Mô tả được các khu vực như trường học, hồ nước, trung tâm nghệ thuật, phố cổ,… đã thay đổi như thế nào từ năm 2000 đến năm 2009.
Mô tả được các khu vực như trường học, hồ nước, trung tâm nghệ thuật, phố cổ,… đã thay đổi như thế nào từ năm 2000 đến năm 2009.
The pictures reveal the difference of Lakeside between 2000 and 2009 .In general, some building were replaced to do other job or changed the shape , others were expanded . Nevertheless , there were some zone that minimized than before.
In northwest of Lakeside in 2000, there was six construction.There were Residential area which occupy the biggest acreage and had two building.Beside that there were Arts centre , school, old town and Derellct warehouses in northwest with citizen zone. After 9 years , northwest of Lakeside was not stayed the same . In 2009, authorities rebuilt Derellct warehouses into small car park . Moreover, they remade one of Residential to be shopping centre and Arts centre to cinema . Old town was replaced by offices but in another shape, from square to triangle . People used the land beside offices for new construction which was university
In northease of Lakeside In 2000, there was a wootland which stretched from northease to southeast .Moreover , there was a lake in suface of wootland .The lake was from south . Beside that , there were two skycrapper which were industrial complex and people area. 9 yreas later, industrial complex was expanded that it took over both citizens part and southeast part of wootland . The part of river in wootland was also affected by the extension of Industrial complex, From the lake turned into pond after 9 years
Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng
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"The pictures reveal the difference of Lakeside between 2000 and 2009" -> "The photographs depict the changes in Lakeside between 2000 and 2009"
Explanation: "Depict" is more precise and formal than "reveal," and "changes" is more specific than "difference," which is vague. Additionally, "photographs" is more appropriate than "pictures" in an academic context. -
"some building were replaced to do other job or changed the shape" -> "some buildings were repurposed or altered in shape"
Explanation: "Repurposed" is a more precise term than "replaced to do other job," and "altered in shape" is clearer and more formal than "changed the shape." -
"others were expanded" -> "others were expanded upon"
Explanation: "Expanded upon" is a more formal and precise way to describe the action of increasing the size of something. -
"there were some zone that minimized than before" -> "some zones were reduced in size compared to before"
Explanation: "Reduced in size" is a more precise and formal way to describe a decrease in size, and "compared to before" clarifies the temporal comparison. -
"there was six construction" -> "there were six constructions"
Explanation: "Constructions" should be plural to agree with "there were," and "construction" is typically used to refer to the process of building, not the buildings themselves. -
"Residential area which occupy the biggest acreage" -> "the largest residential area"
Explanation: "The largest residential area" is more concise and formal than the original phrase, which is awkwardly structured and vague. -
"Beside that there were" -> "Additionally, there were"
Explanation: "Additionally" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing than "beside that," which is informal and vague. -
"Derellct warehouses" -> "derelict warehouses"
Explanation: "Derelict" is the correct spelling and adjective to describe abandoned or neglected buildings. -
"small car park" -> "small parking lot"
Explanation: "Parking lot" is the standard term in American English, whereas "car park" is more commonly used in British English. -
"remade one of Residential to be shopping centre" -> "converted one residential area into a shopping center"
Explanation: "Converted" is more precise than "remade," and "shopping center" is the standard American English term. -
"Old town was replaced by offices but in another shape, from square to triangle" -> "The old town was replaced with offices, but its shape was altered from square to triangular"
Explanation: "Altered from square to triangular" is more precise and grammatically correct than the original phrase. -
"People used the land beside offices for new construction which was university" -> "The land adjacent to the offices was utilized for the construction of a new university"
Explanation: "Utilized" is more formal than "used," and "the construction of a new university" is clearer and more specific than "new construction which was university." -
"wootland" -> "woodland"
Explanation: "Woodland" is the correct term for a wooded area, not "wootland." -
"skycrapper" -> "skyscrapers"
Explanation: "Skyscrapers" is the plural form, which is necessary to match the context of multiple buildings. -
"9 yreas later" -> "nine years later"
Explanation: "Nine years later" is grammatically correct and more formal than "9 yreas later," which is a typographical error and informal. -
"From the lake turned into pond" -> "The lake transformed into a pond"
Explanation: "Transformed into a pond" is a more formal and precise way to describe the change in the lake’s status.
