating topics revolves around celebrities. Recently, the most attractive event is the love story of two actors, Han So Hee and Ryu Jun Jeol. Many groups are created for individuals to engage in dialogue and express opinions, thereby fostering a community of like-minded individuals.