Many thoughtful people have said that cooperation brings out the best in people and leads to success in almost all endeavors. There is a limit, however, to the value of cooperative behaviour, since such behaviour may suppress people’s willingness to be creative and to stand out from the crowd. Too often, cooperating ans going along with the group even if that is not necessarily the best way Question: Does working wit others lead to better results than acting a an individual? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience or observations

Many thoughtful people have said that cooperation brings out the best in people and leads to success in almost all endeavors. There is a limit, however, to the value of cooperative behaviour, since such behaviour may suppress people's willingness to be creative and to stand out from the crowd. Too often, cooperating ans going along with the group even if that is not necessarily the best way
Question: Does working wit others lead to better results than acting a an individual? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience or observations

As globalization has permeated every sphere of humanity, enhancing our life enormously, the workload required aggrandizes accordingly which creates a strong demand for cooperation at workplaces between employees as it is incited to bring a large number of benefits for enterprises, yet it has polarized the public opinion. While proponents advocate for its positively efficacious effect on the company in general or individuals in specific, the skeptics voice their concern that there exists an invisible obstacle to the self-creativity, caused by the excessive cooperation. This essay aims to offer a comprehensive understanding by scrutinizing both perspectives in depth before drawing my own opinion that companionship in working is far more advantageous than individuality.

On the one hand, supporters of the self-working may have their compelling grounds due to its helpful improvement in several crucial skills and the insight of the tasks. First and foremost, the problem-solving skill of workers can be ultimately enhanced through self-working as they cannot receive any assistance from their colleagues, which, regarding long-term effects, can strengthen the workers overall leading them being more trustworthy due to their competence, therefore, promoting their stance in their enterprises and providing them many privileges. Moreover, when staff conduct their complex tasks on their own, they are indirectly maintaining a sense of accountability and passively absorbing the core knowledge for the issue, subsequently this bolster their working attitudes in an optimistic way and their productivity in next tasks providing that they implement the previously achieved “intellectual treasure”.

On the other hand, I am tremendously on the side with the advantages of cooperation in workplaces concerning its potentials on the large scale and its role as a catalyst for social skills’ advancements. The first outstanding point of this is that the cooperative tasks, which employees frequently meet, request completing them in a short deadline, since then, even the most brightest brain cannot satisfy the demands, which urgently require a working bridge between employees, as cooperation appears, the progress of a project or a task can be expedited stupendously resulting in upsizing the overall performance of an incorporation, bringing them an ensemble of financial awards and necessary prominence. The completely shift to cooperative working by dividing each section of a project into each member is the mainspring reason for some AI-generating companies’ prosperity and budding success by virtue of their insurmountable workload can be taken as one of the manifest testaments to this point of view. Furthermore, workers in a cooperative working environment can passively develop their social skills and establish valuable relationships with their co-workers, which may accompany them not only in the workplace but also in everyday life when communication remains a contentious discourse in today’s society. However, individualism at work should also continue to be maintained in regard of its mentioned long-term positive impacts, consequently teamwork had better be utilized irregularly.

All things considered, despite all the remarkable benefits of individuality in working such as the boost in the process of learning professional knowledge and the personal value it provides, self-working’s ones are regarded to outweigh them because of their ability to fortify crucial social skills of workers and make the working process much more accelerated provided cooperation is only applied in several situation, otherwise it can vitiate its key value.

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Errors and Improvements:

1. "enhancing our life enormously" -> "enhancing our lives significantly"
   Explanation: "Enormously" is somewhat colloquial; replacing it with "significantly" maintains formality while conveying the intended meaning.

2. "aggrandizes" -> "increases"
   Explanation: "Aggrandizes" is overly formal and uncommon; "increases" is a simpler and more widely understood term suitable for academic writing.

3. "incited" -> "intended"
   Explanation: "Incited" is not the most appropriate term here; "intended" conveys the idea of purpose more clearly and formally.

4. "positively efficacious effect" -> "positive impact"
   Explanation: "Positively efficacious effect" is unnecessarily verbose; "positive impact" is concise and maintains formal tone.

5. "skeptics" -> "detractors"
   Explanation: "Skeptics" is acceptable, but "detractors" is a more formal synonym that fits better in academic writing.

6. "scrutinizing" -> "examining"
   Explanation: "Scrutinizing" is somewhat formal; "examining" is a simpler alternative that retains clarity and formality.

7. "companionship in working" -> "collaboration in the workplace"
   Explanation: "Companionship in working" is awkward; "collaboration in the workplace" is a clearer and more formal expression.

8. "compelling grounds" -> "valid reasons"
   Explanation: "Compelling grounds" is slightly informal; "valid reasons" is a more precise and formal alternative.

9. "promotion their stance" -> "enhance their position"
   Explanation: "Promotion their stance" is awkward; "enhance their position" is clearer and more formal.

