MODERN TECHNOLOGY HAS MADE IT EASIER FOR INDIVIDUALS TO DOWNLOAD COPYRIGHTED MUSIC AND BOOKS FROM THE INTERNET FOR NO CHARGE. TO EXTENT IS THIS A POSITIVE OR A NEGATIVE DEVELOPMENT.

In today’s world, with the advance of modern technology, people believe that copyrighted music and books can now be downloaded free with a few clicks. From my standpoint, this trend is predominantly a positive development.

Undeniably, some people might argue that downloading copyrighted different available materials from the internet should be considered as detrimental for the following reason. One significant rationale is the loss of revenue for musicians, authors, an publishers. To clarify, many people now are able to collect sources of materials like books or music without permission from possessers or even download these from unofficial websites. As a result, owners cannot get any charge from their products. This will create unfair with their effort, making them have no innovations and even less diverse content to serve our life anymore.

Despite the aforementioned arguments, I strongly opine that downloading music and books from internet should be regarded as a positive development for some following justifications. The foremost reason is that people have more opportunities to have a wide range of free materials. To illustrate, with a high-equip devices like laptop or smartphone, people can easily enrich their horizon throughout available video music and poems from many well-known authors and musicians. There are many useful websites that provide to people a variety of real materials like Studocu and Violet. Furthermore, emerging artists and authors can gain popularity by having their work more widely accessible. By updating materials in public, both local and foreign people can have access to their materials, which can enhance the author's reputation.

In conclusion, obtaining copyrighted materials in different formats from the internet can be disadvantageous to a certain extent in terms of the lack of authors’ revenue. Nevertheless, I firmly contend that given the assessment of unpaid materials for users and more popularity for owners, this is a primarily a beneficial development.

Gợi ý nâng cấp từ vựng

"In today’s world" -> "In the contemporary world"
Explanation: "In the contemporary world" is a more formal and precise phrase that enhances the academic tone of the essay.
"with the advance of modern technology" -> "with the advancement of modern technology"
Explanation: "Advancement" is the correct noun form to use in this context, providing a more formal and precise expression.
"people believe that copyrighted music and books can now be downloaded free with a few clicks" -> "it is believed that copyrighted music and books can now be downloaded freely with a few clicks"
Explanation: Changing "people believe" to "it is believed" shifts the focus from a general statement to a more formal, impersonal assertion, which is more suitable for academic writing.
"predominantly a positive development" -> "primarily a positive development"
Explanation: "Primarily" is a more precise and formal synonym for "predominantly," aligning better with academic style.
"downloading copyrighted different available materials" -> "downloading copyrighted materials"
Explanation: The phrase "different available materials" is redundant and awkward. Removing it simplifies the sentence and maintains clarity.
"should be considered as detrimental" -> "should be considered detrimental"
Explanation: Removing "as" corrects the grammatical structure, making the phrase more direct and formal.
"loss of revenue for musicians, authors, an publishers" -> "loss of revenue for musicians, authors, and publishers"
Explanation: Correcting the typo "an" to "and" and adding the missing comma after "authors" improves grammatical accuracy and readability.
"collect sources of materials like books or music" -> "collect materials such as books or music"
Explanation: "Sources of materials" is redundant; "materials" alone is sufficient and more direct.
"without permission from possessers or even download these from unofficial websites" -> "without permission from the copyright holders or by downloading them from unofficial websites"
Explanation: "Possessers" is incorrect and vague; "copyright holders" is the precise term. Also, "even download" is informal; "by downloading" is more formal and appropriate.
"owners cannot get any charge from their products" -> "owners cannot receive any compensation for their work"
Explanation: "Get any charge" is informal and unclear; "receive any compensation" is more precise and formal, fitting the academic context better.
"This will create unfair with their effort" -> "This will create unfairness with their efforts"
Explanation: "Unfair" should be "unfairness" to match the noun form required by the context, and "effort" should be pluralized to "efforts" for grammatical correctness.
"making them have no innovations and even less diverse content to serve our life anymore" -> "resulting in a lack of innovation and reduced diversity in the content they provide"
Explanation: Rewording to "resulting in a lack of innovation and reduced diversity in the content they provide" clarifies and formalizes the statement, removing the informal "have no innovations and even less diverse content to serve our life anymore."
"downloading music and books from internet" -> "downloading music and books from the internet"
Explanation: Adding "the" before "internet" corrects the article usage, which is necessary for grammatical accuracy.
"have a wide range of free materials" -> "have access to a wide range of free materials"
Explanation: "Have access to" is a more precise and formal way to express the ability to use or obtain something, fitting the academic style better.
"high-equip devices like laptop or smartphone" -> "highly equipped devices such as laptops or smartphones"
Explanation: "High-equip" is incorrect; "highly equipped" is the correct adverbial form. Also, "laptop" and "smartphone" should be pluralized to "laptops" and "smartphones" for consistency and correctness.
"people can easily enrich their horizon" -> "people can easily expand their horizons"
Explanation: "Enrich their horizon" is incorrect; "expand their horizons" is the correct idiomatic expression, which is also more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"real materials like Studocu and Violet" -> "authentic materials such as those found on Studocu and Violet"
Explanation: "Real materials" is vague and informal; "authentic materials" is more precise and formal. Also, specifying "such as those found on" clarifies the source of the materials.
"both local and foreign people" -> "both local and international audiences"
Explanation: "Foreign people" is informal and imprecise; "international audiences" is more formal and appropriate for academic writing.
"primarily a beneficial development" -> "primarily beneficial"
Explanation: Removing "a" after "primarily" corrects the grammatical structure, aligning with the formal style of academic writing.

