many young people do not spend their holidays and weekends doing outdoor activities like hiking and climbing in natural environments. Why? How can they be encouraged to go out?

A lot of the young do not use their holidays and weekends to do some outdoor activities such as hiking and climbing in natural habitats. The goal of this article is outline the reasons for this problem and show some solutions.
There are several reasons why people do not do some outdoor activities. First of all, some people think doing outdoor activities is waste time. In the modern world, to develop the economy, many people usually have a hectic schedule so they must work also holidays and weekends. In addition, some outdoor activities are dangerous. For example, climbing is popular activity to improve the health; however, it also brings the risk of death and trauma. Therefore, people will consider carefully if they want to participate in that activity. Moreover, people must pay for huge money if they want to do outdoor activities in natural environments. There are many tools which preserve for outdoor activities such as protective gear, medicine, flashlight. They are too expensive for average income.
There are many methods to tackle this problems. First of all, companies should reduce the amount of work, which helps people have more time to do outdoor activities. In addition, the governments should invest more in spreading outdoor activities and preserving natural environments. Furthermore, some tourist destinations which allow people to do dangerous out door activities should hire some lifeguards to make sure tourist's health.
In conclusion, there are many reasons and solution for that people do not participate in outdoor activities in natural environments.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"A lot of the young" -> "Many young people"
Explanation: "A lot of the young" is informal and vague. "Many young people" is more precise and appropriate for academic writing, specifying the subject clearly.
"do not use their holidays and weekends" -> "fail to utilize their holidays and weekends"
Explanation: "Do not use" is somewhat informal and direct. "Fail to utilize" is more formal and suggests a lack of effective use, which is more precise in this context.
"The goal of this article is outline the reasons" -> "The purpose of this article is to outline the reasons"
Explanation: "The goal" is less formal than "the purpose," and "is outline" should be "is to outline" for grammatical correctness and clarity.
"show some solutions" -> "present some solutions"
Explanation: "Show" is somewhat vague and informal for academic writing. "Present" is more specific and formal, fitting the academic style better.
"First of all" -> "Firstly"
Explanation: "First of all" is a colloquial expression. "Firstly" is a more formal transitional phrase suitable for academic writing.
"doing outdoor activities is waste time" -> "engaging in outdoor activities is a waste of time"
Explanation: "Doing" is too informal and imprecise. "Engaging in" is more formal and specific, and "a waste of time" is grammatically correct.
"to develop the economy" -> "to foster economic development"
Explanation: "To develop the economy" is a bit simplistic and vague. "To foster economic development" is more precise and formal, aligning better with academic language.
"usually have a hectic schedule" -> "typically have a demanding schedule"
Explanation: "Hectic" can be seen as informal and slightly emotional. "Demanding" is more neutral and formal, suitable for academic writing.
"must work also holidays and weekends" -> "must work on holidays and weekends"
Explanation: "Also" is unnecessary and informal in this context. "On" is the correct preposition for indicating work during holidays and weekends in formal English.
"pay for huge money" -> "pay a significant amount of money"
Explanation: "Pay for huge money" is informal and redundant. "Pay a significant amount of money" is more precise and formal.
"tools which preserve for outdoor activities" -> "equipment designed for outdoor activities"
Explanation: "Tools which preserve" is unclear and grammatically incorrect. "Equipment designed for outdoor activities" is clear and grammatically correct, enhancing the formal tone.
"tackle this problems" -> "address this problem"
Explanation: "Tackle" is somewhat informal and can imply a more aggressive approach. "Address" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing, and "problem" should be singular to match the singular verb "is" in the previous sentence.
"some tourist destinations which allow people to do dangerous out door activities" -> "certain tourist destinations that permit dangerous outdoor activities"
Explanation: "Some tourist destinations which allow people to do" is awkwardly phrased and informal. "Certain tourist destinations that permit" is more concise and formal, and "outdoor activities" should not be hyphenated.
"make sure tourist’s health" -> "ensure the health and safety of tourists"
Explanation: "Make sure tourist’s health" is grammatically incorrect and informal. "Ensure the health and safety of tourists" is grammatically correct and more formal, fitting the academic style better.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively addresses both parts of the prompt by identifying reasons why young people do not engage in outdoor activities and suggesting methods to encourage participation. The reasons provided include time constraints due to work commitments, perceived dangers of activities like climbing, and the financial burden associated with outdoor gear. The solutions proposed include reducing work hours, government investment in promoting outdoor activities, and hiring lifeguards at tourist destinations. However, while the reasons and solutions are relevant, the essay could benefit from a more comprehensive exploration of each point.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should delve deeper into each reason and solution. For instance, providing specific examples or statistics about young people’s work hours or discussing the psychological barriers to outdoor activities could strengthen the argument. Additionally, expanding on how government initiatives could be implemented would provide a more thorough answer.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay maintains a clear position regarding the reasons and solutions for the lack of outdoor activities among young people. The introduction clearly states the intent to outline problems and solutions, and the conclusion summarizes these points. However, the clarity of the position could be improved by ensuring that the language used consistently reflects the writer’s stance.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer and more consistent position, the writer should use more definitive language and avoid ambiguous phrases. For example, instead of saying "some people think," the writer could assert that "many young people believe." This would convey a stronger position and enhance the overall argument.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas regarding the reasons for and solutions to the lack of outdoor activities. However, some points are not fully developed or supported with adequate examples. For instance, the mention of financial burdens is relevant but lacks specific examples of costs associated with outdoor activities, which could help illustrate the point more effectively.