10. "maintaining a sense of accountability" -> "fostering accountability"
    Explanation: "Maintaining a sense of accountability" is a bit verbose; "fostering accountability" is a concise alternative that maintains formality.

11. "passively absorbing" -> "acquiring"
    Explanation: "Passively absorbing" is somewhat informal; "acquiring" is a more precise and formal term.

12. "bolster their working attitudes" -> "strengthen their work ethic"
    Explanation: "Bolster their working attitudes" is unclear; "strengthen their work ethic" is a more specific and formal expression.

13. "stupendously" -> "greatly"
    Explanation: "Stupendously" is overly dramatic; "greatly" is a more moderate and appropriate adverb in academic writing.

14. "ensemble of financial awards" -> "array of financial benefits"
    Explanation: "Ensemble of financial awards" is awkward; "array of financial benefits" is a clearer and more formal expression.

15. "mainspring reason" -> "primary reason"
    Explanation: "Mainspring reason" is somewhat archaic; "primary reason" is a simpler and more widely understood term.

16. "manifest testaments" -> "clear evidence"
    Explanation: "Manifest testaments" is somewhat redundant; "clear evidence" is a simpler and more direct phrase.

17. "vitiate its key value" -> "diminish its core value"
    Explanation: "Vitiate its key value" is verbose; "diminish its core value" is a clearer and more concise expression.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 8

Band Score for Task Response: 8

• Answer All Parts of the Question:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the question effectively by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of working with others versus working as an individual. It acknowledges the opposing viewpoint and provides a reasoned conclusion, stating a clear preference for cooperation.
  • How to improve: To enhance comprehensiveness, the essay could delve deeper into the potential drawbacks of excessive cooperation, such as the suppression of creativity, as suggested by the prompt. Providing more specific examples or contrasting scenarios would strengthen the analysis.

• Present a Clear Position Throughout:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a consistent stance favoring cooperation throughout. It effectively argues that while individualism has merits, cooperation offers greater benefits, especially in terms of social skills and task efficiency.
  • How to improve: To further improve clarity, ensure that each body paragraph reinforces the overarching position clearly and succinctly. This could involve emphasizing the central thesis more explicitly within each supporting argument.

• Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay presents ideas adequately but could benefit from deeper development and more specific examples to bolster the arguments. For instance, expanding on how certain industries or projects benefit specifically from cooperation would add depth.
  • How to improve: Strengthen the essay by incorporating more detailed examples and evidence. Show specific instances where cooperation has led to superior outcomes compared to individual efforts.

• Stay on Topic:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic by addressing the prompt’s core question about the effectiveness of cooperation versus individual action. However, there are moments where the focus could be tighter, particularly when discussing the downsides of excessive cooperation.
  • How to improve: Maintain a tighter thematic focus by consistently referring back to the central theme of teamwork versus individualism. Avoid tangential discussions that may detract from the main argument.

Overall, the essay demonstrates a strong grasp of the topic and effectively argues in favor of cooperation over individualism in the workplace. To improve, consider refining the depth of analysis and providing more nuanced examples to further strengthen the position. Additionally, ensure a consistent focus on the prompt’s specific nuances, such as the potential drawbacks of excessive cooperation, to enhance clarity and completeness.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 6

• Organize Information Logically:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally logical organization of information. It begins with a clear introduction that outlines the debate between cooperation and individuality in the workplace. Each body paragraph presents a distinct viewpoint, supported by examples and reasoning. The conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments presented and reiterates the author’s stance. However, there are instances where the flow of ideas could be smoother. For example, the transition between discussing the benefits of individual work to the benefits of cooperation could be more seamless to enhance coherence.
  • How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases or sentences to smoothly connect ideas between paragraphs. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph maintains a clear focus on a single aspect of the argument to avoid confusion for the reader.

• Use Paragraphs:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs to structure the discussion effectively. Each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the argument, such as the advantages of individual work or the benefits of cooperation. However, some paragraphs could be more succinct and focused. For instance, the paragraph discussing the benefits of cooperation could be divided into smaller paragraphs to enhance clarity and readability.
  • How to improve: Review each paragraph to ensure that it presents a cohesive idea or argument. Consider breaking longer paragraphs into shorter ones to maintain focus and improve readability. Each paragraph should have a clear topic sentence and supporting details that relate directly to the main point.

• Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay utilizes a variety of cohesive devices to connect ideas and improve coherence. Examples include transitional phrases like "On the one hand" and "On the other hand," which signal shifts between different viewpoints. Additionally, cohesive devices such as pronouns ("they," "this") and conjunctions ("therefore," "furthermore") are used effectively to link sentences and paragraphs.
  • How to improve: While the essay demonstrates proficiency in using cohesive devices, there is room to further diversify their usage. Consider incorporating a wider range of transitional phrases and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance coherence. Additionally, ensure that cohesive devices are used consistently throughout the essay to maintain clarity and logical progression of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 7

• Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable range of vocabulary, with varied terminology used throughout to articulate ideas effectively. For instance, the essay employs diverse vocabulary such as "aggrandizes," "polarized," "skeptics," "comprehensive understanding," "scrutinizing," "proponents," "efficacious," "self-creativity," "advantages," "individuality," and "vitiate," among others. These lexical choices contribute to the essay’s clarity and sophistication.
  • How to improve: While the essay showcases a strong lexical range, enhancing precision in word choice could elevate the sophistication further. Consider employing more nuanced vocabulary where appropriate to convey subtle distinctions in meaning and strengthen the argument’s impact. Additionally, ensure that the vocabulary used aligns precisely with the intended context to avoid any ambiguity.

