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Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

The contemporary world is marked by breakthrough developments in technology, which is accompanied by enormous investments in the space industry. Therefore, the value of the trend has been disputed all over the globe. One suggestion is that funding should be spent toward enhancing the living standard. This essay will elaborate on the reasons why this viewpoint is flawed and provide additional examples.

The key reason why space research is imperative is that our world is running out of natural resources. Sources of rare metals including gold, silver and platinum have been shrinking due to excessive exploitation and improper use. Consequently, searching for extraterrestrial resources will significantly alleviate the pressure on the Earth. For example, NASA has been conducting studies to develop detectors to trace heavy metals on planets beyond the solar system. This approach is so far the only feasible one to solve the issue.

The second motivation for space exploration is the advance of technology accompanied by. If a country invests in these researches, it will achieve goals in other fields and additional experiences as well. For example, while creating a robot that can collect and analyse soil samples, they must have an optimal and accurate process of analysing first. Subsequently, the successful country is proven to have mastered combining the outcomes of different fields of science, including mathematics, modern physics and chemistry.

In conclusion, although improving living quality is crucial, it is worth it to advocate money towards space studies. Not only does it eradicate resource shortages but also fosters scientific development in the host country.


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Errors and Improvements:

  1. "breakthrough developments in technology" -> "significant advancements in technology"
    Explanation: Replacing "breakthrough developments" with "significant advancements" elevates the language by using a more formal and precise term.

  2. "enormous investments in the space industry" -> "substantial investments in the space sector"
    Explanation: The term "space industry" is broad, and replacing it with "space sector" adds specificity. Additionally, "substantial investments" sounds more formal than "enormous investments."

  3. "the value of the trend has been disputed" -> "the significance of this trend has been debated"
    Explanation: "Disputed" is a bit informal, and "debated" is a more suitable term in academic writing. Also, specifying "the significance of this trend" adds clarity.

  4. "One suggestion is that funding should be spent toward enhancing the living standard." -> "One perspective posits that funds should be allocated to improving living standards."
    Explanation: "Funding should be spent" is less formal, and "funds should be allocated" is more appropriate in academic writing. The phrase "enhancing the living standard" is also refined to "improving living standards."

  5. "This essay will elaborate on the reasons why this viewpoint is flawed and provide additional examples." -> "This essay will expound upon the reasons why this perspective is flawed and offer additional examples."
    Explanation: "Elaborate" is replaced with "expound upon" for a more formal tone. Additionally, changing "viewpoint" to "perspective" adds variety and formality.

  6. "key reason why space research is imperative" -> "primary reason for the importance of space research"
    Explanation: Replacing "key reason" with "primary reason" adds precision, and the phrase "for the importance of space research" enhances clarity.

  7. "Sources of rare metals including gold, silver and platinum" -> "Sources of rare metals such as gold, silver, and platinum"
    Explanation: Using "including" might be perceived as less formal; replacing it with "such as" maintains formality.

  8. "For example, NASA has been conducting studies to develop detectors to trace heavy metals on planets beyond the solar system." -> "For instance, NASA has undertaken studies to develop detectors for tracing heavy metals on planets outside our solar system."
    Explanation: The phrase is restructured for a smoother flow, and "beyond the solar system" is refined to "outside our solar system" for clarity.

  9. "If a country invests in these researches" -> "If a country invests in such research endeavors"
    Explanation: "These researches" is replaced with "such research endeavors" for a more formal expression.

  10. "and additional experiences as well" -> "and garner additional expertise."
    Explanation: "Additional experiences" is replaced with "additional expertise" for a more precise and formal term.

  11. "while creating a robot that can collect and analyse soil samples, they must have an optimal and accurate process of analysing first." -> "While developing a robot capable of collecting and analyzing soil samples, they must establish an optimal and accurate analytical process beforehand."
    Explanation: The sentence is rephrased for clarity, and "analysing" is changed to "analytical" for consistency.

  12. "Subsequently, the successful country is proven to have mastered combining the outcomes of different fields of science, including mathematics, modern physics and chemistry." -> "Consequently, a successful country demonstrates mastery in integrating findings across diverse scientific disciplines, including mathematics, modern physics, and chemistry."
    Explanation: "Subsequently" is replaced with "Consequently" for variety, and the sentence is refined for a more formal structure.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

  1. Quoted text: "The contemporary world is marked by breakthrough developments in technology, which is accompanied by enormous investments in the space industry. Therefore, the value of the trend has been disputed all over the globe. One suggestion is that funding should be spent toward enhancing the living standard. This essay will elaborate on the reasons why this viewpoint is flawed and provide additional examples."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: The introduction is clear in stating the topic; however, it lacks a concise summary of the main points that will be discussed in the essay. Adding a preview of the reasons and examples you will provide could enhance the overall structure and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
    • Improved example: "In the contemporary world, significant technological advancements are accompanied by substantial investments in the space industry, sparking debates worldwide. While some argue for redirecting funds towards improving living standards, this essay will elucidate why this perspective is flawed. I will delve into specific reasons and provide examples to support my argument."
  2. Quoted text: "The key reason why space research is imperative is that our world is running out of natural resources. Sources of rare metals including gold, silver, and platinum have been shrinking due to excessive exploitation and improper use. Consequently, searching for extraterrestrial resources will significantly alleviate the pressure on the Earth. For example, NASA has been conducting studies to develop detectors to trace heavy metals on planets beyond the solar system. This approach is so far the only feasible one to solve the issue."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your argument about space research addressing the scarcity of natural resources is well-stated. However, to strengthen your response, consider providing an additional example or elaborating on how these extraterrestrial resources could practically benefit Earth. This would enhance the depth of your idea development.
    • Improved example: "One key rationale for prioritizing space research is the impending scarcity of Earth’s natural resources, such as rare metals. The overexploitation of gold, silver, and platinum has led to a decline in these valuable materials. Exploring extraterrestrial resources emerges as a viable solution to alleviate Earth’s resource pressure. NASA, for instance, is researching detectors to trace heavy metals on planets beyond our solar system. This not only opens avenues for resource diversification but also provides innovative solutions to Earth’s resource challenges."
  3. Quoted text: "The second motivation for space exploration is the advance of technology accompanied by. If a country invests in these researches, it will achieve goals in other fields and additional experiences as well. For example, while creating a robot that can collect and analyze soil samples, they must have an optimal and accurate process of analyzing first. Subsequently, the successful country is proven to have mastered combining the outcomes of different fields of science, including mathematics, modern physics and chemistry."

