Millions of dollars are spent on space exploration every year. Some people argue that the fund should be used to improve living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?
Millions of dollars are spent on space exploration every year. Some people argue
that the fund should be used to improve living standards on Earth. Do you agree or
disagree?
In recent decade, countries around the world are hurry to invest in space exploration
programme, whereas a part of the population need economical and medical support
to deal with various problems. In this essay i'm going to talk about the reasons why
the authorities shouldn't spend a lot of money on space programme.
Firstly, the preparation for every space mission require a large amount of artificial
and non-artificial resources like financial and natural resources to create missiles,
space suits, etc. As a result, causing mass destructions of natural environment to
collect metrials and causing other social issue for the population around the area
such as poverty and starvation. For instance, the same amount of money used for
Apollo space mission can be use to improve people life’s quality and help reduce
illiterate and famine in Africa.
Secondly, although reallocate in other planet may sound very promising in some
extend. But in order to turn that dream to reality we have to improve our living
standards through organizing poverty eradication programs and incentives for
individuals rather than space exploration.
In conclusion, space programme is very promising for humanity to relocate on other
planet in the Milky Way. However, we have to come up with solutions to solve current
issues in order to enhance people living standards and turn our dreams to reality
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"In recent decade" -> "In recent decades"
Explanation: "Decade" should be pluralized to "decades" to correctly refer to multiple periods of ten years, aligning with the intended meaning of the sentence. -
"are hurry to invest" -> "are hurrying to invest"
Explanation: "are hurry" is grammatically incorrect. "are hurrying" corrects the verb tense and form to fit the context. -
"a part of the population need" -> "a significant portion of the population needs"
Explanation: "a part of" is vague and informal; "a significant portion" is more precise and formal. Also, "needs" should be plural to match the plural subject "population." -
"i’m going to talk about" -> "I will discuss"
Explanation: "i’m" is a contraction and should be replaced with the full form "I" for formal writing. "going to talk about" is informal; "will discuss" is more appropriate for academic writing. -
"the authorities shouldn’t spend a lot of money on space programme" -> "authorities should not allocate substantial funds to space programs"
Explanation: "a lot of money" is informal and vague; "substantial funds" is more precise and formal. "space programme" should be pluralized to "space programs" for consistency and formality. -
"require a large amount of artificial and non-artificial resources" -> "require substantial amounts of both artificial and non-artificial resources"
Explanation: "a large amount" is informal and vague; "substantial amounts" is more precise and formal. Adding "both" clarifies that the resources are of two types. -
"causing mass destructions of natural environment" -> "resulting in widespread destruction of the natural environment"
Explanation: "mass destructions" is grammatically incorrect; "widespread destruction" is grammatically correct and more formal. "the natural environment" is more precise than "natural environment." -
"metrials" -> "materials"
Explanation: "metrials" is a typographical error; "materials" is the correct term. -
"causing other social issue" -> "resulting in other social issues"
Explanation: "causing other social issue" is grammatically incorrect; "resulting in other social issues" corrects the verb tense and pluralizes "issue" to match the context. -
"people life’s quality" -> "the quality of life for people"
Explanation: "people life’s quality" is grammatically incorrect; "the quality of life for people" is grammatically correct and clearer. -
"reallocate in other planet" -> "relocate to other planets"
Explanation: "reallocate in other planet" is incorrect; "relocate to other planets" corrects the verb and adds the necessary preposition. -
"extend" -> "extent"
Explanation: "extend" is incorrect in this context; "extent" is the correct word for referring to the scope or degree of something. -
"we have to come up with solutions to solve" -> "we must develop solutions to address"
Explanation: "come up with" is informal and vague; "develop" is more precise and formal. "solve" is redundant with "come up with," so "address" is used for variety and clarity. -
"enhance people living standards" -> "improve the living standards of people"
Explanation: "enhance people living standards" is awkward and grammatically incorrect; "improve the living standards of people" is grammatically correct and more formal. -
"turn our dreams to reality" -> "turn our dreams into reality"
Explanation: "to" is incorrect; "into" is the correct preposition for transformation, making the phrase grammatically correct and idiomatic.
Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Task Response: 5 – UNDER WORD
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Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses the prompt by arguing against spending on space exploration and suggesting that funds should be redirected to improve living standards on Earth. However, it lacks a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, which is essential for a comprehensive response. The introduction mentions the need for economic and medical support but does not fully explore the potential benefits of space exploration, which could provide a more nuanced view.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should briefly acknowledge the benefits of space exploration, such as technological advancements and scientific knowledge, before presenting their argument. This would provide a more balanced perspective and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
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Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear position against spending on space exploration, but this stance is not consistently maintained throughout. For instance, the second paragraph introduces a somewhat contradictory idea by mentioning the potential of relocating to another planet, which could confuse the reader about the writer’s position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clear position, the writer should ensure that all points made in the essay directly support their argument. They could clarify their stance by explicitly stating that while space exploration has potential benefits, the immediate needs on Earth take precedence. This would help reinforce their position throughout the essay.
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Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents some ideas, such as the environmental impact of space missions and the need for poverty eradication programs. However, these ideas are not well-developed or supported with sufficient evidence. For example, the reference to the Apollo mission lacks specific details or statistics that would strengthen the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to elaborate on their ideas with more detailed examples and evidence. This could include statistics on poverty or specific programs that have successfully improved living standards. By providing concrete support for their claims, the writer can make their argument more compelling.
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Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the argument against space exploration funding. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes vague or strays slightly, such as the mention of relocating to another planet without a clear connection to the main argument.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates to the central argument. They could also use topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to clearly indicate how each point supports their overall thesis. This would help keep the essay cohesive and relevant to the prompt.
Overall, the essay needs to be expanded to meet the word count requirement and to provide a more thorough exploration of the topic. By addressing these areas for improvement, the writer can enhance the clarity, depth, and effectiveness of their argument.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7
Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7
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Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument against spending on space exploration, which is a strength. The introduction outlines the main issue and the writer’s stance effectively. However, the organization within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first paragraph introduces the topic but lacks a clear thesis statement that encapsulates the main argument. The second paragraph begins with a point about resource allocation but could benefit from clearer topic sentences that directly relate to the thesis. The ideas flow reasonably well, but some transitions between points are abrupt, which can disrupt the reader’s understanding.
- How to improve: To enhance logical flow, the writer should ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that relates back to the thesis. Additionally, using transitional phrases such as "Furthermore," "In addition," or "Conversely" can help guide the reader through the argument more smoothly.
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Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay uses paragraphs, which is essential for clarity. However, the paragraphs could be more effectively structured. The first paragraph combines multiple ideas without clear separation, making it harder for the reader to follow. The second paragraph also lacks a clear structure, as it introduces a new idea without fully developing the previous one. The conclusion reiterates the main argument but could be more impactful with a summary of the key points discussed.
- How to improve: Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea. The writer could start the first paragraph with a clear statement about the need for funding on Earth, followed by supporting details. The second paragraph could then focus solely on the potential benefits of reallocating funds. Finally, the conclusion should succinctly summarize the main arguments presented in the essay.
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Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates some use of cohesive devices, such as "Firstly" and "Secondly," which helps in structuring the argument. However, the range of cohesive devices is limited, and some transitions feel forced or awkward. For example, the phrase "although reallocate in other planet may sound very promising" lacks clarity and coherence. Additionally, the use of "however" at the beginning of the conclusion does not effectively connect the ideas presented in the essay.
- How to improve: To diversify cohesive devices, the writer should incorporate a wider variety of linking words and phrases, such as "Moreover," "On the other hand," and "Consequently." This will not only enhance the flow of the essay but also provide clearer connections between ideas. Practicing the use of these devices in different contexts can help the writer become more comfortable with their application.
Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, improvements in logical organization, paragraph structure, and the use of cohesive devices will enhance coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6
Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6
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Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use varied terms related to the topic, such as "space exploration," "living standards," and "poverty eradication programs." However, the vocabulary is often repetitive and lacks sophistication. For instance, the phrase "large amount of artificial and non-artificial resources" could be simplified or rephrased for clarity and impact. Additionally, terms like "mass destructions" and "social issue" are somewhat vague and could be replaced with more precise language.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more specific terms. For example, instead of repeating "large amount," they could use "substantial" or "considerable." Engaging with a thesaurus or vocabulary-building exercises can help diversify word choice.