- How to improve: To improve the presentation and support of ideas, the writer should aim to elaborate on each point with specific examples or anecdotes. For example, discussing the average cost of climbing gear or citing a survey about young people’s preferences for indoor versus outdoor activities could provide stronger support for the claims made.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the reasons and solutions related to outdoor activities for young people. However, there are moments where the connection between ideas could be clearer. For example, the transition between discussing the dangers of outdoor activities and the proposed solutions could be more fluid to enhance coherence.
- How to improve: To maintain focus and relevance to the topic, the writer should ensure that each paragraph logically flows from one idea to the next. Using transitional phrases and linking sentences can help create a more cohesive argument. Additionally, revisiting the prompt at the end of each section can reinforce the relevance of the discussion.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing reasons and solutions, and a conclusion. However, the logical flow could be improved. For instance, the transition from discussing reasons to solutions is somewhat abrupt. The first body paragraph lists reasons but lacks a clear connection to the subsequent paragraph that addresses solutions. This can confuse the reader regarding how the solutions directly address the stated problems.
- How to improve: To enhance logical organization, consider using transitional phrases that explicitly link the reasons to the solutions. For example, after discussing the reasons, a sentence like "To address these challenges, several solutions can be implemented" would create a smoother transition. Additionally, ensuring that each reason is followed by a corresponding solution can further clarify the relationship between the two sections.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay employs paragraphs effectively, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the topic. However, the first paragraph could be more clearly defined as an introduction, and the second paragraph could benefit from clearer topic sentences. The lack of clear topic sentences in the body paragraphs makes it harder for the reader to grasp the main idea of each section immediately.
- How to improve: Start each body paragraph with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main point of that paragraph. For example, the first body paragraph could begin with "One significant reason young people avoid outdoor activities is the perception that they are a waste of time." This would help guide the reader and improve the overall clarity of the essay.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses some cohesive devices, such as "first of all," "in addition," and "therefore," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some phrases are used repetitively. For instance, "first of all" appears multiple times, which can detract from the overall cohesion of the essay. Additionally, the use of pronouns and synonyms to refer back to previously mentioned ideas could be improved.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, incorporate a wider range of linking words and phrases, such as "moreover," "furthermore," "on the other hand," and "consequently." Additionally, use pronouns effectively to avoid repetition. For example, instead of repeating "outdoor activities," you could use "these activities" or "such pursuits" in subsequent mentions. This will enhance the flow and cohesion of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of coherence and cohesion, addressing the above areas for improvement could elevate the score further. Focusing on logical transitions, clear topic sentences, and a broader range of cohesive devices will enhance the clarity and effectiveness of the writing.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary. Phrases like "outdoor activities," "natural habitats," and "hectic schedule" are appropriate and relevant. However, the vocabulary is somewhat repetitive, particularly the use of "outdoor activities," which appears multiple times without variation. Additionally, terms like "huge money" and "protective gear" could be enhanced with more sophisticated alternatives.
- How to improve: To improve lexical variety, consider using synonyms or related phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly saying "outdoor activities," you could use "recreational pursuits," "nature-based activities," or "adventurous outings." Expanding your vocabulary through reading and practicing synonyms can help achieve this.
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, the phrase "doing outdoor activities is waste time" should be "is a waste of time." Additionally, "huge money" is informal and vague; a more precise term would be "significant financial investment." The phrase "this problems" is also incorrect; it should be "this problem" or "these problems."
- How to improve: Focus on grammatical accuracy and the context in which words are used. Review the essay for phrases that may not convey the intended meaning accurately. Using a thesaurus can help find more precise words, but ensure they fit the context correctly.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "outline" (should be "to outline"), "waste time" (should be "a waste of time"), and "out door" (should be "outdoor"). These errors detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, practice writing and proofreading your work. Consider using spell-check tools or apps that can help identify errors. Additionally, regularly reading can improve your familiarity with correct spelling and usage of words.