    • Explanation and Suggestions for Improvement: Your point about the advancement of technology through space research is valid. However, it would be more effective if you provided a clearer connection between technological advancements and their practical applications on Earth. Specify how these technological achievements can directly contribute to improving living standards.
    • Improved example: "Another compelling rationale for investing in space exploration is the advancement of technology. Countries engaging in such research not only achieve breakthroughs in space-related endeavors but also gain valuable experiences and skills applicable to various fields. For instance, the development of a robot capable of collecting and analyzing soil samples necessitates an optimal and accurate analytical process. The successful application of such technologies not only signifies mastery in space science but also offers practical solutions to challenges on Earth, such as efficient environmental monitoring or disaster response."

Overall, while your essay adequately addresses the task and presents relevant ideas, enhancing the introduction and providing more concrete connections between space research and tangible benefits on Earth would contribute to a more comprehensive and persuasive response.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 6

Band Score: 6.0

Explanation:
The essay generally arranges information and ideas coherently with a clear overall progression. It effectively uses cohesive devices, particularly in the second paragraph discussing rare metals and space exploration’s benefits. However, there are instances of faulty or mechanical cohesion, such as the phrase "advance of technology accompanied by" in the third paragraph. Paragraphing is logical but could be improved for a more structured flow.

How to improve:

  1. Refine the use of cohesive devices to ensure seamless connections between sentences.
  2. Work on clearer referencing, especially in the third paragraph, to avoid potential confusion.
  3. Pay attention to paragraphing for a more organized and cohesive presentation of ideas.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a sufficiently wide range of vocabulary to allow flexibility and precision in expression, placing it within the Band 7 category. The writer uses less common lexical items with some awareness of style and collocation, contributing to a reasonably sophisticated use of language. The essay effectively conveys ideas and arguments, demonstrating a good command of vocabulary throughout. However, there are occasional errors in word choice and collocation, such as "accompany by" instead of "accompanied by" and "motivation" instead of "motivation for" in the second paragraph. These inaccuracies, while not severely impacting communication, prevent the essay from achieving a higher band score.

How to improve:
To enhance the lexical resource and move towards a higher band score, the writer should pay closer attention to word choice and collocation. Proofreading for minor errors in spelling and word formation would also contribute to a more polished and accurate use of vocabulary. Additionally, incorporating a wider variety of uncommon lexical items with precise context-appropriate usage would further elevate the essay’s lexical sophistication.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 7

Band Score: 7.0

Explanation:
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar and punctuation, with the majority of sentences being error-free. There is effective use of a variety of complex structures, contributing to the overall coherence of the essay. However, there are some instances of minor errors that do not significantly impede communication. The essay shows control over grammar and punctuation but may make a few errors, such as in the phrase "advance of technology accompanied by," where the word "accompanied" seems misplaced.

How to improve:
To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, consider reviewing sentence structures for precise placement of modifiers. In the mentioned phrase, it might be clearer to rephrase it as "accompanied by the advance of technology." Additionally, proofreading for minor errors and refining the coherence of complex structures can further elevate the overall grammatical proficiency. Overall, maintaining the complexity while ensuring precise use of grammar and punctuation would strengthen the essay.

Bài sửa mẫu

The contemporary world is witnessing remarkable technological advancements, accompanied by significant investments in the space industry. This trend has sparked global debates about its value. One perspective suggests allocating funds to enhance living standards. This essay will explore the reasons why this viewpoint may be flawed and provide additional examples.

A crucial reason supporting space research is the depletion of Earth’s natural resources. Rare metals like gold, silver, and platinum are diminishing due to excessive exploitation and misuse. Consequently, exploring extraterrestrial resources could alleviate the pressure on Earth. NASA, for instance, conducts studies to develop detectors for tracing heavy metals on planets beyond our solar system. This approach appears to be the most feasible solution to address this issue.

Another motivation for space exploration is the advancement of technology. Investing in these research endeavors enables a country to achieve goals in various fields and gain additional experiences. For instance, in creating a robot capable of collecting and analyzing soil samples on other planets, the country must develop an optimal and accurate analysis process. This success demonstrates the country’s mastery of integrating outcomes from different scientific fields, including mathematics, modern physics, and chemistry.

In conclusion, while improving living standards is undoubtedly crucial, advocating for funds to support space studies is justifiable. Not only does it address resource shortages, but it also fosters scientific development in the host country.

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