• Use Vocabulary Precisely:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally employs vocabulary with precision, effectively conveying ideas and arguments. For example, terms like "self-working," "cooperation," "individualism," and "social skills" are used appropriately to delineate different concepts related to the topic. However, there are instances where vocabulary could be more precise. For instance, phrases like "the completely shift to cooperative working" could be revised for greater clarity and precision.
  • How to improve: To enhance precision in vocabulary usage, strive for greater specificity and clarity in expression. Instead of using broad terms, opt for precise terminology that accurately captures the intended meaning. Consider refining phrases or substituting words with more exact synonyms to eliminate any potential ambiguity or vagueness.

• Use Correct Spelling:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a generally high level of spelling accuracy, with few errors detracting from overall comprehension. However, there are instances where minor spelling errors occur, such as "incorporation" instead of "corporation" and "stupendously resulting" where "stupendously" may not be the most precise choice.
  • How to improve: To improve spelling accuracy, consider employing spell-check tools or proofreading techniques to identify and correct any misspelled words. Additionally, expanding vocabulary through reading and actively learning new words can enhance spelling proficiency over time. Regular practice in writing and paying attention to commonly misspelled words can also contribute to improved spelling accuracy.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

• Use a Wide Range of Structures:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a commendable attempt at utilizing a variety of sentence structures. Complex sentences, compound sentences, and some introductory phrases are effectively employed throughout the essay. For instance, complex sentences like "On the one hand, supporters of the self-working may have their compelling grounds due to its helpful improvement in several crucial skills and the insight of the tasks" showcase a willingness to vary sentence structures for clarity and coherence.
  • How to improve: To further enhance the variety and effectiveness of sentence structures, consider incorporating more diverse sentence types such as interrogative sentences, imperative sentences, and conditional sentences. Additionally, varying the length of sentences can improve the flow and rhythm of the essay. Experiment with shorter, punchier sentences juxtaposed with longer, more descriptive ones to maintain reader engagement.

• Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:

  • Detailed explanation: The essay generally maintains grammatical accuracy, with few noticeable errors. However, there are instances where subject-verb agreement issues occur, such as in the sentence "since then, even the most brightest brain cannot satisfy the demands," where "brightest" should be changed to "brilliant." Additionally, there are minor punctuation errors, like missing commas before coordinating conjunctions in compound sentences.
  • How to improve: To enhance grammatical accuracy, focus on consistently applying subject-verb agreement rules and ensuring concordance between subjects and predicates. Proofreading for punctuation errors, especially regarding comma usage in compound sentences and introductory phrases, can also refine the essay’s clarity and coherence. Utilize resources such as grammar guides and online tools to practice identifying and correcting common grammatical mistakes.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a strong command of grammar and a willingness to incorporate varied sentence structures, attention to detail in grammar and punctuation can further elevate the clarity and precision of the writing. Continued practice and revision focusing on these areas will contribute to further improvement in grammatical range and accuracy.

Bài sửa mẫu

As globalization has significantly impacted our lives, increasing demands at work have led to a greater need for collaboration among employees. While many see collaboration as beneficial for both companies and individuals, others argue that it may stifle creativity and individuality. This essay aims to explore both perspectives before presenting my view that working together is more advantageous than working alone.

Supporters of individual work cite its benefits in skill development and task insight. Working independently can enhance problem-solving skills, as employees must rely solely on their own abilities. This can lead to increased trustworthiness and advancement within the company. Additionally, tackling complex tasks alone fosters a sense of accountability and allows for a deeper understanding of the task at hand, ultimately boosting productivity in future endeavors.

However, I strongly believe in the advantages of collaboration in the workplace. Cooperative tasks often have tight deadlines that require teamwork to complete efficiently. Collaboration can significantly speed up project progress, leading to improved overall performance and financial rewards for the company. The success of AI-generating companies, which heavily rely on teamwork to manage large workloads, serves as evidence of the benefits of collaboration. Furthermore, working collaboratively allows employees to develop important social skills and build valuable relationships, both in the workplace and in everyday life.

While individualism has its merits, such as facilitating learning and personal growth, the benefits of collaboration, particularly in enhancing social skills and accelerating work processes, outweigh these advantages. However, it is essential to strike a balance between individual work and collaboration to ensure that the core values of both approaches are maintained.