Band điểm Task Achivement ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5
Explanation: The essay generally addresses the task by providing a description of the changes in the area. However, the essay lacks a clear overview of the main trends or differences. The essay focuses on details and recounts information mechanically, without providing a clear and concise summary of the changes.
How to improve: The essay could be improved by providing a clear overview of the main changes in the area. For example, the essay could start by stating that the area has undergone significant development, with a focus on commercial and industrial expansion. The essay could then provide a more detailed description of the changes, highlighting the key features and bullet points. The essay should also avoid irrelevant details and focus on providing a clear and concise description of the changes.
Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay presents information with some organization, but there is a noticeable lack of overall progression. While it attempts to describe changes in the Lakeside area, the ideas are not always logically sequenced, leading to confusion. The use of cohesive devices is inadequate and at times inaccurate, which hampers clarity. Additionally, there are issues with paragraphing, as the essay does not clearly delineate different sections or topics, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument.
How to improve: To enhance coherence and cohesion, the writer should focus on organizing ideas logically and ensuring a clear progression throughout the essay. This can be achieved by using appropriate cohesive devices consistently and avoiding repetition. Improving paragraph structure by clearly defining the central topic of each paragraph will also help. Furthermore, proofreading for grammatical accuracy and clarity will contribute to a more coherent presentation of ideas.
Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary that is minimally adequate for the task. While some attempts are made to use less common vocabulary (e.g., "Derelict," "expanded," "reconstructed"), the overall lexical resource is constrained, and there are noticeable errors in word choice, spelling, and word formation (e.g., "wootland," "skycrapper," "9 yreas"). These errors may cause some difficulty for the reader in understanding the message. The use of phrases like "some building were replaced to do other job" indicates a lack of precision in vocabulary usage.
How to improve: To enhance lexical resource, the writer should focus on expanding their vocabulary by incorporating more varied and precise terms relevant to the topic. Practicing synonyms and collocations can help improve word choice. Additionally, careful proofreading to correct spelling and grammatical errors will enhance clarity and professionalism in writing. Engaging with high-quality written materials can also provide exposure to sophisticated vocabulary and varied sentence structures.
Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 5
Band Score: 5.0
Explanation: The essay demonstrates a limited range of grammatical structures, primarily relying on simple sentence forms. While there are attempts at complex sentences, they often lack accuracy and clarity. Frequent grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement and incorrect word forms, hinder communication and may confuse the reader. Punctuation issues are also present, which further detracts from the overall coherence of the essay.
How to improve: To enhance the grammatical range and accuracy, the writer should focus on the following areas:
- Variety in Sentence Structures: Incorporate a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences to demonstrate a wider range of grammatical structures.
- Error Correction: Review and correct common grammatical errors, such as verb forms and subject-verb agreement.
- Punctuation Practice: Improve punctuation usage to enhance clarity and flow.
- Proofreading: Take time to proofread the essay to catch and correct minor errors that may affect overall communication.
- Expand Vocabulary: Use more varied vocabulary to express ideas more clearly and accurately, which can also help in constructing more complex sentences.
Bài sửa mẫu
The pictures reveal the differences in Lakeside between 2000 and 2009. In general, some buildings were replaced for other purposes or changed in shape, while others were expanded. Nevertheless, there were some areas that were minimized compared to before.
In the northwest of Lakeside in 2000, there were six constructions. There was a residential area that occupied the largest acreage and had two buildings. Besides that, there were an arts centre, a school, an old town, and derelict warehouses in the northwest, along with a citizens’ zone. After nine years, the northwest of Lakeside did not remain the same. In 2009, authorities rebuilt the derelict warehouses into a small car park. Moreover, they transformed one of the residential buildings into a shopping centre and the arts centre into a cinema. The old town was replaced by offices but in a different shape, changing from square to triangle. People used the land beside the offices for new construction, which was a university.
In the northeast of Lakeside in 2000, there was a woodland that stretched from the northeast to the southeast. Moreover, there was a lake on the surface of the woodland. The lake was located in the south. Besides that, there were two skyscrapers, which were an industrial complex and a residential area. Nine years later, the industrial complex was expanded, taking over both the citizens’ area and the southeast part of the woodland. The part of the river in the woodland was also affected by the extension of the industrial complex, as the lake turned into a pond after nine years.
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