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Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: There are instances of imprecise vocabulary usage in the essay. For example, the phrase "causing mass destructions of natural environment" could be more accurately expressed as "causing significant damage to the natural environment." Additionally, "reallocate in other planet" is grammatically incorrect and should be "relocate to another planet." The phrase "turn our dreams to reality" is also somewhat clichéd and lacks originality.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on using vocabulary that accurately conveys their intended meaning. This can be achieved by reviewing vocabulary in context and ensuring that phrases are grammatically correct. Practicing writing with a focus on clarity and specificity will also help.
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Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "decade" (should be "decades"), "hurry" (should be "hurried"), "i’m" (should be "I’m"), "metrials" (should be "materials"), and "illiterate" (should be "illiteracy"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse the reader.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should proofread their work carefully before submission. Utilizing spell-check tools and practicing common spelling rules can also be beneficial. Keeping a personal list of frequently misspelled words and reviewing them regularly may help reinforce correct spelling habits.
In summary, while the essay demonstrates a foundational understanding of the topic, there are clear areas for improvement in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling accuracy. By focusing on these aspects, the writer can enhance their lexical resource and achieve a higher band score in future IELTS writing tasks.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 5
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Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited variety of sentence structures. Most sentences are simple or compound, lacking complex structures that could enhance the argument. For example, phrases like "the preparation for every space mission require a large amount of artificial and non-artificial resources" are straightforward but could be more effectively expressed with subordinate clauses or varied sentence beginnings. The use of phrases like "In this essay I’m going to talk about" is overly informal and could be replaced with a more academic tone.
- How to improve: To diversify sentence structures, the writer should practice using complex sentences that include subordinate clauses. For instance, instead of saying "the preparation for every space mission require a large amount of artificial and non-artificial resources," the writer could say, "Although the preparation for every space mission requires a large amount of resources, including both artificial and natural, these funds could be better allocated to address pressing issues on Earth." Additionally, incorporating varied sentence openings and transitions can enhance the flow and coherence of the essay.
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Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that detract from clarity. For example, "In recent decade" should be "In recent decades," and "a part of the population need economical and medical support" should be "a part of the population needs economic and medical support." The use of "i’m" should be capitalized to "I’m," and "causing mass destructions of natural environment" should be "causing mass destruction of the natural environment." Additionally, there are issues with verb forms, such as "can be use" which should be "can be used."
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on subject-verb agreement, correct verb forms, and proper noun usage. Regular practice with grammar exercises and proofreading can help identify and correct these errors. Furthermore, reviewing punctuation rules, especially for commas and periods, will enhance the overall clarity of the writing. Reading academic essays can also provide insights into proper grammar and punctuation usage in context.
By addressing these areas, the writer can work towards improving their band score in Grammatical Range and Accuracy.
Bài sửa mẫu
In recent decades, countries around the world are hurrying to invest in space exploration programs, whereas a significant portion of the population needs economic and medical support to address various problems. In this essay, I will discuss why the authorities should not allocate substantial funds to space programs.
Firstly, the preparation for every space mission requires a large amount of both artificial and non-artificial resources, such as financial and natural resources, to create missiles, space suits, and other materials. As a result, this often leads to widespread destruction of the natural environment to collect materials, resulting in other social issues for the population in the surrounding areas, such as poverty and starvation. For instance, the same amount of money used for the Apollo space mission could be used to improve the quality of life for people and help reduce illiteracy and famine in Africa.
Secondly, although relocating to other planets may sound very promising to some extent, in order to turn that dream into reality, we must develop solutions to address our current living standards through organizing poverty eradication programs and providing incentives for individuals, rather than focusing on space exploration.
In conclusion, while space programs are indeed promising for humanity’s future in relocating to other planets in the Milky Way, we must prioritize finding solutions to current issues in order to improve the living standards of people and turn our dreams into reality.