Band điểm Task Response ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Task Response: 7

Answer All Parts of the Question:
- Detailed explanation: The essay addresses both sides of the argument regarding the downloading of copyrighted materials, acknowledging the negative impact on revenue for creators while also presenting a case for the positive aspects. However, the response could benefit from a more balanced exploration of both perspectives. The negative impacts are mentioned but not fully developed, which may leave the reader wanting a deeper analysis of the implications of copyright infringement.
- How to improve: To enhance the response, the writer should ensure that both sides of the argument are equally explored. This could involve providing more specific examples of the negative consequences for authors and musicians, as well as discussing potential solutions or compromises that could mitigate these issues.
Present a Clear Position Throughout:
- Detailed explanation: The writer clearly states their position in favor of the positive aspects of downloading copyrighted materials at the beginning and reiterates this stance throughout the essay. However, the transition between discussing the negative and positive aspects could be smoother, as the shift may confuse readers regarding the overall position.
- How to improve: To maintain a clearer position, the writer could use transitional phrases that explicitly indicate when they are shifting from discussing the negative aspects to the positive ones. Additionally, restating the main argument in the conclusion could reinforce the writer’s stance.
Present, Extend, and Support Ideas:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents several ideas supporting the positive aspects of downloading copyrighted materials, such as increased access to a variety of content and opportunities for emerging artists. However, some points lack depth and specific examples that could strengthen the argument. For instance, while the mention of websites like Studocu and Violet is relevant, elaborating on how these platforms specifically benefit users and creators would enhance the argument.
- How to improve: The writer should aim to provide more detailed examples and explanations for each point made. This could involve discussing specific case studies of artists who have benefited from wider access to their work or providing statistics on how free access to materials has positively impacted public engagement with the arts.
Stay on Topic:
- Detailed explanation: The essay generally stays on topic, focusing on the implications of downloading copyrighted materials. However, there are moments where the discussion becomes slightly unfocused, particularly in the transition between negative and positive aspects. The phrase "this will create unfair with their effort" is vague and could be more directly tied to the topic of copyright infringement.
- How to improve: To maintain focus, the writer should ensure that every point made directly relates back to the prompt. Avoiding vague language and providing clear, concise statements about how each point ties back to the central argument will help keep the essay on track.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents a clear argument, there is room for improvement in the depth of analysis, clarity of transitions, and the provision of specific examples. By addressing these areas, the writer could potentially raise their score in the Task Response criteria.