Overall, while the essay meets some basic criteria for lexical resource, there is significant room for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. Focusing on these areas will help elevate the essay to a higher band score.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, with few complex sentences. For example, the sentence "In addition, some outdoor activities are dangerous" is straightforward and lacks complexity. The use of phrases like "First of all" and "In conclusion" indicates some attempt at organization, but the overall structure remains basic. The essay could benefit from more varied sentence types to enhance fluency and coherence.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice incorporating complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "some people think doing outdoor activities is waste time," the writer could say, "Although some people believe that engaging in outdoor activities is a waste of time, these activities can actually provide numerous benefits." This not only adds variety but also improves the depth of the argument.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from its clarity. For example, the phrase "doing outdoor activities is waste time" should be corrected to "doing outdoor activities is a waste of time." Additionally, the sentence "there are many tools which preserve for outdoor activities" is awkward and unclear; it should be rephrased for clarity, perhaps as "there are many tools required for outdoor activities." Punctuation errors, such as missing commas and incorrect use of semicolons, also appear throughout the essay, which can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement and article usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises, particularly those focusing on common errors, can be beneficial. Additionally, proofreading the essay for punctuation errors and ensuring that commas are used correctly to separate clauses will enhance overall clarity. For instance, the sentence "the governments should invest more in spreading outdoor activities and preserving natural environments" could be improved by adding a comma before "and" if it were part of a longer list, or by breaking it into two sentences for clarity.

Overall, while the essay conveys some relevant points, enhancing grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the quality of the writing. Regular practice, attention to sentence variety, and careful proofreading can help the writer achieve a higher band score in future essays.

Bài sửa mẫu

Many young people do not utilize their holidays and weekends to engage in outdoor activities such as hiking and climbing in natural habitats. The purpose of this article is to outline the reasons for this problem and present some solutions.

There are several reasons why people do not participate in outdoor activities. Firstly, some people think that engaging in outdoor activities is a waste of time. In the modern world, to foster economic development, many people typically have a demanding schedule, so they must work on holidays and weekends as well. In addition, some outdoor activities can be dangerous. For example, climbing is a popular activity to improve health; however, it also brings the risk of death and injury. Therefore, people will consider carefully if they want to participate in such activities. Moreover, individuals must pay a significant amount of money if they want to engage in outdoor activities in natural environments. There are many pieces of equipment designed for outdoor activities, such as protective gear, medicine, and flashlights. These items can be too expensive for those with an average income.

There are many methods to address this problem. Firstly, companies should reduce the amount of work, which would help people have more time to engage in outdoor activities. In addition, governments should invest more in promoting outdoor activities and preserving natural environments. Furthermore, certain tourist destinations that permit dangerous outdoor activities should hire lifeguards to ensure the health and safety of tourists.

In conclusion, there are many reasons and solutions for why people do not participate in outdoor activities in natural environments.