Band điểm Coherence & Cohesion ước lượng: 7

Band Score for Coherence and Cohesion: 7

Organize Information Logically:
- Detailed explanation: The essay presents a clear argument structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs that explore both sides of the issue, and a conclusion. The ideas are generally well-organized, with the first body paragraph addressing the negative aspects of downloading copyrighted materials and the second body paragraph focusing on the positive aspects. However, the transition between the two paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, the phrase "Despite the aforementioned arguments" serves as a transition, but it could be more explicitly connected to the previous paragraph’s content.
- How to improve: To enhance the logical flow, consider using clearer transition phrases that directly reference the previous point. For example, instead of "Despite the aforementioned arguments," you could say, "While the loss of revenue for creators is a significant concern, there are compelling reasons to view this trend positively." This would create a more seamless connection between contrasting ideas.
Use Paragraphs:
- Detailed explanation: The essay effectively uses paragraphs to separate different ideas, which is crucial for clarity. Each paragraph has a main idea, but the development within paragraphs could be improved. For instance, the first body paragraph introduces the negative impact on revenue but lacks depth in exploring this point, making it feel somewhat rushed. The second body paragraph, while more developed, could benefit from clearer topic sentences that encapsulate the main idea of each paragraph.
- How to improve: To improve paragraph structure, ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main argument. Additionally, consider expanding on the points made within each paragraph. For example, in the first body paragraph, you could elaborate on how the lack of revenue affects the creative industry as a whole, providing more examples or evidence to support your claims.
Use a Range of Cohesive Devices:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable use of cohesive devices, such as "undeniably," "to clarify," and "furthermore," which help to connect ideas. However, the range of cohesive devices is somewhat limited, and some phrases are used repetitively, such as "to illustrate" and "for the following reason." This repetition can detract from the overall fluency of the writing.
- How to improve: To diversify the use of cohesive devices, consider incorporating a wider variety of linking words and phrases. For example, instead of repeatedly using "to illustrate," you could use alternatives like "for example," "as an illustration," or "specifically." Additionally, using phrases that indicate contrast or concession, such as "on the other hand" or "however," can enhance the complexity of your argument and improve the overall coherence of the essay.

Overall, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the task and presents a balanced view, focusing on improving transitions, expanding on ideas within paragraphs, and diversifying cohesive devices will enhance the coherence and cohesion, potentially raising the band score further.

Band điểm Lexical Resource ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Lexical Resource: 6

Use a Wide Range of Vocabulary:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with terms such as "advance of modern technology," "detrimental," "rationale," and "innovations." However, the use of phrases like "different available materials" and "high-equip devices" indicates a lack of precision and variety. Additionally, some vocabulary choices are somewhat repetitive, particularly in discussing the benefits of free access to materials.
- How to improve: To enhance vocabulary range, the writer should incorporate synonyms and more varied expressions. For instance, instead of repeating "materials," alternatives like "resources," "content," or "works" could be used. Additionally, phrases like "high-equipped devices" would be more effective if rephrased to "well-equipped devices" or "advanced technology."
Use Vocabulary Precisely:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains instances of imprecise vocabulary usage. For example, "collect sources of materials" is unclear and could be more accurately expressed as "access a variety of resources." The phrase "unfair with their effort" is also vague and could be better articulated as "unfair to their efforts." Furthermore, "downloading copyrighted different available materials" is awkward and lacks clarity.
- How to improve: To improve precision, the writer should focus on clarity and specificity in word choice. Using clear, direct phrases will enhance understanding. For example, instead of "downloading copyrighted different available materials," the writer could say "downloading various copyrighted materials." Practicing paraphrasing and using vocabulary in context can also help improve precision.
Use Correct Spelling:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several spelling errors, such as "an publishers" (should be "and publishers") and "high-equip" (should be "high-equipped"). These errors detract from the overall professionalism of the writing and can confuse readers.
- How to improve: To enhance spelling accuracy, the writer should adopt a proofreading strategy, such as reading the essay aloud or using spell-check tools before submission. Additionally, maintaining a personal list of commonly misspelled words and practicing them can be beneficial. Regular reading can also help reinforce correct spelling through exposure to well-written texts.

In summary, while the essay demonstrates a solid understanding of the topic and presents coherent arguments, improvements in vocabulary range, precision, and spelling are necessary to achieve a higher band score in Lexical Resource. Focusing on these areas will enhance the overall quality of the writing.

Band điểm Grammatical Range & Accuracy ước lượng: 6

Band Score for Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 6

Use a Wide Range of Structures:
- Detailed explanation: The essay demonstrates a moderate range of sentence structures. For instance, the use of complex sentences is evident in phrases like "Despite the aforementioned arguments, I strongly opine that downloading music and books from internet should be regarded as a positive development for some following justifications." However, the essay relies heavily on simple and compound sentences, which limits the overall variety. There are instances of awkward phrasing, such as "different available materials," which could be more effectively expressed as "various types of materials." The repetition of certain structures, such as "people can" and "this will create," detracts from the overall sophistication of the writing.
- How to improve: To enhance the variety of sentence structures, the writer should incorporate more complex sentences and varied sentence beginnings. For example, using introductory clauses or phrases can help diversify the writing. Additionally, experimenting with passive voice or conditional sentences could add depth. Practicing sentence combining exercises can also help in creating more complex structures.
Use Grammar and Punctuation Accurately:
- Detailed explanation: The essay contains several grammatical errors and punctuation issues that affect clarity. For example, the phrase "an publishers" should be corrected to "and publishers." Additionally, the sentence "This will create unfair with their effort" is grammatically incorrect; it should be rephrased to "This creates unfairness regarding their efforts." There are also punctuation errors, such as the lack of commas in compound sentences, which can lead to run-on sentences and confusion. For instance, "To clarify, many people now are able to collect sources of materials like books or music without permission from possessers or even download these from unofficial websites" could benefit from clearer punctuation to separate ideas.
- How to improve: To improve grammatical accuracy, the writer should focus on proofreading for common errors, such as subject-verb agreement and article usage. Utilizing grammar-checking tools can help identify mistakes before submission. Additionally, practicing punctuation rules, especially for complex and compound sentences, will enhance clarity. Reading more academic essays can also provide insight into proper grammar and punctuation usage.

Overall, while the essay presents a clear argument and relevant examples, addressing the identified weaknesses in grammatical range and accuracy will significantly improve the overall quality of the writing.

Bài sửa mẫu

In today’s world, with the advancement of modern technology, people believe that copyrighted music and books can now be downloaded freely with a few clicks. From my standpoint, this trend is predominantly a positive development.

Undeniably, some people might argue that downloading copyrighted materials from the internet should be considered detrimental for the following reason. One significant rationale is the loss of revenue for musicians, authors, and publishers. To clarify, many people are now able to collect sources of materials like books or music without permission from the copyright holders or even download these from unofficial websites. As a result, owners cannot receive any compensation for their work. This will create unfairness with their efforts, making them have no innovations and even less diverse content to serve our lives anymore.

Despite the aforementioned arguments, I strongly opine that downloading music and books from the internet should be regarded as a positive development for some following justifications. The foremost reason is that people have more opportunities to access a wide range of free materials. To illustrate, with highly equipped devices like laptops or smartphones, people can easily enrich their horizons through available video music and poems from many well-known authors and musicians. There are many useful websites that provide people with a variety of authentic materials like Studocu and Violet. Furthermore, emerging artists and authors can gain popularity by having their work more widely accessible. By updating materials in public, both local and international audiences can have access to their materials, which can enhance the authors’ reputation.